


Don't let me go

by Mendelynn



Series: KakaIru a/b/o [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alpha Kakashi, Alpha Tsunade, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Deception, Desire, Drama, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fear, Forced Bonding, Iruka is in the closet, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mating Cycles/Rut, Omega Iruka, Omega Shikamaru, Omega Shizune, Omega Yamato, Omegaverse, Post-Canon, Self-Doubt, Slow Burn, Threats of Violence, Trauma, Trust Issues, Violence, a/b/o dynamics, beta naruto, forced bonding but it's all consensual, idiots in slow burn, misunderstanding of dynamics, more "bonding out of neccessity", ritual bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 86,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24624109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mendelynn/pseuds/Mendelynn
Summary: After the war, Kakashi is on his way to becoming Hokage. He's made peace with his past and he would have never thought that his life might be in danger because of it.Iruka has just been promoted vice principal of the Academy and he is working hard. He thinks, everything is going to be better and easier now but then, an old secret comes back to him. He'd never thought, he would have to help save a fellow shinobi like this. But Hokage's orders are Hokage's orders.
Relationships: Hagane Kotetsu/Kamizuki Izumo, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Rock Lee/Maito Gai | Might Guy, Senju Tsunade/Shizune, Umino Iruka & Uzumaki Naruto, past Hatake Kakashi/Nohara Rin
Series: KakaIru a/b/o [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098695
Comments: 448
Kudos: 774





	1. I let you go

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my new story!  
> Today is the day, I'm going to "publish" the first chapter, it's been sitting at the back of my mind and on my computer for a while now and I actually didn't want to upload it before I finished "Umino blood" but... who cares?  
> I wanted to write an a/b/o-story and Kakashi and Iruka and I wanted to write one about forced bonding. There is no non-con, it is all consensual but... well, you'll see for yourself.
> 
> It was partly inspires by a German song that I really like and I tried my best to translate the lyrics (in a way that you can actually sing it in English, yes I'm proud of that). You'll find it (and a YouTube link) as a, kind of introduction to this story.  
> Neither the song, of course, nor the characters belong to me. This is all Kishimoto's work and the song belongs to Faber.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy!  
> Please tell me in the comments, if you like it. I will reply and maybe it means that the next chapter will come sooner than the end of "Umino blood". ^^
> 
> Have fun!

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_And I see how you look when one looks at you_

_And I, I smoke and I drink because I don’t need to see_

_How happy you are and how disappointed you are in me_

_In me_

_And how much you yearn for a life spent with someone, a life for two_

_A life with me is a life spent alone_

_And I know it is time, it’d be better for you just to go_

_Don’t let me go_

_Don’t let me go_

_Don’t let me go at you_

_I look at your eyes and it looks like they look sadly back into mine_

_And when you cry and I scream, I scream at you_

_Outside there’s storm and there’s snow_

_Actually I just want you to know that I want you to stay_

_Don’t let me alone with myself_

_Actually I just want you to know that I want you to stay_

_Don’t let me alone with myself_

_And don’t let me go_

_Don’t let me go_

_Don’t let me go at you_

  * Faber: [Lass mich nicht los](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucf0ntIRetI)
  * (Translation by me)



* * *

Kakashi spotted the chunin over the rim of his pages. “Yo, Iruka-sensei.”

“Good afternoon, Kakashi-san,” the teacher smiled at him and he put his favourite book away. “You are back from mission?”

“Just handed in my mission report.”

“In time, for once?” Of course, the chunin would raise his eyebrows, it was adorable. Kakashi had been lectured by him about his late admissions more times than he had bothered to count. He just shrugged in response.

“We all have these days.”

Iruka nodded and examined him. “You look exhausted.”

“Mah, mah… had worse.” He gave an eye smile. Now, the teacher would try to start and worry about him. As much as it was fun to get a reaction out of the man, Kakashi was not in the mood for social interactions which lasted longer than two minutes. So he turned to walk away but, of course, Iruka wasn’t having it.

“You are not looking after yourself properly! When was the last time you had something to eat?”

“I took a soldier pill five hours ago, it sustains me well enough.”

“Soldier pills are no food!” The glint in the chocolate brown eyes gave a hint at the temper building behind them. “I’m going to treat you to Ramen!” As much as Kakashi did not want to spent time around people… it was an offer for free food.

“So, how is the transition of the Hokage office going?,” Iruka asked after inhaling most of his Ramen. It was funny how much he and Naruto were alike in that way.

“Slowly… Tsunade is the one who’s into whole post war business right now, so there’s not much for me to do except missions but Shizune is training Shikamaru to take her position. I’m not complaining. I’ll just wait until some sort of order is established and then I’ll take over and spin in the Hokage chair and let Shikamaru do all the work.”

“That sounds about right,” Iruka chuckled.

“How is your new job as vice principal?”

“It is more or less the opposite of your situation,” the younger man smiled. He had such a nice, warm smile… he was probably the only person Kakashi could bare right now. “No one wants to be vice principal. He’s the one who does all the work. But I enjoy it. I still get to teach the young ones and I can suggest changes in the curriculum. Now that we are looking forward to a new, peaceful order, we have a chance to change the Academy for the better. Shinobi should be able to use their abilities in peaceful ways.”

“Always inspired and hard-working, sensei.” Kakashi gave him another eye smile, not sure how to feel right now. He enjoyed Iruka’s company but it also…

“Are you alright, Kakashi-san?”

“Huh?” Kakashi stopped in his tracks. He had been scratching his neck again, he realised. Right where…

“You’re on edge, squirming, scratching your neck and you’re not aware of it. Are you sure you didn’t catch something?”

“Mah, sensei. It’s hard to contain oneself in the company of such a charming individual?”

Iruka scoffed, obviously not buying it. “You do you. We all have experienced a lot during the war and it will take time to find a normal life again. But you are acting like a newly presented alpha and I’m just a concerned comrade. Maybe you should see Tsunade about this.”

“I am flattered that you worry about me, sensei, but it really isn’t necessary. You are right. I will need time to process everything that happened in the war. Thank you for the meal.” He stood up, raised his hand in greeting and left the chunin sensei to pay. Without realising it, hand started scratching at his neck again.

Kakashi didn’t go tell Tsunade. But on his next mission, he found himself drifting off way too often. Iruka-sensei was right. It wasn’t like him to not be fully concentrated on the mission. He always gave it his all but this time, he got a few bad cuts from the sort of missing nin he usually defeated with a few quick jutsus. So he took leave, hoping it would help him to get back to his usual mindset. His fitful sleep was plagued by dreams of Obito and more and more often, he saw Rin in them too. Rin… he had never forgotten about her. How could he? After all this time, he could still remember the feeling of her soft fingers, the twinkling in her eyes, the smell… her soft, sweet omega smell like camomile and rosemary and… but he felt parts of her memory slipping away, being replaced by emptiness. There was something missing inside him but he couldn’t remember what. And his neck… it wasn’t exactly itching but he still found himself touching it every so often. Touching the old mark on his skin. The memory he would never lose. Or so he had thought. And then the insomnia started.

He grew even more restless. As much as he tried to exhaust himself in training, it didn’t help. No matter how tired he was in the evening, he still found himself staring at the ceiling until he was pacing again. He was tired; dark circles appeared under his eyes and every passing day, he made sure that Iruka-sensei didn’t see him. The younger man would just be concerned and try to mother him again. Every day, he grew more tired and more restless until he couldn’t even concentrate on reading Icha Icha. That’s when he knew it was serious and he finally went to see Tsunade.

The blond alpha woman looked up from her paper work when the door opened without knocking. There was only one person who didn’t knock and wasn’t stopped by the ANBU. “Brat,” she sighed. It didn’t help with her bad mood at all. She had a headache and the sake drawer in her desk was nearly empty. “What is it?”

“Yo,” Kakashi eyesmiled but it didn’t help to hide the dark circles under his eyes. “I don’t want to bother you but Iruka-sensei is concerned and thinks I might have a condition.”

“We’ve got doctors for that. Go to the hospital and leave me alone.”

“Of course, sorry to bother you, Tsunade-sama.” It was only when he left that she caught a whiff of his scent. Something was… just off.

It had been weeks since their meal. Iruka hadn’t seen Kakashi since, even though he felt as if he had caught the alpha’s scent a few times. He knew Kakashi’s scent way too well for his own taste and it wasn’t something he enjoyed. The smell of the Konoha woods after rain, metal and a dribble of blood. It always reminded him of the night when Mizuki had betrayed the village. Even though he and Kakashi were not really friends, Iruka worried about him. The way he had squirmed on his stool, unable to relax, was unheard of for Kakashi. But it reminded him of the young alphas in his classes in the days before and after they presented and entered their first rut. But Kakashi was an adult, mated alpha. He shouldn’t be showing these symptoms not even before entering his rut. And the way he kept scratching his neck where an omega would have their mating bite… it was all rather strange and he did worry about the man, if he wanted to or not.

Kakashi was being examined when the door opened and Tsunade marched in. “Sakura, out. We have more important patients right now.” The pink haired alpha girl nodded and left the room. “Let me have a look at you, brat. What did you mess up this time?”

“Mah…” Kakashi let the medical kunoichi examined him. “I didn’t do anything. It started after the war. Maybe it’s something psychosomatic. Seeing Obito again shook me.”

“It did bring back the past, didn’t it?” Tsunade looked at Kakashi’s hormone levels and just like she had thought, they were in complete disarray. “Did it remind you of Rin?”

Kakashi just nodded. “She and Obito are together now. Like it was supposed to be.”

Tsunade perked at his words and took a few steps back. “Remove your mask and show me your neck.”

“Iruka-sensei!,” Naruto waved at him grinning when he passed by Ichiraku’s. “Congratulations on becoming vice principal. Let’s celebrate! I’ll buy!” Even though Iruka was deep in thought and worried about… well, mostly Kakashi… he couldn’t say no to his boy. So he sat down and accepted the soup bowl with thanks. “I’m sure you will be doing well, Iruka-sensei. And when I’m Hokage in a few years, I’ll make you principal. Believe it!”

Iruka smiled and the loving, protective feelings, he had for the boy welled up inside of him. “That’s very nice of you, Naruto, but you really shouldn’t. As a Hokage, you have to choose the person best suited for a position, not your friends.”

“I think you are the best one for the job.” Naruto grinned at him. “You taught me the most important thing in the world. You showed me that I mattered and that everyone else matters as well. You taught me that if you try to understand a person, you can be friends. It’s because of you that we won the war.”

“Naruto…” Iruka chuckled and scratched his head, slightly embarrassed. “That’s too much. I’m not that important.” He could see that Naruto was trying to defend his point… he had to do something to change the topic. “So we’ve won. There is peace. Do you know what you want to do now?”

“I’m going to become Hokage!” It was nice to see the young man beam. His grin hadn’t changed since he’d been a pup. “I’ll make sure that Konoha is a good place to live in and that all the different countries like each other and I’m going to be the greatest Hokage ever! Believe it!”

“I’m sure you will.” Iruka nodded. “But I was actually thinking about right now. You won’t be Hokage for quite some time.”

“Yeah… Kakashi-sensei is going to be Hokage before me,” he shrugged. “But Nanadaime sounds better than Rokudaime anyway. And I’ll use the time to go on missions and learn everything I need to know to be the greatest Hokage.”

Iruka nodded. He looked at his boy. From what he’d seen of the boy’s nindo, Naruto had grown into a great ninja and a responsible young man. His heart filled with happiness and pride to see him now but he also wanted to see him living a happy life that had more than just work in it. “Have you ever thought about, you know, looking for a mate?,” he finally asked.

Naruto shrugged again. “I’m still young,” he said, “And I understand that I can’t have Sakura-chan… I don’t think I ever loved her. I just liked her because she liked Sasuke… but there are many girls, even omegas, who would like to mate with me even though I’m a beta.”

“Betas are just as good as alphas or omegas,” Iruka felt the need to say.

“I know. Still, I think that omegas prefer alphas. And beta girls are always kind of… dull.”

Iruka snickered. “I’m sure you will find someone. Just… be sure that they don’t only like you because you are the hero of Konoha. You should look for someone who knows you and likes you for who you are as a person.” Hinata… she was a wonderful, fierce omega girl with a massive crush for Naruto… Iruka hoped that Naruto would return her feelings eventually. They would be happy together. More happy than… he didn’t know what he should think of Sakura and Sasuke. They were both alphas and, even though this dynamic worked in some cases, it was risky and Iruka didn’t have a good feeling about them. And if the remnants of his second gender had retained anything, it was a good intuition.

“Hai hai…” Naruto finished his third bowl of Ramen. “You’re not the one to tell me, Iruka-sensei. You don’t have a mate either.”

“I don’t need one,” Iruka smiled. “I have you.”

“Ew! No, Iruka-sensei! No! Ew!!!” Naruto jumped up and pretended to vomit on the floor. “I thought Kakashi-sensei was bad but you’re just… help me!” He raised his arms in faux panic and ran away screaming “Ew, ew, ew!” Iruka watched him leave and paid for their Ramen with a sigh.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he explained to Teuchi. “He’s my pup.” The mild-mannered beta cook just nodded and took the money.

“I know.”

A look at Kakashi’s neck showed Tsunade everything she needed to see. “You mating bite is fading,” she stated simply.

“Fading?” Kakashi pulled his mask back up and looked at her incredulously. “That’s possible?”

“It’s rare but it happens. Usually, when an omega loses their mate, they stay unmated for the rest of their lives raising the pups on their own. But sometimes, if they manage to mentally let go of their mate in one way or the other, their mating bite fades and they can bond again. In your case though…”

“I’m not an omega.”

“Quite right.” Tsunade sighed. “There are few cases of alphas carrying mating bites because they are much more dependent on their omega as they don’t have the ingrained maternal instincts. They can’t replace the mating bond with the imprint on their pups. I don’t need to tell you, you know it better than I do.”

“And now, after making peace with Obito, I also made peace with losing Rin,” Kakashi concluded her theory. “And now my bond is fading. That explains a lot.”

Tsunade hummed in agreement and checked his hormone levels again. “Your body is reacting like a pre-alpha just before he presents but you can’t present again, you are an alpha already. I don’t know what is going to happen to you. Please, explain your symptoms in detail, maybe that’ll help.”

“I’m restless and on edge,” Kakashi didn’t have to think about it. “But these are pre-presenting symptoms. I dream of Obito and Rin a lot. I used to remember everything about her, especially her smell but the memory is slipping away. I can still feel the mark, it itches for something. Every memory I lose makes it worse. It’s like I’m trying to replace Rin’s memory with something but there’s nothing there, so it stays empty. It gets worse when I close my eyes. I can’t sleep.”

“Just as I suspected.” The medical nin sighed. “Your body needs the bond, it can’t replace it or let go. You can’t ‘unmate’ your biology, so losing the bond would either kill you, which would be the best case scenario, or you go insane.”

“Mah…” Kakashi rubbed his neck again. “I don’t want that.”

“Neither do I.” Rubbing her temples didn’t help Tsunade’s headache. It was getting increasingly stronger. “It would mean that I had to do this until Naruto takes over and I want to be far away when that happens.”

“So we have to fix that.”

“We have to fix that.”

“Any idea?”

Tsunade blew raspberries. She needed sake. Now. “Follow me to my office.”

Kakashi followed her obediently trying to process what he just heard. He was losing his bond to Rin. Rin… his precious omega girl, his mate… until he had killed her with his own hands. It hadn’t been his fault; life just was like that sometimes. She was always supposed to be Obito’s mate anyway. Now, they were finally together in the afterlife. Kakashi didn’t mind losing the bond. She hadn’t been his mate for very long but her memory plagued him every night and every waking minute. He was used to the pointless ache by now; he had endured it for decades. The idea of losing it didn’t look so bad at least until you considered the consequences. Dying would be okay, Kakashi didn’t mind being dead. It would spare him the bothersome task of becoming Hokage. He never wanted to be Hokage and he was not the right one for such a position. But he knew that life wouldn’t be fair, it never was, it never had been. He wouldn’t die; he had survived too many impossible situations. He would be the one to fall into emptiness and insanity. He could feel it gnawing on the edge of his mind already. If he went insane… who would be able to stop him?

Tsunade sat down behind her desk and took out a sake bottle and a well-known file. It contained the names, ranks and skills of every shinobi as well as their second gender. After a few cups of the wine, she opened the file and skimmed through the pages.

“The only way to save you is to replace your bond with a new one,” she explained, “You have to get a new mating bite, preferably from a someone who doesn’t die this time, and it has to be an omega. Otherwise it won’t work.”

Kakashi nodded. He had guessed as much. “But there are no unmated omegas my age,” he voiced his concern, “I would have to mate with someone the age of my students.” He didn’t want that. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the beauty of youth… but it would destroy the poor girl’s life. Omega’s mated quite young mostly out of biological reason. The longer an omega stayed unmated, the more intense their heats became.

“If that’s what it takes, I’ll do it,” the Hokage mumbled turning page after page.

“I don’t want that. I’d kill myself before I ruin someone’s life,” he offered.

His words made her look up and glance at him sharply. “Don’t You. Dare. This isn’t just about you,” she said with a poisonous undertone, “You are a hero of war and the future Hokage. I will not let you dodge responsibility by dying. Naruto lost one sensei already and you know what it did to him. No, I’m ordering you to mate and bond and as long as I’m Hokage and you’re not, you have to do what I say.”

“Hai, Hokage-sama.”

She sighed, rolled her eyes and chugged another sake cup. When she turned the page, she stopped in her tracks. “Speaking of unmated omegas your age…”


	2. Don't let me lose my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka is summoned to the Hokage who gives him a very unusual order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> Welcome to the second chapter of the introduction! :)  
> I see, a few have already read, subscribed and kudos, so thank you for that.  
> A special thank you to erenskye who left me a very nice comment!
> 
> Just a little disclaimer: Iruka is not written as a transsexual character. He just has a few weird ideas in his head.
> 
> Have fun!

An ANBU appeared next to Iruka when he’d finally made his way home. The chunin teacher did his best not to flinch, it didn’t work as well as he wanted. “You’re expected at the Hokage’s office.”

Now? It was half past ten, Tsunade-sama shouldn’t even be working that late. She usually wasn’t. An emergency? “I’ll be there.”

When the ANBU let him into Tsunade’s offices, he was surprised to find Kakashi sitting opposite her. The jounin looked bad, much worse than the last time he’d seen him. His usually pale skin had a sickly sheen to it and he was constantly rubbing his neck. The dark circles under his eyes looked like someone had painted them there, it didn’t even look real. He’d never seen eye bags so dark. “Good evening, Tsunade-sama,” he greeted politely with a little bow, “Kakashi-san.”

“I would’ve never guessed, Iruka-sensei. I always thought you were a beta.” The eye-smile looked strained, the dark eyes had lost their shine. Kakashi was just… exhausted.

“What is this about?,” Iruka asked, his voice a bit harsher than he wanted it to be.

“We’ve been discussing your future, Iruka-sensei? You care for a mate?”

Tsunade rolled her eyes. “What Kakashi is trying to say… He is losing the bond to his dead mate and his sanity with it. So to save him, he must bond with an omega. You are my only choice, so I’m marrying you two to mate and bond asap. These are Hokage’s orders and as a shinobi of Konoha you are not to refuse them.” She chugged another cup of sake. Shizune came in and handed her a document.

“This is your marriage certificate, you need to sign here and here. If you want, you can stay in your present living arrangements but I would suggest you move in with Iruka, as his flat is bigger, Kakashi. I will also have the Hatake Estate renovated if you wanted to move back there.” Iruka had a grim look on his face when he signed the document. He didn’t hesitate, he didn’t ask questions. Kakashi didn’t like it either but he signed as well. “I hereby proclaim you bonded mates. I’ll give you the rest of the week off to consummate the bonding ritual. Kakashi, you’re on leave for an indefinite period until your hormone levels have settled down.” She filed away the marriage certificate and buried her face in her hands. It was obvious that she didn’t like doing this any more than Kakashi or Iruka. “Congratulations. Leave now. And TALK about it!”

Iruka and Kakashi left side by side in awkward silence. None of them had consciously decided but they made their way to Iruka’s flat. Iruka opened the wards for Kakashi, they stripped off their shoes and while the jounin settled on the couch, restlessly rubbing his neck again, the owner of the living space prepared them some tea.

It gave Iruka some time to think about what had happened. In even less than ten minutes, he and Kakashi had gotten married. Because Tsunade knew. She was the Hokage, she had taken over all of Hiruzen’s documents. Of course she knew. Iruka wasn’t mad at her, just surprised. He just hadn’t thought this would happen to him so late in his life. Of course, it was a bit awkward that it was Kakashi. They didn’t know each other well and Iruka had always had the feeling that the jounin didn’t actually like him very much. But he didn’t protest so it was okay, probably… The teacher was more concerned about Kakashi right now. From what he had heard, the bonding was necessary to save Kakashi’s life. How so? He hoped that he would get the answers now. They were supposed to talk. And Kakashi certainly had a lot of questions as well…

He saw the jounin squirming on his sofa and he felt sympathy for the poor man even though he didn’t know what was actually going on. But if it had Kakashi squirming and on edge, it must have been something bad. Quietly, he carried in the tray and served them tea. When he leaned back in his armchair, inhaled the scent of his Sencha tea and took his first sip, he felt ready to speak again. “So we’re married now, huh?”

“Mah…” Kakashi took a sip of tea as well. “I’m sorry. I’d rather not have anyone else in this with me but it can’t be helped. Tsunade refuses to let me die.”

“I agree with her in this point.” Iruka put his empty cup down. “Care to elaborate?”

“Hm… where to start… you know that Minato was my sensei?”

Iruka nodded. “You were in a team with Obito and you met him again in the war.”

“Yes, that is part of the affair. The third member of our team was an omega girl called Rin. She was a fierce medical nin and always looked after Obito. He loved her.” Kakashi sat his teacup down as well and Iruka served a second brew. “I presented very early when I was only ten, so I was a fully established alpha when I passed the genin exam. Rin presented shortly after our team got together. Before Obito.” He sighed. “You know how hard it is for an omega to be a functioning shinobi, especially after presenting. She knew what she wanted and when she felt her heat coming up, she asked me for help. I liked her, she was a friend, so I agreed. I didn’t actually want to knot her but… it was my first time as well and it’s hard to resist an omega in heat. So when I was knotted inside her and delirious because of her scent, she pulled me down and bit my neck.”

“She marked you?,” Iruka asked, surprised. He knew that the mark worked both ways but it was usually the omega carrying it.

“She marked me,” Kakashi confirmed. “I didn’t mind. It was nice to have a mate and it helped me to control my alpha instincts as much as it helped her to control her scent. So it was a win-win for our team. Obito picked the short straw though. He didn’t realise that we were bonded because Rin didn’t have a mark and mine was always hidden under my mask. So he wooed her and I let him knowing that she was more precious to him than she was to me even though she was my mate. It’s… difficult to explain.” He leaned back into the sofa but didn’t seem to find relaxation in it. “Obito presented shortly before he died. Or what I thought was his death. So he never actually found out about us. Then, Rin was kidnapped by Kiri and I did everything I could to get her back. I got her back but not before they sealed the Sanbi inside her. They hoped to wreak havoc in Konoha because she would’ve had no control over it. But she felt it inside her and when we were attacked to make it look like they were after us, she ran into my chidori. I could feel her heart beat against my arm before it stopped.” Kakashi send an eye-smile to Iruka but the teacher was too shocked to actually notice it. Kakashi had killed his mate with his own hands… and Iruka had always wondered why he’d never saw Kakashi with his partner. Now, the enigma of a man next to him made a lot more sense. “Well, I survived somehow. I joined ANBU and let it beat every last thread of humanity out of me until even Minato-sensei was afraid of me… long story short: I met Obito again in the war and I could finally make peace with him and forgive myself for Rin’s death. She’s with him now, like it was supposed to be and because I was able to let her go, my bond with her started to fade. Omegas can replace the bond without a new mate, alphas can’t. It’s eating me up from inside. That’s why I must mate with you. At least that’s what Tsunade-sama said.”

Slowly, Iruka nodded and served a third brew which Kakashi thankfully downed. Silence settled between them but it wasn’t awkward. Now that Iruka knew what was going on, he couldn’t be mad, even if he wanted to. Kakashi had gotten more than the fair share of tragedies in his life and he was in no position to harm the man further. No, he wanted to help and do his part to make it better. And… now it was his turn to confess.

“You’re probably wondering why an omega my age isn’t mated,” he began.

“That too.” Kakashi rubbed his neck again. “But I’m actually more curious why I can’t smell it. I always thought you were a beta. There is nothing omegalike about your scent.”

“And that.” Iruka sighed. Where to start? “I presented very late when I was fifteen just before my chunin exam. I failed, of course. But I was determined to live up to the legacy of parents and become a great ninja, no matter my second gender. Hiruzen helped me. He showed me how to control my scent and my omega instincts with chakra. I worked hard and perfected it, so that I was able to make chunin the year after. I went on missions and suppressing my omega side helped me a lot. I started to take heat suppressants and practically lived like a beta. The only downside is that my chakra control supresses nearly all my instincts. I was so focussed on becoming a great ninja that I never felt the need to let loose and look for a mate. I had to live through a heat from time to time and it left me shaken every time. After one, I decided that I didn’t want to become jounin and rather be a teacher for pregenin. I met Mizuki, the first alpha I found interesting in a way and I let my chakra control slack a bit. Then, he betrayed the village. You know the story. What you don’t know because no one knows… that night, I imprinted on Naruto.”

Now, it Kakashi’s turn to be shocked. Imprinting was a phenomenon that only happened to omegas. While omegas always imprinted on their own pups when they were born, it was possible for childless, mateless omegas to imprint on orphaned pups which worked in a way as a substitute for the mating bond. “So you are…”

“I am Naruto’s omega,” Iruka confirmed, “Well, in a way. He’s my boy, my pup.”

“My my…That must’ve been one hell of a shock.” Kakashi took the fourth brew happily.

“Of course. After all these years of not having omega instincts at all, I was overwhelmed. He sat there exhausted from his hard training. I was, of course, furious but he just grinned at me. ‘You have found me already,’ he said and he looked at me with those big eyes full of trust and expectations… I think that did it. A love, stronger than I ever felt welled up inside right from that stupid omega part of my brain and I realised what Mizuki was trying to do. I would’ve done anything to protect Naruto, I would’ve died for him. Well, I nearly did.” He laughed nervously and scratched his scar. “With my trust in alphas destroyed by Mizuki and my bond Naruto, I went back to supressing my omega instincts again. It’s easier to handle the pre-alpha when they think you’re a beta. So now here we are.”

“Here we are,” Kakashi repeated. They fell into silence again trying to understand the situation they were in.

“Shall we…,” Iruka started but Kakashi cut him off right away.

“No. Right now, you need to sleep. We’ll think about this again tomorrow. I can manage a few days longer.”

“Okay.” Iruka sighed. “And you? You’re not going to sleep?”

“I can’t. My predicament doesn’t let me sleep, not really. I’ll just… rest on your sofa if you don’t mind.”

“I’m sorry.” Iruka didn’t really know what to do. He wanted to help but he couldn’t. Not right now. “But, you know… you don’t have to stay on the couch. My bed is big enough for two. Maybe it helps if… if there’s someone next to you. I mean, we are married now and I don’t mind.”

So they worked through their evening routine side by side peacefully. It was nice. Iruka had to get used to the idea of being married but right now, it felt like a mission and it helped him to be professional and clear-headed about this. He quickly prepared a second pillow and duvet for his bed… of course it was unfamiliar to have someone else breath next to you but they didn’t touch, it was just like on missions, just more comfortable. Secretly, he inhaled Kakashi’s scent. It was scrambled and confusing probably just like Kakashi felt on the inside but there was the familiar sense of rain wet forest, metal and… the drip of blood was fainter and instead there was something new. Something fresh and minty. “Iruka?”

“Hm?”

“Could you… drop your chakra control? Just a little bit? Maybe it helps…”

Oh right. Iruka had meant to do that. There was no use in hiding what he was, at least not in his four walls. “Yes, of course.” He closed his eyes and concentrated on his chakra control. It was so deeply ingrained in him that it took him a moment to undo it. He had to lower it slowly to not overwhelm himself and he didn’t release it completely but it changed a lot. Naruto came to his mind and he ached for the boy wanting to know if he was fine. Of course he was; he was a grown man now. Once again, he inhaled Kakashi’s scent and even though it hadn’t changed, it did completely different things to him. While before, he just enjoyed it as a nice aroma, now, he started to feel warm and content. Safe. There was an alpha looking after him. Not his alpha but protective. He had never smelled emotions in someone else’s scent but Kakashi’s suddenly smelled like what he could only describe as protective.

“There is no need to hide this. You smell very nice,” Kakashi murmured quietly.

“Maybe that’s why I hide it. Everyone would want a bite,” Iruka joked back but the compliment left him feeling happy and proud. There was a warm tingling in his belly.

“As long as I get one, I’ll be fine…” Iruka was pretty sure, Kakashi didn’t know what he was saying. He sounded half-asleep already.

“We’ll see about that. Good night, fool.”

“Night night…”

Iruka smiled and listened to the even breathing next to him. Even though this had been a very shocking day, he fell asleep quickly, Kakashi’s scent as a constant in his nose.


	3. Let me have you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka and Kakashi, now newlyweds, make plans how to go on from where they are. Iruka doesn't want Kakashi to any suffer longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> I'm back with another chapter.  
> Please, don't get to used to me updating that often or regularly. That's not how I work.  
> I can only do that because I started writing this story about half a year ago and I have a few chapters all ready and written.  
> Thank you for your interest and for the many kudos I received already.  
> Thank you especially to Darkwolf9 for their comment! This chapter comes so soon because of you. ^^
> 
> Let's get into the story proper.  
> Have fun!

When Iruka woke the next morning, Kakashi lay in the same position as when he had fallen asleep. He didn’t move. But his breathing was even and his chakra flow normal, so Iruka didn’t worry too much. Instead, he got up and made some breakfast. He woke Kakashi when it was ready. It took a few disoriented and very adorable moments, before the other man found his way back to the land of the living.

“I was out like a light,” Kakashi groaned and rubbed his neck. “There is no better remedy than a content omega, I presume.”

“Oh, good for you,” Iruka said amusedly. “I did make some breakfast. Do you want it in bed?”

“Honey, I’m not an invalid,” Kakashi joked and crawled out of bed, “But I appreciate the thought.”

“Oh, so we’re down to pet names already,” Iruka snickered. “One day into marriage and we’re already acting like a couple.”

“You started it,” Kakashi defended himself, “Just because I was half asleep doesn’t mean I didn’t hear you call me ‘fool’.”

“Fool is not a pet name.”

“Depends on the circumstances.”

“Icha Icha doesn’t count.”

Bickering, they made their way into the kitchen. Kakashi dug into his food with gusto and Iruka was happy to see that the jounin already looked better than yesterday because of him. He was the reason for Kakashi looking more human today. Some part of his omega brain thought that he should feel proud about that. The only thing that unnerved him was the fact that Kakashi chewed and the food vanished from his plate but it seemed like he never took down the mask. How did his face look underneath that mask? What was he hiding?

“So how are you feeling?,” Kakashi interrupted Iruka’s thoughts.

“Me? I’m fine. You’re the one that’s sick.”

“No. I mean… how are you feeling about this? The marriage? The bonding?”

Iruka couldn’t help but snort amusedly. “It feels like yesterday that we gave our vows to each other. Oh wait… it was.” Iruka give a serious answer. It was just too much to grasp. But he collected himself quite quickly. “I think I still don’t believe it’s real. But I’m surprisingly okay with it. I was never against having a mate, it just didn’t happen. And you’re the only chance of a mate that I’ll ever get given my age, I guess. You’re a nice enough guy… a very skilled shinobi and from what I’ve seen I am somewhat attracted to your appearance. You are rather handsome. I’m not complaining.” He grinned and shrugged.

“Mah…” Kakashi slumped a bit and scratched his bond mark again. “I’m surprised you’re taking it so well. I can consider myself very lucky.”

“I’m surprised too…” Iruka sighed. “Maybe I’ll start freaking out in a few days. We should be mated by then so that I don’t have a chance to step out of the deal. For your own sake. You’re just feeling better because you got some sleep but it will get worse. You’re scratching your neck again.”

Kakashi’s fingers withdrew immediately. He hadn’t even noticed. “So when?”

“When what?”

“When do you want to do the bonding?”

Iruka sighed. “Why lose time? It’s not getting any easier, it’s just more pain and suffering for you. Just… one thing…”

“Yes?”

As awkward as it was Iruka had to get it off his chest. He lifted his eyes to lock onto Kakashi’s. “Can we stay away from the… sex issue… for a bit? I haven’t let my omega instincts work normally for a long time and it’s a bit overwhelming. And the heat suppressants… it’ll take time before I can stop taking them and…”

“No problem.” Kakashi didn’t give an eye-smile but his eyes looked as if he was smiling under his mask. “Maybe it’s better we get used to each other without it first. I’ll have a rut sooner or later but I can supress it just as well. And you don’t have to go off suppressants because of me. If you feel better…”

“No.” Iruka sighed. “I _need_ to stop taking them. It’s long overdue that I have a heat. You’re not supposed to take them continuously for longer than three years. It’s just… unmated heats… for an omega my age it’s hell.”

“Well, you won’t be unmated for much longer.”

“That’s what I’m counting on.” They grinned at each other and with each passing moment, Iruka felt better about the whole thing. It was Kakashi though, who straightened up first.

“Well then,” he sighed, “as you are my mate and life saver, I guess it’s just fair if I remove my mask.” He waited a moment for Iruka to mentally prepare himself, before he yanked it down. First, the thick cotton one, then the thin, silken layer. He watched Iruka closely as the teacher studied his face. There weren’t any obvious facial expressions but the omega scent wavered.

“Okay, I take it back,” Iruka eventually said.

“What?” Kakashi felt a bit breathless at the response.

“The ‘rather handsome’ bit. I take it back. You have the face of a god.” Iruka’s lop-sided smile was so pretty on his face… it touched Kakashi more than what the omega had said.

“That’s why I keep it covered,” he picked up on the joke, “I don’t want people to confuse me with otherworldly entities.”

“I think some do no matter the mask. After they’ve seen you fight...”

“Enough with the flattering,” Kakashi laughed but his inner alpha beamed at the compliments. “You’re just using it to distract from the main issue.”

“Right. Someone has to do the dishes. Thanks for volunteering.” So Kakashi ended up tidying up their breakfast while Iruka took his sweet time marvelling at the other man’s firm backside. But when they sat down on the tatamis facing each other, Iruka’s scent was spiked with nervousness. “We don’t have to do it now,” Kakashi tried to calm him, “We can wait.”

“No, we can’t.” Iruka took a deep breath and stared determinedly at the man opposite him. “You’re rubbing your neck again.” Kakashi growled in frustration, it’d been a long time since he’d growled, and removed his jounin uniform sweater as well as his mask. “Now, that’s just unfair,” Iruka sighed, his eyes glued to the chest and muscular abdomen. “That Rin girl really was clever; she got you before you became a masterpiece. Everyone would want this.”

“Mah… a good body doesn’t make up for personality,” Kakashi tried to play it down.

“I agree to disagree.” Iruka grinned at him and liked his lips. He inched closer. “I can see it… the remnants of your mark.” Kakashi supressed the urge to cover the scar in defence. This was his precious and not for anyone… no. They had to overwrite it with something new. With Iruka’s nice, even, pearly white teeth that showed when he smiled. Or screamed at his students… Iruka lit some incense that filled the air with a smell which drowned their scents. The ritual had begun.

They linked their hands and looked each other in the eye until the rest of world started drifting away. It was only Iruka and Kakashi. Nothing else was important right now. Iruka took a kunai and sliced his thumb tip open. Blood welled up spiking the incense filled air for a moment. He gave the knife to Kakashi who did the same to his finger without breaking the eye-contact. Their thumbs pressed together, the blood combining between them with every heart beat… they shut their eyes in unison to feel their pathways. Each of them gathered a small amount of chakra and pushed it into the tip of their thumb until it entered the other body through the tiny wound. They felt their pathways pulsate, reacting to the unfamiliar chakra trying to integrate it… it didn’t work. Their chakra natures were too different.

“Mah… it can’t be helped…,” Kakashi sighed. He could feel the bit of strange chakra making its way through his body before settling somewhere next to his liver. They opened their eyes again, seeing the unfamiliar sensation in the other’s eyes.

“Your chakra is spiky,” Iruka commented. “It tickles.”

“Yours pulsates in waves. It’s very calming.” They smiled at each other before Iruka’s eyes dropped to Kakashi’s neck.

“So I’m the one doing the biting bit…”

“I can bite you too, if you want,” Kakashi offered.

“Hm…” Iruka made an indecisive sound and leaned forward to bite where Rin had bitten before. It hurt but Kakashi didn’t mind the pain. Something else bothered him much more. There was a strange tingling for a moment and the urge to shove Iruka away from his neck. It wasn’t his place to bite, it was Rin’s…

“This is not enough. Bite me harder. You have to taste blood.”

“I don’t… I can’t. I will hurt you.”

“Yes, it’ll hurt more if you don’t do it.” The whole situation started to become unbearable for Kakashi. This omega was violating his most precious, he wanted him gone. This was Rin’s mark and suddenly he was not ready to give it up. His body was protecting the fading bond. He sighed. “It won’t work like that. We need something else… Iruka, is it okay, if I kiss you?”

“Kiss?” Iruka pulled back to look at him. He scratched his scar and blushed a bit. “I guess kissing would be okay...” With that, their lips met. Careful at first, just a tick to get a taste, then longer, harder. Iruka inched closer, Kakashi pulling him against his chest until he sat between his legs. Better. Their kiss turned open-mouthed and became heated when their tongues examined each other, tasting, licking. It was good. Iruka tasted nice. The omega scent got stronger and Kakashi, really, really liked it. It was still very much Iruka but it also screamed ‘omega’, ‘unmated’ and, right now, ‘aroused’. Kakashi couldn’t deny he was feeling it too. And he was still very much aware of the bit of Iruka’s chakra in his body that send pleasantly tingling waves through his body. They were connected in more ways than one and Kakashi liked it. He tried to push upcoming images of Iruka, impaled on his cock, naked and moaning out of his mind but it didn’t work very well. Both their scents were spiked with arousal when they parted to catch their breath. Iruka was flushed, his lips swollen, his eyes glazed, it was beautiful. “Alpha,” he panted. Then, he bit down properly.

It hurt when teeth broke his skin, the pain shot through every fibre of his being but it washed something, a stain, out of him and replaced it with something new. Something he had been longing for. Mate. He belonged to this omega. No… something wasn’t right about this. Kakashi pulled off Iruka who was biting and licking his neck. He was the alpha, he was supposed to lay claim on the omega, not the other way round.

“Omega,” he growled, “Mine.” He could feel the body in his arms shudder at the sound of his voice and Iruka automatically exposed his neck. His beautiful, soft, tan, unstained neck. His to claim, to mark. Before he could grasp any coherent thought in his brain, he bit down with full force only to hear the omega make a painful sound. It was music to his ears. He tasted blood, sucked and licked it off. Mate. Omega. Mine. Contentment filled his chest, he finally felt complete again and the bliss that came with it was nearly too much. He managed to open his eyes and look at his beautifully dishevelled omega before they rolled up into his head and he tilted back unconsciously. Fortunately, strong tan arms kept his head from colliding with the floor.


	4. Just let go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka has to get used to being bonded. It isn't easy. Especially because Kakashi is not doing well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)  
> Hatake_Tsuhgi expressed their wish for another chapter, so there it is.  
> I wanted the written chapters to last until I finished the story so that you don't have to wait for months.  
> Now, I'm updating nearly daily. Why am I like this?
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and thank you prismaticprism128 and Hatake_Tsuhgi for your comment! <3  
> I would really like to know what you think of the turn this story is taking.  
> Have fun with this chapter!

When Kakashi still hadn’t woken up the next morning, Iruka started to worry. The alpha’s scent was in complete disarray, even more than before, but it felt as if it was reaching out to him. Not only the scent, also Kakashi’s chakra… the bit in his belly buzzed uncomfortably, Iruka wasn’t sure if he would get used to that. Was that was being bonded felt like? He didn’t feel any different, except for the buzzing. Should they feel kind of connected now? Iruka still shied away from touching the alpha. His alpha. They had kissed yesterday and it had been nice, kind of but… Kakashi didn’t feel like a partner to him. But they were bonded, something was different. The scent… it confused him… it was as if it was trying to get Iruka to do something… he wasn’t sure what it was and he wasn’t sure that if he realised what it was that he would be able to refuse the… command? Iruka wasn’t a free man anymore. He had given that up yesterday to save his future Hokage. As much as he had thought that he would be okay with it… he wasn’t anymore. The idea of being mated and the reality of it were two completely different things. So many romantic stories featured the beauty of the bond and the marking process but Iruka couldn’t relate. He felt insecure and in a way scared of Kakashi. The feeling of dependency that came with the alpha scent… Iruka wanted to clog his nose and run away but he also wanted to stay and care for Kakashi. It took him until noon before he finally managed to walk into the room again. The scent hit him like a brick wall and he felt his knees go weak. It was trying to tell him something… what did the alpha want? The fact that it was able to shake Iruka like that made him angry. He liked being in control of his feelings and now that he had lessened his control of his omega side, his instincts overwhelmed and confused him even though they weren’t even at full force.

After collecting his thoughts for a moment, he took a deep breath through the mouth and reached out to touch Kakashi’s forehead. His face was slick with sweat, his skin hot to the touch. It sent a shiver through Iruka’s whole body and he had to violently fight the urge to sink to his knees or jump into bed and curl up next to the alpha. He would not do that. His mating bite, which was throbbing constantly anyway, tingled. ‘Mate,’ his brain added unhelpfully. As if he didn’t know. Iruka sighed and rubbed his face. Kakashi was feverish and sick and he had no idea what to do. As much as his omega brain tried to convince him that Kakashi was his responsibility and he shouldn’t let anyone in here while his mate was unable to protect himself, let alone another alpha, he knew that he had to ask Lady Tsunade for help.

He showered, changed into clothes that didn’t smell as much like distressed alpha and shoved his own scent back under chakra control. It was different than supressing his omega side and he wasn’t as used to it but he knew that silencing his instincts now would only make everything worse.

Tsunade was not in her office but Shizune and Shikamaru were. “Iruka-sensei!” His former student seemed surprised to see him.

“Tsunade-sama is in a council meeting. Is it an emergency?”

“No,” Iruka wanted to slap himself. Council meetings. He knew the schedule but he had forgotten about it completely. “No. It’s not. Not yet anyway. I think. I don’t know. That’s why I’m here.”

“Oh dear,” Shizune urged him to sit down and went to make tea. Iruka let her fuss over him like the good omega she was. He could smell that she was concerned and worried about him. She probably had every right to because Iruka felt very much out of it. Still, being in a room with only omegas soothed him like it never had before.

“What’s going on?,” Shikamaru inquired in his bored but attentive way. He was easily one of the most impressive omega fighters the village had ever produced. “You smell like distressed alpha.” So Kakashi sleeping next to his wardrobe had stained all of his clothes…

“Yes, that’s Kakashi-san. He’s… sick.”

“Hm… doesn’t smell sick to me. More on the verge of rut. What did you do to him? I didn’t know betas could have such an impact.” No betas couldn’t. They were the unimpressed cushioned wall that stopped omegas and alphas from crashing into each other. They were the ones who held the balance in the world and kept the peace. Naruto was the best example for it. And they got a lot more done as they didn’t have to worry about heats and ruts… Iruka had always wanted to be a beta and he had been more than successful in passing as one. Until now.

“I’m just helping him out. As a friend.” Iruka wasn’t ready to confess yet but his mark stung at his lie and his hand moved to cover it before he could stop his movement. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow and didn’t look convinced. “So how are you doing?,” Iruka changed the topic. “You are training at the Hokage’s assistant. That’s a great honour.”

“It’s a drag.” Shikamaru sighed but let the topic go. “There’s so much to do to establish order again. The world is changing and I think for the better. But the wounds are still fresh. It’s hard to come home and see my mother. She’s grieving.” He sighed. “And I miss my father too. I could always come to him with my problems and worries. Now that he’s gone… I feel like I should find a mate. As bothersome as it is.”

Iruka nodded. Shikamaru was at the right age to bond and start a family. “I think it will be just as rewarding as it is bothersome,” he tried to encourage the boy but failed to smile. His own bonding wasn’t going well but… maybe it would get better with time. Maybe Shikamaru would be luckier. “Is there anyone you are interested in yet?”

“I met this alpha girl from Suna, Temari, she seems to be interested. But I feel more attracted to her brother.”

“Gaara?” Iruka raised an eyebrow.

“No. Gaara’s older brother. Kankuro. He’s a very skilled ninja- And his scent is… very appealing to me. If you get what I mean.” Iruka just nodded. Scent was the most powerful force that brought alphas and omegas together. If two found each other’s scent appealing and they combined well, it was the most important sign for the possibility of a strong bond. From what he’d sensed, Kakashi liked his omega scent. But for him… Kakashi smelled like betrayal. He smelled like the night where he had nearly lost his life and was betrayed by the only alpha he had ever felt close to except his mother. Mizuki’s scent had been great, spicy and sharp overwhelming his senses whenever he had released his alpha pheromones. Even with chakra controlling his instincts, he had felt attracted to Mizuki’s scent and he was sure he would never ever forget it. Kakashi on the other hand… his scent hurt. “That’s funny,” Shikamaru interrupted his thoughts. “You seem to understand exactly what I’m talking about. Are you even a beta?” Iruka was at a loss for words, the dark eyes of his former student drilled into him in search for the truth. Shizune thankfully broke the tension when she came back in from the kitchen. “Oh dear, Iruka-san, you look shaken.” She handed him a cup of tea before she turned to the other omega. “Shikamaru, please leave us for a moment. We have to discuss confidential matters.”

The young man shrugged. “I guess I’m taking my lunch break early then.” He left without further inquiring but Iruka could nearly hear the wheels turning in his head.

“You won’t be able to keep it from Shikamaru much longer,” Shizune warned him. “He’s very smart.”

“He probably figured it out already.” Iruka sighed. “Or at least he’s close. I don’t mind that much; I’m just not ready to tell anyone.”

“I understand.” Shizune nodded. “But no matter Kakashi now. How are you doing?”

“No idea.” Iruka chuckled even though he didn’t feel like laughing at all. “I literally have no idea how to feel right now. It’s all scrambled and confusing and contradicting. Right now, I feel like I yearn for Kakashi and want to be at his side but I also want to be as far away from him as possible. I feel intimidated by his presence, like I depend on it. It freaks me out.” Iruka wasn’t one to talk much about his feeling but it felt actually very nice to get it off his chest. The omega next to him released calming pheromones and it helped Iruka to relax.

“You bonded already, didn’t you?” Iruka just nodded. “Oh dear… I think it might have been a bit rushed.” She sighed and established eye contact. “A bond is not taken lightly, especially for an omega. You see, when we mate, we give ourselves into the care of the alpha of our choosing completely. They are physically stronger than us and can easily manipulate us with their scent. We are at their mercy. The bonding process starts before the actual mating by getting to know each other establishing friendly feelings and attraction… you didn’t bond by having sex, did you? You did the ritual, right?” Iruka nodded again, grabbing his tea cup stronger. “Hm… a mating bond is much stronger and more intimate than a ritual bond. During sex, you get to experience everything about each other. You’re letting lose and you combine in a way much deeper than just by chakra. Right now, you are sharing a very artificial bond. It was established too quickly, you didn’t know each other well enough and… you have trust issues.”

“What? No…” Shizune was right. As soon as Iruka started to object, he realised the truth in her words. He might have trusted Kakashi with his life as a shinobi but… he didn’t trust Kakashi in his life as a person. He didn’t know him well enough.

“Trust is the very base of the bond. If the omega doesn’t trust the alpha, their bond remains weak and easy to break. It might be enough to save Kakashi right now but that’s why your feelings are so contradictive. Maybe it would have been better to wait a few days longer... I’m sorry, I should’ve told you earlier.” She smiled and put her small, cool hand over his. “It’s not all lost. You just have to give it time to grow and develop. And…” She focussed him sternly but well-meaning. “You should slowly let go of your chakra control. A bond is nothing to be rationalised. You have to listen to your instincts.” With that, she let go off him.

“Thank you,” he said quietly. Her words had helped him a lot to at least understand. “But I’m not sure if I can let go. I hate not being in control.”

“To be honest, I admire you,” Shizune confessed with a smile. “I’ve never met an omega like you who lived his life unfazed by our instincts. But supressing every urge and ignoring your nature is not the same as being in control. It might actually be part of your problem. I promise that if you embrace them and get used to them, they will become a lot easier to handle.” She patted his shoulder. “You are an omega and you should be proud of it. And, with time, you will learn that letting go of your control can be very fulfilling sometimes.” She winked at him and opened the door. “Thank you for waiting, bun. Omega talk is over.”

Tsunade scoffed and scrunched up her eyebrows. “What did I say about nick names in the office?”

“I’m sorry, I forgot.” Shizune went up to her and kissed the Hokage softly. Iruka couldn’t help but watch and he knew that Shizune knew he was watching. She staged it to show him what a bonded couple could be like. Tsunade’s scent lost some of its sharpness and even though she shoved Shizune away to take her seat behind the desk, it was obvious how pleased she was with her omega. Shizune was right, a strong bond must be a wonderful experience. Unfortunately, he hadn’t been that lucky.

“You’re here to update me on your progress?,” Tsunade eyed him. “What did Kakashi do this time? You smell distressed.”

“Oh…” Iruka reined in his scent. He’d lost track of it completely. “No. It’s not Kakashi’s… we bonded yesterday morning. I think it was too soon. I’m confused and Kakashi’s unconscious and feverish and I don’t know what to do. You have to look at him.”

Tsunade sighed and opened her sake bottle. She didn’t even bother with taking out a cup and just gulped it down from the bottle directly. “Let’s go then,” she said and wiped her mouth.

Iruka was relieved to see that Kakashi hadn’t moved in the time he had been gone. Nothing bad had happened to his mate. He still was unconscious and sweating but now, he shivered slightly. It died down, when Iruka came into the room. The scent still confused him, triggering his urge to care and flee at the same time.

Tsunade rolled him on his back and removed the duvet. It revealed Kakashi’s member standing proudly. Iruka gulped. To think that this… inside him… only the thought of it made him gag. The medic nin examined him quickly. “Nothing to worry about,” she explained. “Not yet. His body is trying to flush out the remnants of the old bond and he’s subconsciously detaching himself from Rin.” She shortly looked at the erection as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “And it’s just like I thought. His body’s reacting like a young alpha popping his first knot. Not long now and he’ll dispel the rest of the bond with his ejaculation. It’s going to throw him into rut. Iruka, you’re not ready to help him with it. I’d suggest you stay away from him but given his fragile state… if he doesn’t know his new mate close, I can’t guarantee what it might do to his mind.” Tsunade sighed and turned to Iruka who started to shake. The confusing alpha pheromones, the battle of contradictive urges inside him… it was nearly too much. He had made a mistake. They shouldn’t have done it that quickly. Kakashi had been right. They should’ve waited a few days longer.

“Iruka, I’m sorry, I know this is difficult for you. I can’t allow you to leave the flat until Kakashi’s rut has ended and he’s thinking straight again. Make sure, he stays hydrated but I doubt that he’ll eat. I want you to mark the bedroom with your scent. Try to keep your distress out of it, though. Otherwise it won’t do much good in calming him. Make sure that he sees you a few times during the day, show him that you care for him but keep your distance. I will ward this room in a way that you can get in but he can’t get out. Talk to him. He might say upsetting things… that will be the rut talking, don’t believe anything he says.” She opened a scroll that Shizune had brought and unsealed a sex toy. Iruka shuddered. “This is an omega fleshlight, he will need it. Feel free to scent it, I’m sure, it’ll help him.” She sighed when she felt the distress in the teacher’s scent increase. “I’m sorry I have to do this to you, Iruka, but it’s the only way to save him. I’m ranking this as an A-class mission. You will be paid accordingly.”

Iruka nodded weakly. He didn’t care about the money, he didn’t even care it was Hokage’s orders. All he wanted was for Kakashi to get better and if this was what it took, he’d do it. So he just nodded and willed away the tears. Shizune looked at the pitiful figure with sympathy and hugged the teacher. It helped, even though she kept her scent hidden around Kakashi just like Tsunade. “You’re strong. You can do it. Kakashi owes you everything.” She came even closer and whispered “And so does Tsuna” into his ear. With the tears pressing behind his eyes, Iruka still managed a smile at her words. He left the room and Tsunade applied the barrier jutsu. Then, the couple left with a promise to send an ANBU tomorrow with groceries. Iruka was on curfew order until Kakashi recovered.

He waited until the two women were out of sight before he crumbled onto his sofa, shaking and sobbing helplessly. Too much had happened the last two days and he couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t handle himself, much less Kakashi. Everything was unfamiliar, he felt like a stranger to his own body. It was releasing pheromones he wasn’t used to and feeding him urges he didn’t want to comply to. And there was this tiny cloud of alien chakra sitting right above his womb, tickling and itching pulling him towards its source. Iruka had always believed that bonding was a nice experience. All his friends had always raved about their mating experiences, he remembered Izumo after he and Kotetsu had finally done it. Glazed eyes, red cheeks… he really had looked like he was on cloud nine and Kotetsu not much different. They weren’t able to keep their hands off each other; Iruka had found it sweet but also a bit annoying. Still, he’d seen the looks they exchanged; he’d seen the way they interacted. But they had known each other for most of their lives; they had been in a relationship more than a year before they did it.

Maybe Shizune was right. He and Kakashi had known each other for a few years but the only thing they actually had in common was caring for Naruto. He wouldn’t even call it a friendship… he really didn’t know anything personal about Kakashi except what they had exchanged on their first evening. They had slept in a bed together but it had felt like on a mission. Iruka curled up in fetal position and buried his face. He was scared of Kakashi, he realised suddenly. Not so much of him as a person, more of him as an elite shinobi, him as an alpha… Of course their bond wasn’t working if he was scared of his alpha. Trust. Iruka had to learn to trust his mate maybe then he would stop feeling like he wanted to run away. The bonding had been nice. They had felt close then, connected, because of the kiss. If anything, Kakashi was a good kisser. He was incredibly handsome and as sexy as a human being could get. If it wasn’t for his scent, Iruka might have fallen for him a long time ago. His scent, the fact that he had been mated and Iruka’s bond with Naruto.

No matter what could have been; Iruka was bonded to Kakashi now, for better or worse. And he was willing to make this work. For now, that meant looking after his alpha. If Kakashi died because of his inability, Iruka would’ve suffered for nothing and he would suffer for the rest of his life. He was bonded now. Unfree. Dependent on this alpha. So he sat up and wiped the tears away. First, he filled two glasses of water and, after drinking the first one, he went into the bedroom and fed the second to Kakashi who was still unconscious. His alpha scent had stabilised a bit which helped Iruka to bear it but now the arousal was more obvious. It scared Iruka in a completely different way than the pheromone disarray from before. The whole room smelled like alpha and it was seeping into the rest of the flat. Iruka knew that if he wanted to stay clear-headed, he had to do something. So he prepared some barrier tags and added a scent barrier to Tsunade’s jutsu. He knew this one by heart, he had used it every time he’d had a heat in the past and it had worked very well. Doing something productive helped him to calm down and he felt his scent settle down slowly. When he thought himself ready, he entered Kakashi’s room again and, for the first time in nearly ten years, he dropped his chakra control completely.

It was overwhelming. He could feel the strength of his scent increase to a level that probably wasn’t normal but it was exactly what he wanted right now. So he started marking everything in the whole room just like Tsunade had told him. It felt nice to lay claim on everything and it distracted him quite well until he reached the last bit… the bedside table next to Kakashi. Hesitating, his eyes fell onto Kakashi. The alpha seemed calmer, the sweat slowly drying, his breaths deeper. Before Iruka could stop himself, he started wiping his mates face with his sleeve carefully. The alpha inhaled deeply but he didn’t wake up. The arousal in his scent increased though. It hit Iruka harder than last time and he struggled to resist what it did to his own body. His eyes fell on the fleshlight lying innocently on said bedside table. Should he… no. Iruka rubbed it along the scent glands on his neck. That was more than Kakashi could hope to get for now.

Iruka took his pillow and duvet and transferred them over to the sofa. He wouldn’t be able to sleep in his bed for the next few days and, to be honest, he didn’t want to. After grabbing a few clothes and everything he needed from his room, he fed Kakashi another glass of water and sat one down next the bed in case the alpha woke thirsty. Then, he finally closed the door behind him and opened the windows to air the rest of his flat. The rest of the afternoon passed grading tests and planning lessons. Iruka looked into his bedroom for a few times but Kakashi didn’t stir. So in the evening, he ate supper alone and, even though he often was alone at meal times, he usually didn’t feel lonely. Today, he did.


	5. Don't let it get to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi is in rut and Iruka struggles to cope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)  
> Thank you for the nice comments, dobbyhasnomastr, deuces33, Jmarshallesq15 and Mikal_17!!!  
> Thanks for reading and the kudos!  
> It is a joy to write for you.  
> Have fun with the new chapter.  
> Well, I say "fun"...

It was around midnight when a loud growl awoke Iruka. Instantly, he was alert. Another growl from the bedroom. Kakashi must have woken up. For a moment, Iruka hesitated. Was it better to leave him on his own or go to him? Tsunade had said that Kakashi had to see him but the sounds didn’t give Iruka much hope for sensible conversation. He knew how he was in a wave of heat; Kakashi wouldn’t have it much better. In the end, he decided to do the right thing and got up.

As soon as he opened the door, Kakashi’s head turned towards him, his eyes narrowed, they had an animalistic glint to them. “I’m here, Kakashi,” he managed, his voice shook just slightly. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m fine. You don’t have to worry.”

The next instant, Kakashi was next to him, just inches away, pressing against the barrier like a feral predator trying to reach his prey. His nostrils flared. Iruka jumped back, fear cursed through his body. “I can’t smell you,” the alpha growled and his voice did all sorts of things to Iruka. None of them were very pleasant. “Your scent is all over the room but I can’t. Smell. You.”

The scent barrier worked both ways and maybe that was a good thing because Iruka didn’t know if the alpha would like the fear that spiked Iruka’s scent right now. “It’s a barrier jutsu. I can’t help you right now. I’m sorry.”

“Mate,” Kakashi’s voice resonated in every fibre of Iruka’s body. “You’re my mate. You’re supposed to be at my side.”

“I can’t, Kakashi, please.” The scent barrier had definitely been a good idea; he could nearly see how thick the alpha scent was in the bedroom. He would have not been able to resist it. It was hard enough like this. The deep, growling voice made him want to drop to his knees and present. For a moment, Iruka thought about shoving his omega instincts back under chakra control.

“A sweet omega you are.” Kakashi smiled but it was all teeth. More a predatory grin than a smile. “Are you afraid of me?”

“Yes. Right now I am.” Iruka knew it was useless to lie. He was pretty sure that every part of him radiated fear. “But I know it’s not you. It’s the rut talking.”

“Hm… the fear suits you. Sweet little omega. Mate. Come in here.” The order had a strange pull to it. Iruka had heard about the alpha voice but never experienced it before. For now, all he could do was try to refuse to walk into the bedroom. “I want to see your face up close,” Kakashi murmured, “Watch your delightful features contort when I pull you to shreds. I want to devour you. Break every bone in your body. Drink your blood. You’re mine. Mine. Now get in here.”

Iruka’s feet started moving, despite all the horrific things Kakashi had just said. His hands shook but he grabbed the door and managed to close it before he got over the threshold. He collapsed against it, his chest heaving, tears running down his chin. No one had ever told him how terrifying an alpha in rut could be and how little he could do against it. It didn’t help to overcome his fear of Kakashi. Not in the slightest. He made a makeshift nest on the sofa with whatever soft he could find and hid in it. It helped a bit but he didn’t get any more sleep that night. All he could do was listen to Kakashi growl and grunt. The sound of things shattering in his room… It stopped around seven in the morning and Iruka finally fell asleep, completely exhausted.

He woke a few hours later and there still were no noises in the bedroom. Worry welled up in him and he opened the door again before he had time to decide against it. Kakashi was awake and Iruka winced when the dark eyes glanced at him. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” the alpha commented way too cheerful.

“I feel like it,” Iruka murmured. At the sight of the relaxed man sitting in his bed and reading Icha Icha, the memories of predatory Kakashi nearly felt like a bad dream. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine… well, for now. A bit pent up. I did scare you last night, didn’t I?” Iruka managed a shaky smile and nodded. “I’m sorry. I don’t remember much, it’s been a long time since I had such a strong rut. I was infuriated because your scent was everywhere in the room but I couldn’t smell you. The barrier jutsu was a very good idea though, otherwise I would’ve trashed your whole flat and… god knows what I would’ve done to you.”

“It’s fine.” Iruka wasn’t sure if it would ever be fine again but for now he didn’t want Kakashi to worry. His eyes fell onto the shreds that used to be his wardrobe and bedside tables. He had heard of the destructive power of alphas. “Can I get you anything? Rice? Tea? Some water?”

“Water would be great, thanks. I don’t think I can stomach food right now.” Iruka just nodded and left, feeling a bit relieved that Kakashi seemed to be his old self again. When he came back, Kakashi was waiting for him in the door frame. Now, Iruka could see how dishevelled and exhausted the alpha looked. He was still sprouting a rather prominent erection and Iruka tried not to stare at it. He managed but it didn’t mean that it was easy. Kakashi greedily gulped down the water and Iruka got him some more. “I promised I’d supress my rut,” he said eventually and sounded a bit embarrassed. “But it’s so strong that I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Tsunade-sama said it was part of your transitioning process. You really shouldn’t.” Iruka wasn’t sure what was happening to him but his voice was very small and quiet. Intimidated. Submissive. He was turning into a textbook omega, wasn’t he? Embarassing… he wanted to turn away when Kakashi’s voice held him back.

“I’m not like that,” he just said. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“I understand…” Iruka felt lost. Right now, he could have needed someone to cuddle up to. Someone who felt safe and comforting. But there was no one there.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Iruka didn’t see the friendly smile when closed the door and walked away but like this Kakashi didn’t see that Iruka was on the verge of tears again as well.

He tried meditation. Iruka knew he was too upset to do anything useful, so he at least tried to calm himself down. It didn’t work well. As soon as he managed to clear his head, Kakashi’s predatory grin flashed back up and he winced every time. There was a loud crash from the bedroom, Iruka was pretty sure there was not much left to break except his bed. Growls and dark moans. He didn’t want to hear it but he didn’t dare to attach a sound barrier jutsu either because then he wouldn’t be able to hear if Kakashi hurt himself.

It felt like eternities of sounds of aggression and lust, until someone gently rapped on his door. Happy about any sort of distraction, Iruka got up and opened. No friendly face, he tried not to be disappointed. Just a white ANBU mask. “Good afternoon, Iruka-sensei. I was ordered to bring groceries and check on you,” he announced.

“Thank you, ANBU-san,” Iruka managed. “I’m sorry but I don’t know if it’s a good idea to invite you in right now…”

“Don’t worry,” the ANBU crossed the threshold without a second of hesitation. “Tsunade-sama sent me in particular. I am an omega too and no threat to you or him.” He cocked his head and smiled behind his mask. “And I’ve been with senpai during his ruts a few times but now that he’s mated to you… I’m sorry, I can’t help like that.”

“That’s fine. Thank you for coming. May I offer you some tea?” Iruka didn’t like the presence of the man; he didn’t like the idea of someone else being with Kakashi during his ruts or anything of that sort. But he couldn’t blame the nice ANBU for his stupid new instincts. He went to make tea while the ANBU stacked his shelfs with all sorts of food. Finally, they sat down in the living room.

“You look tired, Iruka-sensei.”

“I guess that’s not a surprise,” Iruka sighed and couldn’t even chuckle about his own poor excuse of a joke. “I’ve never been with an alpha in rut before. And I used to live as a beta until a few days ago. It’s a lot to take in.”

“Yes. I heard that you used to supress your nature with chakra. That’s quite a remarkable skill. I tried it myself but failed. It would be very useful for an ANBU like to be abe to hide my nature.”

“I reckon,” Iruka nodded, “To be honest, I think most of it is determination. I never very much identified with my gender. I always felt more like a beta. All the touchy feely stuff with omegas… I hated my first heat. I hate how powerless I was.”

“You are right. We omegas are more… vulnerable than the other genders. I can imagine that it was hard for someone as independent as you. But not everything about being omega is bad.”

Iruka shook his head. “You would have to remind me.”

“Omegas are all about love. We have so much more love to give than the other genders.” The ANBU stretched out his arm and Iruka let him lay it on his shoulder and pull him closer. The presence of another omega helped to calm him and for a moment, he could turn his thoughts away from the danger in his bedroom. “It’s what makes us strong. Loving someone isn’t always easy but if you are loved in return… it feels amazing. I’m sure, you have experienced that.”

Iruka wanted to say no but then Naruto popped into his head. He loved the boy fiercely, more than anything else in this world and seeing the happiness and trust in these blue eyes… it made him feel like he had done at least one thing right. Seeing the boy happy, wrapping him in his arms… it was worth everything it had cost him. “I’m just so afraid of Kakashi-san in this state,” he admitted.

“Yes, senpai must be very intimidating for you. I guess he’s quite aggressive and violent right now.” Iruka just nodded and the arm around his shoulder hugged him a bit more forceful. “This is not what he’s like. Part of it is the rut; part of it might be the transition process. But he is frustrated, Iruka-sensei. There is all this pent up arousal inside him and he can feel his mate close but he can’t reach you. Of course, he turns violent, it’s the natural way alphas cope with stress.” When the ANBU said it like that, it made sense, in a way…

“So… am I supposed to go in there and be with him? Will that help?”

“No, I don’t think it would be a good idea…” The ANBU shook his head. “You are intimidated by him, it will only heighten his stress to sense that you are afraid. He would quite probably be violent with you. Take it as a goal for the next rut when your bond is strengthened and you’ve gotten to know each other. Your pheromones will help calm him. Alphas in rut make very enjoyable partners if treated right. Senpai can be very gentle, even sweet, if you play your cards right. But as long as you are afraid of him: stay away. He has to go through this rut on his own.”

“Thank you for your advice, ANBU-san,” Iruka sighed. The warmth of the other body calmed him and he just wanted to stay here and cuddle with the other man until all of this was over. Iruka had never been very fond of cuddling. “Excuse the personal question but: are you mated?”

The other omega nodded. “If an unmated omega joins ANBU, they are mated to a free ANBU alpha during their next heat. It’s not the most romantic connection but it helps to keep the omega safe during team missions.”

“That sounds like classified information.”

“It is.”

“So why are you telling me?”

“You are the mate of an ANBU member you are allowed a certain clearance.”

Iruka nodded. Of course Kakashi was ANBU. “So you’re bonded out of necessity just like me,” Iruka stated, “How does it feel?”

“It’s a bond nonetheless.” The ANBU patted his shoulder as if to reassure him. “A very deep connection. I might not love her but she’s very important to me and I very much enjoy being around her. We trust each other because no one knows me better than my bonded mate. Though it is not as tight as… ANBU bonds are kept more flexible, for honeypot missions and such. I helped senpai in his ruts and she helps other omegas in their heats. We’re both okay with it.”

“So… Kakashi will want to have other omegas?” Iruka really, really didn’t like the idea of Kakashi with someone else. It was stupid but this was his alpha and he wanted him for himself, no matter how scary he was.

“No,” the ANBU chuckled, “You have a proper bond. It’s going to be rather tight, I think, as of right now it’s the thing that keeps senpai alive. He only has eyes for you. And you might not know him very well but he has a lot of respect for you.”

“Really?” Iruka couldn’t believe it. Could it be that Kakashi was actually interested in him? No, that was an outlandish idea; Iruka had to get it out of his head. Just because he had always been fascinated by Kakashi, mostly because of his rank and skill and the unnerving tendency to lurk around with that orange filth in his hand without the slightest bit of shame… The man he had experienced the last few days had nothing in common with the powerful Copy Nin or the scarecrow haunting the streets of Konoha. The ANBU was right; it would take time to get to know the real Kakashi. He curled up beside the other omega and breathed in the relaxing, calming scent. It was a nice feeling, warm and fluffy. He felt safe and comfortable like he’d rarely had before. If that was because of his unsuppressed nature… maybe being omega wasn’t that bad…

“I am very sorry to have to leave you like this, Iruka-sensei, but I have to get going,” the other omega apologized softly and carefully untangled them. “It was a pleasure to meet you. I will be around tomorrow about the same time to look after you two. Have a nice day and a good night, Iruka-sensei.”

“Goodbye, ANBU-san” Iruka didn’t want him to go. He would be alone again. The noise had stopped but it was only a matter of time until it started again. He could have needed a bit of warmth and moral support. “Thank you for everything.”

But the ANBU had shunshined away already.

Yamato appeared in the Hokage’s office. “Hokage-sama, I report back from Iruka-sensei’s flat. Senpai is in the heights of his rut and not quite sane but otherwise fine. I didn’t actually examine him because it would’ve muddled things up. Iruka-sensei is distressed and struggling with the reawakening of his nature. I gave him advice and moral support but he was unusually clingy. I ask for permission to look after him again tomorrow.”

“Permission granted,” Tsunade sighed, “You’ll get to spent two hours with him and you will report back briefly just like today. The object of your conversations may stay between you two as long as it isn’t something you think I should be informed about.”

“Understood.”

“Well done, Yamato. You are dismissed.”

She sighed when the ANBU left. “I don’t have a good feeling leaving Iruka alone like this,” Shizune remarked, “He is very insecure and inexperienced with his nature. I don’t know if two hours a day are enough to help him.”

“I can’t waste my ANBU on a distressed omega,” Tsunade growled, “He’ll have to pull through, he’s strong and determined.” Shizune just sighed and went back to her paperwork. Tonton grunted indignantly.

Iruka had made some miso soup for dinner and filled a bowl for Kakashi as well, just in case. Carefully, he opened the door and found the alpha passed out on the floor. The jounin really looked very miserable and Iruka felt sympathy rise in his chest. He wanted to help but he knew that he would only make things worse. From what he’s learned from Shizune and the ANBU, they had to establish trust first. Otherwise this would go horribly wrong. Iruka placed the soup bowl on the floor next to the door and slowly stepped into the room to pick up the water jug which had miraculously survived the destruction until now. The scent confronted him like a wall and he felt his knees buckle. He kept himself upright but only just. Alpha sweat and drying cum was a familiar combination but the pheromones were more intense than Iruka had ever smelled before. Anger, aggression, frustration, pain, sadness and a heavy, suffocating smell of arousal assaulted his nose and brought tears to his eyes. His stomach did a somersault, not sure whether it wanted to plaster its contents all over the floor or tingle with arousal. Kakashi moved, groaned, his nostrils flared. Iruka fled the room as quickly as possible.

The alpha was waking up, when he came back with the water. He sat up when he saw Iruka. “Mate,” he growled.

“Good evening, Kakashi-san,” Iruka wasn’t sure how to react, so he just shoved the jug over the threshold and stayed behind the barrier. “I made some miso soup. If you’re hungry.”

“Not hungry,” Kakashi shook his head. “Except for you. Come in. You need to be fucked.”

“No” As exhausted as the man seemed, he was at the door in an instant, pressing against the barrier again.

“How dare you defy your alpha? Submit to me and present like the good little omega you are. You can cross the barrier, you’ve been in here just moments ago. I smell you.” His dark eyes were dilated and had an animalistic expression to them. Iruka recoiled.

“I know this isn’t you,” he said more to assure himself. “We will talk when this is over. I’m sorry. I can’t help you.”

“You’re not sorry, you just don’t know your place,” Kakashi hissed and bared his teeth. “I’m going to beat this feistiness out of you until you do.”

Iruka closed the door and once again, tears broke the dams of his self-control and started streaming down his face. He was so scared. How was he supposed to spend the rest of his life with a man like that? How could he ever look at Kakashi again without seeing the monster? The deep, frustrated growl didn’t help to calm him. He wished he had someone to comfort him. He wanted to cuddle with the ANBU, he wanted to embrace Naruto and find strength in his arms but he wasn’t allowed to leave to flat. And he couldn’t tell anyone either. How much longer was this supposed to take? He buried himself in his nest again. It muffled the growls enough so that he somehow made it through the night.


	6. Let me help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka struggles with Kakashi's rut. Fortunately, he is not alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> You people are amazing!!!  
> I got soo many comments after last chapter, you made me incredibly happy!  
> Thank you OrigamiExpert, killervaliera, KoreanCat, deuces33, dobbyhasnomastr, Hatake_Tsuhgi and Vegeta_vs_Emotions!  
> I love the creative user names!  
> Anyway, this chapter is for you! <3

A soft repeating knock woke him. It came from the bedroom wall. Slowly, he sat up and rubbed his eyes and tried to supress the memories of yesterday. It didn’t work. The full body shudder that came with the impressions woke him up properly and he sighed. It took him a moment, to settle and calm himself. Finally, he got up and opened the door. “Good morning, Kakashi-san. How are you feeling?” Kakashi was way too close, Iruka took a step back. The alpha looked normal though. Exhausted but in his right mind. The rest of the room… was even more of a disaster than on the day before. The water jug was broken, the soup bowl empty.

“Mah… mostly dehydrated,” Kakashi answered his question. “I broke the jug which turned out to be a stupid decision.” He gave an eye-smile but it was as fake as Iruka’s calmness. His insides were twisting with fear and distress but the ball of unfamiliar chakra drove him towards the alpha and prickled unpleasantly. He felt nauseous and terrified and very happy that Kakashi couldn’t smell it.

“I can give you a bucket. You can hardly break that one,” he replied dryly.

“Interesting theory. We should put it to the test.”

Iruka wasn’t actually in the mood for jokes… he huffed and turned around to get the bucket and a wooden mug. The alpha’s eyes followed his every move, Iruka could feel it prickle on his neck and in his mark. When he handed Kakashi the two items, he instantly took some of the water and gulped it down greedily.

“I’m just happy that you’re lucid again,” Iruka murmured more to himself.

“Only partly, I’m afraid,” Kakashi wiped his forehead. He seemed to be sweating and his arousal… Iruka shouldn’t even think about it. “I can’t stop looking at you and think how pretty you are. Even though you look quite terrible right now.”

“Wow. You’re very good with compliments.” Apparently, Iruka wasn’t tired and emotionally shattered enough to lose his sarcasm.

“Well, you’re haggard appearance is entirely my fault and I deeply apologize. But it does nothing to hide your beauty. I want to see you naked and flushed underneath me and I want to rip that stupid hair tie out of your ponytail. Why, why are you still wearing it?”

Because the ponytail made him look less like an omega. Because he desperately needed the slightly uncomfortable pull on his hair right now to keep him grounded in reality. The dangerous glint was creeping back into the grey eyes. Kakashi started to undo his pants and Iruka looked away, in shock. “I’ve got a knot growing, just for you, and you’re going to take it. You’ll love it because that’s what you’re for. You’re my mate. You’re made for my knot. I want to fuck you. I want to taste every inch of you. I want to bite off your skin. I want to tear out your throat…” Iruka closed the door, not as vehemently as yesterday. He was tired and it subdued his reactions. But the words hurt nonetheless.

He had some warmed up miso soup for breakfast and tried to read but Kakashi had started his rage again and Iruka couldn’t ignore it. His ears listened for every sound, every groan and grunt and crash… and every sound made him more uneasy. He felt alone and scared and time stretched into infinity. Relief washed over him when someone knocked on his door eventually.

The ANBU was back with an arm full of blankets. “Your nest is too small,” he explained.

Iruka let him in and prepared tea right away. It helped him take his mind off things, at least a bit. They sat down on the sofa and Iruka cuddled up to the other man instantly. He needed comfort and proximity as desperately as air right now.

“I’m sorry that I can’t be here for more than two hours,” the man said quietly and stroked his side. “But the blankets are laced with an omega relaxant. They should help you calm down.” Iruka just nodded and breathed in the comforting scent.

“How is Kakashi-senpai doing?”

“Not well.” Iruka buried his face in the other man’s shoulder. “I found him passed out on the floor last evening. This morning, he was dehydrated because he broke the water jug. He was lucid then, at least in a way. Told me how pretty I looked and how much he wanted to rip my throat out.”

The ANBU sighed and gripped him a bit tighter. “This is probably the worst part of it. He should be calming down after today. It’ll be over soon.”

“Thank the gods” Iruka closed his eyes and let the other omega comfort him. It helped, at least a bit. “But how am I supposed to deal with him when he’s back to normal?”

“A word of advice: don’t try to supress the memories. Talk about it. Tell him how you felt and what you think of him. If you want to establish trust and create a functional bond, you have to be open and honest with each other. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but you have to open up to him.” Iruka sobbed. He wasn’t sure if he was able to do that. Talking about it with a fellow omega was one thing. Hell, they only talked _around_ it. But with Kakashi… “You know, it’s okay if you hate him. I could understand. It doesn’t make you a bad omega. But you have to be honest about it, to yourself and him. Don’t ignore it.”

“It sounds so easy when you say it,” Iruka whined quietly.

“It’s not. It’s very difficult. But you’re one of the strongest people I know, Iruka-sensei. You can do it.” They settled back into their comfortable silence and Iruka didn’t want to think. Not if he could enjoy the other omega’s company instead. There would be a sleepless night for that later. There was the knocking again. Iruka sat up. “Should I answer it?”

“It would be foolish not to. Don’t worry, I’m staying right here.” Kakashi would be able to see the ANBU from where he was sitting but he probably wanted to see his senpai as well. He was to report back to Tsunade-sama and right now he only had Iruka’s short description of the jounin’s state.

Kakashi awaited him with an exhausted eye-smile and an empty bucket when he opened the door. “I might have thrown it against the wall…”

Iruka just nodded and went to refill it. He heard Kakashi exchange a few words with the ANBU but tried his best not to listen in. “It’s good to see that Cat is looking after you,” he said when Iruka pushed the bucket into the room. “Dear kohai, please tell my mate to make his way in here. I want to be cuddled too.”

“Shut up, senpai. Don’t make it worse than it already is.” The ANBU codenamed Cat huffed. “You’re not in your right mind. You just want to fuck him.”

“I do and I have every right to. He’s my _mate_.” Kakashi’s growl was hostile and it sent a chill through Iruka’s whole body, the ANBU didn’t even flinch. He got up and closed the door.

“As long as you don’t trust him and you don’t want to be intimate with him, he has no right to do anything to do,” he reassured Iruka, “You have to consent to it, otherwise it will break your bond and that would be the death sentence for his sanity. I’m telling you because he might not be aware of it. Don’t let him manipulate you.”

Iruka nodded and was caught in a tight hug again. They sank to the floor and stayed there for a long moment until the two hours were up and the ANBU left again. As nice as it had been to see him, the moments after he left were pure hell. The blankets worked, in a way. Their scent calmed him at least a bit.

“I report back from Iruka-sensei’s flat. Kakashi-senpai is even deeper in rut today; it’s close to its peak. I got a visual on him and he looks well enough, his eyes are sharp and he talked with us, more or less sensibly. It is a strong rut, even for him, and it takes its toll on his body but he is hydrated will recover quickly. I’m more concerned about Iruka-sensei. His scent is thick with distress; he is lonely and scared and soaks up every bit of comfort and physical contact I can give him because of it. I left him some distress blankets but they will hardly be enough. He might end up traumatized by his own mate’s behaviour which would be a horrific start for a bond.”

“Thank you but you’re opinion on the matter is uncalled for.” Tsunade gripped the tea cup tighter. “I’ll let you spent three hours with Iruka-sensei tomorrow. You are dismissed.”

“Tsuna…” Shizune did her best pleading look, Tonton helped as much as she could. “Let me look after him. We can’t risk the lives or mental health of our best teacher and future Hokage.”

“And who’s going to do the paperwork?” Tsunade sighed and glared at her mate. Tonton hid from her poisonous glance. Just in case… “I have a village to reorganise, these two are not my primal concern right now. God, I wanted to be sitting in a casino far, far away from Konoha right now. Kakashi is supposed to do this job.”

“We won’t gain anything if we lose him.”

“I’d assign the job to the blond brat.”

“He’s too young, Tsuna, please. I know you’re overworked and frustrated, I promise I will help you blow off steam later. But right now we have to help Iruka-sensei or this whole thing will be for naught.”

“All right… send that Nara boy to me. He can help me instead. But don’t take too long.”

“I won’t. Thank you. It’s the right decision.”

“And no nick names in the office.”

“Understood, Hokage-sama.” Shizune bowed and disappeared.

Kakashi had started to call his name about an hour ago and he was getting angrier. His fists cracked against the wall again and Iruka flinched, again, even though he had expected it. He lay in his nest, curled up in fetal position, and pressed both his hands against his ears. It didn’t block the sounds but it prevented him from hearing the knock on the door. Iruka shook with terror when suddenly a pig hopped into his nest. He sat up, his shinobi senses on high alert and gathered the functioning pieces of his mind. Shizune was standing in the door and she looked very concerned. Iruka managed to get up and open the wards for her because if there was anything he needed more desperately than the safety of his nest, it was the presence of another omega.

“Oh dear! Iruka-san, I’m so sorry.” She released soothing pheromones; Iruka sponged them up and sank bonelessly into her hug.

“I don’t know for how much longer I can take it,” he sobbed. “He calls me and he’s so angry. I feel like I need to go to him but I feel like running away and deserting the village at the same time.” His tears were caught by the fabric of her kimono. “I’m so afraid of him but he’s my mate how is this ever going to work? And I hate him, I’m so angry with him because he destroyed my life. I’m not supposed to be an omega, so why, Shizune-san, why?”

The omega woman just held him until he calmed a bit, then she guided them over to the sofa. “That’s a very nice nest,” she said and it sparked something in Iruka which could’ve been pride if he hadn’t been so upset. She liked his nest. It was a good nest. “You mind if I lie down with you and we cuddle for a bit?”

Iruka just nodded slowly, he had no strength to stand left and he needed the contact. Shizune helped to calm him. Kakashi called for him again, his voice hoarse but dripping with alpha authority. His omega instincts drew him towards the alpha and recoiled at the same time. He shivered so heavily, his whole body shook. Shizune just gripped him tighter. “This is the peak of his rut and he’s all alone in there with only your smell, the knowledge that you’re not far and he can’t even see you. He’s desperate. But you’re strong Iruka, you’re doing so well. Just hold on a bit longer, it’ll be over soon.” Fists crashed into the wall and Iruka knew that the only reason they weren’t breaking was the barrier jutsu. Shizune rubbed Iruka’s scent glands and bathed them in her soothing pheromones. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Iruka was able to relax and he drifted into deep sleep.

Shizune appeared right in front of Tsunade’s desk and her scent was sharp with anger. It was a state Tsunade knew to respect. “What exactly was going on inside your head when you decided to leave a newly awakened omega alone with a super aggressive alpha in rut? I wouldn’t have thought Kakashi-san’s rut to be that awful, he’s such a calm guy.” She glared at her mate. “Iruka-sensei is absolutely terrified. He’s asleep now for what seems to be the first time in two days. I left Tonton with him, in case he wakes up. I’m going to stay with him until Kakashi-san calms down.”

“Shizune, you can’t just…” But the omega woman had disappeared already. Tsunade sighed and massaged her temples.

“As bothersome as this might be,” Shikamaru drawled, “I think she’s doing the right thing. There is no use in Iruka-sensei being afraid of his mate. It would just break them both.”

“I know, I know.” Tsunade let a small, frustrated growl escape and reached for the sake in her drawer. “I just hope this will be over soon so that the brat can take over. I hate this job.”

When Iruka woke up, Shizune was still there, sleeping next to him. Tonton snored at their feet. The noise in the bed room had settled down but Iruka had a bad feeling about it. He untangled himself from the hug but it woke Shizune. “What are you doing?,” she asked.

“I have to check in and see Kakashi,” he said quietly, “Something is not right.”

“I’m coming with you.” Iruka was grateful that he didn’t have to enter the lion’s den alone.

When he turned on the lights, they found Kakashi crumpled in a heap next to the wall. Shizune was at his side right away and moved him into a stable position to examine him. His fists were bruised and bloody, Iruka noticed, there was a small trickle of blood dried on his face.

“Oh dear,” she sighed and started to pour healing chakra into the unconscious man. “He ran into the wall at full speed several times and once head first. That’s what knocked him out. He was desperate to get to you.” Her words froze Iruka’s insides in shock. He had only ever thought about how bad it was for him but… he had had no idea how much Kakashi must have suffered to feel his mate so close and be unable to reach him. Iruka remembered the heat, the one that he had planned to spend with Mizuki. He had been crying because Mizuki had betrayed them but his whole body had been in agony longing for him. Nothing had helped to soothe it, only time. Maybe it had been like that for Kakashi, maybe even worse. Because he had at least known that Mizuki was gone and that it was a useless desperation. But for Kakashi… Iruka had stayed close all along, his scent had been all around him and Kakashi had even seen him a few times. Iruka hadn’t even realised he had sunk to his knees and was shaking uncontrollably, until Shizune patted his shoulder and helped him stand up. “The worst is over. It’s only getting better from now on.”

Iruka just had to believe her.

The look of disdain Tsunade got when Shizune came back went straight to their bond. “We found Kakashi-san this morning,” she said dangerously quiet. “He is unconscious and has a mild concussion because he ran into the wall.”

“Shit”

“That would be taking it lightly.”

“For god’s sake, Shizune, what was I supposed to do? Have Iruka spent the rut with him? There were no easy options. I made a bad decision to avoid a worse one.”

“You shouldn’t have let Iruka-san try to handle this on his own. He was so afraid of Kakashi-san that he only went to see the man two times a day or so. Of course that would make an alpha in rut go wild.”

Tsunade growled. As much as she hated to be wrong, maybe this time her mate was right. “What’s done is done. Just go back to Iruka-san’s flat and do your omega magic with him. Save what remains standing. They’re strong, they’ll figure it out together.”

Shizune nodded. “I hope you’re right. The least we can do is get the poor man some Ramen.”

“If you think that’ll help.”

“You’re a doctor Tsuna, you should know that Ramen cures more illnesses than medicine.”

Iruka hardly noticed that Shizune had come back. He just stood in the doorframe outside the bedroom, unmoving, and stared at Kakashi… his mate… unconscious on what remained of the bed. This was his fault. He should have been looking after the alpha but he had been too afraid. He was a bad shinobi who let down a comrade. He had not followed the Hokage’s orders as well as he should have. He... deep down he knew that his disappointment and guilt had nothing to do with Tsunade’s orders. He had let his alpha down. His mate. The one person he was supposed to care about before anyone else. His conscious mind wasn’t ready to accept their bond yet. Kakashi was a colleague, a friend maybe, and even though he was very good looking, there had never been any attraction between them. It was the exact opposite to his feelings for Mizuki. He had trusted the man and had been attracted to him so much, he had been willing to let his guard down. Kakashi wasn’t funny, charming, self-confident and caring, even though in Mizuki’s case most of it had probably been an act. He was always late, secluded, quiet, awkward, and obviously a pervert. He very much cared for his friends Naruto with an intensity that reminded Iruka of himself but other than that… except for their few conversations, Iruka had only experienced him as the scariest alpha he had ever heard of. And he had heard many stories. All of them had assured him in his decision to live as a beta. But that was old news now. Shizune’s reaction had strengthened his beliefs that this behaviour wasn’t normal. Not even for an alpha in rut. These were unusual circumstances. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad when this was over. At least that’s what Iruka tried to tell himself. But he wasn’t sure if he believed it.

“I brought some Ramen. You must be hungry.” Shizune unpacked the bag and, as soon as the smell of his favourite meal his Iruka’s nose, he slowly turned around and walked over towards the fellow omega. He didn’t feel like eating but Ramen had him salivating.

“Why are you so good to me?,” he asked quietly when she placed the bowl on the table and sat down opposite him.

“Because you deserve it. It’s the least I can do. This isn’t your fault, Iruka-san. All of this is an unnatural situation and difficult for everyone involved. If you asked me, this is harder than many S-class missions.”

“Chunins don’t do S-class missions,” Iruka gave back quietly and started slurping his noodles. They tasted better than ever before and created a comfortable, warm feeling in his stomach. The taste comforted him a little bit.

“Exactly.” Shizune sighed. “By the way, have you started writing your mission report yet?” Iruka shook his head. “Maybe you should. Writing it down might help you processing everything that happened.”

“I will, as soon as I can collect my thoughts again. Right now, I’m just scared and I want to hide and run away. But I can’t because the bit of Kakashi-san’s chakra in my body won’t let me. It draws me towards him.”

“So it hasn’t dissolved into your own chakra yet?” Shizune raised an eyebrow. Iruka shook his head.

“Our chakra natures are complimentary. We’re too different.”

“A bonding ritual has nothing to do with the elements. Chakra is the essence of your life energy. If you are properly bonded, his chakra should become a part of your own. You shouldn’t be able to feel it.”

“We’re not properly bonded, obviously,” a cold, barking laugh escaped Iruka. He was too exhausted to care.

“Did he at least bite you?” Instictively, Iruka’s hand shot up to cover the mark that had been throbbing continuously since Kakashi had fallen unconscious.

“Yes. I bit him first, to overwrite his bond but then he bit me too.”

Shizune seemed relieved. “That’s good. How did it feel?”

“Not sure…” Iruka scratched his neck. Now, that Shizune had reminded him of it, he couldn’t ignore the throbbing of the bite mark any longer. “I was in a bit of a haze. We were kissing and his pheromones overwhelmed me. I felt connected to him then and it made biting him a lot easier.”

“You felt like you wanted to do it? Did you want to become his at that moment?”

Iruka shook his head. “No. It was weird. When he bit me, it felt better. I didn’t have the urge to be his but I didn’t mind either. Being unmated at my age, I felt like I had to.”

Shizune sighed and nodded slowly. “That’s not a good start for a bond. People shouldn’t bond out of necessity.”

“I know, I know.” Iruka sighed as well. “I thought I could make it work. He’s is good looking and a nice guy from what I know. In a way, I am attracted to him… I might have fallen for him earlier if it wasn’t for his scent.”

“You don’t like his scent? Why?” The omega woman raised an eyebrow. Iruka shrugged.

“Mostly, I think, it’s because it makes me weak. I’m not used to reacting to alpha pheromones, he could do anything to me and I couldn’t fight it.”

“That’s a thing every unmated omega struggles with,” Shizune reassured him, “That’s why trust is so important. To let our guard down, we must be sure that the alpha won’t use his pheromones against us. Mated omegas are less receptive for a strange alpha’s pheromones but react even stronger to the pheromones of their bonded mate. It was clever to apply a scent barrier jutsu. But it’s not the pheromones that attract us to an alpha, is it? It’s their unique scent.”

Iruka nodded slowly. This was personal and he didn’t actually want to share it. But Shizune was a doctor and probably the only one who could help him. “Kakashi-san smells like betrayal,” he stated bluntly, “I hate it.” When Shizune looked at him questioningly, he tried to explain. “It’s… he smells like home in a way. But in a bad way. You know his scent.”

“I do. But it has a different meaning to everyone. To me, he smells like wet soil.”

“He smells like the woods around Konoha after a spring rain,” Iruka corrected, “But there’s a drip of blood in there. He smells like the night when Mizuki betrayed Konoha. He reminds me of it every time I get close to him.”

“I see…” Iruka huffed. There was no way she could ever understand what he felt. “No, I really do. You projected your own experiences onto his scent. Kakashi-san didn’t smell like betrayal, Iruka, he smelled like a mated alpha. You were not supposed to like it. But now, he is mated to you, his scent will change to suit yours. If you had mated during intercourse, the scents would have mingled naturally. To simulate this effect in the ritual bond, chakra is exchanged.”

“Kakashi-san’s scent will change?”

“Maybe it already has… his pheromones are too strong to pick up on it. He’ll still smell like home but in a good way.”

Iruka sighed and slumped against the backrest of his chair. The warmth in his stomach was making him sleepy. He was exhausted after these two days and there was still this worry in the back of his mind because Kakashi wasn’t well. “You’re so good to me,” he mumbled. Iruka wasn’t used to being looked after. Usually, he was the one looking after others. He was strong and unaffected by all this hormonal nonsense because he was a beta. Or at least that’s what he used to tell himself. It wasn’t like him to lean on someone and need support. It made him feel bad and guilty. But he was an omega now; they were weak, dependent and needy. He had to get used to it.

“I can smell your distress, Iruka-san.” Shizune looked at him with sympathy in her eyes, he hated it. He didn’t need sympathy. He hadn’t until now. She stood up and took his hand to guide them back to the nest where she wrapped her arms around him and he finally let go and drowned in the soothing smell of her pheromones. “You are going through a transmission just as intense as Kakashi-san. You never learned how to handle your omega instincts. That’s okay. And it’s okay to feel sad, angry, frustrated. But it’s also okay to accept help and support from someone else.” She held him upright, when Iruka relaxed against her. His eyes drooped. It felt so good to be held like this by a fellow omega. Shizune was soft, she was safety, he didn’t have to be alone anymore. “You’re not weak, even though you feel like it. You don’t have to shoulder everything on our own.”

He wasn’t alone anymore but he still felt lonely. Because he didn’t want to be with his mate and he couldn’t reach his… “I want my pup,” he whined, half-asleep already, “I want Naruto.”


	7. Let's set priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is nothing that soothes an omega like the presence of their pup. Iruka finally manages to calm down. He sets new priorities for his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> All the best to you people out there in the world!!!  
> Thank you for all the love, kudos and comments you fill this story with!!  
> Thank you OrigamiExpert, killervaliera, deuces33 and akianxiety! I love you very much. Your comments make me love this story even more.  
> I hope I'll be able to continue writing soon because right now we are halfway through what is written already.  
> But there is also three term papers lurking around in the back of my mind.... so I might have to slow down the updating a little (sorry).  
> I am very much interested of what you think of the development in this chapter.  
> And you'll get some Naruto-Iruka cuteness.  
> Have fun!

Shizune interrupted Tsunade opening the third bottle of sake and snatched it out of her hand. The alpha growled but she was too exhausted to fight back. “You should be in bed,” Shizune complained, helped her mate out of her chair and back to their flat beneath the office.

“There’s too much to do,” Tsunade slurred, “I have to…”

“You won’t be able to do anything properly like that.” Shizune helped her undress and tucked her into the bed. “You have to sleep.”

“I can’t. Not without you. Stay.” Shizune sighed and sat down on the side of the bed.

“I can’t leave Iruka-san now, he’s too fragile. Did you know he imprinted on Naruto-kun?”

“Imprinted? That’s rare phenomenon. I thought, he supressed his omega side.”

“I don’t know how but somehow he did. I fed him Ramen and gave him a pep talk. When he was half asleep, he called for his pup.”

Tsunade groaned, partly because of the oncoming headache, partly to express her frustration. “This only makes it even more complicated. What would Kakashi do if he found out that his mate had a pup that isn’t his?”

“Well, he’s not Iruka-san’s either and Kakashi-san has a bond with the boy, so I think it wouldn't be that much of a problem… maybe we should let Naruto-kun stay with Iruka-san. He would be a much better help than me.”

“He’s a beta. He can’t soothe Iruka like you can.”

“No, but looking after his pup will distract him. Even though Naruto-kun is old enough to find a mate himself… it might even help Iruka-san to let go of that bond and focus on his new one with Kakashi-san.”

“And how do you think, Kakashi will react to a fully matured beta being around his mate?”

“He’s unconscious right now.”

“He won’t be forever.”

Shizune sighed. “Am I allowed to call for Naruto-kun? There is nothing that soothes an omega better than to know that their pup is close and safe. He’s in enough distress as it is.”

“Argh, fine…” Tsunade rolled onto her side and closed her eyes. “Do what you have to do.”

“Thank you, Hokage-sama.” She turned to leave the room.

“Muffin?”

“Hm?”

“Are you sad because we don’t have pups?”

Shizune smiled and send a loving glance towards her intoxicated mate. “I’ve got Tonton. That’s close enough.”

“Hm… love you…”

“I love you too, Tsuna, my dear. As soon as Kakashi-san’s rut is over, I’ll be back at your side, I promise.”

A sleepy Naruto opened the door when Shizune knocked. His blond hair was sticking out in every direction and the sleeping cap he wore looked as if it had been made for a much younger boy. “I’m sorry to disturb you so late, Naruto-kun,” she apologized, “But I’d ask you to help me. Not me in particular but Iruka-san.”

Suddenly, the boy seemed wide awake. “Iruka-sensei? Is something wrong? Did someone attack him? Why? I’ll go get my weapon’s pouch!”

Shizune stopped the boy from running back into his flat. “That won’t be necessary, Naruto-kun. He just wants to see you.”

When Iruka woke up, there was only Tonton left in the nest next to him. The ninton looked at him with intelligent eyes and pushed her wet, slightly sticky nose into the palm of his hand. He sat up and allowed the pig to settle in his lap. Absentmindedly, he started stroking her while he scanned his surroundings and woke up fully. Kakashi was still unconscious; they had left the door open to always be able to check on him. Everything was just like he remembered before he had fallen asleep, so Iruka was pretty sure that there had been no attack while he had been asleep and the fact that Tonton was still here meant that Shizune had probably just gone to do something and would be back soon. He shouldn’t be so disappointed to be left alone again, Shizune spent her free time with him and he knew just how much the omega woman worked. He had no right to complain. But still, he felt so utterly lonely and scared because Kakashi could wake up at any moment and if he used his alpha voice again… Iruka wasn’t sure if he should withstand it. It had been difficult the last few times but now he was exhausted and shaky and… there was not much resilience left in him. He would rather die than succumb to the alpha. His mate. He didn’t feel like his mate but the burning of the foreign chakra in his belly reminded him painfully that he was.

The door opened and revealed Shizune and someone else. “Iruka-sensei!,” Naruto burst into the room and right into his nest which he ruffled and partly destroyed by doing so. But Iruka didn’t care; he only cared about his pup, the young man that hugged him tightly. He hugged back and buried his nose in Naruto’s neck. The well-known scent of wet dog and instant Ramen greeted him. Nice and calm. Pup healthy. Pup safe.

“Naruto,” he sobbed, “I missed you so much.” He shouldn’t be that emotional in his pup’s presence, he was supposed to be strong for him but right now he couldn’t. He lacked the strength and was too relieved to see the boy.

“Shizune told me everything about you and Kakashi-sensei and, well, somehow I always knew you’re an omega but I never thought about you having a mate or something. It’s just weird, you know? But Kakashi-sensei is very lonely, he needs a mate. And you’re nice enough for him because he’s weird and needs someone like you to take care of him. He feels very bad right now, right? I’m really lucky to be a beta. I don’t have to go through all that sort of stuff.”

“Yes, you are lucky.” Iruka chocked and wiped his tears away. “I’m just so happy you’re here.”

“I’m gonna stay until this is over. Shizune says I can help distract you when he wants you to do things you don’t want to do. Alphas in rut are really scary, I was with Sasuke once when he just about to start his and he was so aggressive like he wasn’t even himself.”

“Naruto…” As much as Iruka appreciated the boy’s immediate enthusiasm and his will to help… it made him feel bad and embarrassed. He was supposed to look after this pup, not burden him with his own problems. “I’m happy you came to see me and I’m grateful that you want to help. But Kakashi-sensei is in a state I’m sure he doesn’t want you to see him in. And right now I’m not myself either. This is something we have to figure out on our own.”

“No, Iruka-sensei, I’m not letting you do that alone, believe it! You helped me so much, you’re like a big brother to me. And this time I can help you. I know that Kakashi-sensei is really scary right now but I know that’s not his fault. I’m going to stay with you until you’re happy again.”

“Or Tsunade-sama assigns you a mission,” Shizune added. “Thank you very much, Naruto-kun. Iruka-san, are you alright? Would you mind if I leave you? I’ll be back to check on Kakashi-san in the morning.”

“Thank you,” Iruka tried to smile at her but failed. He was glad that there was no mirror anywhere near because he must have looked horrible. “You have done so much, I don’t want to hold you up. You have to sleep too.”

“I could sleep here. You really are alright?”

“Apparently, Naruto is looking after me now. I’ll be fine.”

Shizune examined him critically for a moment longer before she seemed satisfied, nodded and disappeared. Iruka sighed and slumped down. Slowly, he started to rebuild his nest where Naruto had happened. The boy crouched down to help him. “So… I always knew that you’re an omega, I don’t know why, I just know but… you never act like an omega. And you don’t smell like one. Well, now you do. But you didn’t use to. You were always more like a beta. What changed?”

Iruka sighed. He focussed on piling the pillows to not look at the boy. His pup. “I never wanted to be an omega.” It was an easy truth to admit. “I hid my nature with chakra and lived as a beta. It was easier.”

“Okay.” Iruka wasn’t sure what he had expected but it wasn’t a simple ‘okay’. He looked up at the boy in surprise who just shrugged. “I get that. Many people think omegas are weak and submissive and stuff and they struggle with their hormones a lot. But I know Shikamaru. He’s super smart and strong and so cool. And Hinata-chan… I mean, she’s shy and all but also badass and very strong. I think omegas are dope.”

“Thank you Naruto.” The boy was right. Konoha housed many incredible omegas. Iruka respected and admired them all but he always only saw the struggles of an omega and it made him afraid of his nature. Other people might be able to cope with that but not he. “But I’m just not as strong as them. I’m not supposed to be an omega.”

“That’s not true! You are strong, Iruka-sensei! You took a fuma shuriken in the back to protect me! It could’ve killed you! And then you looked at me so sad and you drenched me in pheromones that made me feel safe and accepted and loved for the first time in my whole life! That’s something only a super great omega could do! Why are you denying it even though smell omega now? You gave up your chakra control, right?”

“I did,” Iruka sighed. Naruto’s words irritated him; it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He was a bad omega; he had done everything wrong so far. Whenever he had done something right in his life, it had been because he acted like a beta. Except for when he saved Naruto. “I’m mated to Kakashi now and to make it work, I had to let go of my chakra control. I can’t live like a beta any longer. But it doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel like myself anymore.”

Naruto’s blue eyes looked at him with such a loving expression in them… he couldn’t really describe it but he felt like the boy understood what he tried to say. “Don’t worry, Iruka-sensei. You’ll be fine. You know, when I unlocked Kurama’s power, it took some getting used to. You just have to give it time. And you’re not alone anymore. You have me, you have Kakashi-sensei. We will help you, you just have to ask.”

Something broke inside of Iruka. Maybe it was because of the words, maybe because of the sincerity in these blue eyes but he could feel his resolve crumble and tears fill his eyes. Before he could stop them, they started running down his face. It wasn’t until Naruto embraced him that he remembered how to breathe.

They just stayed like that for a small eternity. Iruka could feel the little bit of strength he had leave his body together with the tears. He leaned against Naruto with his full weight but the boy was strong. His pup had grown into a strong, young man who could protect himself and others. He didn’t need Iruka to protect him anymore. “Iruka-sensei, you’re releasing weird pheromones…” He just nodded at that. Naruto was his own man now, Iruka had done a good job looking after him but he didn’t need to anymore. His pup had grown up.

Naruto held him, the warmth of his body made Iruka feel safe and protected, he could let go. His eyes slipped shut and exhaustion took over his body.

Something woke Iruka early next morning. Naruto was snoring on the sofa but it wasn’t the noise that had woken him. His eyes darted to the open bedroom door. Kakashi was moving, both his hands covered his eyes and he groaned quietly. Despite the fear that chilled him to his bones, Iruka got up. He knew that Kakashi had to see him now and it was his duty as a shinobi to look after him, even though he wanted to hide as far away from him as possible. Another pained groan. “Iruka”

“I’m here.” Why did it feel good to know that his name was the first thing that came out of Kakashi’s mouth?

“Water” Of course. Iruka went and got some but when he was back at the door, he was faced with another difficulty. Until now, he had just pushed the items for Kakashi over the threshold but now the alpha couldn’t get up and take the water. And Iruka wouldn’t enter the room, it was the one thing his conscious mind and his instincts agreed on. After a moment of hesitation, he turned around to wake Naruto. The blond boy looked at him sleepily. “Hm?” He looked so young, like a pup, it sent a surge of strong, positive feelings through Iruka’s body.

“I need help. Kakashi-san needs water but I can’t enter the room. Could you give it to him?”

“Yeah, sure” Naruto sat up, rubbed his eyes and yawned. Iruka tensed.

“I don’t know how he will react, he’s still in rut.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I fought Kaguya, he can’t be much worse.” Naruto grinned at him and took the jug from Iruka.

Without hesitation, he entered the room. Iruka’s fingers clawed into the doorframe as he watched. “Hi, Kakashi-sensei”

The alpha slowly opened his eyes and looked at the young man. “Yo, Naruto. What’re you doing here?” No sign of hostility. Kakashi seemed lucid.

“I’m bringing you some water.”

“Ah, great.” Naruto set the jug down on the floor and helped his sensei to sit up. Kakashi seemed just as shattered as Iruka and his careful movements indicated the murderous headache he had to have. They didn’t talk about the fact that Iruka was standing in the doorframe but not coming in. Good. The alpha drank slowly, carefully and leaned against the wall afterwards.

“The air in here is bad. I should open a window,” Naruto said and turned towards the windows.

“No. Don’t.” This time, Kakashi sounded helpless and scared in a way. It was nearly a whine.

“Huh?”

“It’ll make Iruka’s scent go away…” Loneliness. Kakashi must feel so lonely, in this room with nothing but the scent of his mate. Iruka didn’t want to feel sympathy but he somehow understood how the alpha felt. He couldn’t hate Kakashi; it was just as hard for him as it was for Iruka.

“I see. You don’t want that, right?” Kakashi shook his head and he looked so lost… it hurt Iruka to see him like that. Something inside him wanted to step over the threshold and cuddle up to the alpha to comfort him but that something wasn’t even half as strong as the terror he felt just by looking at the alpha. There was a reason he’d never bonded, he realised suddenly. Mizuki, Kakashi… alphas were brutal, strong, terrifying. They just used omegas for their pleasure and to do the housework. They wanted to control and have power over someone. He would never be happy to be bonded to an alpha but it hadn’t been his choice. He had done his duty to the village and as soon as Kakashi recovered, Kakashi would be out here and Iruka could finally get back to his life… they wouldn’t be able to avoid each other completely but there wouldn’t be any more than duty between them. This thought finally helped to calm him. Just because he was bonded didn’t mean that he would let an alpha control his life. He would tell Kakashi as soon as the man finished his rut and there was nothing the alpha could do. Iruka had saved his life and Iruka would be the one to decide where they would go from here.

The idea comforted him so much, he felt himself slip into a better mood instantly. So he went to make breakfast for himself and Naruto. The blond joined him happily. Over the meal, Iruka took his time to assess his pup. He really wasn’t a pup anymore, he was a young, handsome man and Iruka felt like he could let him go. This was one of the strongest ninjas in the village, he could look after himself, he didn’t need a stupid omega for that. But his happy scent still calmed Iruka, it was so good to have Naruto around.

Kakashi slipped into another wave of rage not long after their breakfast, Naruto closed the door and they started to tidy up the apartment. The work helped Iruka to focus on something else and the decision he’d made, helped him to not feel guilty for Kakashi’s pain. Maybe it would be the final wave and the rut would finally be done.

Kakashi had another wave that afternoon, Iruka and Naruto sat down on the sofa and watched a film. It was a much better distraction than Iruka had thought, especially the enthusiastic comments the accompanied the film. It was about a group of ninjas who had to save an omega prince from being kidnapped and forcefully married to a villain. Of course, the prince and the alpha leader of the troop fell in love half-way and mated in the end. Another one of those films that portrayed omegas as helpless and weak and Naruto complained the whole time how useless that character was and how in real life an omega could do so much more than just waiting to be saved. It comforted Iruka more than he wanted to admit. He tried to concentrate on the many mistakes the film made in portraying ninjas. It was a crappy film but they had fun badmouthing it.

In the early afternoon, Shizune came back and apologised for being late but Iruka knew how much she had to do and how much time she had already lost by looking after him, so he really couldn’t blame her. “You look better, Iruka-san,” she noticed.

“Naruto cheered me up.”

“A ninja who doesn’t look after his comrades is scum,” Naruto shouted from the sofa. “By the way, I didn’t do much.”

“Thank you for bringing him here,” Iruka said and he meant it. He really couldn’t express how grateful he was.

“I’m going to check on Kakashi-san. How has he been?”

“He went into rut again this morning but went quiet about ten minutes ago. I guess, he’s asleep.” Shizune nodded and entered the bedroom. The way she scrunched up her nose told Iruka that the smell in there really was bad.

“He’s well, just a bit dehydrated. I think there will be another wave around this evening and he’ll be done after that.” She refilled his water jug, which had survived somehow, and closed the door again. “You have been very strong and did your mission well.” Shizune smiled. “I’d still ask you to write a mission report. And I think you and Kakashi-san should talk. AFTER he’s slept at least eight hours.”

“I will do that,” Iruka bowed. He and Kakashi really had to talk about his decision.

“Naruto-kun, I have to ask you to come with me, unfortunately. Tsunade-sama has assigned you another mission.”

“I have to go, Iruka-sensei. Sorry. But you know… the village always comes first.”

“Of course,” Iruka smiled and hugged him once more. “Thank you for everything. Take care.”

“I will, believe it!” Naruto flashed him a grin and vanished together with Shizune. Iruka stayed behind and started to prepare a small supper for him. He made a bit more, Kakashi would be hungry soon. Then, he sat down to do the mission report.

It wasn’t easy to write down what had happened. He made sure to include descriptions of Kakashi’s behaviour and his own emotional reactions in detail because he knew how important these could be for a medic nin. Kakashi started grunting and smashing in the background, Iruka tried to ignore it and that worked better than he would’ve thought. He had made a decision and all of this wasn’t his problem anymore. The foreign chakra in his system buzzed weakly, like a candle flame which flickered just before it died.


	8. I don't let you go at me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka has made a decision. Now, he has to tell Kakashi and live with the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> I got so many amazing comments for the last chapter.  
> Thank you sooooo much! I feel very honoured.<3  
> I am so happy to see that you enjoy this story.  
> Thank you for your support to. I'm going to kill these term papers! ^^  
> Now, it's time to go into the next phase of this story.  
> Have fun!  
> And I'm very curious what you think of Iruka's decision...

It was around eleven at night when Kakashi knocked against the door. Iruka opened and… gods, the man looked awful. Bloodshot eyes framed by dark rings… his skin was glued to his face and fell into his cheeks. He was even paler than usual and really very much looked like a ghost. “Yo.” Iruka just looked at him and tried not to feel sympathy and guilt for not helping his alpha. “It’s over.” He chuckled. “Might I use your shower?”

“O…of course.” Shit. He was still terrified of the man and the idea of letting Kakashi out into his flat felt very wrong. But he undid the barriers anyway. A stench flooded the living room and it made Iruka blush. Most of it was sweat and pain but there also was lust and desire… he could feel his body react to it. So he held his breath until Kakashi had disappeared into the bathroom but he could feel prickle on his skin. Potent alpha hormones. HIS alpha’s hormones. No. He didn’t want to think like this. The ball of chakra near his womb buzzed and it really, really didn’t help.

He hurried to open the windows and it got better. At least a bit. It would take weeks to get the smell out of here completely. His room was trashed. The only thing more or less intact was his bed. He changed the sheets as quickly as he could and knew that he would have to burn the mattress before he could ever sleep in that room again. Because it was _soaked_ with alpha semen.

Kakashi came back in only a towel and Iruka tried very hard not to stare. But really, even now in such a bad condition… this man was just as if he had fallen out of a book. A lewd book for lonely omegas. He was the epitome of a perfect alpha. And his smell… it was back to normal but it still flooded Iruka nostrils as if there was nothing else in the world to smell. Iruka pointed at a bowl of food he had prepared. “Thank you. I’m starving.” Kakashi sat down in the kitchen way too close to Iruka but he didn’t dare move. His heart was beating in his throat. He tried not to let it show. “You know, I can smell that you’re terrified, there’s no point in hiding it.” Shit. Iruka was up and as far away as possible quicker than he had thought he could move. “And I really can’t blame you. I understand.” But he still looked sad. The eye-smile looked weird without the mask and it didn’t work at all. Iruka realised that he was staring at Kakashi’s lips.

“I changed the sheets. You should sleep.”

“Thank you, Iruka.” The way he said his name without the honorific… Iruka followed him with his eyes as he left. There was something between them… something that was telling Iruka to follow the alpha. The bond. It was there, weak, unstable but unchanged. And as much as Iruka wanted to deny it, it didn’t go away. Tears of frustration wet his eyes before he could stop them. He finished his mission report, wanting it to be done and out of his hands as quickly as possible, and went to sleep on the sofa.

Iruka woke early. He handed in his mission report at the earliest possible time and then went back to make breakfast. Around ten, Kakashi emerged. He looked better, much better. The rings around his eyes were less dark and he wasn’t as pale. A lop-sided grin crooked his lips when he spotted Iruka in the kitchen. “Such a good omega looking after his mate.”

Iruka winced at the words and he knew Kakashi noticed. Quietly, he turned around and placed the food on two seats opposite each other on the kitchen table. “Sit down, we need to talk.” He wanted this done as soon as possible.

“Well, good morning to you too.” Kakashi yawned, his mood was way too good and gods, he acted as if they were some old, traditional couple and nothing bad had ever happened between them. Iruka hated it.

“Good morning,” he gave back, maybe a bit sharper than he wanted, sat down and grabbed his tea cup. Tea always helped to calm him down. “You look much better this morning.”

“I feel much better, too. Better than I have felt in years, to be honest. It’s good to have a mate again.”

“About that,” Iruka sighed. “This was never my decision. I did it to save your life and as my duty to the village. You are not a mate of my choosing and… this is my life and I refuse that you do to it what you did to my bedroom. I know, you will inevitably be a part of my life but I want to keep this part as small as possible. I’m not ready to live with an alpha and right now I am terrified of you. The way you had control over my body… I don’t want to feel that ever again. Please, respect that.”

For a while, Kakashi said nothing. Then, he laid down his chopsticks, his face, even without the mask, betrayed nothing of what he thought or felt. His scent had vanished from one moment to the other and that was the thing which unsettled Iruka the most. “I guess that’s my cue to leave,” Kakashi finally said, his voice even and as nonchalant as ever. “Thank you for saving my life, Iruka-sensei.” With that, he made the hand signs and vanished. Iruka sat back and sighed. Relief flooded him. Kakashi was gone. Now, everything could go back to normal.

Tsunade looked up when she sensed the shunshin behind her. Of all people, she would not have expected Kakashi to disturb her. “Yes?,” she barked.

“I’d like to get a mission, Hokage-sama,” Kakashi stated and appeared in front of her desk. His eyes betrayed nothing and his scent was skilfully hidden. He didn’t want her to know what’s going on but if he requested a mission the morning after he finished his rut, it couldn’t be anything good. “An extended one which takes me away from the village for a while, if possible.”

“Tsk….” Tsunade clicked her tongue in annoyance. She had made such an effort to make the thing with Kakashi and Iruka work. She’d even given up the company of her sweet mate who she needed so desperately to survive this job! And apparently it had all been for nothing. “Iruka rejected you?”

“Mah…,” he shrugged as if he didn’t care. But his scent was hidden, Tsunade was sure that if it hadn’t, he would’ve stunk of pain. Damn this stupid alpha jonin and his nonchalant stance! “My rut scared him. He needs time to come to terms with it.”

This wasn’t even half of the story, Tsunade was sure but she skimmed through the pages of the mission book nonetheless. “A farmer in the Land of Tea has been raided several times and the thieves left no traces. He asked for our help to protect him and find out who did it. It’s a B-rank but right now the only one that fits your wish. I hate to waste a high-ranking shinobi like you on this but I respect your choice. It’s probably better if you don’t run into each other by accident. Three months. That’s all I can give you. And get this stuff sorted out afterwards because I don’t want to keep this job any moment longer than I have to, are we clear?”

“Yes. Thank you, Hokage-sama.” Kakashi bowed, took the scroll and disappeared. Tsunade sighed and her hand automatically found its way to her sake drawer. Why did everything connected to Hatake Kakashi turn out to be so complicated?

Shizune came in and replaced the sake in front of her with a tea cup. “I heard,” she said, “I’m sorry.”

“Ah… don’t be. We did everything we could. Now, we can only hope that Iruka figures out what he needs to do.”

“Maybe I should talk to him…”

“No.” Tsunade refused to use the alpha voice ever but she was close. “Iruka occupied you for long enough. Right now, _I_ need you. He’s a grown man, he can handle it.”

“If you say so…” Shizune stroked her neck and emitted the wonderful soothing hormones that Tsunade so desperately needed. Kakashi deserved to have an omega who did that for him too but it had to wait.

Iruka decided to get rid of everything in his bedroom. For a moment, he had considered moving but this flat was the first place which had ever felt like a home again since his parents died and he was not ready to give it up just because of some stupid alpha had left his mark on it. So he rather ripped out the whole wall and had a new one put in. New bed, new wardrobe, new bedside tables. He only kept the pictures and decorations that had survived the alpha’s assault. After a week of hard work, he was very happy with the result. A brand-new bedroom with a bigger, more comfortable bed and nothing reminded him of Kakashi ever being there. But the memories came back the first night he slept in his new bed. How Kakashi had looked him, like a predator… how he had used his alpha voice… how Iruka had nearly succumbed to it. He woke up shivering and sweating. It would take time before he would get over that.

Thankfully, his routine hadn’t changed. He taught at the Academy and did his mission desk shifts… maybe he was a bit grumpier when he received bad mission reports, maybe especially when they were handed in by alphas. But nothing else changed. He didn’t see Kakashi again, neither Tsunade nor Shizune came to talk to him. There were Ramen dinners with Naruto and the boy didn’t mention Kakashi even once, Iruka was very grateful for it. And no one else knew. Kotetsu complained that he wasn’t as fun as usual but that was it. He had gone back to supressing his instincts to not be reminded of the bite that throbbed sometimes and made him feel lonely. He didn’t want to let his omega side control him. The only thing that changed was the decreasing amount of heat suppressants he took. He knew that he couldn’t avoid this part of his omega nature any longer without causing serious harm to his body. He’d been long past the point where it was healthy to take them and even though he was probably addicted to them by now, Shizune had made a detailed plan which he stuck to dutifully. The slow withdrawal didn’t limit him in any way. There were next to no changes. Naruto once mentioned that he smelled differently, just a bit, and Iruka just shoved more chakra into his scent glands.

Three and a half months later was the first time he saw Kakashi again. The jonin came into the mission room and froze for a moment. It was only a split-second but Iruka noticed because the same thing happened to him too. The moment passed, Kakashi handed in his report, gave him an eye-smile and left again.

“Oh, that must’ve been a hard mission,” Kotetsu remarked.

“What makes you think that?” Iruka had rather his friend shut up.

“Usually, he stays to chat for a while, gives a few compliments, that’s just how he is...” His friend shrugged and Iruka shrugged too because he didn’t know what else to do. Of, course _he_ knew why Kakashi was like that and he could feel the tiny bit of foreign chakra that he’d nearly managed to forget about start to burn inside him again. It tickled and warmed his insides and it hurt in a way it usually didn’t… Iruka ignored it till the end of his shift and soaked in a nice hot bath at home but that only helped a bit. When he woke the next morning, his whole torso was taught and ached.

A few hours into his teaching, he started to get cramps. He tried to ignore it at first but when they got so bad he could hardly stand upright, he asked Daikoku to take over and went to the hospital. Shizune was chatting with the receptionist but looked up when Iruka entered. “Oh dear…,” she sighed, “I’m going to look at you myself, please follow me.”

Iruka sat down awkwardly on the examination table and Shizune gave him a tissue to wipe his sweat. Her hands found his stomach, pressed down on the spot where it hurt the most and poured healing chakra into him. It lessened the pain but only a bit. “Just like I thought,” she murmured. “I’m sorry, Iruka-san, but there is not much I can do. You’re going into heat.”

He’d suspected it but now that he knew for sure, it didn’t make him feel better. “Great,” he sighed.

“Have you and Kakashi-san met up again?”

“He came in for the mission desk yesterday but we didn’t talk and he was only there for about a minute.”

Shizune looked at him and her dark eyes were worried. “I didn’t say anything because I know how traumatic Kakashi-san’s rut was for you and you needed space and time to work through it but when I look at you… you’re trying to deny the bond, aren’t you? You are back to hiding your scent again.”

Iruka sighed. He felt weak and hot, another cramp hit him. It hadn’t been like that the last time he’d had a heat. “It’s just not right… I’m afraid of him and what he could do to me. And I’m comfortable in my single life; I don’t want to change that. He was mated to me because his life is important, he moved into my flat just like that and he trashed my room and all of that doesn’t matter because he’s a jonin alpha and I’m just an unimportant little omega. I do not comply with this role. I refuse to bow down just because I’m an omega. Just because I’m bonded to Kakashi doesn’t mean that I belong to him!”

“Iruka- _san_ ,” Shizune stressed the honorific and for the first time since Iruka had known her, she actually looked angry. “Is this how you perceive omegas being treated in Konoha? Do you think that lowly of us? Yes, it’s true, your bond was not formed of love but we asked you and you agreed to it. And Kakashi did not come with you to your flat because he’s the alpha and you belong to him. He knew that there is nothing better to calm an omega than a familiar environment. Doing this in Kakashi’s flat would’ve been a disaster. I’m sorry for your bedroom but you might have noticed that the Hokage financed all refurnishing. These are excuses, Iruka-san, because you are afraid to give up your quasi beta identity. You’re afraid of change, that’s what you are. And that’s _the opposite_ of a brave, strong omega.”

Iruka scoffed because he knew Shizune was right. He was afraid of giving up that lifelong lie, the wish to be independent. He was afraid of Kakashi and being close to him. He was afraid that he might like it and let himself be pushed into the role of a stereotypical omega. Maybe he was even afraid that he could fall in love with Kakashi.

“Don’t leave, Iruka,” Shizune commanded when he got up. “I have to tell you something.” He turned around and her eyes had gone back to being worried again. “You might have noticed that you’re having cramps. This is a side effect of using suppressants for too long. Your reproductive system is struggling to be activated again. It will hurt and you _cannot_ manage this alone. You’ll _need_ an alpha to help you through it.”

“What happens if refuse?” he snapped back and yes, he might’ve sounded like a cranky teenager but he was in pre-heat and the cramps hurt so fucking much…

“The cramps will only get worse, there will be internal bleeding and in the end you’ll die,” Shizune stated matter-of-factly. “Decide what’s more important to you: your pride or your life. Oh, and Kakashi-san’s life of course. Because losing another mate, which he hasn’t even properly bonded with, would kill him too. He’s off bad enough anyway, with his mate shutting him out.”

Kakashi… only hearing the name sparked something inside him. “Kakashi suffers?” he still asked.

Shizune sighed. “You think a bond is hard on the omega? I told you, he’s marked by your mating bite. It’s the only reason he’s still alive. He depends on it. For you… it’s your first bond and it hasn’t even settled in properly, you don’t feel much of it. But it’s completely different in Kakashi’s case.”

Iruka was reminded of their morning together. The smile, the genuine delight in Kakashi’s posture. ‘It’s good to have a mate again,’ that’s what he’d said. Gods, Iruka had no idea what he had done to the other man and, frankly, he hadn’t cared. But now that he knew… could he ignore it any longer? No matter how terrifying Kakashi’s rut had been… none of that had been of his choice but Iruka had _chosen_ to hurt Kakashi. He had known it would hurt him. Not to what extent, he still couldn’t grasp that, but that was something Iruka-sensei would’ve never done to anyone. So why? Why had he done that? Because Shizune was right. He was afraid. And apparently he was so much of a coward that he preferred hurting others to taking a risk. He hated himself and, as unstable as his emotions were thanks to heat hormones, started to cry. Another cramp ripped through him and it only made him sob harder.

Shizune was at his side, she was always there for him, and enveloped him in soothing, comforting pheromones as well as a hug. “We all make mistakes,” she said softly, “And I should’ve talked to you about that earlier. It’s not too late to make up for it. But for now… you have to survive that heat. I advise you to drop your scent control, otherwise it will only take longer until it hits.”

“Not here,” Iruka sobbed, “Home”

“Of course.” Shizune transported them to Iruka’s flat where he fell onto the sofa. After a moment, he slowly dropped his chakra control. His scent flooded the air, it felt unfamiliar to him. It had been quite some time since he smelled it and the clear edge of heat pheromones… he’d forgotten what it was like. With it, his omega instincts crashed down on him and made him wince. An especially painful cramp ripped through him… at the same time, his bite mark started to throb and he longed… for Kakashi. Need alpha. He tried to fight it but it was useless, so he just curled in on himself.

“This will be a very strong heat,” Shizune explained and placed a wet cloth on his slightly feverish forehead, “It will not be pleasant, even with Kakashi’s help. I’ll leave a few pain killers in the kitchen, they are for emergencies only. A cold shower can help take the edge off, so does a wet cloth. Do _not_ walk around in wet clothes, it makes it worse, and drink lots of water. Don’t bother trying to use a toy… it won’t work, not in this state. You’ll need Kakashi and I know that he’s said to be a very gentle, caring alpha. Can you at least give him a chance?” Iruka sobbed and nodded. “Do you want me to call for him?”

“Don’t want to,” he lied, his voice weak. Was it a lie, though? He was still terrified of the man. “I know you have to. I don’t want him to die.” That, at least, was the truth. Shizune vanished and left Iruka alone, whimpering on the sofa.


	9. Let him in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka is struggling with pre-heat symptoms. Things become even more urgent when his heat actually hits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> I got so many comments on the last chapter!  
> Thank you for all your contribution! It was very interesting to read how you feel about Iruka and Kakashi and I was surprised to actually get a lot of different opinions on the matter. You have made me a very happy girl. :)  
> Anyway, we are going into the next phase of Iruka's and Kakashi's relationship. I've been struggling with Iruka's heat a lot. Because... how do you do a heat-stricken omega who is afraid of his mate and do it justice? I've worked over these chapters time and time again and I hope that I came up with a solution that you'll be happy with...  
> Have fun!

Wasn’t heat supposed to be about overbearing arousal and need? All he could feel was pain. His insides convulsed in cramps every so often and, just like Shizune had said, they were only getting worse. Tears streamed over his face every time they hit, sometimes he cried out. And he felt so alone. The bite mark throbbed and foreign chakra sat in the centre of the cramping, burning and buzzing. It felt like it wanted to leave his body and connect back with its source but that source was too far away and it only added to Iruka’s agony.

He lay there for what felt like eternities until something happened. The familiar sound of a shunshin appearing in his living room despite all the wards and seals. Iruka didn’t need to open his eyes, he felt the relief instantly. As stuffy as his nose might have been, he smelled it instantly. Alpha. His alpha. Mate close. Every instinct in him cried towards the source of the scent and the chakra sitting in his belly but instead he doubled up in pain again.

“Iruka?” Soft, nonchalant, melodious… Kakashi sounded just like he always did but it was music to Iruka’s ears. “Can I… touch you?” Iruka cried and, after a moment of hesitation, he nodded. The next moment, there was a strong, warm arm wrapped around him that kept him steady and pulled his back against a muscular chest. He didn’t have to see him. The face that could twist so maliciously, the mouth that could say these horrible things… It was easy for Iruka to ignore when he couldn’t see him. But he could smell… Pheromones overwhelmed Iruka’s senses. Gods, Kakashi’s scent was so good, so…alpha. He inhaled it greedily. Konoha woods after the rain… Kakashi smelled like… home. He smelled like home. Iruka had not known how much he needed this scent until now. He wanted to rub it all over his flat so that it stayed with him forever. Why had be never noticed Kakashi smelled so wonderful? Because he didn’t use to. There had always been the mark of betrayal to his scent. Blood, metal… like the night Mizuki had nearly killed Naruto. But that tint had been lost and… that was because of him. The realisation hit Iruka hard. Kakashi had smelled like betrayal because his former mate had betrayed him. She had left him marked and bonded to a ghost. That’s why the scent had been so repulsive to Iruka. Kakashi hadn’t been supposed to be interesting to other omegas because he’d already had a mate. A dead one. But now… Iruka had changed Kakashi. He had marked the alpha and then he had left him alone, just like his predecessor. Kakashi had accepted the change, which Iruka was so afraid to allow, without a moment’s hesitation, even though it was just as big for him. Guilt overwhelmed him. There was no way he could ever make it up to Kakashi again. Kakashi who, outside of rut, had only been kind and complaisant towards him.

“I’m sorry,” Iruka sobbed and wanted to curl into fetal position and hide from his embarrassment. But he also didn’t want to leave the embrace. “I hurt you. I’m a horrible mate.”

“Shhh…,” a big hand stroked his head soothingly, “It happened too quickly. You were not prepared for it.”

“Yes but I kicked you out and avoided you and,” his voice broke because of another sob, “now you’re back only because…” He didn’t like it but it was a truth he had to admit. “because I _need_ you.”

“Mah…” Kakashi stroked his head, his arms and it was comforting but he didn’t deny anything Iruka had said. There was a long silence between them, Kakashi stroked him and buried his nose in the brown hair. After some time, Iruka started to relax, at least a bit. Kakashi wasn’t violent and angry… he was kind and his scent felt safe and protective. Iruka tensed for every cramp but they came less often and didn’t hurt as much. It was good to feel the strong body behind him like a pillar to keep him upright. Another spike of protectiveness… Iruka couldn’t get used to the scent; he enjoyed every breath he took. It was so good... Eventually, after a long time of silently enjoying each other’s company, Kakashi moved again. He pulled out of the hug and carefully leaned Iruka against the sofa’s backrest instead. Then, he crouched down in front of him. Now Iruka had to look at him. Kakashi looked like he always did. Jonin attire, hair wild, mask in place. A familiar sight and Iruka was relieved to see him like that, a ninja on duty, not as an alpha.

“You are going to have a very powerful heat and you need me but I promise that I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. I might not always ask you for permission but you can always tell me to stop and I will do as you say. I’m going to take care of you the best way I can because you are important to me. You’re my mate after all.” Iruka nodded, tears welled up again. He felt like the worst person in the world. Kakashi didn’t deserve any of the shit Iruka had done to him.

But the jonin got up and left. Iruka didn’t want him to; he wanted to go back to cuddling… had he really just thought like that about the monster that had trashed his bedroom? Anyway, Kakashi didn’t go far, just over to the kitchen area. “I’m going to make dinner. You need nutrition.” Iruka nodded and sat up to watch him, chin propped on top of the backrest. This position actually helped with the cramps, he could just press his belly into the cushioning when they hit.

Kakashi found his way in the kitchen with the predatory preciseness and elegance of a top-class ninja. Vegetables were killed quickly, the meat butchered efficiently. It didn’t take long until the smell of food dominated the atmosphere and Iruka could feel his mouth salivating. He hadn’t eaten anything the whole day, he realised. Well, he had been much more focussed on more pressing matters like… cramps. But Kakashi… the man in his kitchen and the man in his bedroom had two different identities, he decided. And Iruka liked the current one. He took great pleasure in just watching him cook.

“You haven’t said anything in a while,” Kakashi finally said stirring the vegetables in the wok.

“Sorry, I…” Iruka had to take a breath, he had been so engrossed with watching the man… he hadn’t even noticed. “I like watching you cook.” He sighed. “You’re taking care of me and cooking for me… you would be a much better omega than I am… and you’re an alpha.”

“Mah…” Kakashi looked over to him for a moment, considering. His dark grey eyes were just… it did something to Iruka and he wasn’t sure what it was. “You got this all wrong. Omegas and alphas don’t work like... you know… housewife and dominating. A big part of being an alpha is ‘protect’. Making sure the omega and the pups are safe, healthy and happy. When I see you in pain and smell your distress… all my instincts urge me to take care of you. I would do more or less _anything_ to make sure you’re happy.”

He knew nothing about what being an alpha or being an omega actually was about, Iruka realised. He had been so stupid for so long… “So what do I do then?”

Kakashi shrugged. “You have to find that out for yourself. I’m not the kind of alpha who tells an omega what they’re supposed to be. But I can tell you one thing that I know you know already: a relationship, no matter which kind, only works if both parties make an effort.”

Kakashi was right, Iruka knew that. How could he have been so stupid? He had to make an effort as well. He couldn’t just walk away from being bonded and continue doing his own thing like nothing ever happened. Things had changed and he wasn’t alone anymore, there were other people involved that depended on _him_ , not the other way round. “I’m sorry,” Iruka buried his face in his hands so that Kakashi wouldn’t see the tears. “You’re right. It was wrong to kick you out, I have to… I’m a stupid, useless omega but I’ll try. I’ll try to be better.”

“Iruka…” The way he said his name… it only made him sob even harder. Hands lifted his head, Iruka recoiled. Too close. And Kakashi let him go. “Iruka, you’re wrong. Please, don’t think like this about yourself. You saved my life. You cared for me during the whole of my rut. Even though you were terrified, you didn’t run away. You helped the best way you could to get me through it and I’m grateful. I understand that you needed time to come to terms. This is all new to you and I know it’s confusing. Let me help you and please, don’t feel guilty for being on the receiving end for once. I _want_ to care for you and it would be the greatest thing if it actually helped you.”

Iruka inhaled the enticing alpha scent. Home. Safe. Loved. He nodded and wiped his tears. “I’ll try.”

“Thank you”

Kakashi was back at the stove in an instant and saved the food from being burned. Maybe he could get up and at least lay the table… as soon as Iruka tried to stand up, he felt his knees give and he tumbled to the floor instead. How embarrassing. But Kakashi didn’t even hesitate, he was at his side instantly, helped him up and guided him to the table to sit. His strong warm hands felt nice on his body… “You’ll feel much better when you had something to eat,” was all he said but Iruka felt his face burn.

The food was amazing. Before he knew, Iruka had inhaled two helpings. It put a smile into Kakashi’s eyes and Iruka felt embarrassed again. “You’re an amazing chef,” he murmured quietly.

“Mah, I was on my own a lot and my late mother had left me some cook books. It’s not that different from ninja techniques.”

“My parents’ house burned in the Kyuubi attack.” Iruka had visited the place once but there had been nothing to save. There was a new house now in the place where it used to be and Iruka’s childhood home lay at the memorial stone, just like the memory of his parents.

“I know. We both lost a lot in the war.” Kakashi collected the empty plates and went over to the sink to wash them. “But we have peace now. I’d rather not lose anything else.” Or anyone. He didn’t say it but the unspoken words hung heavily between them. Iruka winced when another cramp hit him. “Thank you for the food but I’m tired. I think I’m heading to bed now.” Iruka got up and found that he was able to stand and walk again. Kakashi had been right. “I hope to at least get some sleep tonight.”

“I’d like to stay and sleep on your couch, if you let me.” Iruka just gave him a little nod and headed into the bathroom.

Iruka did _not_ get much sleep that night. He was way too hot and started to sweat as soon as pulled up the duvet. But without it, he was too cold. And the cramping might have slowed down but it still hit occasionally and woke him should he have fallen asleep for a moment. So he felt like the world was breaking to pieces when the sun finally rose over the horizon.

He could hear Kakashi walking around in his living room but he didn’t feel like he had the strength to get up. Eventually though, his bladder forced him too.

Trying to sneak across a room with a jonin in it was, apparently, a useless task. Kakashi took notice of him as soon as he stepped out of the bedroom and watched him the whole way to the bathroom. His eyes, again, betrayed nothing, but it didn’t make Iruka feel any less bad. ”I see you haven’t gotten much sleep either,” Kakashi stated when he served them breakfast. “I don’t know if this is any comfort to you but these are only pre-heat symptoms. Shizune-san explained it to me. When your heat hits, you’ll have other things to focus on. Some of them might even turn out to be pleasant.”

Iruka hummed thoughtfully, he knew he disliked the idea. “Kakashi… I’m not sure if I’m ready to have sex with you yet. I haven’t… well, at least not with an alpha.”

“I understand,” Kakashi nodded slowly. “I told you, I’m not going to do anything you don’t like. But I’m going to have to knot you. Your heat is too strong to try to get through it any other way. Don’t worry, if the time comes… you’ll feel like you need it.”

“I don’t… knots mean high chance of pregnancy. I can’t take birth control yet and I… I’m not ready to…”

“You have been on heat suppressants for so long, it’ll take time until your reproductive system is fully functional again. This heat is basically to jump start the process. There is next to no chance you’ll get pregnant in this heat.”

“But there is a chance?”

“It’s lower than the chance of being impregnated while on birth control.”

Iruka sighed in relief but it was short-lived because another cramp hit. “Well,” he sighed, “I don’t feel like I’ll be going into heat soon.”

It was in the afternoon when he felt the first trickles of heat. Kakashi had gone grocery shopping to prepare for his heat and Iruka lay on the sofa. At first, he didn’t notice but then he felt the cramps go… deeper. A soft tingling of arousal started to accompany each one. It actually was more pleasant like that because in the rate the arousal grew, the pain lessened. When Kakashi came back, Iruka lay flushed, panting and with closed eyes, one arm to cover his eyes because the light was too bright. Waves of arousal and tension rushed through him from time to time.

The smell of the alpha did not help to calm him down. He was hot and sweating and very uncomfortable. But at least he wasn’t in pain anymore. “I’d guess it started?,” he asked. Iruka nodded and supressed a groan at the sound of his voice. Alpha. Mate. Another wave of arousal.

Kakashi dropped his bags in the kitchen and started unpacking. “This probably doesn’t help but you smell absolutely divine.” No, it didn’t help. Rather the opposite. “I mean, I’m very much drawn to your normal omega scent but this… well, it is supposed to be enticing, I guess.” Yes, Kakashi. Iruka just wanted him to keep talking. He didn’t really care what he said but the sound of his voice was just… everything he needed. But instead, the alpha unpacked stupid groceries in the kitchen.

“Please…,” he finally whined.

“Yes. What do you need?”

“Just… talk.”

“Oh, so you are attracted to my voice? I don’t mind that at all. Actually, I think it’s cute. Very cute. Unusual but very cute.” Ah… this voice. It was like honey flowing down his throat; Iruka writhed and felt the hardness in his pants. “I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of an omega with a voice kink before but if it is mine, I won’t complain. You know, you’re scent is really distracting. I’m trying my best not to let my words drift into… but it’s hard, sensei. It is hard.” A small groan escaped him and his hand found its way into his pants without him actually deciding to jerk off. “Yare, yare… I’ve forgotten what an omega in heat can be like. There is a reason why I’m not coming over to you right now. Even though I would really like to see, I think you’re not ready for that yet. Take your time; I’ll do my best to help you through it.” Iruka was hooked on that voice, that wonderful voice, he was hard and weeping pre-cum. His breath sped up. It was so good, he needed more. And the alpha provided. “Actually, I just thought of a poem you might like…” And then Kakashi raised his voice and recited verses about lime trees and flowers and birds and people coupling in meadows. His voice became more lyrical than it already was and it really did it for Iruka. He came before the end of the last verse and his breath hitched when he tainted his pants. Gods, it had been so long since he… and, even though he felt less on edge, there was no real relief to be had. But his head cleared enough for to realise what he had done. He had jerked off to Kakashi reciting a sexual but admittedly very nice poem all the while the alpha knew exactly what he was doing. Did he… Iruka peaked over the bedrest. No, Kakashi could not have seen him but all his other ninja senses must’ve told him exactly what was going on. “Did it help?” Kakashi looked up and, again, his eyes were unreadable. Iruka’s cheeks burned but he nodded. “That’s nothing to be embarrassed about, you heard me doing much worse.” To be honest, that was true. “But I have to admit: you are very cute when in heat. Well, when in the beginnings of heat.” Right. This hadn’t been much. It would only get worse from here.

“I think I’m going to take a shower.” Iruka stood and staggered out of the room. An ice-cold shower. Shizune said that might help him. Because he could feel his insides stir again already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem Kakashi recites is a wonderful middle German poem by Walther von der Vogelweide.  
> I found this amazing translation and fell in love with it. And I think this is definitely the kind of poem Kakashi would know.  
> If anyone is interested: https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/under-the-lime-tree/


	10. Don't let me suffer alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka is battling the beginnings of his heat and Kakashi tries to give him space. Which might just be the wrong behaviour...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)  
> I have been in a place of stress lately... and I haven't left it yet...  
> But after starting a new, original abo story (it's dark and just as intense as this one... it's called "Toy Boy" *advertisement stop*), I'm now back at this story again... I haven't written much, to be honest, neither here nor on my term papers but I'm trying. ^^  
> Thank you for your comments, they really lift me up and keep me going. :)  
> Now, let's get on with the next chapter... we're entering heat territory. ^^  
> Have fun!

The shower helped. A bit. Iruka made it through a delicious supper with just a constant warm tingle in his belly. But it subsided slowly and he felt nearly normal again. They didn’t speak, it was slightly uncomfortable, but Iruka didn’t know what to say. He washed the dishes and felt the stares in his back. He smelled the alpha. It kept him on edge; he didn’t know if he liked the attention or wanted to hide away. So, in the end, he hid in his bedroom, built a small nest and buried himself in it. Like that, he could nearly forget that Kakashi was even there. He consciously avoided sensing the other’s chakra and the pheromones hadn’t made it into his bedroom yet. It took him a few hours to calm down but he finally fell asleep.

Five minutes later, or that’s what it felt like, he was woken again by a cramp ripping through his insides. Great. He’d thought he’d been past that point. Apparently not. Another one. Ow. He squirmed and threw back his duvet but it didn’t help. Tears welled up in his eyes. Did these cramps have to be so damn painful? He was a shinobi, he should be able to bear it but he wasn’t. Once again, he was reminded how weak omegas really were. They couldn’t even win against their own nature. Why had he been born as an omega? Why couldn’t he be a beta? He’d liked his life as a beta. Many of his beta friends were jealous of omegas and alphas because of the strong bond they could form with their mate but they didn’t know about all the downsides. Being an alpha… that wasn’t easy but being an omega… it was too hard. Why had nature chosen to make omegas? Why make it so hard for them? Another cramp ripped through him and he cried out.

Kakashi stared at the ceiling and wished to be deaf. Iruka… his omega was in pain. It was probably the cramps again. All he wanted to do was go in there and help Iruka but he had sensed how uncomfortable the other had been in his presence. He really couldn’t judge Iruka for it either. The bedroom was the only safe space left untouched by his pheromones and he didn’t want to ruin his omega’s hiding place.

It hurt to know that his mate still rejected him. He’d had time enough during his mission to get used to the idea and the pain. It had hurt. It had hurt so much when Iruka had rejected him. It had hurt for the whole duration of his mission. It had hurt even more when he’d seen the man at the mission desk. Kakashi had accepted it; he was used to people leaving him. He was used to the pain and the pangs of loneliness because that was all his bond with Rin had ever been.

Rin… she had been so precious to him, as a friend, as a mate, but their bond had never been his choice. With Iruka… their connection felt much deeper, the omega had saved his life and Kakashi had a deep respect for the sensei. Was it respect though? It bordered on possessiveness, if he was honest. Only the idea of Iruka in Konoha interacting with so many other alphas while he was gone had made him want to growl and smash things. It was his omega and mate. Only his. He’d never felt that way when Obito had tried to flirt with Rin but with Iruka… of course, Kakashi had not deliberately chosen this time either but if one of his friends would’ve asked him for the perfect mate, he would’ve said Iruka-sensei. In joke, of course, because he’d always thought the man was a beta. And the sensei had always been reluctant in their interaction as if Kakashi’s presence made him uncomfortable. His Icha Icha primed brain had added the idea of a secret crush and he’d liked it. Apparently it was rather the opposite. Maybe it was true, maybe Iruka was better off without him.

But being here and experiencing Iruka at his most fragile, his most divine… he wasn’t sure if he could ever leave again without breaking completely. The way his tan skin glowed, the way his dreamy, brown eyes watched Kakashi cooking… he wanted to protect this with everything he had. His omega, his mate… they had a bond but it was weak. It was shaky and insecure… Kakashi knew that his existence depended on it and knowing that this base was so shaky and easy to break… It was a new pain, different to what he’d felt for Rin all these years, and yet so similar.

Another whimper in the bedroom. He tensed but forced himself to stay and stare at the ceiling instead. Iruka was so close and yet unreachable. He wanted the omega to feel safe and comfortable in his presence. He wanted to be the only one Iruka looked at with those lovely brown eyes. He’d seen the man look at Naruto and even the memory made a rush of jealousy wash over him. Naruto was Iruka’s pup; there was nothing romantic between them, just fierce, parental love. But love nonetheless. Kakashi wanted to be loved, to be held gently, to be fussed over. Yes, he was stupid to want this, he was a monster. He had killed everyone he’d loved so far with the exception of Team 7. There was no way anyone would ever love him like that. They might admire him and they might have chosen him for Hokage because Naruto was too young and apparently his Susanoo had made a good impression but that wasn’t even his own power. It had been Obito’s, the old Obito’s, remaining chakra that had lend him the Sharingan. After he had died. Kakashi was cursed to live his life on the expense of other’s lives. He’d ruined Iruka’s as well and still he couldn’t help but feel lonely. He’d never felt so lonely. Not after Rin’s death, not during his mission. Maybe in his last rut… but he couldn’t remember much. Sensing Iruka so close was the worst. But still, he would not go in there and defile Iruka’s last safe haven. The risk of breaking the bond was too high.

Morning slowly crept in through the window, Iruka hardly noticed. His eyes were swollen and hurt; the headache nearly split his head; he couldn’t grasp one coherent thought. There was only pain and the fear before the pain hit again. All he wanted was to die. It would make the pain end. Another cramp hit and he whined, louder and longer than he had ever before and it sounded utterly hopeless even to his own ears.

A second later, the door was ripped open. Alpha pheromones swamped the room, spiced with protectiveness and worry, Iruka sucked them in as if he was suffocating. Another cry came out of his throat without his conscious consent and the alpha was there, he was close, he held him pressed against his chest. Iruka basked in the pheromones and the warmth, the feeling of being safe. His hands grabbed the other’s arms unwilling to let him go ever again. He choked and sobbed and the other held him when he convulsed in the next cramp. But it wasn’t as powerful. The alpha scent was a great distraction. So good. It was what he had unconsciously been yearning for it all night.

“It’s alright, Iruka-sensei,” he heard a voice from a faraway place, “I’m here now. I’m going to take care of you.” The alpha tried to move away, Iruka wasn’t having it. He held onto the man with all the remaining strength he had. Don’t leave again. It will make the pain come back. No pain anymore, please. As if he had heard his thoughts - Had Iruka said it out loud? – the man gently picked him up and carried him away. Strong alpha. Iruka wrapped his legs around the other’s waist and his arms around his neck and buried his face on his shoulder. The scent was strongest there. Konoha woods after the rain and peppermint tea. Home. He’d never leave home again.

There was a something pressed against his lips. A glass. Iruka gulped down the water greedily and felt much better already. The pain had subsided. Alpha had made it stop. He would never leave again. He was tired. But his alpha knew and took care of him, Iruka was safe with him. He hadn’t felt safe and comforted like that for a very long time. Maybe never. It was good. The alpha laid him back down on the bed but Iruka wasn’t ready to let go of him, so he held on until the alpha lay down with him. Iruka cuddled up to him before exhaustion overcame him.

Iruka was out like a light. Kakashi still hadn’t fully realised what had happened. He hadn’t slept the night, always anxiously listening for Iruka’s whimpers but they’d grown fainter, so he’d hoped that the other man had fallen asleep. But then, the cry. He’d never heard anything like it. A bit like an abandoned pup would cry for his mother but the omega wasn’t a pup and he didn’t cry for his mother. He cried for his mate. Kakashi couldn’t stay on the sofa any longer. As much as he wanted Iruka to have his safe space… if the omega cried for his help… he literally couldn’t refuse it. He was up and at the door before he realised it.

What he saw made him regret every decision he had made that night. His omega was in pain, excruciating pain, and barely conscious. Another pained cry and Kakashi had him pressed against him. It felt so good to have him close, to feel him hold onto his shoulders. Still, Kakashi didn’t let himself bask in it for very long; he had to care for his omega, so he tried to get up. Iruka didn’t let him. His face… so striking and exceptional, even with the pain and the tears and the puffy eyes. Something welled up in Kakashi which he wasn’t familiar with. A warm, tingling happiness just because he was close to this special person. He wanted Iruka to be happy, he would protect him against anything. And right now, his mate needed some water. Iruka gulped it down and settled back into their embrace. The warmth and happiness grew even stronger, Kakashi felt his heart swell and beat at a quicker pace. It felt too big for his chest like it wanted to break out. It felt so good, it was bordering on uncomfortable. Kakashi marvelled at his sensations for a moment before he carried his omega back to the bed. He wanted to lie down with him and Iruka made sure he had no other choice anyway because he didn’t not let go of him.

As soon as Kakashi lay next to him, Iruka cuddled up to his chest, sighed, smiled and relaxed. Kakashi just held him incredulously and felt fierce possessiveness well up inside him. Mine. His omega. No one would ever get him. He looked at the dishevelled face… it didn’t take away any of the omega’s beauty. What an exceptional omega. How could Kakashi be that lucky? He didn’t deserve to have something as wonderful as Iruka in his life. That couldn’t be right. But it was real and he realised that he couldn’t take his eyes off the other man’s face. He hadn’t slept the night, he was tired yet he couldn’t sleep. He was staring at Iruka and he couldn’t look away. He couldn’t get enough of the miracle in his arms.

Shizune was worried. She tried to distract herself making some tea but there was no one to drink it except her and she’d been to the toilet too many times already. “Shizune!,” Tsunade finally barked, “Stop pacing!”

“I’m sorry, Hokage-sama. I just hope that Iruka-san is alright. I’m worried he might not survive this heat.”

Tsunade sighed and her hands were already itching for the sake drawer again. Shikamaru muttered something like “This is bothersome” under his breath but he was the only one actually getting something done. “Well then. Go and check on them. I’m sure they’re fine. Not even the brat could mess up looking after his mate.”

Shizune bowed and disappeared. Of course, the two of them would be able to handle it. She was just… worried. This all must be so hard on Iruka. She just wanted to make sure. And maybe offer some emotional support.

No one opened when she knocked, so she let herself in, the wards were used to her chakra by now. The flat stank of distress, alpha and omega alike, and the remnants of omega arousal. She opened the windows. Iruka and Kakashi seemed to be in the bedroom and if it wasn’t for the smell of distress, Shizune would’ve never disturbed them but it only sparked her worry. So she lightly rapped and heard a quiet “Come in!” It was a soft voice she had never heard before but it had to belong to one of them.

What she saw made her stop in the doorway. Iruka lay cuddled up in the alpha’s arms, fast asleep. Kakashi held him, so gently, and he didn’t look up to see Shizune, it was as if his eyes were glued to the person in his arms. A beautiful scene of a newly mated couple… if it wasn’t for the state the omega was in. “I apologise for disturbing you, I just wanted to check on Iruka-san,” she said and tried to keep her judgement to herself. Even though she really didn’t like what she saw.

“He had a first heat wave yesterday evening,” Kakashi said, nearly voiceless. It was so soft and gentle… Shizune would’ve never expected it to come from the alpha jonin if she hadn’t seen his lips move. “I did not touch him, he calmed down afterwards. He’s still uncomfortable in my presence. During the night, he had cramps but the bedroom was the only place that was free of my scent, so I didn’t want to go in there. I thought, if he needed me, he would come to me. He didn’t. This morning, he called for help.”

Well, at least he had managed to care for his omega in the end. Shizune tried to keep calm. Anger wouldn’t help anyone, in the worst case, the alpha would feel challenged and Shizune really wanted to avoid that. “These cramps can kill Iruka-san,” she just said as neutrally as possible, “He’s in heat, even if it doesn’t look like it. His instincts yearn for you, you are the only one who can comfort him and ease the cramps. I appreciate that you want to give him space but right now you really should stay as close to him as possible.”

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi said, still not looking up, “I didn’t know it was that bad. But I’ll take better care of him now.”

“Good.” Shizune nodded, satisfied. The alpha’s protectiveness had sparked, he wouldn’t be able to let go of Iruka right now anyway. “How are you feeling?”

“Weird,” was the surprising answer. “I can’t take my eyes off him. He’s so beautiful.” His answer made Shizune smile. She remembered when she and Tsuna had been newly mated… it had been intense. Their first heat together would always be one of Shizune’s favourite memories. Kakashi was absolutely enthralled with the omega, Tsuna was right, these two were a great match. The alpha’s scent had changed, she noticed. It had lost its edge but gained a freshness it didn’t used to possess. Iruka probably was in love with it, it was only a matter of time before he’d open up to Kakashi. Hopefully.

“If you need anything, just call me and I send an ANBU.”

“I think we’re fine.”

“He’s your responsibility, alpha. You should get some sleep too.”

Kakashi sighed but it was a happy sigh. “Can’t. I can’t look away.”

“Try closing your eyes.” Shizune waited a moment until the alpha finally managed to do so. He took a deep breath, pheromones flooded the air. ‘Happy,’ they said, ‘In love.’ Shizune closed the door and left them sleeping. Tsuna had been right. Not even Kakashi could mess up looking after his omega.


	11. Let's talk about it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka is getting deeper into his heat and still doesn't know what he wants. Maybe talking with Kakashi will help. Kakashi has his own struggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)  
> The term papers are coming along... I have finished the first one and started the second... I still have no idea what to do with the third though.  
> But today is a good day to give you another chapter.  
> Thank you for your comments and your support, I appreciate it very much. You are very faithful readers <3  
> If you feel like I update too rarely, I recommend reading Vegeta_vs_Emotions' fic "IDK You Yet". ^^
> 
> Have fun!

Iruka felt safe and comforted. He didn’t want to come to his senses and realise where it came from. Just relish in it... The cramps had died down to a slightly uncomfortable pressure every now and then. He lay like that for some time until he decided to properly wake up and acknowledge the deep and even breathing next to him. Kakashi was sleeping in his bed. Next to him. And they had been cuddling. After what had happened last night, Iruka didn’t even mind that much. Kakashi’s presence had made the cramps go away and he would’ve agreed to nearly everything to make them stop. Having the alpha close wasn’t the so bad anyway. Iruka liked the warmth and the feeling of having someone next to him. And the smell… he couldn’t help himself but inhale. So good.

He propped himself up on one arm to examine the other man. Kakashi was in his sleeping clothes, a black skin-tight sleeveless top with a mask attached. He even slept with a mask… Iruka studied the pale skin of his arms which showed so many scars. The ANBU tattoo. His fingers itched to trace it but it would wake the other man. Defined abs, visible through the fabric. An alpha jonin in top form, Iruka liked what he saw. What he didn’t like as much was the mask. He’d seen Kakashi’s face, he knew how handsome it was and he itched to see it again. So he caught it with two fingers and pulled it down slowly and gently. Beautiful. Iruka had never seen a face as handsome as Kakashi’s. He would’ve fallen for that man so much earlier if he had known. Yes, Iruka could acknowledge that he was very much attracted to Kakashi. It wasn’t hard, the alpha was close to perfect. But he also was his mate and Iruka still wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He didn’t want to be dominated or depend on anyone. Kakashi did depend on him just as much and Iruka really didn’t like it. But, he had to acknowledge… so far it felt good to have Kakashi close and nothing reminded him of the alpha in rut. He was a good catch. Handsome, successful, clan head and about to become Hokage… but he also was an antisocial pervert who spent his free time reading pornography. Could he really trust a man like this with his heat? Would Kakashi really be able to take care of him the way he should? Well, to be honest, Iruka had done a horrible job with his rut, he shouldn’t be strict. Or ungrateful. He felt better now, didn’t he?

“If you’re staring at me like this… can I at least get a kiss?” Iruka winced and he knew Kakashi could feel it. So he was awake and Iruka hadn’t noticed. Of course he hadn’t noticed, this was an ANBU jonin. The meaning of his words slowly dripped into his understanding. These lips looked very kissable. They had kissed once before, it had been nice… Iruka bowed down and tipped his own lips against the alpha’s. Kakashi seemed surprised, it felt good to know that Iruka had caught him off guard, and he really liked the feel of their lips together. Maybe that was the reason he didn’t pull away but started to move closer to Kakashi.

The tingling arousal collected in his belly again and reminded him that he was still in heat. Quietly, he moaned against Kakashi’s lips when he felt his member harden. The alpha seized the chanced and slipped his tongue into Iruka’s mouth. It didn’t taste very nice, it was tainted by morning breath but Iruka didn’t care. He liked it and his hormones liked it even more. Kakashi groaned and inhaled. “Fuck,” he murmured and ended the kiss. “You smell so good… I can’t. I just can’t…” With that, Kakashi pulled away and got up quickly as if he wanted to flee. His aroused scent lingered in the air though even after he had left the room and it did things to Iruka. The heat in his belly crept up to his chest, throat, into his head… the hardness hurt, touching didn’t help much.

His brain added pictures of Kakashi. The few times he had seen that perfect body, that beautiful chiselled chest and abdomen, the face… Kakashi’s face… one of Konoha’s best guarded mysteries and Iruka knew it. He wanted to keep it a secret too. This was his face, it belonged to his mate and no one else was supposed to see. The face, the body, the voice, the… Iruka had seen it, Kakashi’s hardened length. The size... it would never fit inside him and the thought should terrify him. But his hormones had a different opinion on the matter. The muscles of his backside relaxed… opened and clenched around nothing… so empty. It had been a long time since he’d had these urges; he’d nearly forgotten what a heat felt like. The cramps had been more painful, of course, but the longing that started building in his belly could become just as uncomfortable. And it was way too early in his heat to be so desperate. He should still be able to get off with a hand around his cock. But it didn’t help, as much as he tried. All he could feel was the emptiness and his backside muscles clenching around nothing. Slowly, he felt the wetness of slick building in his pants. No… not yet. It would make such a mess… but he couldn’t help it. With a frustrated groan, he pulled down his pants, dipped his fingers in the slick and buried them as deep inside him as he could. He sighed in relief. So much better. Slowly, he started moving and… he’d forgotten how good it felt.

Kakashi made himself some breakfast. Or lunch. Well, it was past lunch time, actually. Iruka wouldn’t want to eat, his body was in heat and therefore occupied with other things. He heard a little frustrated groan. Tempting. He tried to keep it together but it wasn’t easy. Omegas in heat were a joy in themselves but this one even more so because it was his omega and Iruka’s smell was the nicest thing he’d ever smelled in his life. It calmed him and made him feel safe in a way that he’d never experienced before. Iruka was an omega who could take care of himself and he could take care of Kakashi. Iruka was safe, he was comfortable, he was home. He grounded Kakashi in a way the alpha had never experienced and the delicious scent helped him to forget about all the worries and problems of his life. Well, out of heat it did. Right now it was distracting, tempting, arousing... was that slick? Iruka slicked already? By all the gods in the known and unknown world, this impossible omega was too much for him.

He had to be careful not to lose himself in his urges and the temptation of his omega in heat. Usually, he stayed away from omegas when there was a risk of them going into heat soon and not one of them, except Rin, had ever affected him as much. Usually, at this point, an alpha was balls-deep, or at least knuckles-deep, inside their omega. Making Iruka cry out in pleasure… it must be the best thing ever. The idea went straight to his crotch and Kakashi swallowed hard. Their relationship wasn’t a normal one. It was fragile, artificial and the omega still didn’t trust him. It was a tightrope walk to on the one hand care for him properly and on the other hand not break their bond. Could Iruka bear that much intimacy? He was in heat, he needed his alpha and Kakashi had Hokage’s orders to knot him. To bury himself deep inside this wet, tight heat and make Iruka enjoy pleasures he’d never experienced before…

A breathless, little groan pulled him back into reality. He was sprouting a massive erection and stank of arousal… this wasn’t helping any of them in any way; he couldn’t lose his self-control. Damn his imagination. Another quiet moan… a hitched breath… The smell of omega arousal, sweat and slick… absolutely divine, it went straight to his cock. Kakashi cursed his good nose. He knew exactly what Iruka was doing and it did not help him in any way to will down his erection. This was not the time to be distracted. Maybe he should go in there; maybe Iruka would appreciate the help. Of course, he wasn’t ready to take the knot yet; it would take at least two more heat waves until he was loose enough. Kakashi was a patient man, usually. But the idea or Iruka… impaled on his cock… he supressed a groan. Shit, that was precum. He was weeping precum already. Great. Knotting would strengthen their bond, it would tell Iruka how precious he was to Kakashi and maybe, just maybe, Iruka would not kick him out again when his heat ended. It was all Kakashi prayed for. But for now, he had to hold back. Otherwise, he would ruin everything again and he couldn’t afford that. It would literally kill him. And if he walked in there right now, he knew he wouldn’t be able to control himself.

Iruka came with a silent shudder. It took the edge off but it wasn’t satisfying in the way it was supposed to be. No surprise, he was in heat. The only way to actually achieve release was with an alpha. With an alpha cock knotted as deep inside him as it would go. He still didn’t like the idea; three fingers had been more than enough for now. Slowly, he cleaned himself and sighed. Ugh, he was sticky and sweaty and all around disgusting… he desperately needed a shower. So he put on his pants again and got up.

The smell of alpha arousal hit him as soon as he opened the door. He felt his body react with a warm tingling and renewed growing need and he hated it. No one’s scent should have that much effect on him ever. He very much liked the smell though. So… alpha… dominant… possessive. Kakashi must’ve smelled or heard Iruka and it seemed to affect him just as much. Maybe Iruka should apply a scent barrier to the bedroom but he wasn’t sure if it really was worth it. First, Kakashi would come in there sooner or later anyway, if he wanted or not, second, his chakra was so scrambled because of his heat that he couldn’t be sure if he wouldn’t set his flat on fire instead. Stupid hormones, stupid omega nature. He hated all of this. He didn’t feel like himself, he wanted to crawl out if his skin and into Kakashi’s… no, the other way round. He wanted Kakashi inside him. Except, he didn’t. He felt a headache catching up with him again. Shower now. By the way, where was Kakashi?

He found out, when he opened the bathroom door. The alpha sat on the toilet, panting, his erection in plain sight. It slowly lost its hardness and deflated what must’ve been his knot. As much as Iruka wanted to look away, his eyes were glued to the inflated base of the massive cock. He hadn’t seen an alpha knot before and it was a terrifying sight. Impossibly large. How could something like that fit inside of anyone without ripping them apart? He remembered Izumo raving about Kotetsu’s knot and the feeling of being knotted… it had made Iruka very uncomfortable then and right now he couldn’t even grasp how being stretched open like this could feel anything except painful.

“Like what you see?” Oh, he was still staring. And Kakashi wasn’t moving; he just looked him over.

“Sorry, uhm… I need a shower…”

“You smell just fine but if you must…” Finally, the alpha got up and left him without any more comments. Iruka exhaled in relief. Well, that had been awkward. But Kakashi kept his distance. He had not come into the bedroom, he’d gone to the toilet to jerk off instead. Iruka was thankful for it but the smell of alpha arousal and semen hung in the air and suffocated him. He turned on the air cleaner, undressed and stepped into the shower. Ice-cold. But it didn’t help much, he just couldn’t get the alpha musk out of his nose and that was very, very distracting. But at least he could wash the sweat and slick away and the warm, aroused tingling in his belly was still easy to ignore.

His knees were weak, Iruka didn’t stay in the shower longer than he needed to and made a beeline for the bedroom as soon as he had roughly dried himself. It was a few moments after he had settled on the bed that Kakashi knocked. Very polite, Iruka appreciated it. But he allowed the alpha inside. “I’m sorry you had to see that.” He handed Iruka a glass of water, which the omega took gratefully, and sat down on the edge of the bed. “My response was not appropriate either.” Iruka shrugged. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say. Having the alpha so close was distracting. “I think we have to talk about what is going to happen. You think you could do that?”

Iruka sighed. “I’m more or less myself right now, I don’t know for how long though. It’s starting to build up again already…” Secretly inhaling the alpha’s scent did certainly _not_ help but Iruka couldn’t stop himself. In a way, he wanted Kakashi gone and as far away as possible but he remembered the cramps that would come back if he kicked Kakashi out. “Last night was horrible. Please don’t let me go through that again,” he finally managed to say.

“Yes, I’m sorry for that too.” Kakashi blankly stared at his hands. “I wanted to give you a safe space free of my scent. I didn’t realise how bad it really was otherwise I would’ve been with you from the beginning.”

Iruka nodded. This was an unusual heat; he hadn’t known what to expect himself. But Shizune was right. He needed the alpha’s help if he wanted to or not. “I think I’d prefer having you close even though I’m still not too comfortable with the idea of you…” He tried to swallow the big lump in his throat. “…knotting me. Or sleeping with me. Or touching me… I’m sorry. It shouldn’t be like this.” He was a horrible mate; that much was certain.

“No, I understand. This is a difficult situation for both of us.” Kakashi gave him an eye-smile and scratched his head. “I… uh… I’m not very good at this… but… you’re my mate. Your wellbeing is very important to me and… that’s why I wanted to talk. You know, I have to touch you eventually. Your body needs it. I mean, cuddling wasn’t that bad, was it?” He chuckled and it sounded very embarrassed. Iruka just sat and waited for Kakashi to get to what he actually wanted to say. His eyes had found a spot right under Kakashi’s eye where the scar was a bit deeper. He couldn’t take his eyes off. It must’ve felt horrible to lose this eye. Twice. Naruto had given him a new one and Iruka really, really liked it. Well, kind of. He remembered the malicious glint… and shuddered. “So basically what I’m trying to say is… I want to help you, in any way you need me but I won’t do anything that you don’t feel comfortable with, so… tell me, okay? I know you don’t trust me, our mating was too rushed but I promise you, I don’t want to hurt you. I want you to feel good, I…”

“Kakashi, shut up.” Iruka focussed his eyes on their grey counterparts. “I’ve been thinking about this too. I know that you have to fuck me at some point and I appreciate what you’re trying to do. You’re right, I don’t know you very well, I don’t know what our relationship will be like but that’s something we can worry about when my heat is over. And I still can’t forget how… your rut. What I want and what my body wants are not the same thing right now but I’ll try to listen to my instincts, I know I have to, and I’ll try to trust you. I’ll tell you what I need.”

Kakashi nodded slowly, Iruka was sure the alpha was relieved even though he didn’t show it. But there was something else on his tongue. He turned to Iruka and looked at him, with those deep, unreadable eyes. Nice. They were nice now. Not hostile. Pretty. “I just wanted to tell you that… and that has nothing to do with your heat… you’re a remarkable omega. And you’re beautiful. There’s no one I would rather be mated to. I… you should drink more water.” With that, he fled the room again and left Iruka incredulously staring at the door. He would’ve expected a lot of things from Kakashi but not that. The way he tried to talk about his feelings… Iruka would call it sweet if he wasn’t thinking about an elite jonin and terrifying alpha. He’d never even suspected that Kakashi could feel something like respect or… whatever that was… for a lowly quasi beta chunin like him. Remarkable. Beautiful. Iruka hadn’t been called these things before, especially not from the next Hokage. His cheeks had heated, he noticed. Was he… blushing? Absentmindedly, his hands cupped his heated cheeks. Yes, he was definitely blushing. Probably another side effect of his heat.

Kakashi fled to the kitchen. Whatever had made him say these things… it must’ve been the hormones. Iruka’s omega smell laced with all these incredibly strong pheromones… it was too damn good to keep a clear head. He’d said too much. A good ninja didn’t lose his cool; he didn’t share his thoughts with anyone. Except, Iruka wasn’t just anyone. He was his mate. Kakashi should be open to his mate and talk about what he felt and… he’d just wanted to reassure the omega and it had turned into… Kakashi didn’t even want to think about it. No, he had to clear his mind and blow off some steam, he wouldn’t be any use if he couldn’t control himself. It would destroy everything and he really didn’t want to break this new bond. He liked it. After all these years of loneliness, he’d forgotten how it felt to not constantly hurt and now… with Iruka… it was like a revelation. Every second told him what he’d been missing out on in the last decades. And because of it Iruka’s rejection hurt even more. The omega tried his best, he knew that, he appreciated it. He just didn’t know if he could control the beast inside him if it came to it. Every time he smelled Iruka, he wanted to grab him, kiss him, bite him until he was writhing in pleasure… and then he would fuck him into the mattress until Iruka forgot where and who he was and he would knot him and breed him and… imagining what he wanted to do to the omega didn’t help his self-control in the slightest. He had to get out if here.

So he brought Iruka some more water and shunshined to the training area. He wasn’t in the right gear, he didn’t pack any shinobi weapons. He didn’t care. All he cared about was getting this scent out if his system. The training area he chose was a bit away from the village and, unfortunately, he wasn’t alone there. Kamizuki Izumo, one of the omega chunins was training as well. Kakashi asked him for a spar and Izumo agreed after a moment of hesitation. He made Kakashi swear the jonin wouldn’t destroy him completely.

It was an easy match. As a chunin, Izumo wasn’t at Kakashi’s level and there was a reason why the ninjas usually trained with equally ranked comrades. But Kakashi made it his mission to use as many strength-sapping but useless tactics as possible. It confused the chunin to no end which was amusing to watch. Afterwards, they both sat down against a tree and shared some water from Izumo’s bottle.

“Feeling better now?,” the chunin asked.

Kakashi nodded. “Didn’t get a new mission. I had to use up some energy.” It was a poor excuse and of course Kamizuki didn’t buy it.

“Yeah, no shit. Kakashi-san, I could smell you from twenty miles away. You know, I always knew you were mated but… you never smelled like omega before. And now… that’s a strong heat, huh?”

“Mah… it’s not very polite to scent an alpha like that. We’re not friends.”

“No, but we’re comrades and we care for each other. Omegas have to stick together. So if I can help you in any way… heats are always difficult but whatever your omega’s going through, it smells really tough.”

“Unfortunately, you cannot help me, Kamizuki-san. This is a classified matter.” Kakashi stood up; he didn’t want to talk to the chunin anymore. Just when he’d forgotten about his worries for one second…

“Then I want to apologize. I was just curious. No one knows who your mate is and it is weird… if I didn’t know that Iruka was a beta, I would say you smell like him.” Kakashi shunshined to Ichiraku Ramen and ordered two takeaway bowls. He was annoyed and not at all in a better state of mind than when he had left the flat.


	12. Let me trust you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka misses Kakashi and Kakashi comes back to realise he's made a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)  
> How are you guys surviving the summer?  
> It's very hot here in Germany and I love it. I'm a person who actually likes heat and doesn't mind sweating as much... as long as I don't have to do much outside.  
> But that's exactly what's going to happen... I'm going to go to a camp side and do god's work (that sounds weird but it's actually a really cool project) for two weeks and I won't be taking my laptop with me. So... this is the last chapter you'll get before I leave tomorrow.  
> Sorry for that but I did write quite a few new chapters, so I'll be uploading again as soon as I'm back.  
> Stay safe and healthy and drink lots of water!  
> Thank you for reading and kudosing and thank you especially to killervaliera and deuces33, two very faithful commentors.  
> I love and appreciate you so much!
> 
> Have fun!

Iruka was exhausted. And horny. And he felt the cramps starting up again. His insides pressed together in a clump and exploded outwards. At least that’s what it felt like. He was hot, sweating and he shivered in the cool air. His head hurt, part of it was dehydration probably. Everything about him was pain. It came and it went. Every time he convulsed, his eyes teared up, he gasped in pain. Kakashi had left the flat. He’d left him alone. Was he ever coming back? Rationally, Iruka knew that Kakashi wouldn’t disobey direct orders from the Hokage but his instincts screamed that he was a bad omega and his alpha had run away. It was awful.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when the door opened and Kakashi’s scent flooded in. He smelled of sweat, frustration and… another omega. The cramps hit him only harder and he cried out.

Kakashi dropped whatever he had been carrying and was at his side in an instant. He tried to pull Iruka into a hug but the omega pushed him away with tears in his eyes. Alpha had been with another omega. Alpha wasn’t interested in him. Iruka was a bad mate. The connection they had… it was faint, Iruka usually didn’t notice it, but now he felt it waver.

“Iruka!” Kakashi sounded panicked, an emotion Iruka did not associate with him. “What are you doing?” Iruka just convulsed in another cramp and cried out. Tears flowed down his cheeks. He deserved all of this, he was a bad omega. No one needed him, it was better for everyone if he just died. “Iruka, don’t reject me now. Why are you breaking the bond? Please, talk to me!”

It didn’t sound like Kakashi at all but it was an alpha’s request and Iruka would fulfil it, even if it was the last thing he did. “Bad omega,” he sobbed, “Alpha found another one.”

“No, Iruka, you’re not a bad omega! I told you, you’re the best! I don’t have anyone else, why do you…” Then it seemed to dawn on him, because he suddenly shut his mouth and his face fell. “You smell another omega on me,” he said and Iruka managed to nod. “You’ve got it wrong. I trained with Kamizuki-san, he’s a _mated_ omega. I have no interest in him. I only want you.”

“Alpha ran away,” Iruka sobbed, “Left me alone. Bad omega.”

“No. No. You’re not. Please.” Kakashi tried to grab him again, Iruka pushed him away once more. The bond wavered again but it didn’t weaken anymore because Iruka _wanted_ to believe him. He _wanted_ Kakashi to be his and only his. The alpha relaxed a bit. “I didn’t want to leave you. I had to clear my thoughts. I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I will leave the room for a minute and shower. I will wash the omega scent away and then we will cuddle in bed. I brought Ramen. We could eat that, if you’re up to it.”

His voice was soft; the words were exactly what Iruka wanted to hear. He wanted to believe Kakashi meant what he said. So he nodded and Kakashi left the room. The cramps weren’t any better or worse than before.

It felt longer than a minute until Kakashi came back but he did come back and he smelled like nice soap and alpha and so, so good… Iruka crawled into his lap as soon as he sat down and buried his nose at Kakashi’s still wet neck. Relief. Strong arms wrapped around him, the alpha scent spiked with protectiveness and it made Iruka feel safe. So good. He instantly calmed and with it the cramps lessened. With a sigh, he inhaled, closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Kakashi felt the bond. It had been too weak to sense but when it nearly broke, all his attention had turned towards it. The feeling that accompanied the weakening… Kakashi had once tumbled over the edge of a cliff and managed to stop his fall with only two fingers. The fading bond had felt a bit like it, only a hundred times worse. But now Iruka was asleep on his shoulder, even, warm breath blowing against his skin. The omega was sticky and sweaty and he smelled so much of heat pheromones, it made Kakashi dizzy. But he could feel the bond strengthening very slowly. It continued past the point where it had been at before. Did Iruka finally start to trust him? Kakashi wanted to beat himself up like he’d done to his worst enemies. How could he have been so stupid to leave his omega alone for such a long time? Why did he allow Kamizuki to scent him? It wasn’t the omega’s fault, he hadn’t known about Iruka’s trust issues. From what the chunin knew Kakashi had been mated forever so he hadn’t been careful.

But Kakashi should’ve known better. He shouldn’t have left his mate. He’d seen what one night without him done to his mate. And Iruka had only looked worse when Kakashi had come back and he’d been so exhausted, he’d fallen asleep instantly. Though, Kakashi couldn’t deny, he liked the position they were in. Iruka was heavy and nearly as tall as he was but he didn’t mind. He had his mate close and he loved it. With Rin, he had never been this close. They had never cuddled like this. Mostly, they’d met up for heats and ruts and otherwise they had been friends. Iruka sleeping on his shoulder was something else. Slowly, carefully, he stroked the omega’s back. Warm. His hand found the place where the scar had to be… he couldn’t actually see it, Iruka’s shirt hid it, but he knew where the shuriken must’ve hit. The omega had two scars… two too many, if he asked his instincts but he couldn’t deny that he loved both of them. Especially the one on his face. He traced it with his index finger. Iruka just wasn’t Iruka without that scar.

The omega moaned in his sleep and a new wave of pheromones invaded Kakashi’s senses. It surged through him and his body reacted immediately. Strong heat wasn’t even the right word for it. “Iruka,” he said quietly, “It would be better if you woke up.” The omega only pressed himself closer to him, his arms wrapped around Kakashi as if he would never let him go and the jonin had to admit, it wouldn’t be easy to get out of this grip. Not even for him. “Iruka,” he said louder, “Wake up!” Instantly, Iruka’s eyes flew open. It took a moment until he realised what he was doing then he jumped away from Kakashi as if he had been burned. His cheeks flushed adorably.

“Ah… uhm… I didn’t mean to…”

“Mah, don’t worry. I know I’m irresistible.” Why did he say such things? He wanted to comfort Iruka, this did not help. At all. The omega scoffed and turned away.

“You should leave.”

Kakashi certainly did not want to leave. He had to care for his omega, he wanted to support him, to pleasure him, to make him cry out in lust, to thrust into him hard enough to shake the whole bed… He had to get rid of that erection. So he just nodded and left the room.

Iruka regretted his words as soon as he said them. After a moment of hesitation, the alpha turned and left the room. Instantly, Iruka felt cold. For how long had he been snoozing on Kakashi’s shoulder? It was very embarrassing now but it had felt so good. He’d felt safe in the alpha’s embrace. That was new. Maybe he finally started to get used to being with an alpha, he even enjoyed it. And now that he’d left… Iruka was smart enough not to go after him, even though every instinct cried out to him. He’d seen the tent in Kakashi’s trousers, he knew what Kakashi was going to do and even the thought… he’d slicked so much, his trousers were caked with it, it felt really disgusting. Iruka was ready for another shower but he knew he had to wait a bit longer. So he pulled down his pants and reached for his pulsating, slicking entrance. One finger, two fingers, three fingers… it started to stretch uncomfortably but it still wasn’t enough. He worked a forth finger inside… it wasn’t enough, it helped to take the edge off but it wasn’t enough to make him come. He gave up and fell into the pillows with a frustrated sigh. It was building up again already. He was disgusting, sweaty, sticky, smelly… he really had to take a shower, no matter what Kakashi is doing.

When he left the room, Kakashi was nowhere to be seen and Iruka was thankful for it but also anxious. The alpha had said he wouldn’t leave him but could he really trust these words? Maybe he’d gone back to that other omega… Iruka told his instincts that this was nonsense but they weren’t convinced. The cold shower distracted him for a bit but as soon as he turned off the water, he could feel it build up again. As he’d forgotten to bring any clean clothes, he just tied a towel around his waist and went to the kitchen area to drink some water. It would be easier without clothes anyway. His skin was sensitive and the feeling of fabric was rather uncomfortable.

Kakashi was on the sofa, he watched him but didn’t move. His alpha pheromones were sharp but it was enough for Iruka to feel slick seeping out of him again. He blushed but tried to hide it. It was useless, he knew. The alpha nose must’ve picked up on it already. His own nose on the other hand… “There’s Ramen?”

“It’s probably cold by now but I thought maybe you’d like that, even despite heat.”

Iruka liked that very much. So they heated up the soup and, of course, it wasn’t as good as if you got it straight from Teuchi’s pot but his stomach thanked him for it and he felt his need relax a bit. Kakashi was a good alpha, he cared for his omega. Iruka didn’t deserve him.

“I think, I’ll need your help,” he sighed. “It’s starting to get too intense to take the edge of myself anymore.”

Kakashi just nodded. No stupid comment, no semi-funny joke. Iruka was endlessly grateful for it. “Just tell me what you need.”

Pictured flared up in Iruka’s head, he couldn’t supress them or his bodily reaction. But he did supress the little groan. “My fingers aren’t enough,” he admitted and felt his cheeks heat already, “I think I need yours.” Another little nod, the mask hid every expression the alpha might have shown, Iruka hated it for being there. “And I want to see your face.”

A moment of hesitation…. Then, Kakashi pulled his mask down. Iruka couldn’t help but stare. It was still such an unfamiliar sight… he could see the mask’s rim, the skin that was usually hidden was at least two nuances paler than the rest of his face. And Kakashi was pale anyway. The alpha was so handsome… Iruka couldn’t believe it. He wanted that man. Kakashi was supposed to be his and his alone. He still couldn’t imagine how the elite alpha could be interested in someone like him but right now his heat didn’t care about that and before he even knew it, he was at Kakashi’s side scenting him. So good… musky, alpha scent. Konoha. Woods. Rain. Spearmint. Kakashi… there was a mark on his neck, it peaked just over the rim of the pulled down mask. It took Iruka a second to recognise it as his own. He’d marked this alpha, Kakashi was indeed his. And right now he wanted him so badly…

The alpha groaned next to his ear. “If you don’t stop releasing pheromones, I don’t know what I’ll do,” he warned. Iruka stopped. It was hard but he got his scent under control.

“I need you,” he stated and he might have sounded a little out of breath, “Let’s get this over with.”

There was a whirl of something and next thing he knew, he was on top of his smelly, sticky bedsheets with Kakashi looming over him. His eyes had a hungry, greedy expression that reminded him of the alpha in rut. It should’ve scared Iruka. Maybe it did. But his own greed was stronger. He pulled the man down into a delirious kiss and gods, he tasted so good. Kakashi was a good kisser, Iruka could feel the slick between his cheeks and his hole pulsating. He wanted the alpha to touch him but he couldn’t say so, the words got stuck somewhere between his brain and his mouth. He only managed a breathless little “Please”. Fortunately, Kakashi seemed to know exactly what he meant and his calloused, slim hands wandered over Iruka’s bare chest. His towel had gotten lost somewhere between the kitchen and the bed, Iruka couldn’t care less. He lay exposed underneath the alpha and it should’ve been frightening but his instincts sang their ancient song and he couldn’t escape the rhythm.

A finger at his entrance, he gasped when it teased the hole. He’d been waiting for that and it felt _amazing_. That’s what he really needed. He pressed against the finger and it slipped in. One finger, Kakashi’s kiss and alpha pheromones all around him… Iruka’s eyes rolled up in pleasure and he came with a silent shudder. Heavens, an orgasm had never been as intense. The intruder stayed inside him for a moment, then it pulled back and so did Kakashi. His pale cheeks were flush, his hair in even more disarray than usual… Iruka liked it. He liked to know it was his doing. But the alpha pulled back and stood next to the bed. “Better?,” he asked.

Iruka nodded, he couldn’t manage much more, his limbs and brain felt as if they had been turned into jelly. He did notice the alpha’s erection though. “You should sleep now, I’ll bring you some water.” With that, the alpha left and Iruka stared at the place where Kakashi had stood. He didn’t want him to leave. Alpha had to be close. But maybe Kakashi was right… Iruka should sleep. He was exhausted.

Kakashi couldn’t believe what had just happened. He thought he’d be happy to die after he’d seen his omega in nothing more than a towel but then Iruka sat down and ate Ramen with him. And after that… Kakashi couldn’t even start to understand what they’d done. He’d never known an omega’s pheromones could be so possessive. Where was all this coming from? He’d thought Iruka despised him. Maybe it was the bond. Maybe it gave Iruka feelings he wouldn’t have naturally. Maybe it was the heat. He’d kissed Iruka again. He’d been allowed to touch him… his eyes found his finger which was glistening with omega slick. He was supposed to wash it off, he should be sensible… but he lifted his fingers to his lips and tasted it. Salty, spicy but still with the fruity flavour of omega. Kakashi had never liked sweet things. He’d neither liked Rin’s sweet, flowery smell very much nor the sickly sweet aroma of her slick that caked his mouth like sugary lemonade. Iruka was delicious. Before he knew it, he’d liked his hand clean and he was greatly ashamed of his lack of control. Now, he couldn’t wait to taste it from the source. But he had to be patient. Iruka had just opened up to him and he would do anything to nurture that bit of trust which was starting to grow between them.

He used the time to clean Iruka’s flat. It was so different to his own living arrangements… Every surface was littered with knick-knacks; completely useless stuff like little figurines or drawings from students. But it made the flat look lived in, he realised. It was these useless things that gave it its homely character. In his own four walls, everything had a purpose. He did not possess a thing more than he needed. He’d always thought it practical but maybe this was the reason he’d never felt at home there. It was a place to sleep, nothing more. But Iruka’s flat was a place to stay, a place to live in. He knew that going back to his own flat after Iruka’s heat wouldn’t be easy.


	13. Where we can let go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka reaches his limits. This heat is too much for an inexperienced omega like him. Luckily, he has a good alpha supporting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> I'm back and sort of starting to feel alive again (still tired though, this project gets into your bones...).  
> Thank you for your patience and support and the lovely comments which made me look forward to coming back.  
> LadyPoison is another one who's been commenting faithfully for a long time. Thank you so much! <3  
> Thanks to all of you. And because I appreciate you all so much I have a very special chapter for you today.  
> Enjoy! :)

Iruka felt better than he had in the last few days. Or weeks? He’d lost track of times. It couldn’t have been much more than two or three days though. It didn’t matter, really. What mattered was that he, for once, was feeling relieved. No cramps, no overbearing desire… why? Slowly, his brain started working again and remembered the reason. He had allowed the alpha to touch him. Ordered him, more or less. They had kissed and Kakashi had… one finger had been enough to throw him over the edge. And wow, it had been the best he’d ever experienced. Only one finger… Kakashi had done… everything Iruka needed and not an inch more than he was able to handle. He was a good alpha. Maybe Iruka had done him wrong. Everything Kakashi had done so far had been to help him. Some of his ideas had worked, some had produced a horrible outcome. But he had done nothing to actually harm Iruka willingly, he’d only been there to help and he hadn’t made any attempt to push Iruka into something he wasn’t ready for. Just like he’d promised. Iruka fell back and conjured up the picture of Kakashi’s face in his mind. No one had a face like him, he could understand why Kakashi kept it hidden. He wanted it to stay hidden for everyone except him. Because Kakashi was his. He’d marked him, the alpha was bound to him and he finally started to like the idea. But then he remembered how Kakashi’s face had distorted and he’d gleamed at him with this horrible, horrible predatory look during his rut… he winced before he could stop himself. This was also the face of Kakashi. Iruka had seen the worst of his alpha nature in his rut. Destructive, aggressive and so, so powerful. Iruka had never felt so small, so helpless, so weak… he was powerless against the alpha voice. Could he really trust Kakashi to always keep the beast contained? Old fears welled up and with them came cramps. Iruka had to think of something else.

Water… he was thirsty and there were two glasses of water next to his bed. Alpha wasn’t bad, alpha cared for him. He emptied them and fell back into the pillows. These few moments of calm and peace… he had to make the most of it. Of course, his inner omega would’ve liked to cuddle up to its counterpart but Iruka wasn’t sure if he was up to that. Still, his sense of hearing sharpened in the hope to catch what his mate was doing. From what he could hear, Kakashi was at the window doing something. He hummed quietly to himself, something Iruka would’ve never expected in the introverted elite ninja. But it was a very endearing trait. Kakashi had a nice voice, whether he talked or sang; it reawakened the tingling in his belly. Way too soon. When was Iruka getting a real break from it? He sighed and got up. Time to take another shower.

He started to hate the ice-cold water. Of course, it helped a bit but his skin had never been so sensitive before and the cold water drops were like needles. Ninjas had to endure pain and torture but, then again, Iruka didn’t feel like a ninja right now. He was a pathetic little omega in the midst of a heat which was nearly too strong to endure. He knew he had to soldier through somehow and he also knew what would make it easier. He’d felt Kakashi touch him once and it had spoiled him for everything he could do to himself. It was a fact he had to acknowledge sooner or later: if it got bad again, he had to ask Kakashi for help. He still felt uncomfortable about it. Even though he tried to tell himself that Kakashi wasn’t the monster he had seen during the rut, he was still intimidated. What if the alpha lost control again? What if at one point he would be so aroused by Iruka’s stupid heat pheromones that he would use the alpha voice again to force Iruka to present? He wasn’t used to the effects of it; maybe he would have been if he hadn’t supressed his nature right from the beginning. If he had accepted what he was and not hidden his biology maybe he would be more in control now. But these were only what ifs… he had to pay the price for his decisions and he regretted every choice which had let to this.

After the shower, he dressed in new clothes and realised that he would run out of clean stuff very soon. Also, the bedding needed to be changed, it was soaked with slick and sweat and smelled absolutely disgusting. He managed to strip the pillow and the mattress but when it came to the duvet, it dawned on him how weak he really was. Because it had never been that heavy and impossible to handle before. So he sighed and gave up. As much as he hated it, he had to ask Kakashi for help.

He stopped in the doorframe before he even passed the threshold. His flat looked… Kakashi had cleaned it? Obviously, it looked much tidier than before and Kakashi was… he was standing near the window, a feather duster stuck out of his kunai pocket, and watered the plants.

“Are you feeling better?,” he asked without looking up from his task.

“Yeah, actually yes… thank you.” Iruka was at a loss for words. His cheeks heated and he scratched his head, hoping his brain would kick in again soon. “You’re cleaning?,” he finally managed. Wow... his deduction was quite the display of shinobi skills… he blushed even more.

Kakashi hummed and put down the watering can. “I wanted to do some laundry next. Would you mind if I wash my clothes with yours?”

“No, uhm… I actually… the bedding needs changing.” Great, he had no idea how to handle Kakashi now and the alpha was just so relaxed and confident in every move… Iruka wanted some of that confidence but it seemed he’d lost every drop of it by just looking at the alpha being so perfect and awesome and just what he needed. Maybe Kakashi was a vampire that fed on confidence? Maybe this was a completely normal behaviour for an omega in heat? He didn’t know.

The alpha nodded and turned to… oh no, he was walking towards him… what to do? Retreat into the room, step to the side, run into the living room and hide? He didn’t do any of it; he just stood and blocked the entry to the room. Kakashi didn’t mind, he just laid a hand on Iruka’s shoulder without hesitation and moved him a little bit so that he could get through. Iruka watched him with big eyes; the spot, where the hand had been, tickled.

“Oh, you already started. Mah, Iruka, you’re not supposed to work. You’re in heat.” Kakashi skinned the duvet with speed and efficiency just like he would, most likely, skin an animal. Or an enemy…

Iruka abandoned the hope that his brain would start working again soon but he could feel it starting to become mushy instead. Ah, he was heating up again… why exactly did he get dressed? As soon as Kakashi had left, he sank down against the wall and buried his face in his hands. His body didn’t listen to him, his brain had stopped working properly… the last time he’d felt so weak and useless was in the night his parents died. The same despair he had felt then overwhelmed him again and he started crying soundlessly into his sleeve.

He didn’t know when Kakashi had come back but suddenly he was picked up and found his face pressed against a strong, muscular chest. He smelled comfort and possessiveness, he felt it in the embrace but the tears didn’t stop and with them came embarrassment. Shinobi didn’t let other people see them cry, they were strong enough to hide their feelings. But Iruka wasn’t strong, he was weak and had no idea what was going on with his body. He felt the warmth, the safety in these strong arms and the inexplicable sorrow that had welled up inside him. Time passed, Kakashi had started stroking his back, it was soothing, it actually helped and Iruka felt himself starting to react to the alphaness of Kakashi’s scent. There it was again, the heat, the pull on his insides that made him jumpy and tingly and slick and hard… he heard Kakashi inhale but the alpha didn’t say anything, fortunately. Iruka was mortified as it was. The grip around him tightened, just a little bit, a warm hand found its way into his hair. It was a comforting, loving gesture and Iruka liked everything about it except that it brought him even closer to the source of these distracting pheromones. It made him dizzy and the arousal only grew, Iruka wanted to get rid of his trousers not only because they restrained him but because he was very much aware of the little, wet spot forming on his backside. He had to get away from Kakashi. So he pushed the man away, with both arms, and the alpha let him go easily. His pupils were dilated when he looked at Iruka and maybe there was a little blush peaking over the top of his mask but he made no attempt to keep Iruka. The omega was incredibly thankful for it. He knew, he would need Kakashi’s help but he had no idea how to ask him for it. It was just too…

“I should go…,” he finally mumbled weakly.

“Do you want me to stay away?” No, he didn’t want that. Before he knew it, he felt his head shaking. He wanted Kakashi close, no, he knew he needed an _alpha_ close, that’s what it was. So he sighed.

“I don’t think I can go through this alone any longer.” No smug grin, no raised eyebrow… Kakashi just nodded and kept a neutral face. Not even his scent changed and Iruka was incredibly happy about it. In a way, it made everything much easier.

“How do you want me to help?”

It was a question which, no matter how neutral Kakashi’s voice sounded, made Iruka blush. Because his brain had a few ideas on the matter… so he just turned around and made his way back to the bedroom. He didn’t trust his legs to carry him for much longer and the heat… he was so hot, he had to get out of these clothes… it frustrated him to no end how badly he could coordinate his movements. It was like being drunk. No, it was worse than being drunk because his senses worked quite well, he just couldn’t get his arms to move how he wanted them to. Kakashi was behind him. Kakashi watched him. “May I?”

Iruka surrendered and lifted his arms, his whole body heated with mortification. Confident, strong hands removed his shirt. Fingers lightly brushed over Iruka’s heated skin on accident and he heated up even more. With a frustrated moan, Iruka fell onto the bed and buried his head in the pillow. Bad idea. The loss of his eyesight only strengthened his attention to his other senses and he felt the pressure building, the slick wetting his pants and trousers, his cock weeping and straining against the fabric… it was unbearable. He struggled to open the button and finally managed to push the trousers and pants down to his ankles. Cool air hugged his exposed skin; it was wonderful and he felt his muscles relax a bit. But the heat in his belly didn’t give him a moment of rest. Even if he mostly smelled fresh pillowcase right now, he could literally feel the alpha pheromones prickle on his skin. There were the hands again, they removed his clothing. In any other situation, Iruka would’ve protested, but right now he was only grateful. He was so empty and desperate, a quiet whine escaped into the pillow and… shit, not even the fabric could protect him from the wave of aroused pheromones that followed the noise. They in turn only worsened Iruka’s desperation. He needed… something… and by now he would’ve taken nearly anything to make it go away. “Alpha,” he moaned into the pillow but Kakashi heard it. Iruka felt the mattress dip next to him and… no, he didn’t want to look up, he didn’t want to see or smell… he was too embarrassed to need that much help.

“Do you want my finger again?” Iruka surrendered with a nod. His whole body shook when the feather-light touch happened, even though he had been expecting it. It teased his entrance, once, twice, thrice… then it sank in. The friction was like lightning chakra cursing through his body, it made him stiffen, he moaned… it started moving and the tension build up a bit but it wasn’t enough. Last time, one touch had been enough to make him come. Now… the alpha’s finger moved steadily and… it helped to take the edge of but not really. He needed more.

Kakashi didn’t take long to notice. “Do you want me to use another one?” By this time, Iruka didn’t care anymore. Anything, just anything to make it better. Two fingers strained but only for a moment, the muscles were soft and pliant; they opened to suck in another one and it still didn’t help. Iruka didn’t know how long they had been at this, he sweated and sobbed into the pillow, the friction didn’t help to make it better. It didn’t get any worse but it also didn’t get better.

Finally, Kakashi gave up. “This doesn’t work,” he sighed and slowly retrieved his fingers. His wrist hurt a bit but he’d had worse. He actually had worse because the pressure in his trousers was, by now, maddening. It was hard to stay clear-headed when surrounded by omega heat pheromones but he knew he had to if he didn’t want to lose his mate. “Why won’t you look at me?” Hearing the muffled moans and sobs from the pillow drove him up the wall.

“I… not wanna see…,” Iruka whined after a moment of hesitation. “Pathetic…”

Kakashi sighed. Iruka’s hormonal mind was a closed book to him but he just accepted what he was given. “You’re not pathetic, you’re beautiful. I would really like to see your face.” And Iruka let himself be turned onto his back without resistance. His eyes were red and puffy, he covered them with his forearm as soon as he had blinked at Kakashi, but the blush on his scarred cheeks was… wonderful. Kakashi wanted to kiss every inch of that face, neck, chest, belly… but he knew he couldn’t go that far just now. Well, maybe… “What do you want me to do?”

“Make it stop,” the omega whined after a moment of deep inhaling of scent, “Just make it go away. Alpha!” The desperate cry moved something inside him and Kakashi didn’t know what to make of it but he decided to listen to his instincts and swallowed Iruka’s nice, tan, unusually large omega cock.

The noise that followed was… indescribable. Kakashi needed a moment to realise what had happened and what he was doing. He didn’t know if it was the right thing or if this was too much too quickly but he also didn’t stop licking and sucking on this beautiful, delicious cock. Iruka’s sobs had turned into open-mouthed, breathless gasps, he sounded as if he was hyperventilating. Then he arched up towards Kakashi, his cock pushed into him, down his throat, Kakashi gagged, Iruka cried out… he came down Kakashi’s throat. It wasn’t easy to swallow like this but he managed to get it down before he let Iruka slip out and coughed to get some air into his lungs again. The bitter taste still lingered on his tongue… it was nice. Kakashi would have never thought he would ever do something like this, even less that he would actually enjoy it. But he liked the feeling of Iruka in his mouth. He liked the bitter taste…

Iruka, he realised, had doubled up in fetal position and still kept his face covered. His scent told of his distress. He did not like Kakashi close. He did not like that he had just come like this. He still didn’t trust him. It hurt Kakashi but there was nothing he could do about it. “That was nice,” he said and smacked his lips before he got off the bed, “If you ever want to do it again… just give me a shout. I’d be happy to.” Iruka needed time for himself. That much was obvious.

Kakashi had liked it. Iruka’s whole body was tense with humiliation. He, an omega, had come in an alpha’s mouth. And Kakashi had liked it. Had he though? He’d done it of his own accord, that much was certain. But still. An alpha’s finger in his ass was one thing. His cock in said alpha’s mouth was a completely different matter. This was even more like sex. No, it was sex… and he, the omega, had not been the one receiving… how was that even possible? What kind of messed up alpha would let himself be used by the omega? Iruka was crying again, he realised. Part of it might have been the frustration that he still felt empty. So empty. He needed… his muscles clenched around nothing. But he needed something… more than… he started to wail. If he’d been in his right mind, he would’ve never done this. And even like this he felt embarrassed but the need was too strong, the pain to unbearable to be kept down silently. It was only when Kakashi came rushing back into the room again that he realised he had been calling for the alpha.

“It won’t help,” he hiccupped. “We have to… you have to… please, alpha…”

“Sh…” Kakashi stroked some strains of his hair back behind his ear. His fingers were wet. No… Iruka was sweating. It was so hot. “You don’t have to do anything. Tell me what you _want_.”

“I… don’t… want… I… need…” There was no getting around this. He _needed_ this alpha’s cock inside of him. “Please… alpha… I can’t… anymore… so empty.” So empty. He needed something inside of him. Desperately, he pushed his backside up into the air and presented it to Kakashi. He closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see. He smelled the pheromones, they made him dizzy, he gasped and still didn’t get enough air. The alpha had frozen in his movements, a moment that lasted entirely too long. “Iruka,” he said and his voice was deep and breathy, “We are going to do it. I’m going to give you what you need. If you feel like you can’t take it anymore, tell me and I’ll stop immediately.”

Iruka nodded and sniffled, he wouldn’t last much longer. There were hands on his backside, a strong, firm grip. They pulled his cheeks apart and… warm, wet… a wave of arousal and lust ran through him when he felt Kakashi’s tongue against his entrance. It was so good, his muscles relaxed, opened, ready for more. The tongue lapped up his slick, cleaned it from his thighs… “You are delicious.” Kakashi’s voice was like cream, like warm milk, like a heated blanket in cold nights. “I’ve never met an omega who tastes as good.” The praise was just what he needed. His inner omega purred proudly, Iruka felt himself calm a bit. Alpha liked his slick. Good omega.

The tongue was replaced with fingers. Kakashi’s slim, calloused fingers at his entrance, inside him sliding in and out, in and out… Iruka knew the sensation by now. It was not enough to satisfy him. Not one finger, not two, not three… he moaned. “More alpha, please. Not enough… so empty…”

Kakashi’s fingers retreated, he changed position. “I’m going to enter you. Very slowly. Tell me to stop if you need me to.”

Then, there was something at his entrance. Something big, hot… it pressed in just as slowly as Kakashi had said, Iruka couldn’t breathe. The strain was painful, unbearable and just what he needed. He felt the tears, he felt the strain, the pressure continued to press into him. It would break him. He would tear. He didn’t care. He loved it, he needed it. Like he had never needed anything in this world. Was he making a noise? Maybe he was making a noise. The pressure didn’t stop. It pressed in more and more… how long exactly was an alpha cock? It felt huge, endless, infinite. The friction… the slick made it easier but the friction… Iruka couldn’t grasp what was happening right now. Only that this was the best and the worst he had ever felt in his life. And then he felt Kakashi’s skin against his backside. He was sheathed inside him. The whole length. It was… Iruka couldn’t compare it to any other sensation he had ever experienced. He felt as if there had been an empty hole inside of him that was filled up now. Euphoria rushed through him; his pheromones were out of control. Kakashi was breathing heavily.

“Are you good?,” he asked. Iruka nodded. “I’m going to start moving.” Iruka nodded again. And then Kakashi moved. The mass inside him moved and the friction… all of his omega instructs were focussed on the sensations inside him, he was tensing… Kakashi moved slowly, in and out, in and out. Stroking Iruka’s insides, making him weep in euphoria. Then, he touched a spot and… fireworks. Iruka had never experienced so many things at the same time. Something had gone off inside him, the tension dissolved into waves, his muscles moved without his consent, he heard Kakashi groan. Such a noise… he shuddered. Kakashi didn’t stop; he sped up, every move euphoric. Iruka didn’t know where he was or what was happening only that he wanted to keep this feeling up for the rest of his existence no matter how short that would be. He felt a new resistance whenever Kakashi pulled out, it strained his muscles even more. It hurt but it was good. It was necessary, Iruka wanted it. “Alpha, please…” It was only a whisper but the alpha forced the resistance into him, Iruka felt the pressure ballooning out inside of him and they were locked together. His chakra was in disarray, it reached out, found Kakashi’s just as meddled… something hot and liquid spilled into him, Iruka’s instincts perked up, satisfaction finally overcame him. Alpha semen. Making a baby inside of him. Iruka’s chakra expanded, he felt the little strange, tingly bit close to his womb dissolve and melt into his own nature. It changed. He changed. He was fully Kakashi’s now. Before, he had been afraid of it. Now, it felt like it was all he had ever wanted. The alpha bowed down and kissed the mark on his neck. His mark. The sign that they belonged together. Iruka felt weariness overcome him, he closed his eyes. He felt Kakashi rearrange their bodies in a lying, spooning position but he was half-way gone already.


	14. Let him live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka reached the climax of his heat. Quite literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> I'm feeling very productive and creative today.  
> I already wrote a oneshot KakaIru fic inspired by the song "To build a home" and I translated the song that will form the end of this story.  
> Yes, it's going to be Faber again.  
> I also more or less finished writing my second term paper... and finish Chapter 19 of this story...  
> So I used the remaining time before I have to start making dinner to proof-read another chapter for you! Yay!  
> It's is a very interesting and intense one and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.  
> I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on it. Thank you to all the lovely people who comment on my story.  
> You motivate me so much.
> 
> Have fun!

When Iruka woke, he felt different. In a good way. Something was gone, some tension, some pressure… the tingling chakra in his belly. He’d felt it constantly since he and Kakashi had done the ritual. Now it was gone. No, not gone… integrated. It had integrated into his own chakra. Slowly, Iruka reached consciousness again and sensed something else. A light pressure… against his backside… inside him… fullness… warmth. Kakashi lay next to him, spooning from behind. He was… inside Iruka as well. They were still locked together as a consequence of their… “What time is it?”

“Around ten p.m.” Kakashi still didn’t move; his warmth was nice against Iruka’s back. “How do you feel?” Yes, that was definitely concern in his voice.

“Not sure yet… my brain’s pretty frayed from… hormones…”

“I can leave, if you need time alone. I think it’s deflated enough. I could pull out…”

“No” Iruka hated how quickly the words left his mouth but his omega instincts told him to keep the alpha close and inside him for a bit longer. “Sorry. I don’t mean… if you have to… I just think… I’m not ready yet.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t want to either.” Arms wrapped around him, Kakashi inched closer… this was proper cuddling now and Iruka was very surprised that he liked it. The alpha’s scent wrapped around him. Konoha, woods after a spring rain and mint tea. Three of Iruka’s favourite things. Shizune was right, now that they were mated, he loved the scent. There was no trace of betrayal in it any longer. “Is it over?”

“Your heat? No.” Kakashi’s breath brushed against his skin when he talked. “It will be at least two more days. Why? Do you feel good?” Yes. Iruka felt his cheeks heat and a smile creep onto his face. He nodded quietly. There was a little kiss on his neck. The warmth lingered, it tingled in his belly. Iruka had never felt like this. Was this… love? The bond? Or just the effects of his heat? He wasn’t sure he didn’t want to know, if he was honest.

Kakashi’s inner alpha roared in pride and victory. He’d done it. His omega was comfortable and satisfied; the happy pheromones he emitted were worth all the effort. It had been the hardest thing he had ever done. Harder than any mission. Harder than his fight against Kaguya. This soft, enticing omega presenting before him… and he had to go so slowly… there had been one point where Kakashi had felt close to breaking but he had managed to control himself until his mate had reached orgasm. All of him had contracted around Kakashi and then… then, Kakashi’s self-control had crumbled. He had planned to pull out and leave his omega satisfied but he wasn’t strong enough. The urge to knot his mate had been too strong. And it had been the right decision because he couldn’t feel the pulsating wave of chakra anymore. It had dissolved into his. After what felt like an eternity, he was whole again. He had a mate, a wonderful mate, and they were one. It was completely different than his bond with Rin. Rin… she had been so precious to him all these years. Now, he couldn’t care less. She had gotten the alpha she deserved, even if they had only come together after death, and Kakashi had finally found the right mate for himself. He pressed even closer. Strong, muscular back, chest, arms… this was not a frail little girl he had to protect. This omega was very capable of looking after himself. It had been difficult to get here but now, Iruka smelled happy, content… his scent a tiny bit different than what it had been like before. It was still salty and herbal, like the soup his father always used to cook for Kakashi when he’d been ill. It was a smell that always reminded him of home. Now, there was something new in it, fresh and flowery, Kakashi couldn’t get enough. And, of course, it was still laced with heat pheromones and slick. Iruka had fallen asleep again, he realised. Finally, he managed to slip out of him. Even if he had wanted to get up, he just couldn’t leave the omega’s side. With a mournful glance he watched his semen seep out of the tan body. Of course, it wouldn’t make a baby anyway but he couldn’t help it. Instincts… He should sleep too, Iruka would need him again tomorrow and it would be hard work for Kakashi to not give in to his instincts and take the omega like he wanted to. Patience was the better part of valour.

When Iruka woke up, he felt nearly as sore as after this hard mission where one of his team mates had died on. Every move hurt. But in contrast to then, now it was not just radiating from his overused muscles but mostly from his… backside. It felt stretched and open, much more than it should have. Some fluid had seeped out of him, not just slick, and it was uncomfortably cool by now. With a groan, he moved… shower. He desperately needed a shower. But when he tried to sit up… he fell back into lying position almost instantly. Pain radiated from his bottom up along his spine and into his whole body. Another pained groan escaped him. This was not what he had expected to feel like after being knotted. Izumo had described it as being the best thing he’d ever experienced. And yes, it had been euphoric when he’d had the… the thought of the alpha cock moving inside him now made him sick. It was something he’d never wanted and the aftermath was horrible in capital letters but in the heat of the moment… Iruka didn’t want to admit that he had liked it and that he’d never felt anything like it… but now it was gone and it had left him sticky, disgusting and in pain. Still, deep down something was different. He was content, he was… complete. It took him a while to find the reason… Kakashi’s chakra inside him was gone. So they had finally managed to complete the bond and it felt good. Iruka had enjoyed his independence but… it felt nice to know that he belonged to someone. That someone belonged to him. With him. Even though Kakashi wasn’t even in the room, he was in the kitchen, Iruka had never felt so focussed on someone else’s chakra. His groan changed into a whine when he tried to sit up again. Everything hurt so fucking bad…

Kakashi must’ve heard because he came into the room to check on him. “Morning,” he said quietly, careful in a way. Was he… afraid? “I’m sorry, I was too rough, I…”

Iruka waved him off with a sigh. “It’s okay, the pain will go away. Eventually… you did what was necessary, so thanks I guess.” He tried to sit up a third time but his backside was like fire… “I just really have to take a shower and I have no idea how.” It was so embarrassing that it nearly made him laugh.

The next thing he knew, alpha had scooped him up in his arms and… gods, it felt so good to be close to Kakashi. His smell… Iruka’s instincts sang songs of praise. He was carried into the shower where Kakashi cleaned him without setting him down. An impressive trick suitable for a jounin. And Iruka’s inner omega loved the attention; he felt his self-restraint melt into a puddle of custard… sweet and warm… if he just could stay like this until the end of time… in the arms of his alpha, his mate… he couldn’t help a small moan escape him. He only clawed tighter to the other man.

“Iruka…,” the voice, the beautiful voice, said next to his ear, “You heat isn’t over yet, I can smell it. Take it slow, I’ll look after you.” Yes, whatever alpha said… Iruka would right now do anything for his mate. Mate. Or maybe not anything, he was still sore, but, well, whatever didn’t involve moving too much. Something like… kissing. Kissing was a good idea. Iruka pressed their lips together, it was great, it was the best, he tasted coffee and Kakashi and he didn’t like the coffee but he liked the rest. It was good, it was so good to have his mate close… how did he ever live without one? He had missed out on so much… somewhere in between their kissing and touching, he was carried out of the shower, dried off and put back into the bed. The result of it was that Kakashi moved away which Iruka did not agree with but the alpha had to get out of his wet clothes. Iruka watched him, he watched every bit of wet skin that emerged from underneath the fabric… it had him drooling. His alpha was the best and… oh he yearned for him… but he also was tired and sore.

“I know,” he heard the soft, loving voice, a warm hand in his wet hair, stroking it… “But you have to take it slow. Sleep now, you’ll feel better after.”

Sleep. Mate said sleep. It actually sounded like a very good idea. Iruka yawned and buried his nose in the pillow that smelled so much like Kakashi. It made his insides tingle but right now, he didn’t care. He had to sleep.

Pain ripping through his insides. Iruka groaned but was cut off by the next cramp that hit him. The pain dwarfed the uncomfortable soreness around his backside instantly. He’d thought the aftermath of being knotted felt bad? It was nothing in comparison to these cramps… he convulsed again, bile rose in his throat, tears streamed down his face. He hated himself so much for never stepping down from heat suppressants… it had been a stupid. The stupidest deision ever. Another cramp hit him and he cried out. Which resulted, of course, in Kakashi appearing at his side and scooping into a warm, strong embrace. When had it become so natural for Iruka to call for his mate when he was in distress? It didn’t matter because Kakashi’s presence felt so incredibly good… he clawed at the muscular shoulders and sobbed into the alpha’s neck. Cramp after cramp, Kakashi held him. This time, not even his scent did help. But Kakashi was there, his scent was familiar, protective… Iruka cried, he clawed into the other’s arms whenever he convulsed, it helped nonetheless. And then Kakashi started talking. It were whispers of encouragement and praise, they didn’t carry much meaning but Iruka sponged them up, he listened to the lyrical voice and it distracted him from the convulsing organs inside him. He didn’t know how long they sat like this, Kakashi swaying him, humming melodies into his ear… Iruka felt his energy drain. The tears had stopped, he had none left… his screams had diminished into helpless whines and sobs… Kakashi entangled himself from him even though Iruka struggled against it. Please, alpha. He couldn’t leave now, he really couldn’t… no, please…

“I’m sorry, Iruka. I’ll be back in a moment. But this doesn’t go away… we have to ask a doctor for help.”

They all looked up in alarm when Kakashi appeared in the Hokage office. “What is it this time, brat?” Tsunade barked. “You stink.”

Shizune realised how dire the situation must be, otherwise Kakashi would’ve never left if his omega smelled of pain and distress like this. “Iruka has had cramps for two and a half hours,” he stated, his voice not nonchalant for once but sharp, worried and a bit weary. “They don’t ease and his chakra is nearly depleted.” He could die. Kakashi didn’t say it but the fear hung in the room nonetheless.

Shizune dropped the scroll she was reading. “I’ll go with you.”

Iruka really didn’t look well. He was pale, his eyes were puffy and he had curled up in fetal position. As soon as he sensed Kakashi close, he perked up and the alpha took him into his lap. It was such a fluid, natural movement… as if they had done this for decades… they fit into each other like puzzle pieces… This position made it difficult for Shizune to examine the fellow omega but she knew that she couldn’t tear these two apart, so she managed. What she found wasn’t very promising. Kakashi’s fear was justified.

“Iruka’s body is trying to reverse what the heat suppressants have blocked up.” The omega convulsed with a silent cry and Shizune lost the connection. She placed her hands on his shoulders instead and poured healing chakra into him. “He does not have internal bleeding which is good… I’m trying to aid the process, it is nearly done…” Iruka wouldn’t die. He might have, if Shizune hadn’t come but with the healing chakra poured into him… time stretched, she could feel the alpha tense… then, finally, the walls broke. Iruka’s whole body shuddered, he perked up, inhaled and released a mass of pheromones that made even Shizune swallow.

Kakashi inhaled, closed his eyes and when he opened hem again, they were so dilated that the iris was hardly even there. “You have to knot him now, Kakashi-san,” Shizune confirmed what the alpha’s instincts already knew. “He needs alpha semen to complete the process.” She wasn’t sure if the alpha had heard her but Kakashi was gnawing at Iruka’s bite mark and trying to remove his pants already. This was her cue to leave.

When she appeared back in the office, Tsunade’s nostrils flared. Even Shikamaru looked up in surprised. “You should shower,” she said.

“Yes, of course, I apologize…”

“No, let me come with you and make sure that you actually do it right. Shikamaru, I’m taking a break.” The young man moaned something but Shizune didn’t hear it, she was led out of the room with a strong grip to her arm.

“Tsuna, what is…”

“I don’t know what happened to Iruka but I’ve never smelled anything like it. This is amazing. You can shower later, I need you in bed. Now.”

And Shizune would not be stupid enough to refuse a riled up alpha like this. Not that she wanted to anyway. Because Tsunade was right, something about these pheromones was special.

The smell… Kakashi had been holding back for so long but these pheromones cracked his self-control like a sledgehammer slamming into a mirror. He couldn’t get his and Iruka’s pants off quickly enough, his member sprung free, hard like steel and hurting for the hole which fit him so perfectly. It was good that Iruka was still opened up from their session earlier because he wouldn’t have had time to do any preparation. His whole body shook in need and he slowly guided the sitting Iruka down onto his cock. He sank into warmth without any resistance… Iruka shrieked… it rang in Kakashi’s ears… but he knew it was a cry of pleasure because the omega shot his load with it. The pheromones mixed with the smell of Iruka’s semen… Kakashi groaned lustfully, he could feel his knot grow already. He didn’t come, he didn’t move, just stayed inside the warmth, painfully hard and his knot grew, it stretched Iruka beyond the point of a normal knot. Kakashi felt himself sweat, he panted against Iruka who clawed at him once again. He whined when his muscle tore… just a tiny bit… the omega shifted and Kakashi came before he even knew what was going on. He came so hard, he felt as if every last sperm was pressed from his balls and into Iruka… in this moment, they were properly connected. Kakashi felt as if he could never leave, as if this knot would stay in for the rest of their days. He loved the idea. Iruka sobbed and bled, he didn’t love seeing that. But the omega scent stayed fruity and arousing… there was no pain in it.

Kakashi had no idea how long they sat like this, unmoving, just breathing, feeling the other. But eventually, Iruka’s head tipped against his shoulder unconsciously. Kakashi slowly eased them into a lying position. It was difficult because he was still uncomfortably inflated to bursting point. He didn’t know much about healing jutsus, he had learned two or three when he had been appointed sensei of Team 7, but it was enough to sooth the tear in Iruka’s muscle. It was useless to heal it now, with Kakashi still inflated to the max, but he could at least stop the bleeding and take away some of the pain. It would be painful enough when Iruka woke up.

Fullness. It was the first thing Iruka felt when he came back to his mind. He was full, he was filled and he never had felt more content. At least until he tried to move and a horrible pain ripped through him. He had torn. Why? Kakashi. He was, once again, knotted inside him and this time for real. He felt massive. The knot had not been that big the last time, had it? What had happened? Iruka remembered pain, cramps… he remembered loneliness. But Kakashi had come back and then there had been comforting chakra easing his pain up unto a point where Iruka had flown over the edge and it had been so amazing that… he’d probably fallen unconscious because of it. But that didn’t explain the knot inside him. Would Kakashi really knot his unconscious mate just because he could? No… there was more to it because Iruka felt so relieved about the knot inside him… it was as if they were connected now and forever and it was such a fucking good feeling, Iruka couldn’t even grasp it. He didn’t mind the pain, he loved Kakashi and his scent all around him and the knowledge that the knot kept alpha semen locked inside him… Iruka smiled and his hand stroked his belly that would swell with child and give his alpha many healthy pups… content and happy, he closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.

When Kakashi woke up, the omega was still snoozing in his arms. Good. Very good. But one thing worried him a bit… the fact that he was still fully inflated and stuck inside of Iruka. His knot should have deflated by now but it seemed unchanged and Kakashi also knew that he was hard again. Gently, he kissed his omega’s forehead and pulled the head against his chest. Maybe they could stay like this forever…

No, the moment was short-lived. Iruka slowly woke with a moan, his pheromones were still thick with heat. “Mate”

“Iruka…” Kakashi hugged him only harder. He’d seen Shizune’s face yesterday, he knew he could’ve lost Iruka. But he didn’t. This omega, his mate, was still here and Kakashi had never felt more grateful in his life. He had lost so many people… but Iruka defied nature, he was still alive despite it all. There were tears in his eyes but he didn’t have hands to wipe them away, he had to hold his precious mate with them.

“Alpha… hnnng… please…,” Iruka moaned and started rutting against him. It should’ve been very painful with this injury… the sensations made Kakashi moan as well. His cock was extremely sensitive and suddenly, he was desperate to come. He moved against Iruka and even though his knot did not move, the friction was… Iruka’s scent made him dizzy. He clawed into the other’s hips to support is movements, he thrust up into him as well as he could. There was the smell of blood again, he didn’t care. He was mouthing the bite mark, kissing, sucking, small bites… Iruka moaned and gasped and Kakashi loved it. He took his mate’s member into his hand and started massaging him until he felt the muscles around him contracting. That’s what threw him over the edge. All his tension poured out of him and dissolved into endorphins… Iruka slumped down onto his chest, panting and sweating… finally, he could feel the knot deflate slowly. This was it. He and Iruka were properly bonded and Kakashi couldn’t be happier. Had he ever been happier in his life? He didn’t understand all the feelings he had for this omega, there was way more than just the bond between them. Maybe this was love? It didn’t matter, he wouldn’t act on it as long as Iruka didn’t feel that way too. He never wanted to let his mate go again but he swore to himself that he would do anything to make Iruka happy. And if that meant that he had to keep his distance, he would do it. As much as it would hurt to do so.

But right now, Iruka was snoozing on his chest. He was heavy and broad… a different type of omega than Rin had been. Kakashi carefully rolled him over and inspected Iruka’s wound. It wasn’t bad but it had started bleeding again. Even Kakashi should be able to heal this. He was the only one who could do it anyway because he wouldn’t let anyone else even see to this ass. Not even Shizune.

His chakra frizzled but he got it under control. It felt a bit different in a way… maybe that was because of the bit of Iruka’s which had mixed into it. The green light connected the torn skin and muscle, Kakashi continued to heal the sore skin around it as well. Iruka shouldn’t be in pain just because his alpha couldn’t control his instincts. Now, he was finally able to go to the toilet.


	15. Let me savour what we have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka's heat is not over yet. Smut, fluff and angst ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> Thank you for all the wonderful comments on the last chapter!  
> It makes me so happy to know that you like it. :)  
> This chapter is one that I personally like a lot and that's not because of the smut. :D  
> Have fun!

Iruka woke and… he didn’t feel sore. He had expected to feel sore but he didn’t. Something must’ve happened but he couldn’t remember. Kakashi was gone; it made the bed feel empty. At least his smell was still there. The smell of rain and Konoha woods hung in this air and made it feel like spring. Slowly, he sat up. Still no pain. He was exhausted, yes, but not sore as he had been the last time. Water on his bedside table. Good. He gulped it down greedily and finally let himself feel for Kakashi’s chakra. An inexplicable relief flooded him when he felt the familiar chakra close by. Sofa, probably.

Maybe Iruka should go to him… maybe he should tend to other needs first. When he left the room, he instantly spotted Kakashi. On the sofa, just like he’d thought, his unmasked nose buried in the orange book. But he looked up as soon as Iruka opened the door. “Iruka,” he said, “You should stay in bed.”

“Yeah” Iruka knew that. “No. I have to pee.”

“Oh… okay.” And Kakashi was back to reading again. Iruka didn’t know how he felt. On the one hand, he was grateful for the space Kakashi was giving him. One the other hand, it annoyed him to no ends that he was not Kakashi’s sole interest. Iruka had never liked the orange book but now he started to develop a personal aversion for the item. It occupied his mate and it seemed to be much more interesting than him. Of course, Iruka knew, it was stupid and he would’ve liked to make himself stop feeling jealous of a stupid porn book but he couldn’t. So he just finished his business, showered and went back to bed where he stared at the ceiling and waited for the next heat wave to hit. This time, it felt like a normal one. The heat on his skin, the sweat, the tingling in his belly that increased and deepened until he started to slick and contract around nothing. It made him groan in frustration, he panted but he didn’t want to touch himself. He wanted…

Kakashi knocked and entered. Iruka heard it but he didn’t see, he was back to covering his eyes with his forearm. It was too bright in here. “What do you need?,” he asked.

“Curtains,” Iruka groaned.

“Curtains? You don’t have…” Then he was gone from the room, came back again and Iruka heard him rummaging. By now, he was bucking up from time to time. The arousal was close to unbearable and the alpha’s scent really didn’t help… but the room was less bright. Iruka still didn’t lift the arm; he didn’t want to see Kakashi. He didn’t… “Alpha…” Apparently, his mouth had different ideas on the matter. But really, by now his need was so strong, he didn’t really care anymore. The alpha smelled divine and it made him want to be touched even more.

He felt the bed dip next to him. “I don’t know why you dress every time,” Kakashi sighed and carefully moved his arm to pull off his shirt. Yes, why did he dress again? Iruka kept his eyes closed and just let Kakashi undress him, the small touches, the friction on his heated, sensitive skin were more than just good. Pants slid down, they rubbed over the tender tip of his erect cock, it made him gasp and arch up. “Oh, you are so beautiful.” Soft lips kissing along his collar bone. “So… perfect.” Iruka moaned. He wrapped his arms around Kakashi’s neck and pulled him closer. The alpha let him. Now, the slim, calloused hands started moving along his side, down to his hips, over his thighs… Iruka just panted, there was not much more he could do. He just lay there and enjoyed the touches, the caress, the whispered words of praise and he felt his brain turn more and more mushy. Oh, the slick… he was so wet. It was starting to get uncomfortable. He needed something more. Like Kakashi’s face between his thighs, his breath against his skin. His warm tongue tasting him. So good. He whined in need, feeling himself loosen even more, as if he wasn’t open and contracting already.

And then, Kakashi was leaning over him again and the lustful alpha pheromones took his breath away. He wasn’t sure if he could get any more aroused but his need seemed to double. Without further thinking, he pulled down the face. The face he didn’t see because he kept his eyes closed. Because he didn’t want to see. He just wanted to feel, to smell… Kakashi’s tip touched his entrance. Iruka had not expected it, so he gasped in surprise, moved against him and before he knew what was happening, he had sucked the alpha’s cock inside. And it pressed further. So big. So full. So good. Iruka lost control over his voice. He knew he was clawing into Kakashi’s shoulders. He felt his legs wrap around the other’s bony hips. And then he moved. They moved. It was wet, the sounds it made were obscene, Iruka’s voice… and the feeling, oh the feel… the friction was just everything Iruka needed. The smell… this cock was just perfect inside him. It fit, it was supposed… oh. Pleasure erupted in Iruka and he bucked with a cry when Kakashi found his prostate. Everything tingled and suddenly he was close. So close. Kakashi was too slow. “Alpha,” he panted, “alpha.” And he tried to increase their speed. Kakashi picked up on it, of course he did, and he sped up. It wasn’t long until he was pounding into Iruka like there was no tomorrow. And Iruka loved it. He felt the sheets rub against his skin, his fingers curled into it. He felt his head being pressed into the pillow and up towards the wall. He felt the thickness inside him that slid in and out and in and out and from time to time it touched his prostrate and it had him crying out desperately. And then Kakashi found the right angle and he hit the pleasure spot every time… and everything dissolved into bliss. Iruka didn’t feel himself come, not really, his vision whitened, he clasped down on Kakashi’s developing knot and made it inflate and then it was stuck and Iruka felt the hot liquid inside him… perfect. Just what he had wanted. Panting, he fell back. He’d grasped Kakashi during his climax and now he pulled him down with him. They both lay there, connected, trying to catch their breath. And Iruka still didn’t open his eyes. He didn’t want to see. Just feel… perfect. Kakashi rolled them over so that they came to lie on their sides. He pulled Iruka closer, their sweating bodies flush together, it was too hot… but still Iruka didn’t want to leave. This was where he belonged. At his mate’s side. And for this moment, it felt like everything was right.

Iruka had lost his sense of time. It was dark outside and he wasn’t sure if he had been asleep or in a half-awake haze of low-level arousal. It was tiring and Iruka felt like he wanted to shed his skin and just get out of this sticky, hot mess. Maybe then he could cool a bit…

The windows were wide open and a cool breeze blew into the room. It was such a relief to feel it on his skin. His belly was tingling and making him uneasy but it was nowhere near as bad as this cramps. He would never want to feel that again. And he swore to himself to never take heat suppressants ever again.

Right now, all he could do was lie in his bed, feel the breeze, claw into his blanket for relief and wait for it all to be over. Maybe it would have been better if he’d had Kakashi close. He felt lonely but he wasn’t as desperate anymore and he still couldn’t stand the idea of the alpha close. The times they’d had… sex… Iruka couldn’t bring himself to hate it. It had been good. It had been what he needed. And it had helped that his brain had been so flooded with hormones. Had he fantasised about having Kakashi’s kids? Yes. That’s something he would’ve never done if he had been clear-headed. Slowly, he started to understand what it must’ve been like for Kakashi during his rut. Could he really blame the man for succumbing to these powerful, primal instincts? There were parts of their… coupling… he didn’t even remember or only had fractured memories of. A rut must be similar to that. Maybe even worse. Once again, Iruka realised painfully, how little he knew about the two more instinct-driven dynamics.

But really, his head was not in the right shape to process complicated thoughts right now. Now was the time for… existing. Feeling… waiting for all this to be over. Kakashi’s scent was blown from the room completely by now. He started to miss it. It was a good scent. He liked it. So without further ado, he grabbed his blanket, because apparently he was still naked, wrapped it around his body and got out of bed.

Kakashi was snoozing on the sofa but he woke instantly when the door opened. At times like these, he really missed his sharingan. Not in battle, he would never miss it in battle. But Iruka with heavy-lidded, sleepy eyes, flushed cheeks and nothing but Kakashi’s shuriken patterned blanket around his shoulders was a sight for sore eyes. Pheromones flooded the room and told Kakashi’s instincts that the other was still very much in heat. There was sweat, yeah, and slick, oh… it was hard to not jump and scoop up cuteness incarnate. Whatever happened in their future lives, Kakashi could now die a happy man, as long as he never forgot about what Iruka had looked like in this moment.

“How are you feeling?” He managed to sound nonchalant, probably only because of his lifelong training of faking a bored, stoic appearance.

“Uh… well, heat I guess.” His scrambled words… Kakashi had discovered a new level of cuteness that he didn’t know existed. “Sorry, not really coherent up there.” Iruka knocked against his head and sighed. “Annoys me too.”

“You’re not annoying.” You’re cute. Kakashi bit his tongue and swallowed the last two words. “Do you want some water?”

Iruka nodded. He looked a bit lost how he stood there, half-way across the room. Kakashi got up to get the water and hoped that Iruka would manage to sit down on the sofa but the omega didn’t move. He just watched him. “Don’t you want to sit?”

“Uh…” Finally, Iruka moved towards the sofa. “I’m going to smear slick on it.”

“You can sit in my lap if you want.” Kakashi should NOT have said that. But really… omega heat pheromones…

“Okay.” That, he didn’t expect. He held himself back from shunshining over to the sofa and walked back slowly with a jug and a glass of water. And when he sat down, Iruka actually climbed into his lap. As cute and child-like as Iruka might have appeared, Kakashi was reminded that he was a fully grown man with the corresponding weight very quickly. He certainly did not fit the stereotype of a small, frail omega and Kakashi very much appreciated that. Still… the way, he managed to fold himself into Kakashi’s arms was impressive. Before he knew it, Iruka’s head had sunk onto his shoulder and he heard the other inhaling his scent. Feelings welled up inside of him and he wasn’t sure where they came from. There was arousal, of course. It was hard to not get hard when there was an omega in heat right under your nose. But there was also some warm, giddy fondness which enhanced the tingling in his belly. And before he knew it, he had wrapped his arms around Iruka. The omega in his hug purred and the pheromones that didn’t scream “Heat!” and “Slick!” spoke of Iruka’s contentment. Happiness. Peace. This was what a bond felt like and Kakashi had to blink his tears away because it had been so long… so long since he’d felt like that. Complete. Together. And there was so much more that he still had to explore and understand. Reactions and feelings he didn’t used to have in Rin’s company. Like this giddy happiness.

For a long, long moment, he just held Iruka. He didn’t feel his legs anymore but he didn’t care because he knew that out of heat, he and Iruka would probably never be like this. And when Iruka’s hands reached for the glass of water without wanting to leave the hug, Kakashi picked it up and gave it to him. They stayed on the sofa. Iruka drank, he purred, he soaked Kakashi’s trousers with his slick. They relished in their togetherness. But Kakashi could feel the tension building. Iruka started to rub against Kakashi’s leg and Kakashi felt his cock strain painfully against the fabric. “Iruka…,” his voice was husky. He couldn’t keep up the nonchalant sound even though he really wanted to. “You better get off. Otherwise I can’t promise you that I can keep it together much longer.”

“Alpha,” was the moaned answer. “I need…” But he did not seem able to pronounce what he needed. He didn’t have to anyway. Kakashi lifted Iruka, pulled down his own pants and slowly guided the omega down onto his cock. They both moaned in unison. The tight, wet heat around him was… he would never get used to it.

“Iruka,” he said quietly and watched his hands as they felt along the omega’s sides. The tan skin was surprisingly soft and had only few scars. Wonderful. “You are in a position where you can take what you need.” It went against his instincts to not be in control of what would happen next but he wanted Iruka to feel safe. It was one of the first things he had learned about this unusual omega: Iruka liked to decide what happened to him. Kakashi was still very surprised when he felt Iruka’s hands on the hem of his shirt trying to pull it off. As soon as it was gone, Iruka looked much more content. There was something in his eyes… playfulness maybe, appreciation… but the omega had declared an attraction to him right from the beginning. He moved around in Kakashi’s lap trying to find the best position… Kakashi did his best to bite back the groan in his throat. Because being inside the omega without doing anything to ease the strain only made him more sensitive. And then Iruka started moving. Finally. Kakashi’s hands were on his hips, he aided his movement. It was good. The omega leaned towards him, his hands on the backrest, his head next to Kakashi’s. If they both turned a bit, they would be able to kiss. Kakashi loved kissing Iruka. But it wasn’t happening. Because Iruka didn’t like looking at him. That much was clear by now. There wasn’t much time to feel frustrated though because the hormones made him dizzy and Iruka picked up speed. They moved together, breathed together, Iruka started moaning again and Kakashi loved the sound. He was pleasuring his omega, he was looking after him, he was going to breed him and pump him full of his children and his belly would swell and… he had started to buck into Iruka and knew that they were getting close. It was incredible. The few times they’d done it, they had nearly climaxed together… it was as if they were a perfectly coordinated team. Iruka was divine around him and he could take Kakashi’s knot, the whole size of it, and still gasp in pleasure.

He felt his knot inflate and with it grew the need to be deeper inside of Iruka, so he pulled the other down forcefully and thrust up into him. Iruka gasped breathlessly and came, his walls contracting around Kakashi and he felt his knot blow up. It was a feeling he knew all too well. But having his size restrained by Iruka’s body was… indescribable. It always pushed him over the edge and he spilled into his mate… perfect. His head sank onto Iruka’s shoulder to lick and kiss the bite mark he had left on their first evening. So good. So perfect. Iruka actually snuggled up closer, as they both chased their afterglow… these were the moments they felt most connected and Kakashi wanted to savour them. Store them in his memory forever. There would be times when he would be lonely again soon enough. But for now, everything was perfect. And if he only lived for these tiny, perfect moments… it would be enough. It had to be.


	16. Let it be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka's heat is close to its end and he starts feeling more clear-headed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya you wonderful people! :)  
> Thank you so much for the comments on the last chapter... they are incredibly motivating.  
> (I've been writing other stories instead, though... and my last term paper is nearly done. Yay!)  
> You were wondering how this situation would change when Iruka's heat subsides and... there you go. :)
> 
> Have fun!

He must have showered. He couldn’t remember it though. And someone had changed the bedding. Probably not him. It took Iruka a moment to understand what he felt like. Exhausted, mostly. Content. Warm. Not hot. Was it over? Iruka hoped it was. He felt like he couldn’t take much more. He sat up and there was no slick making his legs sticky. His knees weren’t as wobbly as they had been the days before. And his head felt much clearer than yesterday. Or… the last time he had been awake. What time was it? A quick look at the window made him startle and then smile. They were covered with… scrolls. Yes, he had meant to put curtains in. The curtain rail was fixed but he hadn’t decided on the pattern yet and then his heat had hit… apparently, he had asked for curtains… because Kakashi had taken his school scrolls, opened them and hung them over the curtain rail, one next to the other, to create a make-shift curtain. With drawings of chakra pathways and taijutsu positions. He snorted amused and shook his head. What a weirdo. But he didn’t tidy them up, he couldn’t care less right now. And it was an endearing sight.

What he cared about was the blanket he was clutching. It was green with black shuriken patterns. He would never allow such an ugly thing in his household. It must be one of Kakashi’s. With a sigh, he tossed it away and got dressed.

Kakashi was on his sofa reading his orange filth. Of course, he was. He didn’t seem to have any other hobbies. Except maybe his stupid challenges with Guy which had disturbed his lessons more times than Iruka could find cute. “Why is your stuff inside my bed?”

“Good afternoon, Iruka-sensei. You look much better.” Kakashi didn’t even look up. It annoyed Iruka and at the same time, he was glad that he didn’t have to see the face.

“I feel like it might be over.” Iruka sighed.

“It’s not,” Kakashi stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “It’s starting to subside but you still smell very much in heat. It’ll be at least two more waves until it’s over.”

“Damn it.” Iruka scratched his scar. This was annoying. This whole heat business was annoying. At least, he seemed to be lucid this time. “We did do it, didn’t we?” It was more to have it confirmed. As scrambled and confusing as his memories were… there were images of Kakashi on top of him… a feeling of fullness he couldn’t quite place…

“Yes.” At least Kakashi’s voice wasn’t nonchalant as usual. This was no game; it had been serious business, for both of them. “I know, this is a difficult situation but… you nearly died. And you did enjoy it.”

Iruka didn’t remember being close to death. He remembered euphoria… and a feeling of connectedness with Kakashi… he felt his chakra reaching out to the other man and reined it back in. There was a proper bond between them now, Iruka couldn’t deny that. At some point, heat-struck Iruka must’ve started to trust Kakashi. And apparently this trust hadn’t been betrayed yet. “There’s a blanket in my bed that I don’t know. Is it yours?”

“Ah… that one. Yes, that’s mine. I wanted to give you something that smelled like me for when I’m not in the room. You did take it quite happily.”

Iruka had woken wrapped up in it. “Hm. I would still ask you to take it with you when you leave. I might have liked it in heat but… I don’t want any of your stuff in my flat when this is over.” Even though he really liked Kakashi’s scent and he was secretly inhaling it. But these were the remnants of his heat making him do stupid omega stuff.

“Of course. I wouldn’t have left it with you anyway. It’s my only blanket.” Kakashi was back to his sing-songy nonchalant way of talking. And somehow it felt as if the intensity of his smell in the room had lessened…

“Good.” Iruka wanted to sit down but he also didn’t want to get any closer to Kakashi. Maybe, something inside him wanted to be close to Kakashi. Snuggle up to him. But this was an aggressive, violent alpha… who had taken good care of Iruka during his heat. Too many conflicting feelings rushed through his mind. “I want this to be over,” he sighed.

“Mah… it won’t be much longer. Another day maybe.”

Iruka groaned. It might have been fine before but now that he was clear-headed again, he couldn’t stand Kakashi in his flat. “Is there no way to accelerate it? Heats of omegas on duty never last that long.” It still felt weird to say omegas and include himself in the group. Why? He had never denied his dynamic; he’d just supressed his annoying instincts. And his scent. And yes, he might’ve tried to come across as a beta. But still…

“Your heat isn’t a normal one. It’s taken longer than heats usually do already. But… mah… I might be able to jumpstart your next wave.”

“You can do that?” Iruka was surprised. He’d never heard of alphas controlling their omegas heat. Well, to be honest, he didn’t know much about the nature of bonded mates anyway. He’d always avoided the topic because he had been afraid that it might make him seek a mate. Only to be disappointed. Which was exactly what had happened with Mizuki.

“I can try. But I would have to get close to you.”

Well, Iruka didn’t want that. But the prospect of his heat ending more quickly was tempting… “Let’s do it.” He did take a step back, though, as soon as the alpha stood and turned towards him. Kakashi was tall. And his muscles… they moved with every one of his steps. Rather small in size but defined and, Iruka knew from personal experience, very strong. This was a powerful alpha. He could easily overpower Iruka.

“Relax, Iruka. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m your mate. I want to help you.”

There was something about his voice… it wasn’t his alpha voice. Iruka knew how that felt way too well. No, it was a soft, purring tone that made something inside him perk up and drew him towards Kakashi. Was his mate talking to the bond? Iruka felt himself calm; it was enough to let the alpha come close. At this distance, the comforting scent was much stronger and Iruka unconsciously leaned into it. Home. Mate. Alpha. With slow, controlled movements, Kakashi pulled him into a hug and Iruka was surprised that he let him. The scent was all around him… then it changed. It grew richer with new pheromones. Possessiveness, arousal and some deep, deep fondness Iruka couldn’t quite place. But it did things to him. Warmth erupted in his belly. Tingling. It turned into heat which spread through his whole body. His arms wrapped around Kakashi, pulled him closer, he buried his face in Kakashi’s neck to get more of this smell. His member started to harden, slick seeped out of his entrance. His soft and pliant entrance… gods, how big had Kakashi been inside him? He’d definitely been inside him… there was no denying it now. And his body craved more of it.

“Alpha,” he whispered. Kakashi’s warm hand came up against his back and was laid down on his spine. Iruka knew the place. Mizuki’s scar. Mizuki had been a nut job and for the first time, Iruka felt honestly happy that he didn’t end up with him. He had a mate now. A mate who really, really appreciated him. Because scents didn’t lie. It had been a long time since Iruka had felt appreciated like this and it broke all his defences. He basically melted into Kakashi’s embrace and slowly but surely, he felt the heat overtake his brain. Oh, to have Kakashi’s skin against his, moving together. Kakashi inside him… Kakashi’s _knot_ inside him… he remembered how it had felt like now. So good…

Suddenly, Kakashi’s lips were on his. And they kissed as if it was the only thing keeping them alive. His breath turned into Kakashi’s and then they were both out of breath but they couldn’t stop. Their clothed lengths rubbed together and it was wonderful, it was bliss. Kakashi’s hands were under his shirt, no, he was pulling Kakashi’s shirt off. And then, they were naked and Iruka’s back against the backrest of the sofa. And when Kakashi entered him, it felt like it had been too long… Iruka didn’t try to control his body; he didn’t try to control his voice. He just wanted to be, to feel… and at this moment, everything was so good. Kakashi was so good, so perfect inside him, around him. His taste, his scent, his lean, battle-hardened body against him… so strong. So incredibly overpowering… Iruka cried and there was something wet on his cheeks and he loved it. He loved it so, so much… Then, Kakashi started to inflate and he was stuck inside Iruka and there was nothing that could come between them. They were one. Connected. And at that moment, everything was perfect.

And Iruka pulled Kakashi close, against his chest, so that he could listen to the other’s excited heartbeat. They stayed like this for… the gods know how long… and maybe, Iruka didn’t want this moment to end. Maybe, he even stayed in Kakashi’s embrace when he started to feel more clear-headed again, just so he could breathe this heavenly scent and enjoy the warmth a little bit longer. He hadn’t felt body warmth so close to him for the longest time in his life. Cuddling with the ANBU, Shizune, Naruto… it had been nice. It was a part of his biology he’d always denied because he had refused to ask for it. Being like this with Kakashi … Iruka should have been afraid of his alpha strength. He should have been appalled by the way their naked, sweat-covered bodies stuck together. He wasn’t. It was his heat distorting his thoughts and senses. It was only a matter of time until he would feel disgusted with himself and push Kakashi away. But this time wasn’t now. And it wasn’t half an hour later. Kakashi had fallen asleep on his shoulder in a very awkward position and Iruka still couldn’t bring himself to push him away, even though he had deflated and slipped out of him. Instead, he started to rake his fingers through the soft but sturdy silver hair. It felt like an eternity until he managed to will himself to sleep too because it was the only way he could think of to explain this situation.

When he woke up, he was lying on the sofa with a pillow under his head and he remembered very well that this was not how he… they… had fallen asleep. There was a half-filled bag next to his door and Kakashi was leaving his bedroom with the shuriken blanket neatly folded under his arm. “What are you doing?”

“You wanted me to leave as soon as this was over,” he stated, his voice neutral. “Turns out I was wrong and this last wave completed your heat cycle.”

“Hm.” Iruka hated the disappointment that rushed through him. He might not know much of his heat but their last… coupling… he remembered it in all detail. It had been… there was no excuse to do it again now.

“I’m supposed to tell you that you are expected back at the Academy and the mission desk tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Iruka tried to grasp something to say. ‘When will I see you again’? ‘It was great, please come visit again soon’? ‘Thank you’? All things he wanted to express… but he didn’t dare say them out loud.

“Have a good day, Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi said after a long pause, heavy with unspoken words. Then, he turned and closed the door behind him.

“Bye…” Iruka whispered and didn’t know why he felt so empty.

It was hard leaving Iruka’s flat, just like Kakashi had expected. It was even harder to come back to his own flat and find it so… empty and without personality. But he couldn’t stand being at the teacher’s flat any longer. Iruka didn’t want him there longer than needed, he had made that clear. But it wasn’t what had driven him away. The way, his mate had sat on the sofa… sadly watching the floor like a picture of misery... Kakashi knew it was his fault. His rut had scared the teacher too much… it must have been so hard to let Kakashi close. And then, he had forced them into a kiss. He had listened only to his instincts again and he had fucked Iruka, he had knotted Iruka like there was no tomorrow. Because there was no tomorrow. Still, it had been incredibly selfish. It had made Iruka cry. The poor man must feel so used, so incredibly lost. Forced into a bond with an alpha he didn’t like. And the first thing, Kakashi had done was show him the worst part of the alpha nature. It hadn’t been his choice but he could understand how scared Iruka must feel of him. And he admired the omega’s strength to let him get close and still give himself to Kakashi at his most vulnerable. He didn’t know what exactly Iruka had felt like during his heat, this was a mystery reserved for omegas only, but he had seen how Iruka had mostly kept his eyes closed. How he had tried to cover his nose to not smell him. There had been a few times where Iruka had called him ‘mate’. That’s what they were; if they wanted it or not. Any other time, it had been ‘alpha’. Because that’s what Iruka had needed in his situation. An alpha. Any alpha who could knot him. This wasn’t about Kakashi. Iruka had done everything to distract himself from the truth that it had been Kakashi using him. This bond was a burden to the omega and the truth hurt. It squeezed his heart and held it in its grip just short of unbearable.

Because he wanted Iruka. Having a mate was one thing… but this was not about being mates, not even about omegas. He liked Iruka. He liked everything about the man. The deep scar which made him look so much more battle-hardened than he actually was. The endearing way he blushed and scratched said scar. His explosive temper, his fierce, undeniable love for his job and his students… his strength, his will of fire, his voice, his hair, his eyes, his skin… his scent. Kakashi had never felt like that about a person and it hurt. The worst about it was… he knew that if he let Iruka become important to him, it would put the teacher in danger. People around Kakashi died, sooner or later. But it was too late to supress the feelings. He would’ve done anything for the man. He would’ve died to protect him. Maybe these were just alpha instincts telling him to keep his mate close because his life depended on the omega. But since when did Kakashi care about his life?

He sat down heavily on his bed and his hands clawed into his blanket which still smelled like Iruka. This was a new pain he wasn’t used to yet. He would get used to it in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Iruka had a Takaya in his life, it would make things so much easier for him....  
> But that's a different story. :D


	17. Let's get back to normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka recovers from his heat and has to attend to his chunin duties again. A few things have changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)
> 
> How are you doing? I have finally completed everything for this semester and am busy to prepare the next one (which started today - in theory at least). Once again, I failed to get an intership... for the third time in a row.  
> I'm a confused bean, I just don't manage to stick to the dates... it probably means I have to study a semester longer than needed (ten semesters are long enough as it is) but well, so is life. *sigh*  
> Thank you so much for the comments on the last chapter, they really cheered me up. <3  
> Even though the situation is less than... cheery... this is all so difficult... :D  
> But I finished writing my other KakaIru fic (more or less) which means that I'll hopefully have more time for this one!
> 
> Have fun!

Iruka opened all his windows to get the damp, sticky smell out of his flat. But with it, Kakashi’s remaining scent vanished and it felt like Kakashi walking out the door for a second time. It was a great scent. Iruka hated that he liked it so much. He hated that he had already started to get used to it. But he also knew that refusing the bond and trying to work against it would get him nowhere. He couldn’t deny it. It was there, inside him. Not only inside him… it was part of him now. Somehow, Kakashi had managed to fix it during heat. It was great, for Kakashi. Iruka had started to understand how much his distancing had hurt the alpha and he didn’t like hurting people. He liked helping and making others feel better. It was his favourite thing in the world. By trying to accept the bond, Iruka would help Kakashi and make him feel better. So why was it so hard?

Iruka sat down on the sofa and listened to his body. There was some post-heat warmth swirling through his belly but it stayed on an acceptable level of low-key horniness. He could work with that and it would go away soon enough. He felt his chakra pathways, they were active and lively. Livelier than they had been before his heat. It was as if something had swept through and left them clean and polished for his chakra. The cleansing effect of a heat. Iruka had forgotten what it felt like to have clean chakra pathways. He’d definitely supressed his heat way too long. Even though he didn’t know much of what he had thought and felt during his heat, he was certain that at some point he had decided to never take heat suppressants again. And he would stick to that.

His chakra also felt stronger… different. He knew the feeling by heart, he had grown used to it since the day he activated it as a six-year-old. But now, it felt different and his whole body felt different for it. It had gained some speed and felt more… solid. No, softer. No… like silk. It was like silk running through his fingers. Before it had been like water. Flowing and easy to point into a direction but hard to grasp. Now, he felt like he had much better control over it. Kakashi’s chakra had integrated into his own and it had changed the whole structure for good. Iruka was a new person, he realised. He was still Iruka but he was also Kakashi’s omega. Being bonded felt different, it would take some getting used to. But it didn’t feel bad. Not necessarily.

As intently, as he was listening to his body, there was no way he could ignore the elephant in the room. The yearning for his mate. Kakashi was in the back of his mind, like a background buzz. Easy to ignore but constantly there. Iruka had a rough idea where and how far away the alpha was… too far away. He would have liked him to be closer. Cuddle up… Well, his instincts wanted Kakashi to be closer. Iruka still had issues. In fact, he was very much relieved to be alone again. No alpha, just him. The flat felt empty though. Especially now that Kakashi’s scent had gone. The alpha had been very thorough and hadn’t left the smallest bit of his possessions. Just like Iruka had told him to. Still… he would’ve liked to have something that smelled like Kakashi. Maybe he should take a walk. In the woods. It had rained not too long ago; maybe some of the air would still smell like rain.

There was a cool hand on his forehead. It felt wonderful. “Sh… It’s alright, you have a fever.” Kakashi didn’t feel that bad, he was hot, yes, but he wanted to get up. “No, Kakashi. Stay in bed. I’m back. I’m going to look after you.” Kakashi sighed and fell back. Maybe it was better if he stayed in bed. His knees didn’t feel as if they were strong enough to carry him.

He smelled the soup. Kakashi wasn’t ill very often, he hated being sick. But when his father wasn’t on mission, he always cared for Kakashi. And made that soup his mother used to cook. He liked that. “Come on, sit up. Eat. It’ll make you feel better.” His father helped him to sit and propped him up with some pillows. Ah yes… Kakashi was weaker than he had expected. But the soup smelled so good. He could taste it on his tongue. He had loved these moments with his father when Sakumo had been there and cared for him. He had felt loved. He had felt at home…

Kakashi woke with a little gasp. It was still dark outside, maybe three in the morning. His hands clutched the shuriken blanket. Iruka’s smell. The soup. He should wash it. But Kakashi couldn’t let the smell go. He wasn’t strong enough to erase this last piece of Iruka. Even though it hurt so much. Too much. His heart throbbed painfully; he buried his head in his pillow. Sometimes, it was easier to bleed. A wound which bled would heal and scar. But this pain… it wouldn’t go away. He needed a distraction.

Iruka still felt the exhaustion in his bones the next morning even though he had slept more than twelve hours. His body would take some time longer to recover from this nightmare of a heat. But the lessons were relaxed. His students actually had a good day for once and his colleagues politely kept their distance. Which was great because Iruka really wasn’t in the mood for people. It was like nothing ever happened.

When, he walked into the missions room though; all eyes turned to him. “Good afternoon,” Iruka greeted politely and sat down on his desk.

“Holy shit, Iruka, you lucky man!” Kotetsu exclaimed. “I thought omegas didn’t turn to betas for their heats.”

“Pardon?” Iruka didn’t understand what his friend was trying to say.

“I was wondering what you have been up to the last week… but I would have never thought you helped an omega with their heat. Or are you mated to them? Who is it? Do I know them? Why didn’t you tell us?”

Oh… so there were still heat pheromones clinging to his clothes. Great. That explained the weird looks he had gotten from his colleagues at the Academy earlier. And Kotetsu was still looking at him… apparently, he expected an answer… Iruka blushed. This was the moment where he should come clean… in public… the news would spread like wildfire… and he wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet.

“Stop it, Kotetsu,” Izumo dissolved the situation from the Kotetsu’s other side of the desk. “He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it.”

Iruka blushed even more but tried to keep cool. He turned to the ninja in front of him. Alpha. His eyes were slightly dilated. “This friend of yours… he smells great. Can you tell them about me?”

“Good afternoon, chunin-san, I would like to have your mission report.”

“Oh, yes, of course, uhm…” The man rummaged in his pocket and handed him the scroll. Fortunately, it was filled out neatly. “Thank you for your service.” And he turned to the next in line, stone-faced. He just had to survive this shift somehow.

“Brat. You again. What is it this time?” Tsunade sighed and her headache got even worse just by looking at this picture of misery in front of her. Of course, Kakashi didn’t show it but the shadows under his eyes spoke loudly.

“I am back to report for duty, Hokage-sama.” It was his normal, nonchalant voice. Just a bit low-spirited. Tsunade knew to listen to her intuitions and she had a bad feeling about this. She really didn’t want to send him on mission but she had no choice. This one had been sitting at her desk for three days now.

“Wonderful. There is a conference of the Hokage in Suna in a few days. As I can’t leave at the moment, I’m sending you. You’re going to be my successor anyway. So get used to it.”

This was the moment when Kakashi would usually make a joke about not wanting to be Hokage but he just nodded, took the scroll, and left.

“This is bothersome,” Shikamaru sighed, “But I feel like I should go with him. As the future Hokage assistant.”

“If you really must…” Tsunade itched for her sake drawer but she didn’t want witnesses. Otherwise, Shizune would scold her again. “Go and tell Shizune to get here. Then, you can leave.”

“Thanks.” Shikamaru got up, stuffed his hands into his pockets and shuffled out of the room. Tsunade took a huge gulp of her favourite kind of alcohol as soon as Shikamaru closed the door. Maybe it was a good thing that the kid went with Kakashi. The young Nara clan head wasn’t the best at being emotional support but he was smart. He’d probably figure something out. And he could have an eye on the brat, so that Kakashi didn’t get any ideas. Even though that meant more work for her and Shizune.

After his shift, Iruka was done with the whole lot. The looks, the questioning glances… he had felt so uncomfortable in his skin! He didn’t even want to imagine what would happen if he actually stopped hiding his scent. The alphas would look at him differently. Right now, they were confused as to why there was an omega’s scent on him. But just like Kotetsu, they would assume that he’d helped an omega through their heat and, if anything, it earned him respect. But if they found out that he actually was this delicious smelling omega…

“Iruka, hey Iruka!” Someone tugged at his sleeve. Izumo. Iruka stopped.

“What?”

“You look stressed. Care to take a walk?”

Of course, Izumo would be concerned. Iruka actually appreciated it, so he nodded. Some quality time with his friend and fresh air… also, the omega pheromones calmed him. Kotetsu walked off, probably miffed that he wasn’t allowed to be part of their little evening stroll but he didn’t complain and just cleared off.

They wandered in silence to the great escarpment which framed the village’s back. It had been ages since Iruka had been up there. A look, a smirk, of course, they wouldn’t take the stairs. Of course, they wouldn’t race each other to the top… Iruka was still a bit disappointed when Izumo got to the top before him. They sat down on the edge, out of breath and grinning. Iruka admired the view.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Izumo came to sit next to him but left him enough personal space to not feel crowded. Very considerate.

“Uhm…” Iruka really didn’t want to talk about it. He wasn’t even sure where he stood at the moment but he was in no way ready to tell anyone.

“Look. I know. About you and Kakashi. I understand.”

“I… uh… how???” Iruka was at a loss for words. Was it that obvious to an omega? Oh no, that would mean, half the village…

“It’s not because it’s obvious, or anything. Don’t worry. Nobody would guess it. No, I just met Kakashi by chance when he was trying to clear his head. I trained with him. I smelled your heat on him.” Iruka buried his head in his hands and felt the shame heat his head, he was afraid it was going to explode. He remembered a shattering feeling of betrayal and a loneliness and despair he had never felt before… it had been too intense to forget. Now he knew where it came from. He had smelled Izumo on Kakashi and had thought that Kakashi had cheated on him. Why… why had he been so jealous? Why had he hated himself so much for not being good enough for Kakashi? “I think you need space.” Izumo stood up but he hesitated to leave. “I just want you to know… I get it. Being an omega isn’t easy. And you’ve been denying it for so long… I guess the transition is hard. I’m not judging you or anything but… I’m your friend, Iruka. If you ever need someone to talk… or just cuddle… you know where I live. We omegas must stick together.”

Iruka felt tears flood his eyes, so he didn’t lift his head. He just nodded vigorously and listened to Izumo leave. So he knew. He was the one, two, three… sixth person who knew. And he didn’t mind. Well, he was an omega himself, he probably understood, in a way. Iruka felt relieved, just a tiny bit, to know that his friend didn’t mind. That he accepted Iruka, no matter his dynamic. Maybe he would get back to Izumo and the cuddling offer.


	18. Let me give you some advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi and Iruka try to move on from the heat. Fortunately, they're both smart enough to talk about it. Not with each other though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!
> 
> I would love to tell you that this is getting better and easier...  
> But you know... life isn't easy. It is for me right now because lectures and seminars are still a month away.  
> I plan on writing a lot in this time. I probably won't... I already had a new idea for another KakaIru abo fanfiction.  
> For now, I'm only storing it and observe whether it'll grow into something.  
> Thank you for the comments, they always make me happy and motivate me so much! <3
> 
> Now, enjoy the new chapter.  
> Well, I say 'enjoy'... :D

Leaving the village had never been a problem to Kakashi. Well, it had never been a problem before. But now… with this fresh bond between him and Iruka… he was keenly aware how far away his mate was. This was the day after Iruka’s heat, he should still be there and care for his omega. All his instincts screamed at him to turn and shunshin into Iruka’s flat even if the wards would kick him out painfully. But he had to leave for Suna which was exactly the whole way too far away from Konoha, no Iruka. He was a shinobi; the mission was his first priority. The peace was still in the making and he really didn’t want another conflict any time soon, not only because of the masses of paperwork it would bring with it. So he took a deep breath and jumped over the outer wall and into the trees. A week, just a week, and he would be back at Iruka’s side.

He felt a chakra signature behind him and his alarms flared for a second until he realised it was Shikamaru following him. “Did I forget something?”

“Nah…,” the Nara drawled, “I just decided to come with you. I’m going to be your assistant until Naruto takes over, so I should learn as much as I can about diplomacy and stuff even though it’s a drag.”

“Mah… you might fool your grandma with this story, Shikamaru, but not me.” It was obvious that the young man had ulterior motives.

“Yeah, okay. You’re right.” The omega admitted and caught up with Kakashi. “Do you know Kankuro-san? He’s the second child of the Yondaime Kazekage and I want to get closer.”

“I heard all three of his kids were alphas.”

Shikamaru nodded. “I like Temari as well but her brother’s scent… you liked Iruka’s scent too, right?”

“Mah…” Kakashi thought this question a bit personal but… they had a long way ahead of them and it was much better than summoning a ninken. They would only judge him for running away. “I didn’t quite notice it because he kept it hidden. He smelled a bit like… salt. I didn’t actually care much. The initial scent is an important first sign for a possibly strong bond. It’ll keep its core but it will change to suit your taste after bonding. You won’t be able to get enough of it.”

Shikamaru shrugged. “I still don’t get it. You said Iruka smells like salt. That’s not very interesting. What does he smell like now?”

“Home.” Kakashi couldn’t believe how fast the answer left his mouth. “A good mate always smells like home. Iruka smells like the soup my father used to cook when I was sick as a child.”

“Ah… so if Kankuro smells like dry wood to me now…”

“You’ll never know. It’s a lottery. It depends on how your chakras mingle. _If_ you manged to get him.”

“If I manage to get him.” Shikamaru nodded. “Any tips on how to seduce an alpha?”

“Uhm… alphas like to feel powerful. They like to decide and take control. Big eyes, a blush if you can manage. Don’t look down on him, always look up, so he feels taller than you even if he isn’t.” Kakashi found himself enjoying this conversation more than he was supposed to. “I guess, if you like his scent… just take a good noseful and let it guide you.”

“You sound like you know what you’re talking about.” Shikamaru chuckled, Kakashi shrugged.

“I read Icha Icha. I’m a pro.”

Shikamaru’s snort made him grin. “So you and Iruka… how is this coming along? I hear he survived his heat?”

“Fortunately…” Kakashi didn’t even want to imagine a life without the teacher. His heart already bled with every step which took him farther away. That’s why newly bonded mates usually stayed close to each other for the first few weeks. The conversation distracted him a bit but now that they were talking about Iruka again… “Being newly mated is intense. If you really want to mate with someone from outside your village, make sure that you will be able to be together for at least three weeks.

“Urgh… so going to Suna now is hard?” Shikamaru shot a glance over at him and Kakashi just nodded.

“Mah…I don’t even know if he would let me be with him.”

“Your situation is really troublesome.” Shikamaru sighed. “But you’re mated… he must feel something.”

Kakashi shrugged. Iruka felt intimidated by his rut and probably was ashamed of how his instincts had overpowered him during his heat. He knew that Iruka was, in some way, attracted to him but he had no idea if this would be enough for Iruka to finally let him in. “I scared him during my rut. I tried to make it up to him in his heat… but I feel like I forced myself on him.”

“What a drag…” Shikamaru sighed. “Well, I know from personal experience that in heat you yearn for nothing but an alpha. Everything else just blurs. There are no rational thoughts, not really. Did it feel like he was refusing you?” Kakashi shook his head. Iruka had pulled him closer, he had moved against him quite enthusiastically. He had moaned; he had come every time… he had cried the last time they’d done it. “I think you’re overthinking, Kakashi-sensei. You should talk to him about it when you’re back.”

“I’m not sure he wants to see me.”

Shikamaru sighed and probably would’ve rolled his eyes if he hadn’t had to watch his step. “Being considerate is good and all that but some things just have to be done even if they are troublesome.”

Kakashi nodded and secretly felt very grateful that he didn’t have to make the way on his own. Shikamaru was a great young shinobi, a very smart person and a wonderful omega. “You know, you shouldn’t rush things,” he tried to repay the favour.

“Huh?”

“With Kankuro. You don’t know him very well, do you? Get to know him first, learn about him and his mannerisms. Don’t even think about bonding before you don’t trust him completely.”

Shikamaru nodded. “Yeah. I will. If one thing, I’m patient.” They continued their way but Kakashi felt much better already. Even though the yearn for Iruka increased with every step they took. He was too far away from his mate. He should be at his side caring for him…

Izumo did not expect Iruka to knock at his door the evening after. His friend didn’t look good, he was clutching his sides as if he was trying to keep something contained. “Can I… can I come in?”

“Yeah sure. I was just making dinner; you want to join us?” Iruka seemed to hesitate.

“But Kotetsu…”

“Kotetsu wanted to go out with Hayase, Kasuga and Shimon anyway, right?”

“No, I planned on staying in cuddling my mate. You know I don’t like Kokage. And he’ll be there, I’m sure.”

“He asked Kokage if he wanted to be his mate in the Academy. Kokage refused him and he’s still embarrassed about it,” Izumo whispered and winked at Iruka. “Come on! They invited you,” he called over his shoulder into the flat. “You wouldn’t have any friends if I didn’t kick your butt out of the house from time to time.”

“Ugh, fine.” There was some ruffling and a few minutes later, Kotetsu appeared in the hallway. “Enjoy the food my mate made for _me_ , Iruka,” he moaned but it was obvious that he wasn’t seriously upset. Izumo was glad about it… sometimes, his alpha could be a bit of a dick. But they had talked about it and Kotetsu had agreed to leave them alone when Iruka needed help. Of course, Izumo hadn’t told him but Kotetsu understood. The good thing about being ninjas was that they were pretty chill about other people having and keeping secrets.

“Come on in!” Izumo manoeuvred Iruka into the kitchen and served him a big plate of stew. There was nothing better than warm food and a sweet pudding to cheer up an omega. “You can drop your scent control if you like. I’ll air out the flat before Kotetsu comes back anyway.”

Iruka nodded. He still had to say something but the air around him started to smell herbal and omega. There were very distinct notes of distress in there. But Izumo let him enjoy his food and the cake and then, when Iruka seemed to relax a bit, they moved over to the sofa. His friend seemed a bit reluctant in his approach, so Izumo just pulled him into a hug and then a cuddling position and he could smell how much Iruka enjoyed it. “You know, you can always ask another omega for a cuddle.” Izumo patted his shoulder. “We all love it.”

Iruka just nodded. “I’m not used to it, I guess…” His voice sounded as if he was close to breaking into tears. “What happened? Did Kakashi-san mess up aftercare?”

“Aftercare?” So he had obviously messed it up…

“Yes. After heat, an alpha cares for their mate for at least two more days. You know, things like cleaning, buying groceries, cooking, cuddling… all that. It’s important to get back into life.” Iruka stayed quiet. “So, he didn’t?” Kami, Kakashi must have known what to do! Kotetsu always did it instinctively.

“I kicked him out,” Iruka confessed quietly. “He’s…” He inhaled, trying to keep it together. “He’s left the village.”

“Shit.” Izumo didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to judge his friend but… why? “Maybe it would help if you explained the situation to me. Why did I never hear of you and Kakashi? You must have been mated forever. So why did you choose to hide that you’re an omega?”

“Kakashi and I have been mated for about five months.” Iruka sought even more proximity and Izumo felt the need to stroke his back. “Before… he was mated to his teammate Rin, she died many years ago and he somehow was able to let go of the bond after the war. And… well, she bit him when they bonded, so he would’ve died eventually if he didn’t replace the bond. And I was unmated because… because I tried to be a beta, I guess. I was the obvious choice.” Izumo nodded and continued the stroking. It was obviously hard for Iruka to talk about it and he wouldn’t ask about Iruka’s decision because he had a rough idea as to what could’ve let to this. “I was being stupid. I pressured him into bonding one day after Tsunade gave us the order and I didn’t even know him. I just didn’t understand and wanted it to be done and then it threw Kakashi into rut and… he was like a wolf. Like a predator who wanted to eat me. He was confined in my bedroom but still…. He told me how much he wanted to rape me and I… I was so scared.” The memory seemed to open all gates. Tears streamed down his cheeks and caught in Izumo’s shirt. “I get that he didn’t do it on purpose but I just can’t forget his eyes… they looked so… horrible.” This really didn’t sound like a good start to a bond… Izumo felt very sympathetic for his friend.

“And then you had a heat and he helped you through it. I could smell it. And now you’re confused because you are scared of Kakashi but you also yearn for him?” Iruka nodded and Izumo knew his assumptions had been right.

“I get it. You don’t know Kakashi-san well. I think there are very few people who actually know him. He’s always so reclusive. And we tend to be wary of strange alphas. I don’t have to tell you why; you’ve seen what a feral alpha looks like. But first and foremost, Kakashi-san is a human being. So what is your impression of him outside of heat?”

Iruka seemed to have calmed down a bit. At least he wasn’t shaking anymore. “Uhm… he’s got a great ass.” Izumo had to grin. This was not necessarily what he had expected. “He’s very neat. He can cook. He struggles to communicate what goes on in his head. And this orange filth is practically glued to his hand.” Izumo chuckled.

“That sounds as if you liked him.”

“I… I don’t know. He’s a weirdo. But he can be very sweet sometimes. And his face… I just can’t forget how it distorted in his rut. I just… I can’t process that this horrible alpha and Kakashi are the same person.”

“Because they’re not.” Izumo removed Iruka’s hair tie and started massaging his head. His friend purred calmly. It was weird to hear Iruka purr. By now, Izumo was getting used to his omega smell but somehow Iruka and omegalike behaviour didn’t match. “We all have this… animal inside of us. The instincts, the intuitions. Kakashi-san probably was under a lot of stress and showed you the worst part of his nature. But… now that you’re his mate… this monster will be your monster. It would never turn against you; it will fight for you every time you are threatened. I’ve been a situation once… seeing Kotetsu like this was empowering. I was so proud to be his mate.”

“We were mated when he threatened to rape me already.” Izumo could feel the shiver running through Iruka.

“Yes but I guess you weren’t properly bonded. That’s something that usually happens before the… mating bite. You bonded during your heat, didn’t you?” Iruka nodded. “That means Kakashi did his job well. A heat it very straining on an alpha. They are easily overpowered by our pheromones. I guess he had to hold back a lot.” Iruka nodded again. Izumo remembered how worn out Kakashi had looked. A shock of realisation ran through him. “I scented Kakashi-san,” he gasped. “And you were still having trust issues. Shit Iruka, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realise! I assumed Kakashi-san had been mated for ages!”

“It’s okay.” Iruka shrugged. “I mean, I felt betrayed I guess. I remember a feeling of betrayal that… it hurt a lot. I think it nearly broke our bond but he somehow managed to fix it.”

“No, Iruka.” Izumo had unconsciously pulled his friend closer. “This isn’t something an alpha can fix. _You_ fixed it. You _wanted_ to trust him.”

“I don’t know. I can’t remember.” Iruka was back to snivelling but it made Izumo proud to know that his friend was opening up to him. He’d never seen Iruka betray much of what he felt and thought if it wasn’t anger or passionate love for his students. Worry or sadness were things, Iruka usually kept bottled up inside him.

“So what does Kakashi smell like to you?” Izumo tried to change the topic.

“Like home.” Yes, that was to be expected from a bonded mate. “But now it has changed now and… I really like it.”

“Wait…” Izumo was confused. “Did you just say he smelled like home to you before you bonded?”

“Well, he mostly smelled like betrayal…”

“He smelled like a bonded alpha, Iruka. He smelled like rain.”

“He smelled like the Konoha woods after rain and blood. Like the night Mizuki betrayed the village.”

Izumo shook his head. He couldn’t quite understand. “You know that this is very unusual, right? An omega might feel attracted to an alpha’s scent but it only starts to smell like home after you bonded. And a bonded alpha usually smells like ‘stay away’ not like ‘betrayal’.”

Iruka shrugged. “I don’t know, Izumo. I certainly did stay away because I hated the way he smelled. I didn’t like him.”

“No… you didn’t like that he belonged to someone else. Iruka… I think this is something much bigger. You know that chakra, the energy that connects every living being, sometimes binds people together in different ways? Like Naruto and Sasuke?”

Iruka left the hug and sat up to look at his friend incredulously. “You mean…”

“I don’t mean anything. I’m just saying that usually an alpha doesn’t smell like home before mating. That’s very unusual. Especially for an otherwise mated alpha.” Izumo didn’t really know where he was going with this but Iruka needed some reassuring. He would have to spend his life mated to Kakashi anyway, so finding him a reason to accept it would help both of them in the end.

“I don’t know…” Iruka sighed. “It’ll take time…”

“I think Kakashi-san will give you all the time you need.” Iruka nodded but then grasped his chest and gasped. Izumo pulled him into a hug and released soothing hormones instantly.

“What’s happening?”

“He’s so far away… it hurts… I don’t… I can’t reach him. I can’t feel him anymore.” Fuck. This wasn’t going to get any easier for Iruka. Izumo knew how hard it had been to be away from Kotetsu in the beginning. They had basically stayed scooped up inside for two weeks. Even now, they usually did everything together. And when one of them was on mission without the other… it had gotten easier over the years but there still was this anxiety in the background. Iruka had just come out of heat where an omega depended on their alpha and now Kakashi was gone.

“He’ll be back soon, I’m sure.”

“But… but…” Iruka buried himself in Izumo’s hug and he felt the tears wet his shirt. “He’s gone. Why did he leave me? I’m a bad omega, aren’t I? I kicked him out! Why did I kick him out? I didn’t want to!”

Izumo released his pheromones but it didn’t help much. Iruka sobbed helplessly. “He’s not gone forever,” he assured his friend. “It has nothing to do with you. You’re a great omega. The best he could hope for. It’s probably a mission.” Though Izumo did not understand why the Hokage would send Kakashi away so soon after Iruka’s heat.

“I’ll bring you home and I’ll make you some tea, okay? And then, you’re going to sleep and tomorrow, Kakashi might be back already.” Izumo helped Iruka up and they slowly made their way over to Iruka’s flat. The familiar surroundings would soothe him. And maybe Kakashi had left something that smelled like him…


	19. Don't leave me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi and Iruka suffer from being too far away from each other. A fresh bond like this is not to be taken lightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)
> 
> Thank you so much for all the comments!  
> I was very inspired and I've been writing constantly for the last two days. Your wonderful support motivates me so much.  
> You might have noticed the little change: I know how many chapters this story is going to have.  
> Which means, it is more or less all written out. (Except the epilogue, I have to still do that one). It still needs a few final touches though.
> 
> It's a bit surreal to read this chapter now because... so many things are going to change from this moment to... *spoiler*  
> It's the first time that I've finished a story before I caught up with the uploads. A very novel experience.  
> Anyway, I'm excited to continue this journey with you in a much more relaxed manner. :)
> 
> Have fun with the new chapter and look forward to what's still to come.  
> A lot of good stuff is going to happen. And when I say "good stuff" I mean "stuff that excites me", not necessarily "good things". ^^

Kakashi hurt. As if his heart had shattered into a million shards that slowly spread through his body and inflicted tiny, painful wounds everywhere. Breathing hurt. He still inhaled slowly, carefully and looked up at the star-spattered sky. Shikamaru was fast asleep next to him. Kakashi had taken first watch because he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. And if he didn’t wake Shikamaru, the young man wouldn’t wake before morning. So he just had to survive till sunrise. And then till sunset. And then till sunrise again. Kakashi was used to surviving day by day. Usually, it didn’t hurt as much but… he couldn’t go back. These were Hokage’s orders. Tomorrow they would arrive in Suna and… he had no idea how he would manage important discussions like this but he would, somehow. And if it broke him, it didn’t matter. He was broken anyway. His mate still refused him and… right now it felt like Iruka was gone. It was like losing Rin all over again. Only worse. Because he had been mated to Rin much longer and she had never been as important to him. But he felt her heart beating against his arm again. He felt the warmth of her blood soaking his uniform.

“Ka…ka…shi…” There was blood on his hands. After all these years, Kakashi could still see it. And he couldn’t go… he had nowhere to go and wash his hands until they started to hurt… he could just stare at them and control his breathing. To keep the terror creeping up inside him down. But he was doing a bad job. His controlled breathing changed into hyperventilation…

“Excuse my late disturbance, Hokage-sama.” What in the hell was Kamizuki Izumo doing in her office? Tsunade slowly put her sake bottle away as if he hadn’t caught her doing something she wasn’t supposed to.

“This better be important.”

“Actually, this is none of my business but… Iruka is really badly off without Kakashi-san. I am not one to judge your decisions and I’m sure it was very important to send Kakashi-san away but he didn’t even manage to do aftercare.”

“He WHAT?!?” The brat had come to report for duty without doing aftercare for his omega??? Just how foolish could an individual be?!? “Shizune!!!”

“Yes, Hokage-sama?”

“Pack your things, you’ll leave immediately for Suna to represent me. And tell Shikamaru, he is supposed to come back here asap. I have a bone to pick with him. Thank you for your report, Izumo-san. You may leave.” She muttered curses under her breath while she ran through the hand signs of the summoning jutsu.

Kakashi appeared before her in a puff of smoke and looked very surprised. “Kakashi- _san_ ,” she said and she hoped that he felt terrified of her right now because she was very much holding back from punching him through the wall and right into Iruka’s bedroom where he belonged. “When did you leave Iruka-sensei?”

There was nothing nonchalant in stance. He probably hurt just as much. “I made a mistake.”

“Yes, you did.” Tsunade crossed her arms, still fuming with anger. “I did not go through all this to see you mess up your bond. The mate always comes first. _Always._ Especially in your case.” Kakashi slowly nodded and he looked like a beaten dog without her even lifting a finger against him. “And if you ever come to me under false pretences again, I will have you on this chair the next day. Now go and care for Iruka like you’re supposed to.”

Kakashi shunshined and knocked at Iruka’s door. Someone opened and he was surprised to see Kamizuki Izumo who instantly got just as angry as Tsunade. “Iruka’s asleep,” he said. “I made him sleep because he couldn’t bear it anymore. What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t,” Kakashi admitted. “I didn’t think he would feel it as much as I do. He didn’t the first time.”

“You must have realised that you have a proper bond now. He feels it just as much as you do. Maybe even more so. It’s his first bond.” Kakashi nodded. Kamizuki didn’t seem satisfied but he let it go. “Now, go and be with him. I guess you know how to do aftercare. Or do you need an omega to refresh your basics?” Kakashi shook his head. He felt very, very embarrassed. And eager. After all the pain, he just wanted to be close to Iruka.

“Good. I guess I can leave now. Pray to whichever god you like that my mate isn’t home yet. Because I really don’t want to explain _this_ …” With that, he walked out of the flat and left Kakashi alone. He didn’t even hesitate for a moment. Iruka was… unconscious in his bed. His breathing was even and calm. The well-known worries welled up in Kakashi but he pushed them aside. Aftercare involved physical contact and for once, he would do what he wanted instead of what he thought was right. After this night, he didn’t have any strength left to be considerate anyway. He just wanted to cuddle up to his mate and inhale his scent.

Iruka woke from a dreamless void with a waft of air from rainy woods. He instantly moved towards it and met… a wall. No, a body. Kakashi. The pain was gone, Kakashi was back and Iruka felt himself tear up again just because of how relieved he was. It had been wrong of him to send the alpha away. They were mated now. He needed Kakashi. His home.

“Iruka…” Oh, his voice. So soft…

“I’m sorry.” He heard his own voice, it sounded so pathetic... “I shouldn’t have kicked you out.”

“I’m sorry too,” Kakashi gave back. “I shouldn’t have gone away.” He pulled him closer and Iruka let him because he didn’t want to push Kakashi away anymore. They were mated. They depended on each other. They belonged together. And Iruka never ever wanted to feel so alone ever again. “I will leave if you want me to. I know it’s hard for you to bear when I’m so close.”

“No… no, don’t leave!” It took a moment until Iruka understood what Kakashi meant. “It’s not… I’m coming to terms with it.”

“I promise you will never have to spend more time with me than you need to.”

Kakashi’s words irritated Iruka and he sat up to look at the man who had embraced him just a moment ago. “What?!”

The alpha sat up as well. Oh, he looked guilty… “I know you can’t stand me…I’m sorry you were forced into mating with me. I’m sorry I forced myself on you in your heat. I should have paid more attention to what you need.”

Iruka felt anger bubble up inside him. “Kakashi, no! Stop thinking so bad of yourself!” He huffed angrily. “You took good care of me during my heat. The cramps weren’t your fault, if anything, they are mine! What makes you think I hate you?”

“You… you…” Was Kakashi intimidated? He looked embarrassed. Did Iruka just intimidate his alpha? Gods… he was such a bad omega. Such a bad mate.

“I’m sorry. This is not what I’m supposed to do,” he tried to rescue the situation. “I’m supposed to be the voice of reason. I’m not very good at that. I mean, I am, kind of, I’m a teacher but concerning my own life I’m just very…”

“You don’t hate me?” Why did Kakashi sound so incredulously?

“No, of course not.” Iruka finally looked properly into Kakashi’s eyes. This time, their expression wasn’t masked. There was so much pain in them, and wonder and… “I never actually hated you. I was afraid, yes, but I’m starting to understand that what I’ve seen during your rut… that wasn’t you. And… I mean… I very much enjoyed being with you during my heat, didn’t I?”

“You did?” What exactly was Kakashi’s problem?

“I did come every time you fucked me, didn’t I?”

“You did. But that’s heat.”

“I made very clear that I wanted to be with you, right?” Of course, Iruka didn’t know for sure but he remembered a lot of powerful orgasms.

“You made very clear that you wanted an alpha. That’s what you need in heat.”

“No” Iruka shook his head. He didn’t quite understand what Kakashi was trying to say. “I wanted it to be you. What makes you think, I would’ve just taken any alpha?”

“I… I…” Was Kakashi blushing? It was hard to see under the mask but there seemed to be some pink creeping up his cheeks. “You never once said my name,” his voice was so quiet, it was nearly a whisper.

“Oh.” Oh. Iruka wasn’t exactly sure how to respond but he started to understand the problem. Kakashi had been reading too much Icha Icha. “Then I’ll start saying it now. Kakashi.” He gave the other man a lop-sided grin and was surprised by the kiss that was literally thrown into his face. He fell back from the force of Kakashi’s attack; the alpha came to lie on top of him but Iruka did nothing to get him off. No, he invited the kiss open-mouthed. He was just so relieved that his mate was back… everything else was not as important. And Kakashi was a good kisser. It was a good kiss. Soft, slow, passionate in a way which contrasted everything he could remember from his heat. This kiss wouldn’t lead to anything sexual; it was just… lovely. They relished in their togetherness and Iruka felt his heart hurt… he could hardly comprehend what was happening. It felt too good to be true. He had a mate, a proper alpha mated to him and this alpha kissed him like he was the most important person in the world. His pheromones were safe and protective and… he felt wetness between their faces. It came from him, he realised.

Kakashi ended the kiss to wipe the tears from Iruka’s cheek. His eyesight might have been a bit blurry but Iruka recognised the soft, fond smile.

“I missed you,” he confessed.

“Yeah. Me too.” Kakashi scooped him up into a hug and Iruka let him. He felt the other inhale his scent and he did the same with Kakashi’s. Home. Safe. Loved. Whatever had happened between them, Iruka was ready to forgive everything just to feel happy and comforted like this.

Kakashi didn’t want to leave. He took his aftercare duties very serious but after two days of pampering and cuddling his omega, he knew his excuses to stay at Iruka’s flat and away from duty were wearing a bit thin. Especially because Iruka seemed to be back to his normal self. So he packed up his things with a heavy heart and cooked one last miso soup for breakfast. Iruka emerged from the bedroom not much later with sleepy eyes, his hair still wild and openly falling onto his shoulders. It was a sight the village never got to see and Kakashi loved it more than he could express.

He served them soup and watched Iruka eating… he didn’t have his sharingan anymore, he would have to try to save these images the old-fashioned way. “You don’t need me to care for you any longer,” he said and his nonchalant, bored voice hid how much it hurt to say this. “I’m going to leave after breakfast.”

Iruka nodded and pushed one stray streak of his hair behind his ear. Then he looked up and focussed on Kakashi. His brown eyes were always so… intense. Piercing. As if he could see directly into Kakashi’s soul. Which he obviously couldn’t because if he had known what Kakashi was feeling right now… he would’ve probably changed his expression. “I’ve been thinking,” he said. “Well, first things first, I guess. Sorry, I’m always ahead of myself, it’s annoying but I can’t help it. I try, really…” Iruka sighed and needed a moment find his thoughts again. His sudden ramblings… Kakashi thought it was incredibly endearing. How did this man ever manage to teach anything in his lessons? “Thank you.” Oh, these eyes… Kakashi really liked them. Especially now that Iruka looked so… grateful. And a little bit ashamed. If he started to blush now, he would be perfect. “You have taken good care of me and… I think we should start again.”

“Huh?” Kakashi might have been a bit too distracted by the other’s eyes to actually listen. Iruka sighed and… yes, now he was blushing. Kakashi felt his heart beat a little bit faster.

“A lot has happened between us. We both made mistakes and… if you can forgive me, I’d suggest we start anew. Right from the beginning. Dates and stuff.”

“Oh…” Kakashi wasn’t sure how he felt about this. He was glad that Iruka was able to forgive him and forget about the horrible rut but… he really didn’t want to leave. He had to, he knew that, but he’d been hoping that Iruka would ask him to stay. This wasn’t Icha Icha, he reminded himself, this was reality. And in reality omegas didn’t just hug their alpha gratefully after being knotted and invited them to stay forever.

“I… I know it’s not…”

“No. It’s good. It’s a good idea. Let’s do that. Start again.” Kakashi couldn’t stop nodding hoping he might convince himself. “I guess that’s my cue to leave.” Iruka nodded too. “And I guess I’ll invite to Ramen for…”

“Saturday”

It was Tuesday. He would have to wait for days. Four days… “Saturday it is then. 6 p.m. at Ichiraku’s.”

“I’ll be there.”

Kakashi nodded and couldn’t think of anything else to say. So he just stood and walked to the door. He didn’t look back, he wouldn’t have been able to leave if he had, but he raised his hand for a salute before he left the flat.


	20. Live and let live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four days until their first date. Iruka and Kakashi deal differently with being apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)  
> Today is a good day for a new chapter.  
> I have officially written chapter 30 now... I like it...  
> Which means, you probably don't have to wait as long for another chapter.  
> I'm not very good at keeping track of time, though...  
> Thank you for all your wonderful enthusiastic comments. I very much like reading them.  
> They inspire me. Like... they really do. It might have weird results but... they inspire me.  
> Maybe I'll start a new KakaIru fic. Maybe another abo. Maybe I'll continue one of the old modern AU ideas... I'm not sure yet.  
> But for now, there are ten more chapter of this story to look forward to.
> 
> Thank you for your comment! <3

Four days… four days was a long time but Iruka knew he would need the rest of the week to get back on track. It was weird coming back home after a day of work and find the flat empty again. Now, he had to say “I’m home” to the empty air again... he wasn’t greeted by a home-cooked meal and a friendly unmasked smile. His flat had never been so tidy and now… it quickly merged into its chaotic state from before. Maybe even more so, partly because Iruka wasn’t motivated to do anything. Work, now that he was back to working full-time again, was exhausting. Being vice principal meant he had to do all the paperwork and some and teach and he also had to do three shifts of chunin duty… he traded his usual mission room shifts for work in the archives where he was alone with his thoughts and no people looked at him weirdly. Because he had been smelling like alpha the last few days, obviously. He had explained it with a friend staying over but he knew that some suspected that there was more to it, especially the ones who knew him better. But he couldn’t find the heart to tell them. It would change everything. Well, it didn’t change much in his relationship with Izumo… but Izumo was an omega and one of his very best friends. He understood. Kotetsu wouldn’t. Anko would tease him. Genma would tell the rest of the village.

He worked much longer than he had to, mostly because he didn’t want to go home to his empty flat. It didn’t use to be so empty but… that had been a time when he hadn’t experienced how good it felt to come back home to someone. To his mate. It didn’t help that he felt Kakashi’s presence constantly in the back of his mind. He missed the alpha; if he admitted it or not.

The sun had already set when he was on his way back from the Academy but he still saw the little figure sitting alone on a bench. He recognised the shape. A former student who had made genin two years ago. “Nagi-kun? It’s quite late, you should be home. Is everything alright?”

“Uhm…” The boy sat up. He was releasing distressed pheromones and… his scent had changed. He didn’t smell like pup anymore, he smelled like… omega. “I don’t think you can help me, Iruka-sensei.”

“You presented, didn’t you?” Iruka sat down and the boy didn’t move away, so he guessed it was okay.

“I… It wasn’t what I expected.” Iruka wouldn’t have expected him to present omega either but… the same had been true for himself. Nature had her very own ways of handling things. “It doesn’t feel right.”

“It feels weird for everyone at first,” Iruka tried to comfort him. “Puberty is uncomfortable but it’ll pass and you’ll be better for it.”

“But I’m not a girl, I’m a boy. I… wanted to be a beta.” Nagi sighed.

“Presenting omega doesn’t mean you’re girlish, Nagi-kun. Male omega is the rarest dynamic but that means you are something special.” It was weird to say it like that. Basically, he was telling the boy what he wished someone would’ve told him when he was in Nagi’s situation. It didn’t mean he necessarily believed it.

“I hated my heat, I… I had no control. I was powerless against my own body. I don’t want this. I don’t want to be an omega.” Iruka could smell the tears the boy was holding back. By now, he just wanted to scoop the boy up and cuddle him but he knew it wasn’t right.

“Being an omega isn’t easy. It’s probably the hardest but believe me, being omega also has its perks.”

“You’re just saying nice words to cheer me up,” the boy hit the bullseye. “It’s easy for you to say. You’re a beta.”

There it was. If Iruka really wanted to help the boy, he had to reveal himself. He had to allow himself to be vulnerable. He didn’t want to. But he also wanted to help. He didn’t want to see the boy making the same mistakes he made. “I’m not,” he said quietly. “I’m just like you.”

Nagi brought some distance between them and stared at Iruka with crossed arms. “You’re lying. No one could fake being something they’re not.”

“Why should I lie to you?” Iruka could feel something clog up his throat but he pushed on. “I was in the same situation like you once and I made a decision I regret every day. I learned to suppress my scent and my instincts with chakra. I lived as a beta and I lied to everyone. And now I have no idea how I should ever go back.” Now, he released the chakra control on his scent, just a bit, to let his omega pheromones seep out. He felt Nagi’s scent react to it instantly. “I lied about who I was to everyone, even to myself. I took heat suppressants for much longer than advised. Now, I understand that this was wrong but… I don’t know how to handle my instincts… I’m in the same position as you are. Only that I’m much older and everyone expects me to be something I’m not. Do not make the same mistakes I made.” Now that he released his scent, he also allowed his instincts to roam free and pulled the boy against his chest. Nagi nuzzled into the crook of his neck and scented him. The boy’s scent calmed; his distress slowly vanished. It took Iruka a moment before he realised that he was releasing calming pheromones. For the first time in his life, he made use of this very special omega ability.

“But you have a mate.” The boy stated.

Now, how to explain it to a child… “I was forced to bond,” he eventually said after a long moment of thinking and basking in each other’s proximity. “An alpha needed my help and I… if I had tried to hide what I am much longer, it would’ve probably killed me. I wasn’t able to find a mate I trust and love. I have to learn to trust someone I didn’t choose myself. It isn’t easy and it’s all very knew to me. I want you to decide who you want to mate yourself.”

The boy nodded and pressed his face into Iruka’s chest. Iruka smiled because he knew how good this had to feel for the boy. The positive experiences only an omega could have. No one had told Iruka about them. No one had shown him when he would’ve needed it the most. “But I’m learning that being an omega isn’t bad. It can be very nice. Omegas aren’t the weakest dynamic. Look at Shizune-san or Shikamaru-san. They are actually the strongest. You should be proud to be an omega.” Iruka felt deep, fierce love well up inside him and he pressed the boy even closer.

“You are very strong too, Iruka-sensei,” he heard the muffled voice against his flak jacket and released the boy in surprise. “Thank you. You helped me a lot. And you’re right. I should go home before my parents start to worry.” He gave a lop-sided grin. “But I have one more question.”

“I hope I can answer it.”

“So who’s your mate?”

Iruka was caught off guard. He felt his mouth fall open. He closed it. His cheeks heated. “Uhm… Kakashi-sensei.”

“Oh.” Iruka really didn’t know how to interpret the look on the boy’s face. “Well, that’s… something.” Iruka hummed because he had no idea how to respond. “Good night then, Iruka-sensei. I’ll work hard to become a strong and proud omega. Then, I can give you advice.” He winked and waved and turned around to leave. Iruka watched the boy walk away much more confident than he himself felt. But he was still happy with what he’d done. He had owned up to something and it had helped someone. For the first time after accepting Naruto, he felt like he had done something right.

Kakashi endured exactly two days in his flat before he couldn’t stand it any longer and he fled to the only other place he could think of. “Esteemed Rival!,” Guy boomed when he opened the door, “Are you looking for someone to compare your strength with? I would be overjoyed to do a challenge. Right now if you want to!”

“I’m actually looking for a place to sleep. My… plumbing is broken.”

Guy didn’t ask any questions, he just wheeled aside for Kakashi to take off his shoes and enter his flat. It was bigger and looked so much more lived in. It was Kakashi’s second favourite place to stay. First was, of course, Iruka’s flat.

“Tea?”

“Hmm…”

Guy rolled into his kitchen and started to prepare the tea. It was incredible how he managed so easily while being confined to a wheelchair. “You know… I could come ‘round… help you sometimes,” he muttered while he watched his friend.

“I’m a jounin of Konoha, Kakashi,” Guy smiled back at him. “If I wasn’t able to look after myself just because I can’t move my legs, I wouldn’t deserve the title.”

So Kakashi just slouched and shuffled over to the couch when Guy was done. They drank a cup of tea in silence. “So, how is your mate situation?” They hadn’t met much after the war, mostly because of Kakashi’s… predicament, so they had to catch up even though it might have been painful.

Guy smiled sadly in response. “Ah, Lee is skilfully avoiding me. He spends most of his time in his dojo and the rest of his time comforting Tenten. I haven’t seen him for weeks.”

Kakashi couldn’t even imagine how much that had to hurt. He had been away from Iruka for two days and felt like something inside him would explode sooner or later. Their two unfortunate mating constellations had been something that had only strengthened their friendship. Guy’s bond with Lee had been an accident. The boy had gone into heat during training and he had lured his teacher in with his smell and his obvious pleas. So Guy had mated him and he had been ashamed from day one. Lee had idolised his teacher and he had been proud as a peacock to be wearing his mating bite. Well at first, he had. As he grew older and more mature, he had realised how big their age difference was and how awkward a bond between sensei and student could become. Guy had always given him space when he needed it and had distracted himself and Kakashi with his weird challenges. Like this, they had been able to forget about the pain. “I should’ve never survived the war,” Guy stated with sad conviction. “I planned to go down fighting and give Lee a new chance. But life had different plans.”

“Life had different plans,” Kakashi repeated and drank another cup of tea. Tenten had lost her mate in the war. Neji’s loss was hard on all of them but Lee and Tenten probably struggled the most. And Guy of course, but he would never let anyone help carry his burden.

“How is your bond with Iruka-sensei coming along?” Guy was the only one outside the Hokage office who knew about them.

“Mah… it’s stable.” The bond was intact. It was alive and buzzing, always keeping the idea of his mate in the back of his head. It was maddening.

“But you still had to come here because your plumbing is broken.”

“Iruka-sensei has a lot to catch up after his heat. I didn’t want to get in the way.”

“Of course. So how was his heat?”

Kakashi shrugged. He didn’t want to boast about how great knotting Iruka had felt, how much he had enjoyed the quiet moments after… especially the aftercare. Heat had been great and all that but it had been exhausting. The aftercare had just been… wholesome. It had healed a few old wounds in Kakashi’s heart. It had felt like a real proper mating bond for a moment… and then he’d had to leave. “Exhausting mostly.”

Guy shook his head with a little smile. “I would love to get excited about it and congratulate you for finding such an extraordinary and wonderful mate but you’re not making it easy. Please, be honest with me.”

Kakashi sighed. He didn’t usually open up easily but Guy was his best friend and he knew everything. Even the darkest moments. “He’s perfect,” he simply stated. “I like everything about him. His scent is the best. It feels warm and fuzzy when I hold him. I just want to be at his side and… I would do everything for him. But he doesn’t want me to. He says we should forget everything that happened and start right from the beginning. Dates and stuff. I should be happy because I would’ve never thought he could forgive me for… what I did. But I don’t know if I can make it. I can’t just forget what happened.”

Guy draped an arm over Kakashi’s shoulder. “You know as well as I do that this is probably a best-case scenario. Valiant, strong Iruka-sensei is trying to look past the pain and fear he experienced in your rut and he wants to make this work. It will take time for him to find a place where you two can be together comfortably. You have to be strong as well, and patient. Show him that you mean well. This is a big challenge for you and if you don’t master it, you are not worthy of becoming the sixth Hokage.”

Kakashi sighed. He knew. But Guy had such an engaging way of putting it into words. “Film?”

“Yes. Icha Icha?”

“Is that a question?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone was interested in the Guy/Lee relationship: there are answers in the comments somewhere...  
> Even more so, EtherealElfling has taken it upon themselves to make a stand-alone story out of it: "Solid ground".  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/29386815/chapters/72192495  
> I can only recommend it.


	21. Let's take our time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka and Kakashi go on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)
> 
> How are you guys holding up? We've got a second wave of the Pandemic slowing Germany down.  
> I haven't caught it yet and I'm not intending to... but uni is going to start soon.  
> We'll see how this is going to work with real seminars and stuff. I miss the cafeteria!!!  
> Anyway. Here's a new chapter.  
> Thank you for all your interest and kudos! Jmarshallesq15 and Human_Answering_Machine: I appreciate you! :)
> 
> Have fun!

When Saturday finally came, Iruka could hardly contain his excitement. He didn’t want to be so excited to see Kakashi again but his inner omega yearned for his mate. It would be their first date… what did you do for a first date? Talk… and eat, they were meeting at Ichiraku’s. What would they talk about? The future? No… first dates were usually for meeting the other person. Getting to know each other. Presenting your best version of yourself. There were so many things about Kakashi that he didn’t know…

A growl ripped him from his thoughts. One of his students had put his hand and apparently he had been waiting quite a while for Iruka to notice him. “Sorry” He walked over to help the boy with his task.

He kept getting distracted during chunin duty too. Izumo found him staring at the wall and slapped him back to life. “Are you alright, Iruka?” He sounded way too concerned for Iruka’s taste.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just… We’re going to have our first date tonight and I don’t know what to expect.”

Izumo made a puzzled face. “I don’t quite follow. Who do you date? Why?”

“Kakashi, of course!” Had his friend lost his memory? “Who else?”

“Oh, okay…” Izumo shrugged. “I just… you’re mated already. Why would you want to date him? Is he not staying with you?”

“No, of course not.” Iruka shook his head. “I still need time to come to terms with this situation. And I’m still learning about how to be an omega. I still don’t actually know him as a person. I’ve seen how feral he can be in rut. I’ve felt safe with him after my heat and I’m still trying to get these two images together in my head. So I suggested that we start from the beginning and go out dating.”

“And of course, he agreed.” Izumo shook his head. “Are you a masochist or something? Or a sadist?”

“Neither. Not that I know of. Why?” Iruka didn’t understand why his friend looked so displeased.

“You properly bonded less than a week ago! During the first six months, the bond is the strongest and being away from each other feels like hell. Don’t you miss him?”

“Well, of course I do but I’m going to see him tonight and…”

“And you know that he feels the same way, right? Except, he’s more vulnerable. Because you seem to be… emotionally dead.” Izumo shook his head. “Get your shit together, ‘Ruka. I love you; you know I do, but I can’t watch you torturing your mate and have a clean conscience. Really, I shouldn’t ask myself why you’re so out of it. I would be out of it too if I hadn’t seen my new mate for four days.” He turned around and walked off. Iruka only watched him. Yes, the last few days hadn’t been easy for him. Going from everything to nothing wasn’t exactly nice. And Kakashi… Kakashi had experienced going from everything to nothing more than once. In very traumatic ways. And Iruka was doing it again. He was being selfish and Kakashi had to suffer for it.

Izumo had effectively destroyed Iruka’s excitement and it was replaced with a very bad conscience. Yes, he might have suspected… partly… that this wouldn’t feel good for either of them. Kakashi in particular… but he couldn’t just switch to playing mates with… he liked Kakashi who was he trying to fool? But there were still things keeping them apart that had to be solved. Iruka was really trying but apparently, it wasn’t enough. At least that’s what Izumo seemed to think.

At least he could properly concentrate on finishing his task now and had half an hour left before he would go see Kakashi. What should he wear? The easiest, of course, would be to go in his shinobi blues but it didn’t feel right. This was a first date… he wanted to give Kakashi something he hadn’t seen on Iruka before. Kimono? No… too formal. Something… nice. Except, he wasn’t good with nice clothes. He wasn’t particularly interested in owning any. He’d never had anyone to impress before. Well, there was this one shirt Kurenai had given him… because she couldn’t stand it when Iruka turned up to a night out in shinobi blues. That was decent… and maybe that pair of trousers Anko had forced him to buy… they were way too tight and not what Iruka considered comfortable but apparently he had a ‘great ass’ in it. That would do. He shaved, then brushed his hair and tied it up again. Yes, it was something he usually never wore but he had to admit… it looked good.

When he arrived at Ichiraku’s right on time, there was no one there. He sighed. Of course. Why did he hurry to get here? This was Kakashi, he would be at least half an hour late. Still, Iruka had a weird feeling of anticipation burning in his gut. As if Kakashi was close. But he couldn’t sense his chakra anywhere. “Good evening, Iruka-sensei,” Teuchi greeted him.

“Good evening, Teuchi-san. Ayame-san.”

“Yes, good evening.” Teuchi’s daughter smiled brightly. “You are looking fine tonight. Is this a special occasion?”

Iruka could feel himself blush and that was probably the answer Ayame was looking for because her smile grew only wider. “A date? Oh wow, Iruka-sensei, I thought this would never happen! Congratulations!”

“Do you want a drink?” The old beta seemed to understand how uncomfortable Iruka felt in this situation but he was also holding out his hand to Ayame.

“You have been betting on this?” He sighed.

“I always hoped that you would find a mate someday. I mean, beta bonds are not like alpha-omega pairings but they are wonderful. And I would hate to see you grow old alone.”

Iruka nodded and accepted the juice Teuchi had poured him. This was… another one of these very uncomfortable situations. Because Teuchi was probably the person alive who knew Iruka the longest. And this big lie was… it suddenly felt very uncomfortable. Should he say it? Kakashi could arrive any minute and… how would they react if they saw that he was going on a date with a mated alpha? They would have suspicions anyway and… Iruka didn’t want rumours to spread. Maybe… maybe he should just say it.

“I’m not a beta,” he said and his voice was more confident than he felt. “I never have been. I just… chose to hide my… omega nature.” There it was. Loud and clear and out in the open. It had been easier than Iruka had thought. The nervousness slowly calmed down a bit and he allowed himself to look up from his glass. Both of them stared at him in surprise, it made Iruka uncomfortable again.

“Don’t tell me you’re on a date with an alpha,” Ayame gasped and, of course, this was the moment Kakashi dropped down from the roof of the stall.

“Yo!” And of course he was eye-smiling. Iruka wanted to grab a shovel and bury himself. But before that, he wanted to take another look… Kakashi was wearing a shirt as well. A tight black shirt which accentuated the soft curves of his muscles. A very nice shirt. Iruka felt his mouth go dry. Grey trousers which suited him just as well… the mask was black for once, not blue.

“Good evening, Kakashi-sensei,” Ayame smiled.

“I’m sorry, Kakashi-sensei, but we have a private event booked this evening…”

“No, I am Iruka’s date.” And both of them looked just as surprised again. Iruka was starting to think that maybe Ichiraku’s had not been the best choice for their date. “But actually, we just wanted to get some Ramen to go. Iruka have you decided yet?”

“Uhm…” Iruka ordered the first thing that came to his mind. He was so utterly relieved that he wanted to kiss the alpha. Not only for dissolving the tension but also because… this aftershave was something for the gods. Iruka liked Kakashi’s scent and he thought he wouldn’t like perfume on him but… this just accentuated his natural scent so well, Iruka had to concentrate on the smell of Ramen to save himself from slicking. Fuck, why did this alpha have to be so attractive?

It didn’t take long, only a few endless minutes until their Takeaway was done. Kakashi paid before Iruka could stop him and they made their way over to the river’s bankside.

“You know, you don’t have to pay for me. I earn enough money to afford Ramen,” he felt the need to say.

“I know,” Kakashi mused with his usual nonchalant voice, “But I’m deeply indebted to you, so I feel like I have to pay you back somehow.”

“Kakashi…” Why did his alpha have to say things like that? It made Iruka feel even more guilty. “I think we are even by now. I saved your life; you saved my life. It’s done. It’s just… I know I’m causing you harm. I feel like… I don’t know if I can fully commit yet.” They sat down under one of the willow trees and Kakashi pulled him close. Iruka let him. It felt good. Warm.

“Mah…” Kakashi’s voice vibrated in his chest, “Take all the time you need. It’s not like I’m going to get out of this any time soon.”

“No…” Of course, this was hard for Kakashi. He was stuck with an omega who had spent his best years hiding and didn’t even know his body. Iruka gulped. Even this “date” was awkward. Kakashi would probably want to be elsewhere. He distanced himself and it left him feeling cold but he had to do something to distract himself and grabbing his food was the best option. Kakashi did the same, he carefully pulled down his mask enough to reveal his mouth… his face betrayed nothing of what he felt. So Iruka turned his attention towards his Ramen instead. It was good but somehow it still tasted sour.

“So… how’s school?” Kakashi finally asked after a long moment of silence. “Did you find your way back into routine?”

“Uhm… yes. It’s… going well. Students are no different. I’m hiding my scent. I don’t really know how to tell anyone.”

Kakashi nodded. “I hope you don’t mind I told Guy about us… we talked and there was no way I could keep it from him.”

“Oh no. That’s fine.” Iruka desperately wanted to slip back into Kakashi’s hug but he didn’t dare moving any closer. “Izumo knows about us too.”

“Ah yes, Kamizuki-san. He’s a friend of yours, isn’t he? He would’ve figured it out.” The alpha huffed amused and leaned back against the tree’s trunk.

“He helped me a lot after… when you were gone.” Iruka couldn’t help but feel the memories well up again. He had never felt so alone, so… fragile. A strong arm snaked around him and pulled him close. Finally, Iruka allowed himself to sink into the alpha’s embrace properly. Warmth. Save. Home. And the scent… enhanced by the aftershave. He wanted to bury his nose in Kakashi’s neck. He didn’t.

“I’m sorry about that. It’s been so long since I had a mate, seems like I forgot about a few things. You could say I… overreacted.”

“No, that’s my own fault.” Iruka sighed and inhaled as much of the scent as he could. He had to remember it for the lonely nights to come. “I should’ve known better than to send you away right after.”

“And I could’ve known better than to listen to an omega who just finished his first heat. I thought it was the right decision to leave you. Of course it wasn’t. I ignored my instincts again. We can go on blaming ourselves, I know I’m very good at that, but… as you said. There’s no point. We have to move forward somehow. And now look at me… I’m grabbing you again already even though I know this is difficult for you.”

That was a lot of words coming out of the sliver-haired man’s mouth and Kakashi looked at him with his dark eyes and they were so pretty in this light… it took a moment for Iruka to realise what he had just said. “Kakashi, no!” He brought a bit of distance between them but only to look at Kakashi properly. “It’s not like that. Yes, I haven’t had these instincts for a long time but… I’m your mate. How could I not enjoy your company?”

“Not all omegas do,” Kakashi replied quietly. “Especially if they’re afraid of their alpha.”

Iruka stared at him in disbelief. It was not natural that he felt drawn to his mate? He had always excused it with his bond but… was there something else between them? “Well, I’m not afraid of you,” he said and gave Kakashi a determined look. “I’m afraid of the alpha in rut, yes, but I understand that… that’s not you. You’re a person… someone whose company I enjoy.”

“You do?” Kakashi’s eyes were big with disbelief and there was something else in them. Relief? Hope?

Iruka nodded. “I like your scent. I like your… the cuddling. I just don’t know how to ask for it.”

“You don’t have to.” Suddenly, he was pulled towards Kakashi until he was pressed flush against his chest. He had exactly one moment to draw a breath until lips were pressed against his and the alpha kissed him deeply. Iruka didn’t know exactly what was happening but he was kissing Kakashi back and his hands found their way into the sturdy silver hair. It was such a relief to feel Kakashi like this, warm, open, a little bit possessive… and he didn’t know what his own scent did but he was pretty sure it said “happy”.

When they finally parted to catch their breath, Kakashi’s lips were swollen, his cheeks flushed and his eyes glazed. Iruka liked the look on him and he liked even better that he was the reason for it. Before he knew it, his hand cupped Kakashi’s cheek and stroked his lower lip. “Hm… I liked that,” Kakashi purred, “Can we do it again?”

‘Yes please.’ “Not now.” Iruka settled next to Kakashi again but this time he put his head on the other man’s shoulder like he had wanted to do all along. “I actually wanted to talk. This is our first date and I still know so little about you.”

“Well, I know a lot about you.” The grin in Kakashi’s voice was audible. His gloved fingers came up to play with Iruka’s hair which was openly falling over his shoulders since Kakashi had pulled out the hair tie at some point. Not that Iruka had noticed. “Call it a personal interest.”

“You were stalking me?”

“Only a little bit. I’m the village pervert that’s a reputation I have to uphold.”

“Great. So it’s only fair you tell me something about you.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know… your favourite colour, food, taste in music… that kind of things.”

“Mah… I don’t have a favourite colour per se… I guess I like grey. But that’s not a colour. My favourite food is salt-boiled saury and miso soup with aubergine both of which I can cook perfectly… Music… I like guitar and piano… everything not too exciting. Jazz is nice. Otherwise…” He huffed as he seemed to run out of things to say. “I like teamwork,” he then added. “It’s my favourite word.”

“Ah, so you have a favourite word but not a favourite colour.” Iruka chuckled. “You’re weird.” He did have a favourite word too but he was not in the mood of telling it. It would be much more fun to find out if Kakashi knew it already. But that was something for another day.

“You’re the last Hatake.” Iruka asked the question he’d actually wanted to ask. “Why don’t you live at the Hatake Estate?”

“I’m not the last Hatake anymore,” Kakashi gave back but his voice had an edge to it. “Of course, I won’t force you to take the name. You can be Umino Iruka for the rest of your life but you are part of my clan now. Our clan, I should say. I don’t live at the estate because it’s much too big for one person.” Maybe they could move back there together… the unspoken idea floated between them but Iruka wasn’t ready to actually take it into consideration. Right, he and Kakashi weren’t only mated. They were married as well… it was weird to forget about something life changing as this… but there had been different, more pressing matters.

“I’ve never actually seen it. What’s it like?”

So Kakashi started to describe his childhood home and all the things he had experienced there. It was as if Iruka had opened a bottle that had been closed for a long time and now the content came flowing out freely. Kakashi talked about his father, his training, his friendship with Guy, his team, the Fourth Hokage. Iruka loved listening to his voice and his slightly odd way of putting things into words. He learned that Kakashi wasn’t as nonchalant as he tried to appear. The person Kakashi Hatake became more and more likeable with every word and when they parted, Iruka had a smile on his face on his way home. Until he fell into his bed and felt alone again. It had not even been an hour since he’d seen Kakashi but he already missed him more than he did before. Suddenly, the idea of moving in together didn’t seem so outlandish anymore… this was all going way too fast for Iruka but… everything in their relationship so far had been rushed and way too soon. And apparently, slowing down only hurt them both.

When he finally got into bed, he retraced their conversation but got stuck very quickly. Kakashi had admitted to stalking him. And not in the past few days or months, Iruka would’ve known. He hadn’t thought much about it during their conversation but now he realised what it actually meant. It had not been a joke like his justification for it. Why? Why of all people should Kakashi try to find out anything about a regular beta Academy teacher? Was it because of his bond with Naruto? Maybe Kakashi wanted to make sure that Naruto was in good hands. But why should Kakashi distrust a fellow chunin? Iruka could not think of one reason that made sense. Just when he’d thought the alpha would become less of a mystery… Iruka got up and made himself some valerian tee. He wouldn’t find the answer to this question on his own and now, he wanted to sleep.


	22. Let's do it  properly this time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka and Kakashi have to talk. They still have to figure things out about each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> Today is the day uni started again (everything is online because Corona is doing veeeeery well right now), so today is also a good day to upload another chapter.  
> It is rather short... but also rather cute. ^^  
> Maybe I'll upload the next time a bit sooner because of it.  
> Thank you to all of you readers and especially to the lovely people who commented so encouragingly! <3  
> I hope you like where I'm going with this story. :)

Iruka slept in the next morning and woke well-rested. The sun shone brightly through his window… he should really get curtains. A grin crept onto his face when he thought about Kakashi’s make-shift scroll curtains. What a weird idea. He would’ve never thought of that. And apparently the thought of Kakashi had him smiling. The evening might have started out a bit awkward but that had been mostly because of the choice of location and his reluctance to do what he actually wanted. Kakashi had smoothed everything over… and in the end it had been very nice. He knew so much more about the alpha jonin but still felt like he didn’t understand him. Maybe he didn’t have to fully understand Kakashi to appreciate him.

He stopped in the kitchen because there was a brown paper bag on his counter that he didn’t remember putting there. He looked inside… baked goodies he liked. No note, no hint as to how it had gotten there but Iruka didn’t have to be a jonin to figure it out. Kakashi.

With a smile, he took one of the melon pans and bit into it. There was no doubt they were from his favourite bakery. It was on the other side of Konoha, so he rarely went there but when he came across, he always stopped for a snack. His smile only brightened and he munched happily while making tea. A chakra signature flared up on the roof and he stopped in his movements. With a sigh, he opened the living-room window. Only a few seconds later, Kakashi climbed in. “Yo!”

“You could knock on the door, you know. Like normal people.” Iruka shook his head. He tried to hide it but he was way too happy to see Kakashi again so soon.

“Mah… didn’t want to pressure you. How’s your melon pan?”

“That was very nice of you. Thanks.” Iruka smiled and took another bite. “You want one?”

“No. Don’t like sweet things.” Kakashi shook his head. “But I’d take some of that tea.” Iruka nodded and prepared a tray with two cups. He would never understand people who didn’t like sweets. Some teachers smoked to relieve the stress. Iruka had chocolate.

They sat down on the sofa and Iruka poured them some tea. “I didn’t expect to see you again so soon.”

Kakashi lifted his teacup and inhaled the aroma. “Is it a good or a bad surprise?”

‘A good one.’ “I let you in, didn’t I?”

“You did.” They drank their tea and Iruka wasn’t sure if he should ask the question that was haunting him since yesterday evening. But… he had a right to know…

“Yesterday, you said you stalked me.”

“Mah… that’s what you said. I only said I know about you. I collected some data.”

“And this data includes my favourite bakery.” Iruka cocked his brow. “That sounds like stalking to me.”

“Call it whatever you want.” Kakashi shrugged. “Is it a problem?”

“Uhm…” Iruka wasn’t sure how to feel about it. He was absolutely in tune with the idea of Kakashi stalking people. He was just surprised that it had been directed at him. “I just wonder… why me?”

“Oh, you’re by far the only person I researched.” Kakashi gave him an eye-smile. “Time between missions becomes boring very quickly. So I take Icha Icha and sit down in a tree… or shuffle through the streets… and observe. I know a lot of things about a lot of people.”

“Huh…” Iruka should not feel disappointed. Of course, this was something Kakashi would do. And he’d come across the man a few times on the street.

“I do admit though, that I might have observed you more closely than others,” Kakashi suddenly added. “You’re an interesting person.”

“So what do you know about me?” Why would Kakashi find him interesting? Iruka was far from an interesting person. He didn’t even have any distinct quirks like other ninjas.

“You are called Iruka but you don’t like dolphins even though you always smile politely when people give you dolphin themed presents. You rather like tigers and wolves. Your favourite colour is the green of our flak jackets. You don’t have a predictable daily routine and often rush to the Academy to be on time. You love going to the hot springs but you never do it in Konoha because you’re terrified of meeting a student. You eat an incredible amount of chocolate when you’re stressed. You did not get your scar in an S-rank mission fighting ten jonin. You’re passionate about your job but you dream of becoming Hokage. Naruto is the most important person in your life but you would die for any of your students. You sometimes dance in the rain when you think no one’s watching. You always sing off-key but you don’t hear it that’s why no one invites you to Karaoke bars. You’re afraid of snakes.”

“Okay, that’s enough.” Iruka couldn’t help but blush. Kakashi knew way too much about him and it made him uncomfortable. “I get it. You really know everything about me.”

“No…” Kakashi shook his head. “There is a lot I don’t know and a lot I still want to learn about you.” He inched closer and scented Iruka. “For example… I don’t have a clue where you actually got your scar.”

Iruka blushed even more. After his parents had died, there was no person who knew except himself. “Can’t have you unravel all mysteries. I mean, you’re already one of the very few people who have seen me with my hair down.”

“Mah… but you know what I look like without my mask.” Was Kakashi… pouting? There was no way a war hero jonin would pout like this. “Now it’s twelve people alive who know it.”

Iruka grinned and finished his tea. “But there is no one alive who knows about my scar.” Puppy dog eyes. Really? Iruka couldn’t believe it. The expression looked so odd on Kakashi’s face. “I’m a teacher, Kakashi. That doesn’t work on me. You’ll have to earn it.” Kakashi sighed and his shoulders slumped. “Why did you come, anyway?” Iruka had to change the topic somehow before Kakashi actually regressed into a five-year-old. He was not ready to share the story of his scar just yet. It was too embarrassing.

“Mah… your flat’s much nicer than mine. You’ve got all these… bits.” He gestured towards a few decorative statues Iruka had on his windowsill.

“You know, you could also have some decorations in your flat.” Iruka couldn’t help but smile. “I’ll help you chose some if you want.”

“No thanks, I’m fine.”

Iruka shrugged. He had no idea how to handle Kakashi. Sometimes, the man was adorable and weirdly endearing, he was certainly very attractive… but also very confusing. “So… are you going to stay here? I have essays to correct for tomorrow, I won’t be good company today.”

“No, uhm… I actually wanted to invite you to train. Your body has recovered, you have to get back into your routine.”

There was so much to do; more often than not Iruka didn’t find the time to train as much as he was supposed to. “I don’t think training with kagelevel ninja is part of my routine.”

“Mah… I will hold back. An hour or two won’t hurt you.”

Iruka sighed. The essays could wait an hour or two and he didn’t like training alone. “Okay, but you have to promise that you won’t blow me to pieces.” Combat was a good way to get to know someone. Iruka had never sparred with a jonin before. He might learn a few new tricks.

“I would never seriously harm you, Iruka.” There was something so genuine in Kakashi’s eyes… Iruka didn’t know what to do with it. So he just nodded and got up to get his hitai-ate, flak jacket and weapon pouch.

Stretching and warming up with Kakashi was a joy in itself because the way he moved was a special kind of attractive. Iruka didn’t try to conceal his leering, Kakashi would have spotted it anyway, and he felt as if he was getting a few appreciative glances back. They weren’t flirting, they were preparing for taijutsu training. Iruka had to remind himself.

When they finally got into position, Kakashi’s eyes were crinkled as if he was smiling under his mask. “Don’t hit too hard,” he reminded his partner, “And the hair-tie is off-limits.”

“Got it, sensei.” Iruka rolled his eyes and attacked. His hit was blocked, so was the subsequent kick. Whatever move he made, Kakashi responded with a speed that would’ve impressed even the Yondaime. He didn’t need the sharingan, not for a fight with Iruka. His eyes were even. Their expression wasn’t masked; he seemed at ease in the way he fluidly moved through the motions as if it was his most natural element. They exchanged hits and kicks, Iruka pulled every register but Kakashi was an obstacle he couldn’t overcome. After he had been thrown into the grass for the umpteenth time, he just stayed there and gasped for breath. “I give up. This is hopeless.”

Kakashi crouched down next to him and looked him over. Iruka couldn’t help but blush a bit. Well, his cheeks were flushed anyway… “You’re better than I expected,” the alpha then said. “You surprised me five times.”

“Really? I didn’t notice.” Iruka sat up and felt his heart beating in his back. Kakashi had been gentle but he still hurt.

“No, you wouldn’t. I react too quickly. But in a real fight, sometimes one surprise is all it takes.”

“I’ll remember that.” Iruka sat up took the water bottle from Kakashi. “Round two?”

Kakashi nodded. “This time with weapons.”

Iruka’s body was sore and exhausted when he sat down in front of his essays. As frustrating as it had been, Kakashi was a good training partner. None of his moves had brought Iruka into an embarrassing situation despite the obvious difference in skill level. He was quick and observant and had given him a few useful tips. It was a shame that the man wouldn’t train another team. Iruka smiled to himself. Maybe he could get used to this.

“Senpai! Since when…”

“Yo, Tenzou? You’re up to a spar? We haven’t trained together in ages.”

“Yes, exactly! Why…”

“Do you want to or not?” Kakashi was riled-up. The taijutsu fight with Iruka had been a challenge in itself. The precise, quick movements, the controlled strength in his movements, his strong, tan body closing in, pressing against his again and again. Iruka had started to sweat at some point and it had only increased the strength of his scent… Kakashi was glad about the mask filtering some of it but he needed to beat all this frustrated energy out of him somehow. Guy wasn’t up to the kind of taijutsu fight they used to do anymore and Tenzou was his second choice.

“This is about Iruka-san, isn’t it?” They appeared on the ANBU training field. Kakashi didn’t want to answer his kohai’s question. “I understand. You can take it out on me. But I will use ninjutsu if I can’t block it anymore.” Kakashi nodded. He did not deserve a friend as good as Tenzou.

They fought. Kakashi channelled his energy into the attacks, he focussed all his thoughts on the movement. Moving through the motions of taijutsu was his own little happy place. He didn’t have to think about anything except the next move. And he knew Tenzou’s fighting style so well…

Finally, they both collapsed on the floor breathing heavily. “That was nice,” Kakashi huffed. “We should do this more often.”

“Are you feeling better now?” He didn’t want to talk about it. “You know you can talk to me about everything, right? I understand that your situation isn’t easy.”

Kakashi sighed and surrendered. His friend had helped him blow off steam. Now, it was time to let him help and talk about his feelings, even though Kakashi really didn’t like it. “I don’t know… how to handle him,” he sighed. “I wish I knew what was going on inside his head. I feel like he must be scared of me. But we talked about it and… he says he doesn’t hate me. He sounds as if he’s accepted the bond but he still pushes me away.”

Tenzou sighed. “He is still learning to be confident in his identity as an omega. Give him time.” Kakashi nodded. Iruka had started to tell people about it. He didn’t seem as uncomfortable with his secret anymore. Still, he would’ve never thought that Iruka would tell Teuchi and Ayame about it so easily. “I know you want to fuck him, Kakashi, but not like this. I think, he still struggles to trust you. You don’t know each other well.”

“I told him a lot about me,” Kakashi protested.

Tenzou nodded. “That’s good. But he has to get to know you for himself. The way you talk, act, think… this only works if you spend lots of time together. And… show him that he is appreciated. You never had the chance to court him before you bonded, maybe you can start doing it now.”

Courting… Kakashi had never courted an omega. He had been mated before he could even think about it. Tenzou was right. He had never properly courted Iruka. And the idea sounded very appealing… “I could try that…”

“Glad, I could help.” Tenzou stood and stretched. “But my mate’s home today and I want to spend some time with her. She’s probably just as desperate to blow off steam.” He winked at Kakashi who just raised his hand.

“Thank you, Tenzou.”

“Yes, and you could stop calling me that. I’m Yamato. I like the name much better.”

Kakashi nodded, eye-smiled and watched his friend leave. For a long moment, he just watched the clouds go by in the sky. Then, he picked himself up as well and left to take a shower


	23. Let me spoil you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi does his best to woo Iruka until something urgent comes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> How are you doing? Corona is slowly taking over where I am...  
> Which means that uni is online and it's a shame because I was looking forward to having seminars again.  
> Never mind. Now I'm stuck somewhere between stressing about uni and procrastinating... I'm not very creative right now.  
> Good thing I finished this story already! :D
> 
> Have fun with the new chapter!

Iruka’s life had changed. For the better. Yes, he was starting to accept and even enjoy it. They didn’t go on “dates to start from the beginning” anymore, it had been a stupid and childish idea… they met for training, nearly every day. It was great because Kakashi helped him to establish a routine again despite all his duties and the work. No matter how exhausted he was after school… before, he would’ve just crashed on his sofa, watched a soap or whatever was on and ordered some food. Now, Kakashi would knock on his door, punctual and reliable as the clock in his classroom and force him onto the training fields. Iruka started to look forward to it.

It was hard, frustrating and Iruka hurt every time he came home. But he improved. And every day, he hurt a little less. Every day, he could understand Kakashi’s strategies a little better. Every day, he reacted a tiny bit quicker to the jonin’s punches. And Kakashi praised his progress. Sometimes, he would invite Iruka to dinner afterwards. A few times, he even came back to his flat with him and they once they had cooked together. Iruka had liked these evenings best because the scent of rainy forest had lingered long after. That one evening, they fell asleep on the sofa. Iruka had leaned a bit too far into Kakashi’s space to inhale his scent once and then he had been caught in a hug he didn’t want to leave. It had turned into cuddling.

After training, they talked about this and that and mostly everything except their relationship. Kakashi was easy to talk to. Interested and attentive. Even though he didn’t talk very much and most of what he told probably wasn’t true… whenever Iruka needed to vent about his students or get something off his chest, Kakashi would listen. And he gave surprisingly good advice.

Iruka started to get comfortable in Kakashi’s presence. Sometimes, he even missed the alpha after they parted. It had not even been two weeks since their first Ramen date and Kakashi seemed to have become a constant if unpredictable part of his life. Sometimes, he dropped in for breakfast. Sometimes, he appeared next to him when he was on his way back home from school. Sometimes, there was melonpan or chocolate on his kitchen counter when he woke up. Sometimes, Iruka would find little flowers in the oddest of places. And Kakashi was always there at six o’clock for their daily training. All of it made Iruka smile.

This morning, there had been no Kakashi knocking on his window. There were no buns in his kitchen. Iruka shouldn’t feel like he was missing something. He should not take these things for granted. But Kakashi was gone. Iruka could feel it in the bond. He had left the village and he was too far away for his taste. Knowing Kakashi safely inside the village walls was reassuring. Comfortable. But he was a jonin. It had only been a matter of time until he was sent on his next mission. Still, it felt odd. He got ready for the day and… it felt like something was missing. Was he starting to depend on Kakashi’s attention in the morning? It hadn’t even been two weeks!

When he left the flat, he nearly stumbled over a basket. Iruka recognised it. They were sold at the Yamanaka shop and had three or four different flowers planted in them. This one had a pansy, bluebells, carnation and a daisy planted in it. There was a slip of paper between the flowers.

_Somthing to look after whil Im gon._

Iruka took the basket with a smile and placed it on his coffee table. It was such a sweet gesture… it warmed his heart and… everything else… but he was horrible at looking after plants.

Training was weird this evening and Iruka wasn’t very motivated. He did his routine but nothing more. It was no fun without Kakashi. And he felt properly lonely when he came back home this time. Kakashi had come back with him only three times but Iruka had seen him every day, at least for training. Yes, there was definitely something missing and he didn’t like it. In the end, he just sat down to correct the essays he had planned to do for some time now and tried to forget about it. But the bond didn’t let him.

The next day, he couldn’t stand it any longer and went over to Izumo’s and Kotetsu’s place. “Hey Iruka,” Kotetsu greeted him when he opened the door. “I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“We had mission desk shift together yesterday,” Iruka sighed, stepped in and slipped out of his shoes.

“Oh, you know what I mean!” Kotetsu raised his arms in feign exasperation. “You finally coming to go out with us again? We still have to find you a wife, you know.”

Before all this, Iruka had been out drinking with Izumo, Kotetsu and whoever wanted to tag along quite regularly. And one night, Kotetsu had drunkenly sworn he would not let it rest until Iruka found a mate. It had been fun. A good distraction. “I’ve got school in the morning. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Oi, ‘Zumo, d’you hear that?” Kotetsu called.

“I did,” was heard from the kitchen. “Will you let him come in? Dinner is almost ready!”

“You are staying for dinner though, aren’t you?” Iruka would never say no. Izumo was a much better cook than he was. Not as good as Kakashi but… he did not want to think about Kakashi.

Izumo had made a roast. It was delicious. They chatted easily and Iruka enjoyed the company a lot. But he noticed Izumo’s worried glances. When they settled on the couch with sake, lemonade, snacks and a moderately good action film, Iruka had nearly forgotten about the uncomfortable pull in his chest. Kotetsu pouted a bit because Iruka wouldn’t watch Icha Icha with them but he wasn’t resentful for a very long time. Iruka had settled between them and realised for the first time how much Kotetsu smelled like an alpha. They hadn’t been so close since Iruka had lowered the chakra control on his instincts and he felt himself react to it. Kotetsu’s scent in itself was uninteresting but there was a distinct note which told him that this alpha was taken. It was not at all like Kakashi’s scent which always drew him closer. Rather the opposite. But there was something else he couldn’t ignore. While Izumo smelled comfortable and friendly, Kotetsu’s scent demanded respect. As if Iruka was supposed to listen and do whatever he said. So this was what an alpha felt like who was not his mate.

“Are you good, Iruka?”

“Huh?”

“You’re staring at me weird. Did I get something on my shirt?” Kotetsu actually distanced himself a bit and eyed him with raised eyebrows.

“Oh no. Sorry. That was rude.” Iruka turned back to the film but he could feel the eyes of both the chunin on him. Thankfully, they didn’t say anything.

After a while, there were only three peanuts left. Izumo didn’t like them, Kotetsu and Iruka did. Very much. They had both been eyeing the last one for some time waiting for the right moment to attack. Finally, Iruka felt like he had the perfect opportunity… and reached out for it… so did Kotetsu. Iruka shoved him aside, Kotetsu grinned and pulled him down from the couch with him. They had a little wrestle on the floor, more for fun than anything. And the peanut, of course. Suddenly, Kotetsu pulled at Iruka’s turtleneck and froze. Iruka turned them around jumped up and snatched the nut. Grinning triumphantly, he popped it into his mouth while the credits started playing. “I got it.” Kotetsu didn’t reply, he just sat up and stared at Iruka open-mouthed. “What?” Yes, Iruka might have improved his taijutsu a little but it shouldn’t surprise his friend like this.

“You’ve got a bite mark?” Iruka froze. Of course. Kotetsu would have seen it.

“Uhm… yes?”

Kotetsu still stared at him in disbelief his eyes darted over to his mate. “Izumo seems to know. Why didn’t you tell me? Are we not friends or something?”

Iruka really didn’t want to do it like this but he had no choice. “Izumo found out about it on his own. I’m sorry, Kotetsu, but… I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

“You know how long I’ve been trying to hook you up with someone! Who’s it? The omega I smelled on you that one time? Or the alpha? Both? Is this some weird kinky threesome fuckery?”

“Shut up, Ko. It’s not like that.” Right now, Iruka really wanted to cuddle up to Izumo. But for now, he sat back down on the sofa.

“It’s the alpha,” he admitted. “Hatake Kakashi. The omega you smelled on me… was me.”

“No way.” Kotetsu was still sitting on the floor, his mouth open in utter disbelief. “There is no way you are seeing the Hatake. You’re not an omega.”

“I am” Iruka sighed. He hadn’t felt so uncomfortable the other times he had told someone. He’d known Kotetsu wouldn’t make it easy. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I’ve been an omega all my life. I just chose to hide it.”

“You’re not…” Kotetsu shook his head. “There is no way you are an omega. I would know. I would smell it.”

The easiest way to… Iruka released the control on his scent glands. His omega pheromones flooded the room, strong and potent because they had been kept under wraps for so long. It was still an unfamiliar feeling. Izumo grabbed him and pulled him closer. His proximity helped Iruka to calm down.

Kotetsu’s nostril’s flared. “Kami,” he sighed, “Iruka, you smell incredible.” He stood up and came closer to scent him properly. Iruka flinched. Kotetsu’s scent had changed. It was sharper and… arousal? “Izumo… I’m really sorry about this.”

“Iruka, I think you should leave.” His omega friend pushed him away from Kotetsu and Iruka didn’t have to be told twice. He quickly ran through the hand signs and shunshined to his own flat.

This was not how he had wanted this to go. This was not how he had wanted the evening to end. He had been preparing himself to tell his friends. He had not been ready to face Kotetsu. And what had happened? What was it about his scent? Kotetsu shouldn’t react to it with arousal. Iruka was mated, his alpha friend was mated. But still… the aroused pheromones in his scent… it left a weird, uncomfortable feeling in his stomach as eyeing something mildly disgusting would. Iruka liked Kotetsu’s scent, it was a bit like muscle soup and vinegar, but not like this.

Right now, he could’ve really needed someone to cuddle up to. But Kakashi was gone and Izumo was not available. So he just pulled out the blankets the ANBU had gotten him for Kakashi’s rut and curled up in his bed knowing that he would not get much sleep that night.

Kakashi hated and loved the way things progressed. He was allowed to see Iruka every day. Training was a great excuse to see his mate and he loved the way they moved with each other, exchanged hits, kicks, punches… it calmed him and it riled him up at the same time. The chunin was good and he was getting better every day. He smiled when Kakashi praised him. He slowly opened up. He seemed more comfortable. But the way his body moved… the way his scent enhanced when he started to sweat… the determined fire in his brown eyes no matter how often he was thrown to the ground… the flush on his cheeks… his voice, his lips, his smile… it was incredibly distracting, tempting, arousing… and Kakashi had to keep himself in check. He dreamed of taking Iruka against the tree. He dreamed of kicking him to the ground and fucking him there until he couldn’t articulate himself anymore… It was embarrassing to know that Guy could smell it. But he also didn’t want to leave his friend’s flat. His own was unbearable right now.

So he sat on Iruka’s roof and observed the other’s chakra during his everyday tasks. Sometimes, he visited. Sometimes, he picked the man up after school. He took Tenzou’s advice very serious and brought his mate little things he liked. Melonpan, chocolate… he hid little flowers in places and he loved watching Iruka find them. Three times, he had dared to accompany Iruka home. They had talked and cooked and… cuddled. Kakashi wanted to run back and do it again the next day but he kept himself in check. It had been more of an accident. Iruka had leaned closer and Kakashi’s arm had been around him before he knew it and then… both of them hadn’t moved away so that they had fallen asleep on the sofa. Kakashi wanted it to be like this forever. But Guy was right, he had to be patient.

And then, he had been ordered to the Hokage’s office. Tsunade looked tired. Well, that was her status quo by now… Kakashi really didn’t look forward to taking her job. But he knew, he had no chance of getting out of this mess. “Yo, Hokage-sama”

“Brat” Tsunade always had this stern look when she eyed him. He eye-smiled at her, just to be sure that she wouldn’t kill him in the next five minutes. “Have you finally managed to get your life together?”

“Mah… We’re bosom buddies.”

She cocked her eyebrow but her look was a bit softer than before. “Well, you look better. Good. Something has come up; I need you to leave immediately.”

“Immediately?”

“As in you have five minutes to get your stuff.” She sighed. “We have a situation on the border to Grass Country. Unknown missing nin have stolen Konoha uniforms and are making their way across the land. They already killed three of my ANBU. You know what it would mean if Konoha ninja invaded Earth Country without consent. Doesn’t matter if they are not actually Konoha ninja, it would be a provocation and a breach of contract. The Tsuchikage would have to react accordingly.”

“Mah, that’s not very nice of them. I guess we have to stop them then…” Kakashi remained in his slouch but he felt his battle instincts sharpening already. He was going on a mission. It had been too long.

“You’ll have three more ANBU as your back up. I trust you know what to do.”

Kakashi just nodded, took the scroll and shunshined away. He would read it on the way. Getting his stuff would take two minutes. Which meant he had three minutes to…

“Kakashi-sensei!” Ino seemed honestly surprised to see him. Well, it was understandable… he didn’t frequent the flower shop very often.

“Yo,” he greeted with an eye-smile. “I need a gift. For an omega.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful to hear!” The beta girl smiled brightly. Why was she so happy to hear it? Well, it would make her money… “Do you want a bouquet or something in a pot? Roses? Forget-me-nots?”

“Uhm… this.” Kakashi had scanned the shop and pointed at a basket with four plants in it. Daisy, carnation, pansy, bluebells. Perfect. He handed Ino money, it was too much but he really didn’t have time to wait for his change.

“Do you want to send a little note with it?” She passed him a slip of paper when he nodded. With a few quick strokes, he scribbled something down. It wasn’t much but he really didn’t want to focus on spelling now. He just didn’t want to leave without trace.

“Place it in front of Iruka-sensei’s door. He knows whom it’s for.” With that, he vanished. The Hokage had given him five minutes to get to the gates. It had taken ten. That was as late as he could be without endangering the mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Kakashi did not chose that specific flower basket by chance.  
> He knows his flower language. I mean, he reads Icha Icha and I'm pretty sure Jiraiya-sama would include that. ^^  
> And he's a hopeless romantic, convince me otherwise. :)


	24. Let me be honest with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka's best friends know about his secret and they don't mind. Maybe it's time to own up to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)  
> How are you all doing?  
> Uni is weird and chaotic and stressful and I'm not doing half as much as I'm supposed to...  
> That's also the reason for this chapter coming now and not a few days earlier.  
> But things are happening... we've got a president in the US now (and with 'we' I mean the world, not me in particular, but... they are a very influential global power) and it gives me hope that maybe good things can happened and it's not too late for all of us yet.  
> So let's all be happy and have a happy, wholesome chapter of this story.  
> I like this one very much... ^^  
> Thank you for reading, kudosing and commenting on my story! I appreciate it very much (especially the comments ^^).
> 
> Have fun!

Iruka was very surprised to find Kotetsu waiting for him when he left the school. “Good afternoon.”

“Hey Iruka…” He scratched his head, seemingly embarrassed. “I’m really sorry about yesterday. I just couldn’t believe it. I’d never thought someone could hide their scent so perfectly.” Iruka guided them away from the Academy to avoid accidental eavesdropping.

“It certainly isn’t easy.”

“And I’m also sorry about my reaction when I smelled your scent. I mean, I’m not really responsible for it but… it must’ve been very uncomfortable for you. I didn’t want that. Your scent was just… very intense all of a sudden.”

Iruka nodded. He didn’t understand what had happened between them but he’d had a whole night to think about it. “It was very unexpected and sort of uncomfortable but… you can’t be blamed for it. If anything, it is my fault.” Whatever had happened, it was probably an effect of Iruka’s long denial. “I should’ve told you earlier. I was planning to. I was just waiting for a good opportunity.” That was more or less half the truth.

“Yeah… about that…” Kotetsu turned his head towards him and established eye contact. “It’ll take me some time to get used to it… I mean, you’ve just always been a beta for me. But this doesn’t change anything. We’re friends. No matter what you are. I would still go out drinking with you and Izumo tonight if you’re up to it.”

These words and the friendly smile relieved Iruka more than anything. It was okay. Even Kotetsu, who was sort of old-fashioned in his understanding of omegas, accepted him easily. He had been dreading the moment when his other best friend found out about it. Suddenly, he was very confident. “I’m up to it,” he grinned. “Maybe I’m ready to tell Konoha now. What do you think? It would confuse everyone if I just stopped controlling my scent, wouldn’t it?”

Kotetsu laughed, suddenly uneasy. “I like the idea but… I wouldn’t do it right now. It’s just… uhm… you know what happened last night. Maybe you should wait until you’re mated. Your scent attracts alphas. Even mated ones like me, apparently. It’s not a good idea to unleash it somewhere where half the people are drunk.”

Iruka swallowed the lump starting to form in his throat. “But I am mated,” he gave back weakly. “I told you yesterday. I’m mated to Kakashi. You saw the bite mark.”

“Right…” Kotetsu shook his head. “I guess it’s all a bit much for me to grasp… It’s hard enough to believe that you’re seeing the Hatake. I mean, he’s a weirdo, and awkward. And creepy. But why would you mate him?”

“It wasn’t exactly my choice.” And Iruka told the story again. It got easier every time. Of course, he didn’t really mention the rut but… a life mated to Kakashi didn’t seem so foreign anymore. It started to feel like something one could look forward to. Or, at least, something one could come to terms with.

“Okay, that is a very weird way to get a mate,” Kotetsu said after he had finished. “It explains why your scent is so strange too. You don’t smell like a mated omega but you don’t smell like an unmated one either. It’s somewhere in between. There’s a longing in it that’s really, really distracting.” Iruka nodded. So his and Kakashi’s bond was still weak. Even though he yearned for the awkward, silver-haired jonin every waking minute. Maybe that was what Kotetsu smelled in his scent. “Maybe going out tonight isn’t such a good idea,” hie alpha friend settled the matter, “even though I would really want to. But, if you really want to tell your friends… we could invite a few over to our place. Or your place.”

Iruka sighed. “It’s been ages since I had people over at my flat.”

“Except Hatake, of course.” Kotetsu smirked.

“Yes, he’s been over a few times, of course… but not that much.” Iruka shrugged. It was Friday and now, that Kakashi had taught him some cooking basics… he could try to not mess up food for once.

“Okay, now, I want to know. How is he?” They had settled on a bench near the tree where Kakashi tended to sit in. The grin on Kotetsu’s face was dirty and he looked way too curious.

“He’s weird and awkward and, you know how jonin are unnerving sometimes. But he’s also very sweet and attentive… and we train together. He’s actually quite a good teacher.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.” Kotetsu’s grin spread even wider. Oh… Iruka couldn’t help but blush. How to explain it… “Okay, I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. I know it’s a lot. Izumo always finds it difficult to put into words how good it feels.”

“It’s not that…” Iruka felt like learning Doton today. There was a jutsu that made the earth swallow one up… “I just can’t really remember. We haven’t done it… outside of heat.” There was this one time he could remember… but he had still been very much in heat and he could not take any of these sensations for granted.

Kotetsu had turned into another one of these open-mouthed gasps. “Sorry,” he then apologized and closed his mouth. “I understand that this is a difficult situation for you. It explains your scent by the way. The longing and all that. I just feel very sorry for Hatake.”

The old dread settled in Iruka’s belly. He was doing it again, wasn’t he? He was torturing Kakashi. No matter how far he thought they’d come… he still hurt the man and Kakashi smiled as if it was nothing. They had cuddled once; they hadn’t kissed again. It had mostly been… things friends would do. They weren’t friends. They were mates. And Iruka wanted it. Well, at least his body wanted it. But somehow he was still afraid that Kakashi could lose control. Or that it would disappoint him. His heat had been mind-blowing. What if sex out of heat only hurt or didn’t satisfy him? Or, even worse, wasn’t good enough for Kakashi?

“I miss him,” Iruka suddenly admitted. “I hope he comes back soon.”

“You should hope he comes back alive first. I was on gate duty when he left with three other ANBU. They were in a hurry. That looks like emergency to me.”

This information did not calm Iruka. Rather the opposite. He sighed and buried his face in his hands. “I’m trying,” he muttered, “But I can’t seem to do anything right.”

“Ah, don’t worry,” Kotetsu patted his back. “Everyone makes mistakes in the beginning. It’s not that easy. Learning how to live as a bonded couple is much more complicated than most people will tell you. It’s certainly more complicated than Icha Icha makes it. You get stuck in your head and then you start making mistakes. If you take advice from an alpha: don’t think too much. Your instincts tell you what to do. And they’re usually right.” Iruka looked up because he was so amazed by his friend. He’d never had a heart-to-heart-talk with Kotetsu. Maybe because he was an alpha. But he was so good at giving advice and he seemed to understand Iruka’s situation so well even though he was the opposite gender. And he didn’t judge him as much as Izumo did.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me for it.” Kotetsu got up and extended a hand. “It’s an alpha’s duty to help a friend in need.” He grinned. “You still up for the cookout?” Iruka nodded. He did not want to be alone in his flat. He needed distraction. “Excellent. You’re gonna cook and I’m gonna invite. Not more than ten.”

Iruka managed a nervous laugh. As if ten people wasn’t too much. “You know I’m not good at cooking. I don’t think I can cook for ten.”

“Ah, don’t worry, Izumo will help you.” He grinned, gave him a thumbs up and winked. “See you at half six.”

Iruka checked his watch. That left him with three hours to prepare. Fortunately, he had cleaned and tidied his flat to avoid training. So he made a beeline for the grocery store. Izumo showed up at his doorstep not long after he had started to prepare. The omega wrung his hands and grinned. “A dinner party. Great idea. I would’ve never expected you to come up with something like that.”

“I didn’t.” Iruka sighed and put on his apron. He used it so rarely… his kitchen area was a space he spent very little time in. “It was your mate’s idea.”

“And he didn’t want to take credit for it.” Izumo rolled his eyes. “Expect everyone to think it was your idea.” Iruka shrugged and looked at the ingredients in front of him. What was he supposed to do? “Why don’t we do chicken with rice and fried vegetables?” Izumo threw a package of meat, which he had brought with him apparently, onto the counter. “I also got some pickles and anchovies for everyone’s taste. And I show you how to make dangos if you want.”

Iruka nodded and sighed. “Kotetsu will invite Anko, won’t he?”

“As long as she’s not on mission… sure. Come on, she’s fun.” Yes, Anko was fun. She could drink like the best of them and always had the weirdest ideas which started to sound more and more interesting the higher the level of alcohol in their blood was. She was responsible for some of Iruka’s best drunk memories. But she was also an alpha and lusting after every omega, unmated or not. Orochimaru had taken the ability to bond from her. “Kotetsu knows you. He knows your friends. Don’t worry, it’ll be a great evening.”

Iruka sighed and nodded and rolled up his sleeves.

Izumo was a good cook and he helped Iruka a lot. Cooking was something he had always planned to learn but never really got to it… partly because he’d had no one to show him and when he tried it alone, it didn’t take long to mess things up. But Izumo gave him important tips and managed to prevent most accidents before they happened. They chatted and joked and for the first time since this whole ordeal had started, Iruka began to feel normal again. It was an illusion, everything would be different after tonight, but he hadn’t had time to enjoy the things he liked about his life since he and Kakashi had gotten together.

Kakashi smiled. It took him a moment to realise it and another moment to discover where it was coming from. The bond. Of course he hurt and he yearned to be back at his mate’s side but for once the connection wasn’t cold. It spread some tingly warmth through his body which apparently pulled his lips into a smile. Iruka was happy. For the first time since they had established the bond, Iruka felt happy. And it was strong enough to reach him. Iruka was happy without him. Maybe he was happy because he was away. Kakashi had never known that happiness could hurt. It was a weird feeling. Without further thinking, he pushed the bond away and isolated it. He hated doing this but Iruka’s emotion would distract him and it could compromise their mission.

Half past six, the dining table had been set, the food was steaming and emitted a wonderful aroma. It was strong enough to cover Iruka’s scent. Izumo washed his hands and took off the apron. “It’s going to be just fine,” he reassured Iruka who had started to get a bit nervous. He felt the bond less than before, he realised. He’d forgotten about it during the cooking but now he found himself missing it. Maybe Kakashi was so far away that their connection grew weaker. It was still there but less obvious.

A knock on the door distracted him. He took a deep breath to prepare himself before he opened. It was Genma. The senbon was resting between his lips as always. “Hi,” he grinned. “Kotetsu told me there was free food.”

Iruka grinned, nodded and let him in. Genma was a good friend. As Tokubetsu jonin he had always been a kind of role model for Iruka even though he would never admit it. He admired how cool the senbon, which he carried in his mouth constantly, looked. He liked the way Genma wore his hitai-ate. It was still weird to see him without the bandana but he only wore it on duty. “This smells fabulous. Good thing I’m hungry.” As a beta bachelor, he and Iruka had always had something in common. And when the others were playing drunk shenanigans, sometimes the two of them would just remain sitting and complain about their lives until Genma got bored and joined the others. At that point, Iruka was usually drunk enough to not think about his function as a role model anymore and followed him.

The door was still open and the next head just popped in. Shimon. “I’m just gonna come in okay? Kotetsu told me you were feeling lonely and wanted some company.”

“It’s good to see you, Shimon,” Iruka greeted him properly. They hadn’t seen each other in quite a while. “How have you been doing?”

“Ah, you know… after the war there’s a lot of work in T&I.” He shrugged off his jacket and handed it to Izumo. “Also, the kids are in a difficult phase. It’s great to get out again.” Shimon had been very young when he married and had two children, one of them about to hit puberty. Iruka had taught the older one in his class. The boy looked very much like his father and would probably present beta just like him.

Raidou and Tsuzumi came up the stairs. “Hey Iruka! Look at who I met just outside your door,” the alpha Tokujo grinned.

“Yo Iruka,” Tsuzumi greeted as well. “Kotetsu told me you tried to cook and need guinea pigs to test it on.” The smirk and the playful gleam in his eyes made Iruka laugh. Just what exactly had Kotetsu been telling people?

“Izumo helped me. I don’t think it’s lethal.”

“I’m hoping that for your sake. Tsunade will be furious if I don’t show up for work tomorrow.” Raidou grinned.

Iruka invited both of them in and felt happiness bubble up inside him. Kotetsu had invited all his favourite people. If there was a good group to spend time with and reveal his secret too, it would be these folks. Tsuzumi went in for a hug, he was very cuddly for a beta and Iruka had always secretly enjoyed it. “You smell different,” he noticed.

“Yes, I cooked.” Iruka distanced himself from his friend again. “Thank you for coming.”

“As if I would ever turn down food. Even if it’s made by you.” Iruka shot him a look that made both of them laugh.

“Kotetsu told me you had dango and needed someone to eat it!” Iruka heard Anko before he saw her. “I’m ready to report for duty.” Iruka chuckled.

“We’re having chicken first but there is dango for pudding.”

“Iruka cooked. I can’t believe it. It actually doesn’t smell bad.” She pulled him into her bone-crushing hug before he could make an attempt to get away. “Is there something you’re not telling us?”

“Yes,” Iruka managed even though he couldn’t breathe. “Izumo helped.”

“Ah, that explains it.” She let him go and stepped into the flat where she was welcomed by the others.

“Where’s Kotetsu,” he asked Izumo.

“Uhm… he should be here any minute now. Maybe we can offer some drinks?”

They had bought enough beer and sake to satisfy ten thirsty jonin, so it would be more than enough to satisfy his friends. Who were going for the alcohol already, he realised. Iruka joined them and opened a can as well. He couldn’t help but smile. It was good to spend an evening with his friends again. Even though his flat started to get a bit cramped.

“Iruka! You’ve got a new bedroom!” Of course, Anko would go around sneaking. “How did that happen?” She wiggled her eyebrows which infected Genma.

“Jutsu gone wrong,” he gave back with a shrug. He was not ready to share this story with the group yet.

The door opened and it dissolved the tension. Kotetsu stepped in with… Iwashi. “Sorry for being late,” he called, “But it took ages to find this one!”

Iwashi smiled and Iruka couldn’t help but pull the omega into a hug. They hadn’t seen Iwashi since the war ended, even though he was a very good friend of Genma and Raidou. But the chunin had lost his mate in the war and he had been grieving ever since. “It’s so good to see you,” he said quietly. “Thank you for coming.”

“Well, I can’t stay cooped up away from the world forever, can I?” The lean omega gave him a small smile. “I’m going to be back on duty soon.”

“Don’t pressure yourself. This is a very difficult situation.” Even the idea of losing Kakashi… and the bond… they might have not been close but they were connected and Iruka didn’t know what he would do if he lost that. Iwashi must feel so empty and lonely. The omega gave him a strange, wondering look.

“Kotetsu promised free food!” Genma dissolved the situation. “I can smell it, I can see it and I’m not allowed to touch it. I’m starving!”

It worked like a magic charm drawing everyone to the dinner table. Iruka served them, slightly nervous even though he trusted Izumo’s skills. But some of it had been his doing. It wasn’t bad… he could admit that after trying. It was actually very edible. Maybe a bit more salt but… it was okay. And his friends seemed happy about it as well. They exchanged the newest gossip and talked about how life had changed after the war. How it would still change. “Izumo, you haven’t had a single beer,” Raidou passed him a can.

“No thanks.” Izumo passed it to Kotetsu who took it happily. “I’m off birth control and had a heat a week ago. Just want to make sure.”

“Uhu…” Genma propped his chin up in his hand and eyed the omega opposite him. “That’s interesting. Well, we have peace, at least for now. Who wouldn’t start trying?”

“I wouldn’t,” Shimon answered and it made all of them smile. “Kids are wonderful but they’re also hell sometimes. Think about it carefully. Especially _after_ the first one.”

Izumo grinned and nodded. “I appreciate the advice. But Ko and I have been thinking about it for a long time.”

“I can be an aunt then,” Anko proclaimed. “You know, the crazy, very embarrassing aunt that scares everyone and humiliates you in front of your friends? I want to be that aunt.”

“I think you would be the cool aunt,” Tsuzumi grinned. “Whom the kids find scary but secretly admire.”

“That’s good too.” Anko seemed very happy with the idea. Iruka smiled imagining a little Izumo-Kotetsu mix. They would be good parents. Iruka would love to teach that child. “About that, Iruka,” Anko turned towards him. “Aren’t you going to look for someone? You don’t want to stay single for the rest of your life, do you?”

That was it. There would probably not come a better opportunity. Iruka laid down his chopsticks and sighed before he looked at his friends. “I don’t have to,” he said eventually. “I’ve got someone.”

“You?” Genma jumped up. Why did he look so surprised? “Someone? As in ‘romantic interest’? Or ‘date’? Or… ‘girlfriend’?”

“As in ‘mate’.” Iruka managed a lopsided grin. “I’ve been mated for a few months now.” Well, he had only felt mated for th past few weeks but he didn’t have to tell them that.

“No way in hell.” Genma sat down again, seemingly disillusioned. “Betas don’t mate. Except… you have an omega? Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I had to come to terms with it,” Iruka sighed. “This mating wasn’t exactly my choice. The Hokage ordered it.”

“You’re mated to an _ANBU_?” Raidou shook his head in disbelief. “Why would they mate a beta to an ANBU?”

“Well, that’s the salient point.” Iruka couldn’t help but blush. “I’m not a beta. I just tried to come across like one all these years. I’m actually an omega.”

Genma dropped his senbon. The sound was unusually loud in the following silence. They all stared at him in disbelief. Iruka had not controlled his scent as tightly as he usually did the whole evening but now he dropped chakra control completely. There was no way they could doubt it. Iruka felt anxiety rise in him. His eyes found Izumo who smiled. He looked as if he was proud of him.

“They should promote you ANBU,” Shimon finally broke the spell. “You fooled everyone. That’s an S-rank skill.”

“Holy shit, Iruka,” Genma shook his head, “Are you secretly a jonin too?”

Iruka couldn’t help but blush when he shook his head.

“What the fuck, Iruka, what the fuck.” Anko did a face palm. “I guess you had your reasons but… that is one big reveal.”

“So who are you mated to?” Iwashi asked the question Iruka was dreading.

“Hatake Kakashi.”

“KAKASHI?” Raidou had gotten up as well. “You’re not only telling us you’re secretly an omega but also that you’re mated to the future Hokage? What even are you?”

“I told you…” Iruka shrugged. “I wasn’t my choice. He lost his bond in the war and he needed a new one. I was the only unmated omega his age. For obvious reasons.”

“I don’t know if I should be happy for you or scared,” Tsuzumi looked at him with his kind dark eyes. “But I guess I want to be happy for you.”

“Yes, lucky you.” Genma crossed his arms and shook his head. “So where’s your Kakashi? Why isn’t he joining us?”

“He’s on mission…”

“I get it.” Raidou nodded. “You were feeling lonely and Kotetsu got you some company. You knew about it, didn’t you?” Izumo nodded, Kotetsu shrugged.

“Only since yesterday. I found out by accident.”

“Thank you for telling us, Iruka.” Shimon gave him one of his rare smiles. “It’s nice to know you trust us.”

“Yes, and we have to pamper a lonely omega abandoned by his mate,” Anko proclaimed. “Let’s get him in front of the TV and into a cuddle pile.”

The group parted. One half tidied up the dinner table, the other manoeuvred Iruka over to the sofa and planted him between them so that he had no chance to leave. Not that he had wanted to. He couldn’t help but laugh happily and wholeheartedly like he hadn’t done in a very long time. He was a very lucky man to have friends like this.


	25. Let me be at your side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi comes back to Konoha, Iruka is waiting for him to show up at his window again. It doesn't happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!
> 
> This took me a very long time and I apologize for that...  
> Uni is eating my time, soul and inspiration (it's not as bad but I like to dramatise things).  
> Which means I'm procrastinating a lot. And writing or focussing on my stories is not a procrastination strategy of mine, unfortunately.  
> My mind stores that under "work". It's a lovely work but as I have so much to do for uni... *sigh*  
> Anyway, I try to bet better and not take as long next time...  
> Thank you for all your lovely comments on the last chapter. You know how much I appreciate them.
> 
> Have fun!

Kakashi wiped the blood off his brow. It was not his own, for once. He was bleeding from several cuts caused by kunai and shuriken; they were soaking his uniform. The missing nin had been jonin. Kakashi’s presence seemed to not have intimidated them as much as Tsunade had hoped but rather motivated them to give it their all. Hawk sealed their fallen comrade into the scroll together with the missing nins corpses. “Let’s go home.”  
Racoon nodded and Kakashi gripped her tighter. She was the most severely injured of the three of them but it wasn’t life threatening. Kakashi would get a few new scars, he didn’t care, he had so many already. The pain was a nice distraction for once. He just wanted to go home, fall into bed and have his mate pamper him. But he knew it wouldn’t be Iruka who looked after him. It would probably be Guy, again. Not that Kakashi needed actual nursing. But it would be nice…  
“Are you taking roots, Kakashi?” Racoon seemed to get a bit impatient. “Let’s leave this godforsaken piece of land and go home.”  
He nodded, gripped her tighter and jumped up into the trees. It had taken them one and a half days to find the missing nin just before they could cross the border. Now that Racoon was injured, they would need at least three days to get back.

Iruka looked at his new roommates. The flowers were still alive… Suzume-sensei had given him some advice and apparently you could kill flowers by watering them too much. Which was probably what he had done to every plant in his possession until now. But he was determined to keep these ones alive. He didn’t know when Kakashi would be back and he wanted to show the man that he appreciated the gift and was able to look after the flowers.  
Izumo had smiled when he’d seen them and told Iruka that he had a good mate. Maybe his friend was right. Maybe being mated wasn’t so bad. Maybe he could get used to Kakashi. He certainly missed the alpha and it was not only the bond making him feel that way. He missed the little signs of affection Kakashi had stashed everywhere. He missed the melonpans, as selfish as it sounded. He most definitely missed the training. The last few days, he had trained with Kotetsu but his friend’s taijutsu was slower than his, certainly slower than Kakashi’s, and their fighting styles just didn’t match well. They mostly trained their ninjutsu techniques together, something he hadn’t done with Kakashi yet.  
Iruka was surprised to find that his life hadn’t changed after telling his friends. He had expected to turn up to the mission desk the next day and everybody knew. But it seemed as if even Genma kept his mouth shut about it this time.  
Naruto was home from mission again and Iruka took the opportunity to invite his boy over and cook for him. He enjoyed his newfound skill and, as everything else, it was easy to improve if you just trained regularly. Naruto was excited about it. Of course, Iruka’s Ramen wasn’t as good as Teuchi’s but they both liked it. Iruka had to promise he would show the boy how to do it.  
Well, Naruto really wasn’t a boy anymore. He was a young man and Iruka didn’t have to look after him anymore. But he felt as proud as a father looking at his son when he saw who Naruto had grown up to be. Maybe he could have his own pup one day…one that was really his… and Kakashi’s… he wasn’t that old yet. He was 28 now… Izumo was only a year older than him. This was no decision he could make on his own. And he would certainly not be able to do it now before he and Kakashi… apparently he was expecting their relationship to work somehow someday.  
Kakashi was always in the back of his mind. He felt the bond, the way it stretched. Absentmindedly, he scratched his shoulder which itched… so did a spot above his left hipbone and there was a slight ache near his liver, he couldn’t explain any of them but he hoped it would pass. He didn’t want to go to the hospital because of it. Maybe it was the bond. His mate was certainly alive and… it could have been wishful thinking but… Kakashi seemed to be getting closer. Maybe he was coming back.

When they finally managed to get home, Kakashi did just what he had imagined the whole way. He crashed into bed. Of course, he had made sure Hawk brought Racoon to the hospital but he wanted to avoid the facility himself. They would have wanted to look at his injuries and keep him there for at least one night. He wasn’t having it. He shunshined over to Guy’s, the wards knew his presence, they had stopped reacting to him years ago, and fell into the soft mattress as he was. Kakashi was used to sleep deprivation, that wasn’t it. He just wanted some comfort. Something soft, warm, safe. A bed. With a sigh, he closed his eyes and fell asleep.  
He kind of regretted it when he woke up. Partly because he was mucky, dirty and his wounds still had to be cleaned properly but mostly because of Guy’s worried look. “It’s a wonderful surprise to see you back so soon,” he said, quieter than usual, “But shouldn’t you be spending time with your precious mate?”  
“Mah…” Kakashi peeled out of his dirty clothes. “Iruka is much happier without me.” It was true. The evening before they had found their enemies, he had sensed a happiness that certainly wasn’t his. Their bond was fresh and very sensitive but to be transferred so distinctly, Iruka must’ve experienced very intense emotions. Kakashi couldn’t remember ever feeling like that, so it was definitely not coming from him. It would have been a good feeling if it wasn’t for the bitter truth that it was despite or probably because of Kakashi’s absence. Maybe Iruka had felt relieved that Kakashi had gone. He couldn’t stand to look at his mate’s face now and find him in a much happier place than when he left him. Maybe in the embrace of someone else. Because since this moment their bond had felt warmer. As if Iruka’s whole situation was better and he was happier. It was stupid to think that it just coincided with Kakashi’s disappearance.  
“I would love to tell you that you are wrong,” Guy sighed, “But I can’t do it. I know too little.” Kakashi nodded briskly and made his way to the shower. How much longer could he stay at his friend’s flat? Guy wouldn’t kick him out but it was also wrong to invade his space for such a long time. Kakashi had to get a grip and either figure this out or go back to his own flat. He didn’t consider himself a coward but right now he felt like he wanted to be one.

Kakashi was back. Iruka knew it. He could feel it. He’d been waiting for the alpha to knock against his window since yesterday evening. Nothing had happened. Why wouldn’t he visit him? Maybe something had happened. Maybe Kakashi was injured. No, Iruka had asked at the hospital after school.  
Maybe Kakashi expected him be more proactive. He should be. A relationship was a give and take, it was one of the first things Kakashi had said. And until now, Iruka had been the taking one in their relationship. Maybe Kakashi was waiting for him to visit his place. But they had never met at Kakashi’s. They had never even talked about it. Iruka knew that Kakashi lived in the jonin apartments but he didn’t know where exactly. Well… Iruka put on his jacket with determination. He was a ninja; he would figure it out.  
Iruka hadn’t been to the jonin barracks very often. He’d come across them, certainly, but chunin usually didn’t stay, they hurried past. Jonin were unpredictable, paranoid and territorial. Lingering too close to their living space could turn out to be lethal. But Iruka was determined, so he actually got close to the apartment building for the first time. Only to be left standing and feeling stupid. Of course there wouldn’t be a door sign or a bell to ring. Of course the door would be warded and locked with a jonin-level seal. Not that Iruka wasn’t able to dissolve it, he knew more about seals than he was supposed to in his position, but he knew he shouldn’t.  
He felt a chakra presence approach him. A woman with harsh features and a stern impression. Iruka hadn’t seen her before but she probably lived here. “What are you doing here, chunin-san?”  
“I… uhm…” Why did Iruka feel so flustered? She intimidated him, of course. She was a jounin and an alpha. Iruka had never felt so intimidated by an alpha before. Kakashi wasn’t intimidating, not like this. He was safe and protective. And warm. He desperately wanted to see his mate now. “I’m looking for Kakashi-san.”  
“He lives here.” Her eyes examined Iruka coldly. He knew that if she had wanted to kill him, he would’ve been dead by now. Didn’t mean that she would not change her mind. “But he’s not been in his flat for more than a week.”  
“Oh…” Kakashi hadn’t been home for some time. He had not gone home after Iruka’s heat? Why?  
The jonin alpha sighed, obviously annoyed. “I have no idea where he is. If anyone knows anything, you should ask Guy. He lives in the apartment building near the water reservoir. Second floor third door to the left.”  
“Thank you, jonin-san. Please excuse my intrusion.” Iruka bowed and fled as quickly as possible. There was a reason chunin didn’t venture here, he had proved that to himself. Guy was wise to live somewhere else.

Iruka found the apartment complex quickly. It was one which hosted shinobi and civilians alike, just like the one Iruka lived in. They were much more comfortable and lively. He still felt stupid when he knocked on the door. What if Guy wasn’t home? Jonin tended to hide their chakra signature, especially in their own homes. It made it more difficult to track them. This hadn’t changed, even though they had peace now.  
After a long moment, he heard movement and the door opened. “Iruka-sensei.” Guy seemed very surprised to see him. Well, he had every right to be.  
“Good evening, Guy-san.” Iruka scratched his scar. Yes, he was blushing. Guy knew about them. It did not make it easier to ask him. “I am sorry for the disturbance…”  
“Oh, don’t be. Come in,” the retired jonin interrupted him and gestured into his flat. “What an unexpected pleasure to see you! Can I offer you some tea?”  
Iruka was ushered into the living room before he knew what was happening. He couldn’t do much against the boisterous jonin. “Uhm, thank you. Actually, I…”  
“Please, make yourself at home. May I offer you some cookies?”  
“I’m actually just looking for Kakashi,” Iruka finally managed to get out. “I was told you might know where he is.”  
“Of course I do.” The man beamed at him, his eyes kind and appreciative. “I am glad that you have more sense than your mate.” He glared at a door which slowly opened a moment later. Kakashi was standing there looking lost and kind of embarrassed. Iruka didn’t care. He threw himself at the man and buried his nose in the other’s neck to scent him properly. Konoha woods after the rain. Mint tea. Home. Finally, he was able to calm down. Warm, strong arms closed around him. “I’ve been waiting for you,” he mumbled. “I missed you.”  
Kakashi didn’t say anything but his scent wavered. “Iruka…” Iruka let go of his chakra control and smelled his scent flood the room. Kakashi hugged him harder, it tightened the ache in Iruka’s belly. Which was obviously not coming from him. Nor was the tingling in his shoulder where Kakashi had a bandage. Which was soaked with blood.  
“You’re injured!”  
“Mah…” Of course, Kakashi would tell him that it wasn’t bad. That it were just a few scratches. Iruka wasn’t having it.  
“On the sofa, now.” Mumbling a few curses under his breath, he shook a scroll out of his flak jacket and opened it. He’d been a teacher for too long to not carry a first-aid kit everywhere he went. He had made use of it too often and not only in school. “You know, one of these days you’re going to get yourself killed,” he scolded the alpha. “Not because of a fight but because you’re not looking after yourself properly.” He took off the used bandage, cleaned the wound and bandaged it anew.  
“That’s what I’ve got you for, Iruka. Ah!” Iruka had lifted his shirt and found the bruise on his stomach. He might have ‘accidently’ pressed his fingers a bit too hard into the blue-tinted skin. These kinds of injuries happened too often, especially in the Academy and Iruka had asked the Nara clan for a chakra salve a few years ago. It really did wonders. He was more careful with the sensitive skin when he applied it though.  
“I’m not always at your side, Kakashi,” he said quietly. “And I don’t want to worry about you every time you go on mission.” Kakashi sighed. He had closed his eyes and just lay there while Iruka applied the salve and looked after the rest of his wounds. None of them were life-threatening but two of them would scar. Not because they were deep but because some idiot had not cleaned them right away.  
“Iruka-sensei is right, Kakashi.“ Guy wheeled in from the kitchen with a tray in his lap. “You are lucky to have such a sensible mate.”  
The silver-haired man scrunched up his eyebrows and growled quietly. Well, it wasn’t a real growl. More like an alpha whine. “You all hate me.”  
“We don’t.” Iruka took the tray from Guy and put it on the kotatsu. “We love you. That’s why we care about you.”  
“Exactly.” Guy lifted himself from the wheelchair and made himself comfortable under the kotatsu. Iruka sat down across from him and enjoyed the cosiness. Why didn’t he have a kotatsu? Right… because he had always felt it was an omega thing to have. Guy wasn’t an omega. Did he have a mate? He must’ve at least had one at some point. He smelled mated. Guy poured him some tea. “I’m glad to see you settling in, Iruka-sensei. Kakashi told me how hard this must have been for you and it joys me to see how you are developing. Your scent is really something that shouldn’t be hidden. It suits you.”  
Iruka blushed. He decided he liked this subdued version of Guy. It was just as good-natured and well-meaning but less boisterous. Iruka started to understand why the friendship between Kakashi and him had worked so well for so long.  
Kakashi groaned, sat up and slid under the kotatsu between them. “Stop flirting with my mate, Guy.” ‘He’s mine.’ Kakashi didn’t say it out loud but the possessive pheromones he emitted spoke just as loudly. Iruka couldn’t hide a grin. He liked that Kakashi was possessive about him. Since when did he like that? When had he started to accept the bond? In his heat, probably. Until now, everything had been between the two of them. Now, there was a third person involved. Someone very close to Kakashi whom Iruka had a lot of respect for. Guy approved of their bond, he appreciated Iruka. He had called him a good mate. It soothed a very primal need inside of him. By the way, Kakashi was too far away from him. Without further ado, Iruka moved around the corner of the table and cuddled up into Kakashi’s side mindful of the injuries. Comfort, Kakashi, kotatsu. Perfection. There had been very little moments in his life when Iruka had felt so at ease. His alpha’s arm snaked around him, pulled him closer. A kiss was pressed against the top of his head. Iruka was so happy, he wanted to weep. He didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: you can learn from analysing tears whether they were shed in happiness, sadness, anger etc. because they contain the corresponding hormones. So if you feel the need to weep it basically means that you're so full of emotions that your body can't handle it and has to get rid of some of the hormones. That's why you feel so much calmer afterwards. So... don't hold back the tears, if you feel them coming! :)


	26. Let's put one and one together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka and Kakashi clear up the mess which is their relationship and start moving forward. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!  
> Thank you sooooo much for the feedback on the last chapter!  
> I was positively overwhelmed and I couldn't wait any longer to share this next chapter with you.  
> Because I like it a lot. It is another one of my favourites. You will see why. ^^  
> I love you all!!! Stay safe and healthy! We're going to get through this together! :)
> 
> Have fun!

It was the first time, Kakashi was caught in a genjutsu he couldn’t dissolve. Because he didn’t want to dissolve it. This fight was lost and he congratulated his opponent for analysing his weaknesses so perfectly. The best kind of genjutsu was the kind you didn’t want to break because it was so much better than reality. Iruka still clung to him. He had refused to let him go since they’d snuggled up in Guy’s flat. So he’d carried them home. Iruka’s home. And now they were in Iruka’s bed. Together. The omega snoozing, head on his chest. Kakashi stroked the long, brown hair continuously. He was keenly aware this had to be a genjutsu. There was no way Iruka’s hair was so soft and perfect. The scent was just a tiny bit too enticing. The skin a little bit too soft. And his mate way too clingy, needy and omegalike. When had he been caught? He didn’t know, probably on his way back home. Or during the fight? Kakashi took a deep breath and relaxed. No matter the facts, he wanted to stay here forever.

But could he really let the enemy win? Yes, he might appreciate the skill. But he was a shinobi first and foremost. He was a tool, not a person. It didn’t matter what he wanted. He had to stay alive. He had to win. He had to go home. To the real Iruka. If not for the village, he had to do it for Iruka. Even though the omega would treat him with disdain, he didn’t want to hurt his mate. So he prepared himself mentally, felt for the genjutsu. It was perfect. He couldn’t feel it. He just had to try to break through. Slowly, he entangled his arms, formed the hand signs and broke his chakra flow. “Kai”

Nothing happened. The genjutsu didn’t move. It should’ve wavered. At least a bit. “Kai” Iruka stirred. He was waking up. “Kai” Still, nothing. Not even a flicker. The only genjutsu with such a power and genius was the Tsukuyomi. But there were no Sharingan users left except Sasuke…

“What are you doing?” Iruka’s sleepy voice was enough to nearly melt his determination. He didn’t have to break… out he could stay here… No.

“Kai” Nothing. There was nothing he could do. Kakashi started to panic. What was happening?

Iruka sat up and rubbed his eyes sleepily. “Kakashi, stop it. This is not a genjutsu.” Of course, he would say that. Apparently, he was getting closer to the user, they started to defend the illusion.

“Kai,” he said with even more force. Iruka rolled his eyes and sighed. Pain exploded on Kakashi’s left side of the face. His jaw moved very close to dislocating. It was strong enough to rip him out of the genjutsu.

Except when he was able to see straight again, he was still in bed clutching his jaw. Iruka sat next to him and watched him closely. This was not a genjutsu. Kakashi blinked. “Better now?”

“You hit hard, sensei.”

“Hard enough to convince you?” Kakashi nodded. He needed some ice.

Iruka watched his mate shuffle out of bed and toddle out of the room. As adorable as this was, Iruka had a very bad conscience. Had he really been such a horrible mate that Kakashi thought cuddling in bed had to be a genjutsu? They had done this before, after his heat. Why was it so unbelievable all of a sudden? Yes, Iruka might have been a bit clingy since he’d found Kakashi at Guy’s, he wasn’t proud of it. But it had felt too good to stop. And Kakashi hadn’t protested. Rather the opposite. With a sigh, he got up as well. They had to talk.

Kakashi was in the kitchen area pressing a bag of ice cubes to his cheek. Ah, maybe Iruka had hit him a little too hard. He hadn’t planned to hit that hard; his mate was hurt badly enough as it was. “I’m sorry about that.” The alpha shrugged. He stared at Iruka wonderingly. Searching for something. “I’m real. Sorry for being so clingy but I missed you. I should’ve opened up and invited you in earlier, I started to get used to this a while ago. You’re not supposed to always be the one to take the first step. I’m sorry, I really am. I promise, I’m going to be more proactive from now on. You said it yourself, a relationship is give and take. I’m not usually one who takes and takes. I want to give something back. I really do but…”

“Iruka…” Kakashi’s voice stopped his rambling. The dark grey eyes locked with his. Gods, Kakashi was so handsome like this. Maskless. In Iruka’s pyjamas which flapped around him and left his ankles bare. “You don’t have to apologize. You never will.” And then they were kissing. The ice bag fell to the ground when Kakashi’s hands grabbed Iruka’s hips. Iruka’s arms folded around his neck, he pressed closer. Kakashi tasted so good, so perfect. Iruka still wasn’t used to his kisses. They were too good. He’d never get enough of them. Their kiss deepened, hungry, passionately. Iruka felt his body react and he tried to control himself. Kakashi was injured and this was the first night they were spending in his flat since aftercare. They should take things slow. So, he ended the kiss.

“You haven’t been to your flat in over a week,” he stated. “Do you want to move in?”

“Here?” Why did Kakashi sound so incredulous? And what happened to ‘taking things slow’? But the alpha had fled his own flat because he couldn’t stand it. And Iruka missed Kakashi every time he came home and found his flat empty. It didn’t have to be like this.

“No, the cupboard under the stairs.”

“Hm… tempting. It’s not much different to my own flat and cheaper, I suppose.”

“I think you could even live there for free. Just don’t let the housecleaner see you. She might confuse you with a broom.”

“So harsh, sensei.” They looked at each other before they both broke into laughter. Kakashi’s laughter was a light, bubbling sound. Iruka had never heard him laugh before. And then they were kissing again. A slow, endless kiss. Iruka liked the feeling, he never wanted to stop. But Kakashi moved away eventually. “We should sleep. We can talk about everything tomorrow.”

Iruka nodded. They were adults. They should be sensible and go to sleep. And tomorrow was a Sunday, they would have time to talk and figure things out.

When Kakashi woke up, he knew it was much later than he usually woke. He was an early riser and half past five was his usual time. The brightness of the light in the room told him two things before he even opened his eyes: it was at least eight o’clock and the window had no curtains. It was not his flat and it wasn’t Guy’s. His nose told him where he was well enough. Iruka. He had slept in Iruka’s bed and he had slept better than he ever had. By now, he knew this wasn’t a genjutsu. His jaw reminded him painfully when he moved it. It still felt too good to be true though.

Iruka was waiting for him in the living room. “I know you don’t do breakfast but there’s coffee,” he greeted him.

“Top of the morning to you too,” Kakashi gave back and shuffled over to the sofa, not losing his slouch for a second. “How do you know?”

“You’re not the only one who can ‘collect data’.” Kakashi grinned quietly into his pot at the teasing tone. This coffee was just how he liked it. “I have contacts as well.”

“So you asked Anko.” Kakashi nodded to assure himself. If there was anyone in the village who knew more about people than him, it was Anko.

“I asked Anko,” Iruka confirmed. “I want to make it up to you.”

“You don’t have to.” Just Iruka being here at his side… it was more than Kakashi deserved.

“You might think that. But I want to.” Well, it was hard to argue with that. Kakashi felt like it was impolite that he didn’t look at his mate but he couldn’t. He knew, he would lose his cool as soon as he did. It was hard enough like this to supress the urge to kiss his mate. Deeply. Greedily. Exchange the taste of his coffee with Iruka’s tea. “We’re mates. We should start acting like that. I know you want to and I feel like I’m ready. And yes, I want you to kiss me.” Oh, he shouldn’t have said that. Kakashi was fast, he knew that. But apparently he could be faster than his own brain when properly motivated. Because when he realised what was happening, he had already pinned Iruka down on the sofa and his tongue down the other man’s throat. Iruka moaned deeply, a wonderful sound which motivated different parts of his body to spur into action. Both their scents were out of control, swirled around them, mixed and dazed him.

“Iruka,” he gasped when they parted for a second to catch their breath. The omega sat up, flushed and panting and absolutely beautiful. There was a considerable bulge protruding from his trousers as well. Kakashi couldn’t help but notice. He smelled it in Iruka’s scent too. Everything about this… about their dynamic… was completely different than when he’d had Rin. He liked it better. He liked that Iruka was a man. He liked the scent, the taste… he would never forget the feel of him. Maybe one day…

“Kakashi” His name. Iruka said his name. Not ‘alpha’. Not ‘mate’. It did something to him and he wasn’t sure what it was. But it was warm, gooey and probably showed on his face. “Why are you so good at this?”

“What?” Oh, his eyes. His glazed eyes. He rolled them. His swollen lips. A sight Kakashi wanted to see again and again.

“Well, not ‘thinking’, apparently.” His flushed cheeks, his voice, his lovely, soft voice. And the little chuckle… Kakashi felt the goo spread through his body. “You’re useless now, aren’t you? I’ve broken the future Hokage. Great. Just great.” Iruka sat up properly and pulled him closer until Kakashi’s face was propped against his shoulder. He inhaled and nuzzled Iruka’s neck until the scent was inside him as well as around him. Kakashi didn’t want to think, not right now. He could’ve but… he knew that if he gave this up now, the moment would be gone. He just wanted to experience the bliss, the comfort… just a little longer. And Iruka held him. Stroked his back. Exuded wonderful, calming pheromones. Kakashi had never felt as much at ease before. Life was good as long as it had Iruka in it.

Iruka mechanically stroked Kakashi’s back while he desperately tried to make sense of their situation. He was sitting on his sofa with an alpha in his lap, not the other way round. Kakashi’s weight pressed against him, pinned him down. It wasn’t like Iruka couldn’t get out if he wanted to but… he would’ve woken his mate. Kakashi had fallen asleep again and snored quietly into his neck. Iruka knew that Kakashi didn’t sleep much. Naruto had told him about it often enough. The boy didn’t understand how his teacher never seemed to sleep for days on end. And even if he did, he rose with the sun. Today, Kakashi had slept soundly, like a dead man even. Past eight a.m. And now he was asleep again. On top of Iruka. The situation was weirdly familiar. The last coupling of his heat had ended in a very similar manner. And remembering the sexual encounter they’d had while the alpha’s scent was all around him wasn’t a very good idea… Iruka groaned quietly and thought about Jiraiya spying on the women in Konoha’s hot spring. That helped every time.

He could’ve easily changed their position. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to. Kakashi seemed exhausted. From the mission, probably. Whatever it had been, it had ended with him cut and bruised, so it must’ve been straining. But he’d seen what Kakashi looked like after a bad mission more often than he liked and this was basically nothing. This was a different kind of exhaustion. A bone-deep exhaustion, the kind that had built up over years. And somehow it helped Kakashi when he was with Iruka.

Iruka wanted to make it up to him. He’d been enough trouble. Kakashi had tried so hard and never judged Iruka for pulling back. He’d stayed away until Iruka invited him in. He’d still brought him flowers and melonpans and all these little signs of affections which made Iruka smile. It was a kind of courting, Iruka suddenly realised. The alpha had courted him. Properly. Even though they were already mated.

Kakashi was a good person. By now, Iruka shouldn’t have to tell himself that. He’d listened to Naruto’s stories over the years about the many weird and annoying things Kakashi-sensei had done but there had never been malintent in his actions. Kakashi had the village’s best interests at heart. He cared for his friends. He would have died for his students. There was a dangerous, instinct-driven monster somewhere buried inside him but he had it under control most of the time. He’d held back during the heat, Iruka knew he must’ve. Izumo had said this monster was his monster now. It would protect him and only attack people who tried to harm him. He didn’t want to be afraid of it any longer. He wanted to enjoy Kakashi’s presence, his scent, his warmth… he wanted the man at his side for the rest of his life. They were mates now. Iruka had always wanted to have a mate. He’d fantasized about it, like every teenager growing up. He’d planned to get mated when he’d met Mizuki at school. It hadn’t worked. Because the right one had still waiting for him. It had needed a war for Kakashi to be ready for him. The alpha had to let go of his old bond before he could accept Iruka’s. But now, he was his. For as long as they lived. It didn’t feel wrong anymore. Iruka didn’t feel bad about it or ashamed. He wanted to be Kakashi’s mate. No, he wanted to be Kakashi’s omega. And he wanted people to know.

Eventually, Kakashi stirred, inhaled deeply and nuzzled Iruka’s neck again. His scent was calm, happy and oddly sweet. Like the little, white flowers which blossomed in the forests in springtime. It was a new note and Iruka liked it. They were his favourite flowers. “Are you feeling better now?”

Kakashi lifted his weight off Iruka, the warmth vanished. But Iruka also didn’t feel his legs anymore, so it was probably a good thing. “Yes” The alpha scratched his silver hair and got up. After an awkward moment, he collected their half-drunk cups and carried them back into the kitchen area. Iruka’s eyes watched him. “I dreamed about you asking me to move in,” he admitted with an adorable blush on his cheeks.

“Wishful thinking, huh?” Iruka couldn’t help but tease him. It was too easy. “No, I actually did that.”

“Oh…” Iruka had confidently thought puppy eyes didn’t work on him but this look… “I should go get my stuff then.”

“What, now?” Iruka raised his eyebrows.

“Uhm… I guess it can wait a few days.”

“Well, you’re not going to leave my flat anyway, are you?” Kakashi shook his head. “Well then I guess it doesn’t matter whether we do it now or in a few days.” His mate didn’t work like normal people, so Iruka shouldn’t expect him to. It would not be easy to be Kakashi’s mate but Iruka finally felt ready for it.


	27. Where we let ourselves be real...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi moves in with Iruka but there is still tension between them and a few things still need figuring out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)  
> I'm still drowning in work...  
> But I survived my lesson. It wasn't perfect... it wasn't horrible either... so I guess I'm happy with how it turned out.  
> Tomorrow is waving at me with the next deadline already...  
> Nevertheless, I found a moment of time to prepare the next chapter.  
> Thank you so much for the many comments on the last chapter!  
> You really know how to make me happy. <3
> 
> Have fun!

Kakashi possessed terrifyingly little stuff. Two boxes of books. One big box of clothes. A rug, a pillow, a blanket. Two framed photographs. Three pictures with nondescript landscapes. A plant called ‘Ukki-san’. One set of dark green curtains. A bar of soap, a toothbrush, a comb, some make-up. Most of his possessions apart from ninja tools were actually cooking utensils. They didn’t have to make the way twice and it took them the best part of an hour. Because Kakashi was also incredibly neat and everything had been stacked to pack already. Iruka literally smelled Kakashi’s relief when they put down the boxes in his own flat.

He made some space in his wardrobe for Kakashi’s clothes. His books were easily included in Iruka’s bookshelf. The cooking utensils supplemented Iruka’s kitchen tools very well. He emptied a drawer for Kakashi to store his ninja weapons apart from Iruka’s. Another half an hour and the boxes were empty. Nothing in Iruka’s flat looked different. Except for Ukki-san who had found his new habitat on Iruka’s living room windowsill. And the curtains. Iruka’s bedroom window had curtains now.

“Hm…” Kakashi hummed as he looked around. “It’s good to be back home.”

Iruka smiled. “You’re getting used to this awfully fast.” And he quietly loved the sheepish look it earned him. “What about lunch?”

So they set out to make some lunch. Kakashi had stored the ingredients for miso soup, and only the ingredients for miso soup, in his flat and they made good use of them. Cooking with Kakashi was fun. Iruka did all the small helping task while the alpha manned the stove and made sure that the food actually turned out to be edible. They exchanged a few looks, quiet smiles and it felt so natural. As if they had been doing this for years. Iruka understood what Kakashi had meant. This really felt like coming home.

Kakashi felt lighter than he had in years. Someone had taken pounds of weight off his shoulders now that he never had to go back into this flat ever again. He had spent too many awful, lonely days in there. He had stared at the ceiling too many sleepless nights. He hated everything about it. Except Ukki-san maybe. But Ukki-san had a new home now and he looked more lively already. The plants he’d bought for Iruka flourished on the coffee table. Iruka had taken good care of them. Maybe now, that he had a reason to spend more time in Konoha, they would be able to have a few more plants. Kakashi liked plants.

He hated the pictures. Tenzou had brought them one day because ‘his flat looked so bare’ and Kakashi hadn’t objected. But he’d conveniently dropped them into a trash can on his way back to Iruka’s flat.

It didn’t change anything. Including his stuff in Iruka’s flat didn’t take away any of the homely feeling, it was merely invisible. He had made no impact on Iruka’s life. Yet. Maybe this would change. Kakashi wanted to have an impact. But he was also afraid to make things worse.

Iruka smiled at him, though, his brown eyes gleamed, his scent was happy. It was okay. Kakashi being close to him, moving into his flat, spending more time with him… it was okay. Maybe he wouldn’t make things worse. Maybe he would find a way to make Iruka happy. More happy than he already was.

Kakashi had always liked cooking. It was a nice change to his ninja duties because he got to create something for once and it gave him a good feeling. Cooking for Iruka was even better because he created something which gave someone else a good feeling. Cooking with Iruka was the best. He wanted to do it again. Something more like miso soup. Something more complicated that took more time to prepare. But for now, he would be humble and satisfied with miso soup. It tasted like miso soup, Kakashi knew how he liked it. But it still tasted better than any miso soup he’d made so far because there was a bit of Iruka in it as well and there was a smile on Iruka’s face when they shared the meal.

He couldn’t take his eyes off his mate. It had not been easy the last few weeks whenever we had come to visit the omega but now, it was near impossible. Iruka looked at him too sometimes, realised he was staring, blushed and lowered his eyes again. Kakashi couldn’t get enough.

Eventually, Iruka had enough though. He huffed and puffed up adorably before he looked at Kakashi properly again. “So. This is us now, I guess. How are we going to do this?” His lips were perfection. Every little detail. They were even more enticing when they moved. There was a tiny, pale scar on the left side of his upper lip. “Kakashi? I’m talking to you. Are you even listening?” He loved it when Iruka said his name. It made him feel acknowledged. He couldn’t resist any longer and pulled his omega into a kiss. Iruka stiffened with surprise but melted into their touch a moment later. He would never get enough of Iruka’s taste. There was still miso soup laced in with it. The slightly clumsy way his tongue interacted with his own… The sharp teeth in his mouth… Kakashi traced them. Iruka was exuding pheromones he couldn’t quite place but it didn’t matter, they made him feel good. At some point, he must’ve relocated them to the sofa because that’s where they were. Iruka sat in his lap, his weight pressing against Kakashi’s groin.

“Kakashi, stop.” Iruka pulled away and he had this strict teacher look. It sent a jolt of electricity right into his nether regions. “This is a little too fast for me. I want to talk with you first. Can you do that for me?” He made the hand sign for help and Kakashi sighed internally. It was time to stop dreaming and get a grip on reality again. He closed his eyes and collected his thoughts.

“Hm… I would do anything for you, Iruka.” It earned him a hit on the back of his head. Okay, so this had been the wrong thing to say.

“Seriously.” The look again. No getting distracted, Kakashi.

“Okay. I’ll behave. I promise.”

That seemed to satisfy him. “Thank you.” Iruka took a deep breath. His eyelids fluttered and with them his beautiful, long, dark eyelashes. “I know, we’ve been bonded for a few months now but… this is still very new to me. Izumo said, bonded mates should spend lots of time together when the bond is fresh. So I want to try, okay? I missed you when you were gone and… I really liked it when you visited me. I was looking forward to it. Why did you stop after your mission?”

It was difficult to explain and Kakashi really wasn’t proud of it. It seemed more and more like a very childish reaction, even to himself. “You were very happy when I was gone. I felt it.”

Iruka needed a moment to understand his words. “Oh… okay. Sorry about that. It wasn’t that I was happy you were gone. No, I hoped you’d come back soon. I worried about you. I missed you. But… Izumo and Kotetsu convinced me that I should open up to my friends and they organised a party. I actually cooked for them. Well, Izumo helped me. And they were all very understanding and supporting. I felt accepted as the person actually am and… yes, I was very happy about that.”

Kakashi had known already that he’d misinterpreted things but to learn the real reason for Iruka’s happiness made it even more embarrassing. Not that he would show how he was dying inside. “You’ve got great friends,” he said instead. Iruka nodded but Kakashi knew it wasn’t enough. There was something else that bugged him. “Iruka?”

“Hm?”

“Never apologise for being happy.” The omega blushed, averted his eyes and nodded. His inner alpha recognised it as a sign of submission and roared to life again. Yes, of course, he wanted to pin his omega down, ravish him and make him forget his own name in bliss but… not now. He suppressed the urge to pull the man towards him and kiss the living daylights out of him.

Kakashi was still very quiet and subdued. The keen, grey eyes seemed to follow Iruka everywhere. He didn’t quite understand what was going on. It was a bit as if he was prey again. As if Kakashi wanted to devour him. Was he about to go into rut again? Iruka hated how uncomfortable he felt. “Kakashi,” he finally said when he couldn’t take it any longer. “Please stop.”

“What?” Yes, of course he wouldn’t be aware of that.

“You’re staring. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Sorry.”

Iruka wanted to understand what was going on. He didn’t know if Kakashi was able to articulate it but they had to start somewhere. “Can you tell me what’s going on inside your head right now?”

There was a long moment of silence between them but when Kakashi looked at him again, his eyes seemed much clearer, much more normal. “My head has not much going on right now,” was not what Iruka wanted to hear. “It’s the instincts.” He nodded. He’d thought as much.

“Can you explain it to me? I want to understand.”

Kakashi nodded. Another moment of silence followed. “It feels like I won,” he confessed. “You know, I’ve been courting you.” Iruka nodded. He’d figured that out. “And now you’ve let me in. You’ve accepted the bond. You’re mine. I want to do everything to you.” His voice wasn’t nonchalant anymore. It was deeper, there was alpha power dripping from it but it wasn’t his alpha voice. It made sure he was the alpha but it didn’t move Iruka like his alpha voice had. Still, it was powerful and Iruka wasn’t sure if he was afraid or excited about it. “You’re probably not aware of it but you’ve been showing signs of submission. It riles up very primal urges.”

That explained a lot. Iruka nodded. “Thank you for telling me.” Now that he was aware of it, he noticed how small and quiet his voice had become. How he didn’t look at Kakashi for more than a second and lowered his eyes again. He consciously decided to stop, lifted his head and stared Kakashi right in the eye.

There was a moment of strained tension, crackling like electricity even though none of them was using chakra. It wasn’t a good feeling. “Iruka, stop. You’re challenging me.” Kakashi’s voice was strained. Iruka looked away instantly. His body was shaking. This felt too much like Kakashi’s rut again.

“Kakashi, I’m afraid.”

“I know.” His voice was still strained. “Can you hug me?” Iruka did not want to get close to Kakashi. Who knew what the alpha would do to him? It was an alpha. A powerful alpha and he had no power to hold against him. “Please?” Oh, but Kakashi didn’t sound feral. He sounded lost. This was his mate and he wasn’t supposed to feel lost. Iruka had to help him. So after a moment of hesitation, he leaned closer, his eyes still averted, and closed his arms around the taller man.

The effect was instantaneous. The pressing power evaporated and was replaced by the wonderful sweetness he had smelled before. Kakashi’s whole body lost his tension and slumped against him. Apparently, Iruka did have a power to hold against him. “Your scent is so good,” Kakashi mumbled. “As long as you’re not in distress, it’ll always calm me down.” And then he fell asleep again.

A puff of smoke made all of Tsunade’s battle instincts flare up. The figure was surrounded by ANBU before it could even materialise. The smoke revealed… “Iruka- _kun_ ,” she said dangerously quiet and suppressed the urge to make an impression of the teacher’s face in the surface of her desk. “One does not shunshin into the Hokage’s office. No one should be able to.”

“I apologise, Hokage-sama.” The stupid brat bowed. “But the wards recognise me because I assist Shizune-san or Shikamaru-kun sometimes. And I really couldn’t go outside like this.” Well, that was probably true. He stank of alpha pheromones, both kinds. Dominating distress and relief. So they’d figured it out.

“Well done, Iruka.”

“Pardon?” The questioning look on his face was just annoying. As was his whole appearance in her office but she’d given him a very hard task, so she would give him a moment of her time. She could go back to thinking about diplomacy after. There was nothing she could ever hate as much as this job. And the boy had fixed her successor, so she should probably be more thankful.

“I take it from the scents you’re carrying that you accepted the bond?” Why did he look so surprised? It was an easy read.

“Yes, uhm… Kakashi has moved into my flat now and we are going to make this work but… he keeps passing out.”

Tsunade nodded. “An alpha puts a lot of effort and energy into courting their omega. Once they succeed, their energy levels drop and slowly replenish to reach their former state. He’ll be back to normal soon enough.”

“Oh.” Iruka blushed, scratched his scar and looked at his feet. The perfect image of a submissive omega. She couldn’t help but smile. It didn’t match with the teacher she knew but it suited him so well…

“You are reacting to his pheromones. They are telling you to submit. Don’t worry, that will pass too. You might experience a tension between you.” His look said everything. “That might take a bit longer to pass if you don’t dissolve it.”

“There is a way to dissolve it?” Kami, how out of touch with one’s instincts could one be?

“Yes. The usual way you dissolve tension.” The big brown questioning eyes were cute but also stupid. “I’m talking about sex, Iruka. Think about it. Now, get out of my office. Well done.”

The omega remained for another moment, before he shunshined away and left her to her own devices. “You know, you don’t have to be this harsh with him. He’s intimidated enough as it is.” Shizune came into the room and Tsunade couldn’t deal with her disapproval even less.

“I’m not harsh on purpose, I’m in a bad mood. I want sake, a cuddle and someone else to do this job.”


	28. Let my actions speak to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka accepted Kakashi as his mate. But there is still some tension they need to dissolve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)
> 
> I survived the very stressful days... and kind of got lost in prorastination.  
> But today, I finally managed to pull my head out far enough to present you with another chapter.  
> It's a short one... but juicy. ^^
> 
> Have fun!

There was a way to dissolve the tension. The usual way. It made sense now that Iruka thought about it. He had accepted Kakashi. He’d submitted to him even if it wasn’t a conscious decision. Of course the next logical step would be the alpha laying claim on the omega. Which didn’t work because they were mated already. And that obviously didn’t make it any easier for Kakashi. The alpha was awake, when he came back, and moping on his sofa. But as soon as Iruka appeared, he perked up. “Where have you been?”

“I informed the Hokage of our mission status.” It was a weird way of putting it into words but Iruka couldn’t think of anything better for now.

“Huh… what did she say?”

“She said ‘well done’.” ‘And she told me to let you fuck me.’ He didn’t say that out loud. “You’ll be back to normal soon.” Kakashi nodded slowly. He looked sad again. Lost. Iruka didn’t want him to be lost. Or sad. So he sat down and put his arm around the other man who instantly melted into his touch. It was a good feeling. Iruka liked it. He liked having Kakashi close. It tingled in his belly and he wanted to be even closer. A mating bond was nothing to be rationalised. That was what Shizune had said right in the beginning. So maybe he should stop thinking with his head and start thinking with his… heart? No, his dick. Because deep inside him he yearned for Kakashi. It was easier to accept now.

So he threw reason out of the window and kissed his mate. Kakashi was such a good kisser, he still wasn’t used to it. So Iruka let his control slip and deepened their kiss. Kakashi followed suit enthusiastically and his hands slipped under Iruka’s sweatshirt, felt along his sides and made him shiver. Iruka couldn’t supress a small moan and ended the kiss. Kakashi was just as flushed as he was. There was a greedy expression in his eyes.

“Have you made yourself familiar with our bedroom yet,” he asked teasingly. His mate shook his head incredulously. “Maybe we should do that.” Kakashi wasn’t called the Lightning Cutter for nothing. Iruka blinked and then he was thrown onto his mattress. He grabbed Kakashi’s shirt, pulled him down and into another greedy kiss. It was so good. This time, he invited his bodily reactions. His cock strained against his trousers, he panted, he felt light-headed. Kakashi removed his shirt, mouthed his neck, the mark, and moved down his chest to tease his nipple. Iruka scrunched up his eyebrows and moaned breathlessly when Kakashi bit down. It didn’t hurt and he felt the slick building and slowly seeping into his pants.

“Get those off me,” he groaned while he tried to remove Kakashi’s sweatshirt at the same time. They succeeded after a little tumble and went back to kissing hungrily. Long, calloused fingers roamed Iruka’s body, examined every inch of his skin expertly and possessively. Iruka was just as curious and tried to find and feel every one of Kakashi’s scars. There were so many of them. Kakashi’s scent was so strong, it made him dizzy. Before he knew what was happening, he bucked up and his clothed member met Kakashi’s hip. The next thing happened in a flash. Iruka’s underwear was gone. Kakashi was naked hovering over him. One hand steadied his body, the other was wrapped around Iruka’s cock. Dark grey eyes stared into his own which were probably just as dilated. There was an overpowering strength in them and Iruka closed his eyes. He wouldn’t challenge his alpha. His. Alpha.

“Kakashi,” he whispered nearly inaudible. “Show me what it feels like outside of heat.”

With his words, the spell was broken. Kakashi growled, his hand started moving. Iruka gasped, his fingers clawed into Kakashi’s shoulders. He bucked up. Again. And again. Until he was close. “Kakashi, please. No more. I’m going to…” The hand was gone, two fingers pressed against his lips. Iruka invited them in and tasted himself. Bitter. He opened his eyes and looked up at Kakashi who watched him attentively. Looking at his mate with his fingers in his mouth… he felt very dirty. In a good way. And he paid extra special attention to Kakashi’s digits.

“Good,” the alpha growled. “Very good, Iruka. Such a good omega.” The praise lit up something inside Iruka. He moaned and threw his head back. Also, because the fingers pressed against his entrance and into him. It wasn’t as easy as it had been in heat. He was slick but tight. It strained a bit, Iruka opened his legs wider. Kakashi’s other hand was back on his cock, it distracted him. Not long after, the fingers slid in and out of him with slick sounds. They scissored him open, Iruka pressed against them, a third finger joined them. With every push, they went deeper until they found his prostate. Iruka keened and arched up, pleasure spread through his body, made him press even harder against Kakashi.

The alpha was back and kissed him hard. One hand inside him, the other on his cock, the tongue playing with Iruka’s… he was too overwhelmed to keep track with the multitasking genius. His voice was out of control, the sounds he made were desperate, high-pitched and very much omega. He didn’t care. All he cared about was Kakashi hitting his prostate again.

The fourth finger hurt a bit but the attention to his prostate more than compensated for it. “Kakashi,” he gasped and he liked how the name rolled off his tongue. “Kakashi, please, Kakashi. Ah!”

The fingers stroked his prostate one last time before retreating. The hand around his cock stilled. Kakashi changed position. He lined up. But he looked down into Iruka’s eyes and he could see the care and consideration in his look. “Are you sure?”

Iruka’s smile was probably strained, he nodded. “Yes,” he gasped. “I love you, Kakashi, please!”

And then he pressed in. It stretched him wider than the fingers, it strained but it didn’t hurt. Kakashi stopped for Iruka to adjust before he pressed further. Iruka had his eyes screwed shut, all his attention was on the feeling of intrusion. How Kakashi filled him. So good. So perfect. “Kakashi,” he gasped. It felt endless but suddenly, there was skin against his backside. Kakashi was inside him. Fully inside him. “Please…”

And then, the alpha started to move. The friction was incredible, the feeling impossible. Iruka pulled Kakashi towards him into a hungry kiss, he moaned into his mouth, he felt, he smelled, he tasted Kakashi. Kakashi was everything. He was everywhere. He was his whole world. “I’m yours, Kakashi.” They moved; the sweat eased the friction. Iruka’s hands were back to examining and claiming the pale skin. Kakashi mouthed his neck, nipped at the bite mark, his touches were little thrills wrecking Iruka’s body. He moved with Kakashi, trying to get him closer, suck him deeper inside him. His alpha’s name was on his lips. Again and again. Kakashi met his prostate with incredible aim, it had him cry out every time. Iruka forgot where he was. All he cared for was his mate. Their connection. The feeling of their bodies intertwined. Moving with the beat of an ancient rhythm of life and death. Iruka clawed helplessly into the bony shoulders and arched up. He could feel it. The end. The climax. He couldn’t wait to get there and wanted to take forever. It was inevitable. The wave crashed into him and he cried as loud as he could. Kakashi growled, his alpha power a thrilling shudder. Iruka couldn’t let go. He held onto his mate for a few more strokes until Kakashi reached his climax as well and collapsed onto Iruka. They both chased the euphoria of their orgasm in silence. Their hearts drummed loud enough anyway. Kakashi slipped out of him, his cock quickly losing its stiffness.

“No knot?” Iruka couldn’t stop himself. His mate huffed a laugh against his chest.

“That’s something reserved for heats and ruts, you greedy little omega.”

“Hm…” Iruka’s hand found its way into the sturdy, soft silver hair. “Don’t ever think about belittling me.” He grabbed a handful and pulled playfully.

“I’d never.” Kakashi chuckled. “I respect you way too much.”

“Let’s hope for your sake that that’s the truth.” Iruka wriggled until Kakashi moved off him and laid down next to him. They shared one last lazy kiss before Iruka felt his eyes droop and he fell asleep. Snuggled up against his warm, strong mate.


	29. I don't let go of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka and Kakashi have to get back into their regular lives. But things have changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! :)
> 
> Christmas is near! Are you feeling the christmas spirit despite lockdowns and isolation?  
> I do, since I got home to my parents where I'll be spending my holiday. And I'm looking forward.  
> My christmas story (Naruto unrelated) is in the making and will be uploaded sometime on the 24th...  
> I got quite a few comments by new people on the last chapter. Thank you so much. I'm glad you like it.  
> Unfortunately, this story is coming to its end. But it was a lovely trip with you and I hope you enjoy what's still to come.  
> Merry christmas to all of you!
> 
> Have fun with this very un-christmasy chapter!

Iruka overslept the next morning. When he woke up, he was already late for his first class. Kakashi was still snoozing in his bed and Iruka really didn’t want to deal with him right now. He rushed to get into his uniform and shunshined over - right into the classroom. “Sorry for being late,” apologised to his students, “Good morning to you. Let’s take up where we left off yesterday…”

The students settled down after a while and he felt himself relax. It nearly felt like any other Monday when he entered the teachers’ room after the lesson and went to get a coffee. Except, Daikoku was staring at him incredulously. Well, everyone did.

“Good morning, everyone,” he greeted them politely. “I apologise for being late. It won’t happen again.”

“Are you quite alright, Iruka-san?” Why did Suzume look so worried?

“’Course he’s alright,” Bekko scoffed. “He’s had a very exciting Sunday apparently. I’m not judging you, Iruka-kun, but I wouldn’t have taken you for the type.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Iruka was confused. Yes, he’d had an exciting Sunday but how did they know? Had Genma actually talked in the end? No, not even Genma knew that Kakashi had moved in.

“If you think you’re hiding it: you’re not.” Iwana stepped up. “Look Iruka, this is your personal life, we don’t actually care but… the scents are all over your body.”

Iruka had showered thoroughly afterwards, there was no way they could smell that he and Kakashi had sex yesterday afternoon. “I think there is a misunderstanding. What exactly do I smell like?”

“If you want me to be honest…” Bekko examined him critically. “I’m going to say it. You smell as if you had a… love adventure with a mated alpha-omega couple. Their scents are all over you.”

“Oh.” Oh. Iruka could’ve hit himself on the head. He once again cursed himself for not having earth affinity. He just wanted the ground to swallow him. Kakashi did that, he realised. The alpha just disappeared from uncomfortable situations. He didn’t even use a jutsu for it; he just left. But Iruka couldn’t do that and now, hie colleagues suspected him of being a sexual deviant who’d had a threesome with a mated couple. He had been in such a hurry… he’d forgotten to apply his scent control. Letting it go in his flat felt so natural by now, especially when Kakashi was around. And of course, Kakashi’s alpha scent would cling to him as well. “I can explain.” He couldn’t help but blush. “It’s not what you think.” With a sigh, he looked at his colleagues who were all staring at him. “I’m not a beta. I’m an omega. I have a bonded mate. He moved in with me yesterday.” They were still staring.

“No way.” Iwana crossed his arms. “Don’t lie about it. You’re a beta, just like me. We’ve been working with you for years. We’d know.”

Iruka opened his mouth to defend himself but the bell rang, everyone grabbed their stuff and filed out of the room. He didn’t like the judging looks he got. They wouldn’t have a problem with him having a threesome but they thought he was lying to them. Iruka trudged into his next class. How was he going to explain this… at least the next lesson would take place outside.

The students didn’t notice much. They were too young to know the differences between omega, beta and alpha scents. A few looked at him questioningly and someone asked him if he was wearing perfume but otherwise, nothing had changed. Iruka had been terrified of what the kids would say and their reaction was such a big relief that he didn’t even care about his colleagues anymore. He would explain it to them and they would understand in due time.

Everything was so much easier and felt more natural when he didn’t have to keep up the chakra control over his scent. He felt happier, more engaged and he was able to give the kids much more attention. It worked so well that Iruka decided to just stop worrying and keep the scent control down even when he walked into the missions room for his shift.

Heads turned again when he passed and took over Saisou’s place. The beta raised his eyebrows but left without saying anything.

“Bold, Iruka” Kotetsu shot an appreciative glance at him. “I see things are going well.”

“Very well.” Iruka couldn’t help but grin. “I tell you about it later.”

“I’ll make you.” He was lucky to have friends like this. Maybe he could organise some kind of dinner party again to thank them all for their help. Or maybe they would all go out drinking together like old times. With Iruka out in the open and a mate in the background. He liked the idea. Maybe Kakashi would even join them.

“Good afternoon, chunin-san,” he addressed the man in front of him with a big smile and took the scroll from him. This would definitely start rumours but he didn’t care. He was a mated omega and he liked it. He liked his mate. He wanted people to know about it. The mission report was acceptable. He stamped it quickly. “Thank you for your hard work”

In contrast to his Academy colleagues, the looks he got were curious and questioning. Some were judging, sure, but most people didn’t know what to make of the change of scent. Iruka was a mystery and ninjas loved solving riddles. So for now, he was interesting. It wouldn’t take long until one of them asked Genma about it and then everyone would know but for now, he enjoyed the attention. As a beta, he had always been plain, boring, average. It was exactly what he had wanted to be. Not because he hated attention but because he had tried to hide his real nature. Now, that he had accepted what he was, he wanted people to see. He was not a beta; he was an omega who could pass as a beta if he wanted to. He was also the Rokudaime’s mate. Whatever he’d tried to come across as, he had never been an average beta chunin. He was special and he was finally ready to let it show.

When Kakashi walked into the room, Iruka noticed it instantly. Just like the first time. Back then, it had thrown him into heat. Now, it charmed a big smile onto his face. Of course Kakashi would get into his line even though it was the longest. Iruka tried to ignore it and concentrate on the people in front of him but he couldn’t help but sneak glances.

Finally, Kakashi stood before him. His face was hidden by the mask but his eyes met Iruka’s with a warm, appreciative expression. “Yo, Iruka-sensei”

“Good afternoon, jonin-san,” Iruka replied formally. This was business and Kakashi a ninja just like anyone else. Except, he was not like anyone else. Kotetsu grinned quietly, Iruka managed to hide his giddiness. He scanned the form. “You’ve left out sections 4 and 20. The rest is very insufficient. This isn’t even a mission report.” He gave it back.

“Mah, sensei… I was very distracted this weekend and wanted to turn it in on time for once. Be kind.”

Just because they were mated, didn’t mean Kakashi got a special treatment. He had to clarify that right from the beginning. “Even my students write better mission reports. They certainly write more legibly. This is unacceptable.”

Kakashi sighed in a theatrical manner. “You have no heart for a poor, exhausted alpha.” Was this, some kind of payback? Or did he really just want to rile Iruka up? What was his plan? This was the most public place for any kind of demonstration. Iruka had no idea what went on in this weird, genius head. It scared him a little but it was also exciting.

“You’re holding up the line, Kakashi. I cannot accept your mission report. Please move and come back when you’ve filled out the form properly. Thank you for your hard work.” Kakashi finally took the scroll back and he hesitated for another second.

“No. Thank you for your hard work,” he replied, leaned over the desk. His eyes locked with their counterparts. Iruka could feel his heart beating in his throat. “Am I making you blush?” Kakashi murmured inaudibly. “Does it give you weak knees to have me close like this?” Iruka swallowed hard. “Good. That’s exactly how it should be. You’re mine.” And he kissed Iruka. The room was deadly silent. Iruka’s eyes widened, he kissed back for a moment and tried to get his body and scent back under control. Kakashi’s mask was wet, cool and honestly rather disgusting but Kakashi’s scent was incredibly enticing. But he managed to get a grip and determinedly pushed back his mate.

“I said you’re making the others wait. Now move.” They exchanged a look. Kakashi winked at him, turned around and swaggered out of the room. There was an air of smug satisfaction around him and Iruka felt a grin spread on his face. What an alpha… Kotetsu leaned over the desk towards him and stared at him with open-mouthed disbelief. Iruka would have to explain a lot after their shift…

Kakashi left the room feeling incredibly complacent. He couldn’t wait for Iruka to finish his shift and come home. The flat was so empty without him and Kakashi didn’t have the strength and composure yet to do proper training. He was well enough to go after Iruka though, apparently. Or maybe that was his lack of composure. Never mind, it had played out so much better than he could’ve hoped. He had kissed his mate in public and Iruka had let him. There was a dopey grin on his face and he was glad people couldn’t see it as he shuffled through the streets. An ANBU caught him before he even reached his favourite reading tree. “The Hokage wants to see you.”

“Hai hai…” Kakashi waved lazily. “I’m on my way.” He still took a detour. Who knew what would happen if he didn’t turn up at least a little bit late?

Tsunade did not look very happy. In fact, she smelled very tense and stressed. This would probably not be a lot of fun. “Brat,” the alpha woman addressed him in the usual manner. “I hear you’re causing scandals.”

“News travels fast.” In fact, it had not even been half an hour.

“Well, the missions room is literally next door. What happened to keeping it under the radar?”

Kakashi shrugged. “Iruka’s scent was out in the open. You knew I had to.” The look in her eyes told him that she understood. He was basically a freshly mated alpha. He had to lay claim to his omega.

“There are subtler ways to make it official.” There were, certainly. Kakashi was done with being subtle though. He just wanted to live and feel properly mated again. It felt so good and he was not taking chances. “Anyway, you seem to be doing much better.” A careful, little nod. Of course he knew what she meant. There were downsides to this… but they couldn’t outweigh the upsides. They never would. “Good. I’ve had enough. I need a holiday. You’re going to take over next monday.”

“Mah… there is so much paperwork. Don’t you have to invite the Daimyo’s representative and the Kazekage and all that?”

She cursed under her breath. “Monday in two weeks,” she then sighed. “And I want you in office by tomorrow.”

“Iruka and I haven’t settled in properly yet. We have to spend some time together before I’m ready to work hard again.” As much as Tsunade hated this job, Kakashi disliked the idea of taking over just as much.

“He’s at work anyway. You’re allowed to leave when he’s off work. But as long as he’s at the Academy, you will be here.” Kakashi sighed. He didn’t like being ordered around. But she was the Hokage and Hokage’s orders were Hokage’s orders. “Wonderful.” Tsunade clapped her hands and lay back in the recliner. “Shikamaru is doing a great job. He’ll be just as good as Hokage’s assistant as Shizune.”

The young omega rolled his eyes. “What a drag,” he moaned. “I really don’t want Kakashi-sensei to be my boss.”

“Life as a shinobi is full of hardships and ordeals.” Kakashi sent him an eye-smile. “Did you at least get involved with your love interest?” Ah, the boy blushed wonderfully.

“I never got to Suna,” he mumbled and looked at the pile of documents in front of him.

“I guess, I’ll have to make sure the whole family of the Kazekage is invited for the initiation ceremony then.” Kakashi liked this. He wasn’t looking forward to the paperwork but maybe he could get Iruka to do it for him.

Kakashi was splayed on his couch reading when Iruka came home. He sighed. “You have been lazing around the whole day, haven’t you?” Somehow, he wondered how jonin got so many missions done and still seemed to hang around uselessly all the time.

“I visited you at work,” was the answer. Yes, and that.

“About that. What exactly happened there?” He sighed and walked into the kitchen area. Apparently, he was still supposed to make his after-work tea himself, even though there was someone without any useful occupation hanging around in his flat.

Kakashi shrugged. “I wanted to make sure I had your attention.”

“Well, you got it, and not only mine. Everybody’s talking about it.”

Kakashi looked up from his book. “Is it a problem?”

“No…” It had been exciting. Iruka secretly enjoyed the idea of what they must’ve looked like but his mate didn’t have to know that. “It’ll quiet down as soon as Genma or Anko decide to talk… I was just wondering whether it was necessary. Isn’t it a bit soon to make it public?”

“We’re mated,” Kakashi stated. “That’s not going to change anytime soon. So why wait?”

“Maybe I still need time to get used to it?”

“You were spreading your scent all across the missions room. What did you think that would do?”

“Apparently, it makes my colleagues think that I’m a beta who likes threesomes with mated pairs.”

Kakashi chuckled. “And you prefer that assumption to the truth?”

“No…” Iruka sat down with his tea at Kakashi’s feet. The jonin’s greying socks were a bit smelly… He didn’t know how to put it into words. People knew about them. It had been a very weird moment but one hundred percent Kakashi. If he wanted to tell the world, he would do it like this. And it was not like he could change it anyway. “So this is our life now,” he finally said.

“This is our life, now,” Kakashi confirmed. “Anything you want to change?”

“I want a pup.” Iruka blushed at what he had just blurted out. This was a conversation for another time. “I mean… if my reproductive system still works. And I don’t mean right now. But, you know, one day I would like a pup.”

Kakashi eyed him intently. Iruka liked the intelligent, assessing look but it made him feel uncomfortable at the same time. “I can give you a pup,” he then said and his eyes moved back to the pages of his book. “Whenever you like. If we manage to do it. If not… that’s fine with me too.”

Iruka sighed. He hated Kakashi’s indifference. And this book! Before he knew it, he had snatched it out of Kakashi’s hands. “There will be no Icha Icha in our bedroom. Ever.” Kakashi drooped a bit but nodded. He made no move to get the book again when Iruka placed it on the coffee table. “This is not about me, Kakashi, this is about us. A pup isn’t like getting a new TV. It’s a person!”

The alpha finally sat up properly, his eyes still on Iruka. He was serious, not nonchalant. He was listening. “Iruka, I would love to have a pup. With you. I just don’t want you to be disappointed if it doesn’t work. I love you. We’re going to be a family, with pups or without.” The words filled Iruka with unexpected warmth. It was just what he had needed. Kakashi pulled him to his chest and Iruka snuggled up against him. He inhaled the scent deeply. This was his home. No matter what happened in the future. He had finally come home.

* * *

  * (Translation by me)
  * Faber: [So soll es sein](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYPmPZ_H87A)



_Do your cheeks blush at my sight?_

_Do you feel like you’re not good enough,_

_Not smart enough for me?_

_Do you feel dumb?_

_Because you dream of me in every night and sometimes in the day._

_Tell me it’s like that…_

_Tell me it’s like that because that’s how it should be_

_I don’t let go of you_

_I want to, I cannot_

_Hundred to red_

_I want to forget you, erase you from my world_

_If not, shoot me dead_

_Do your knees give at my sight?_

_Do you sometimes think you’re mad_

_‘Cause your us’lly not like this_

_Weren’t these your words?_

_Didn’t you say that you’ll never fall in love_

_That there’s no one there for you_

_Your world is askew_

_Tell me it’s like that because that’s how it should be_

_I don’t let go of you_

_I want to, I cannot_

_Hundred to red_

_I want to forget you, erase you from my world_

_If not shoot me dead_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. This is basically the end of the story, as indicated by the song (please listen to it, it's amazing).  
> But I promised thirty chapters and you will get thirty chapters.  
> The very last one will be uploaded sometime between the years so that this story can end together with 2020. ^^


	30. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruka is ready to begin his new life as a mated omega. Kakashi has finally found his place even though he doesn't like the idea of being Hokage very much. But the future looks bright for Konoha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya and merry Christmas!  
> (Yes, it's Christmas at least until the sixth January - in Germany it ends on the 2nd February).  
> This is the last bit of this story and I hope you enjoyed the ride.  
> I most certainly did. Thank you for reading, leaving kudos, commenting and supporting.  
> I love all of you and I hope you have a great start into the new year of 2021.  
> With the new year, there might also be a new KakaIru-a/b/o-story... I have an idea at least and it looks veeeery promising. ^^
> 
> Have fun!

Iruka couldn’t will away the tears that wet his eyes. Tsunade-sama stood on top of the Hokage tower in her flowing Hokage gowns and passed the hat to Kakashi. The crowd roared, Iruka clapped until his hands hurt and tried not to cry. This was his mate. He was so incredibly proud. Of course, Kakashi didn’t like it. He had moaned about it all morning and it had earned him more than one slap on the back of his head. But Tsunade-sama was overworked, grumpy and she had been for way too long. It was time for Kakashi to take over. The elders had decided long ago and the masked face in the rocks behind them was nearly done.

“Long live the Rokudaime Hokage!”

“Long live Konoha!”

Kakashi just stood there looking a bit forlorn. Shikamaru was next to him. Iruka wanted to be at his side but he knew it wasn’t his place. He would be Kakashi’s private support, not the official one. He would be the one to soothe him after a long day at the office. It would not be easy but Iruka was looking forward to their life together.

“Yo,” Kakashi began his speech. He had been brooding over it for days and Iruka knew for a fact that it did not start with ‘Yo’. “I was elected Hokage, so I guess this is what I will be doing for the next few years…” Yes, that was definitely not the speech he had prepared. Iruka had helped him to find the right words. But apparently, Kakashi had decided against it. “I’m honoured… and I will do my best to serve the village and strengthen the peace between the shinobi nations. We’ve had enough wars. I want to protect the village. And I want to preserve the peace for the next generations. But I can’t do it alone. I will need all your help. No matter if you’re alpha, beta or omega. Man or woman. Civilian or ninja. We can only succeed if we all work together and do our best. Only then, we can assure a good future.”

The people cheered, so did Iruka. He might have been weeping a little bit. Izumo grabbed his hand and smiled at him. “That was a nice speech.”

“Urgh, he’s going to be a terrible Hokage,” Kotetsu sighed. “He said it himself: he’s going to make _us_ do all the work.”

Iruka chuckled. “Kakashi has nearly as much passion and motivation for this job as his assistant. They’re going to be a great team.”

“Good thing they’ve got you to kick their asses.” Izumo nudged him.

Iruka nodded and tried to blink away the tears. Today, he felt as if his life was beginning anew. He had lived a long, disappointing life trying to be something he wasn’t. But his beta life had come to an end. The transition hadn’t been easy. Now, he had accepted his omega nature. His colleagues and acquaintances had been told about it. His friends knew about his mate. Not everyone had accepted it easily but everyone had to accept in the end. He wasn’t a beta. He didn’t want to be a beta anymore. He was a mated omega and he liked it. Some of the early presented alphas in the genin graduation class might have thought they could revolt against him but Iruka had put them back into their place easily. Omegas weren’t weak and indecisive. They were to be respected. Maybe they were a bit submissive at times but only because they wanted to. To keep the peace. To prepare the world for the next generation.

Izumo knew that he was pregnant for sure by now and they had all been excited. Especially Kotetsu. Iruka could feel a heat coming up… a present to celebrate Kakashi’s promotion? Maybe. And who knew what would come of it. Iruka was ready for everything life had in store for him as long as he could do it with Kakashi.

For now, he had to look after the school. And encourage Naruto to date Hinata. And apparently Shikamaru was interested in this handsome alpha from Suna with the striking make up. Naruto had introduced the sand siblings to Iruka and he had found them all very pleasant. Especially the incredibly young Kazekage. Strong bonds would strengthen the peace in the future. Strong bonds between countries. Strong bonds between people.

Kakashi had disappeared from the top of the tower. Of course he had. The people turned to each other to chat or left to get back to their duties. Iruka herded the kids back to the school. He felt Kakashi follow him. The man might have been hiding his chakra but since their bond had strengthened, Iruka was able to sense him nonetheless. No more sneaking up and scaring the shit out of him.

“Do you want to join the class,” he mumbled into the wind. “I wanted to talk about the Hokage’s job with them anyway. You could answer some questions.” A white piece of fabric flew into his face and made him stumble. “You idiot!!!” He freed himself and recognised the fabric as the Hokage cloak. It had written “Sixth Hokage” on its back. The sign for “sixth” had been sewn on with a big patch. This was not at all dignified. “How could they???” Iruka stopped in his tracks, anger bubbling up inside him. “Students: go to the classroom and wait for me there,” he ordered the group that had stopped with him. “I’m going to be back soon.”

“Oh… someone is going to told off,” one of the first years whispered.

“We should better do what he says or he will be angry with us too.”

Iruka took off fuming.

Kakashi watched his mate shunshin away, his face red with anger. This was not what he had expected… this was much better. He grinned underneath his mask and appeared in front of the group. “Okay kids, you heard your sensei. Off you go!” Iruka made herding these monsters look so easy. They were not listening to him at all. They swarmed him with big eyes.

“Are you Mr. Hokage?”

“Of course he is, he’s got the hat!”

“Are you our teacher now?

“Can we touch the hat?”

“What do you look like under your mask?”

“My brother says you have talking dogs. Is that true?”

“Did you really fight Madara?”

“Can I see your sharingan?”

“Uhm…” Kakashi was overwhelmed. How exactly did Iruka do this? “How about we go to your classroom and I tell you about what it means to be Hokage?” That got them going. It didn’t shut them up but at least they moved. How would Iruka ever make functional ninja out if these bundles of chaos? He hadn’t been like this as child, had he? Were kids really this annoying? Did he really want to have a pup if they made that much noise? And he wasn’t even talking about the smell… his sensitive nose was scrunched up. But… Iruka was fighting his battle, so it was probably only fair if he looked after the kids for half an hour or so.

Tsunade closed her suitcase and she had never felt more satisfied. She could finally leave this village. Not that she hated Konoha but… she didn’t want to come back here for many years. Maybe later… when she retired and decided to live the life of an old woman. As if this would ever happen. She scoffed and lifted the case. Tonton joined at her side. Shizune came in with her own stuff packed neatly. “Where are we headed?”

“The Land of Hot Springs.” Tsunade sighed. “I need a holiday.”

“Can I pick the place?”

“You want to make sure there is no casino nearby?”

“Yes.”

Tsunade shrugged. “I guess I have gambled enough. For now.” She took a deep breath. “Let’s leave. I can’t stand this Hokage Tower any longer.” They walked silently through the corridors, so they heard the voice coming through the closed door of the conference room.

“That is Iruka-sensei’s voice,” Shizune remarked.

“He must’ve seen what they did to the Hokage cloak.” Tsunade chuckled. “It seems a bit of a childish revenge act if you ask me. Danzo would’ve never been a good Hokage.”

“He betrayed the village.”

“Exactly. Also, he’s dead. And you know how I hate the old hag and this obstinate senile man. Konoha should think about a new council.”

“You could be a good council member.”

“No Shizune. I’ve had enough politics for my life. I’ll protect the village again if I have to but I’m not getting into politics ever again. Iruka-sensei would make a good counsellor but he’s too young.”

“He already is a counsellor to the Hokage,” Shizune pointed out. “Thanks to you.”

“Yeah” Tsunade grinned and shook her head. “Sometimes good things grow from the worst of places. I would’ve never thought they would go together that well.”

They left the Hokage tower and watched the Hokage cloak fly through one of the windows and gently float to the ground. The patched ‘Sixth Hokage’ lay before their feet. Tsunade chuckled amused.

“With Shikamaru, Iruka and Kakashi, Konoha is in good hands,” Shizune decided, “We don’t have to worry.”

So they turned and walked away without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> erenskye  
> Vegeta_vs_Emoions  
> Hatake_Tsuhgi  
> OaK  
> deuces33  
> killervaleria  
> OrigamiExpert  
> LadyPoisen  
> LazarusII  
> akianxiety  
> ManyaSharleez  
> vulcanhighblood  
> Nia  
> Human_Answering_Machine  
> Jmarshallesq15  
> mt_nikolle  
> doctornemesis  
> Niagarawateryall  
> MrsCartairs
> 
> Some of you have accompanied me on this trip for a very long time.  
> Thank you for all your comments (of course, thank you to everyone whom I didn't list as well but it was just too many to list everyone) and your faithful support. I love you all so much and I really had a great time with you in this story.  
> I hope you liked the way it developed and ended. Quite a roller-coaster it was.  
> And I hope that I'll be able to produce content of similar quality in the future. ^^
> 
> All the best for 2021!
> 
> Read you soon,  
> Mendelynn


End file.
